Okay, I'm up. I'm up! Hey, Daph', how was work?
Daphne I can't talk. Too tired.
Is that blood on your scrubs?
Daphne Probably. This guy's heart just went, like... It was like; something out of Saw.
You want me to get you an Ambien?
Daphne Oh, God, no. I have to be back there at noon.
At noon? That sucks, babe, I'm sorry.
Daphne Mmm-hmm. It's okay, sweetie. It's not your fault.
Okay. [Referring to background relaxation music] What do you want? Whale, wave or mountain stream?
Daphne All of them. Really loud.
Daphne Thank you, sweetie, I love you.
Daphne I got you an eggy thingy. I took a bite out of it and it's kind of cold, but it's still good.
Daphne You're welcome.
You want to tape ourselves having sex for two hours before I go to work?
Daphne You're so funny. I love you.
No? Are you sure? I've always wanted to have sex with the Lone Ranger and the Hamburglar.
Daphne No, I'll see you tonight.
Daphne I love you, Aaron, so much.
Good night. You're funny.
...
[Aaron is driving to Pinnacle Records corporate]
Oi! I'm a love dealer. You want to score. I'll give you my number. So give me a call. You're looking so lonely. There's no need to be. Let me introduce you to my family.
[Aaron has arrived at Daphne's hospital and is led by a colleague to Daphne sleeping in a chair]
Where is she?
Daphne Hi, sweetie.
I have amazing news. Let's go get some coffee.
Daphne I think I was asleep.
[Waves hand over her face to make eyes shut]
Go back to sleep. I'll carry you to coffee, okay?
Daphne [She smiles and laughs]
You're funny.
Daphne You're funny.
...
[Aaron and Daphne are seated at a table in the cafeteria]
Sergio was just so awesome. He was like, "You got one moment, and here's your moment." And it was like 8 Mile. You know? And he's letting me do this! I mean, I get to spend one-on-one time with Aldous Snow. Aldous Snow! I mean, how awesome is that?
Daphne Wow, that's awesome.
I feel like I have all these ideas for his sound specifically. You know, I could help resurrect the guy's career.
Daphne You know? I mean, it's incredible. It's, like, my dream. I have some kind of big news, too. I got offered a residency, a place in a residency program, at East Seattle General. So, if I rank it first, then I can get matched there, which is pretty good.
Daphne Yeah. It's really, really nice there. And it's a bigger staff, so they have better call schedules, so we could actually spend some time together. It's so nice! I'm sorry.
You want to... You want to... You want to move to Seattle?
Daphne Well, yeah. To work in the hospital. To work in the hospital there, yeah.
What am I gonna do in Seattle?
Daphne Oh, my God, there's tons of music stuff in Seattle. Nirvana! Nirvana came from Seattle.
Can you not see how it's a little alarming that you've just decided that I'm moving to Seattle? Do you have an extra scalpel? Do you want to cut my balls off and put them in your pocket so you don't just metaphorically own them, you can physically hold them in your pocket? I mean, I feel like a '50s housewife right now. Like my dreams don't count.
You're like Michael Jackson's dad. You're abusing me right now.
Daphne Okay. You know what? We should just... We're gonna table this. We're gonna table it because I can't... Guess what. Just on a side note, I had an idea today.
Daphne Listen. You know how hard I've been working for this. You know I am killing myself in this internship. This hospital will be beautiful in Seattle, and it will be good for us. That's all I'm saying. I'm not trying to be hurtful. I'm just saying that I think it will be good for us, so we're moving to Seattle!
I don't want to move to Seattle...
Daphne We're moving! We're moving to Seattle.
No. We're not moving to Seattle.
Daphne Great. So maybe we should just take some time.
Are you having your period or something?
Daphne I'm sorry, what?
Are you on your period or something?
Daphne Are you **** kidding me?
Thank you. Thank you for that. I'll use it. I would grind that. I would ride the shit out of her. [Aaron's phone rings] Don't take it. Who is it? Sergio?
Daphne Hey, sweetie.
Daphne Listen, I'm just calling 'cause I wanted to apologize. I just slept for, like, 20 straight hours and I'm feeling really bad, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened. I was out of my mind.
Daphne Yeah. Thanks. So, I'd like to make it up to you when you get back from your trip.
Daphne I would like to make it up to you.
Fun Daphne got us tickets to Radiohead. Wait, what's up?
Daphne Can you hear me?
I thought we broke up. You broke up with me, right?
Daphne Aaron, we live together. We have a home together. How could you think we were broken up?
Because that's what you said.
Daphne You really think that we're broken up right now? What have you been doing?
You know, you're so holier-than-thou about being a doctor. You know, just 'cause you're a doctor doesn't make you a good person. The Nazis have doctors, Daphne. They had Nazi doctors that fixed Nazi legs so they could walk around being angry, okay? So... What are you talking about?
Aaron! Is it your girlfriend? Let me have a go. Aaron is very busy now. Press seven for fellatio. Here you go. Don't hang about.
You know, here's some medical advice from your Nazi doctor. Herpes is incurable. I labored under the myth of monogamy for seven years with Jackie and it was pointless.
So you only slept with Jackie?
No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy. I realize now my dad was just a realist. I used to be angry... All right, love. I used to be angry 'cause he abandoned me, but really, he was just being a realist. You can't remain in that situation.
Your dad lives in, in Vegas, right?
Mmm-hmm. That's right, yeah. He lives there, yeah.
You should invite him... Your dad should... Nice. You should invite him to the show. You want me to get on that?
I don't know if we really have that type of relationship, you know, me and my dad. He always wants something from me. It's a bad idea.
Well, I'm sure he'd love to come see you perform.
Let's put it this way. If I had a concert, my dad would come. He would come, like, five hours early and ask all the roadies what town they were from, and if he knew anybody from their town.
He's good. He's a good man.
Yeah. Yeah. I hate to be a downer, but it's getting really late. We have a flight early in the morning. Do you mind if...
Yeah, yeah, right. Hey, Aaron! Have you ever drunk w:absinthe|absinthe]], like from the 1900s?
Picasso drank it. [To bartender] Oi! "Absinf-fuh"!
All right, well, we'll take one shot and then we'll go back to the hotel?
Just a little sip of naughty water, and we go back to the hotel. Simple.
[Aaron and Aldous then embark on city-wide mayhem spree of outright over-the-top insanity]
Aaron! You lost control, mother****er. Stampin' on an African child!
BB Bespectacled bald man in BDSM gear
Do you like it when I whip you, Aldous?
Whee! Whee! Look, I'm eating my own head. I accept your apology.
...
Daphne [Aaron pocket dials Daphne asleep]
I accept your apology. Hello?
He's the best. Hello? It's sort of like... I'm basically like his new producer or whatever. It's sort of like... I'm basically like his new producer or whatever. That is so amazing for you! Hello? Why are your boobs different sizes? 'Cause the left... I don't care either, Daphne. You live in Seattle, I'll **** live in New York.
[Aldous is watching a home video of him and Jackie]
Look how beautiful you are. Do you see how beautiful you are, Jackie? I like being so close. You're so beautiful. Jackie Q, Jackie Q, I love you Jackie Q. **** hell. Jackie Q, Jackie Q at the barbeque.
I love you. Why don't we make a sex tape?
'Cause I don't want to make a sex tape.
Yes. **** hell. Come on, it'll be fun!
Please, Aldous, come on. I will not call you.
[He calls her asleep in bed]
Jackie?
No, Aldous Snow has got better things to do first thing in the morning than call up an ex-girlfriend.
What are you doing? Where are you?
Just in our old flat, actually. In New York. You with anybody?
Where are you now, Jackie?
Sleeping next to Lars Ulrich.
Lars Ulrich? From Metallica?
What's Lars packing in the drumstick region?
I can't tell you that right now. He's sleeping right next to me. What are you so interested in Lars for, Aldous? You jealous? I miss you, Aldy.
Listen, why don't you be a good girl and put the phone down next to your vagina, 'cause I need to talk to her. Hello? Is that Jackie's vagina?
All right. How are you? I've missed you.
I'm very well, thank you. I've just come back from Brazil.
It's quite wet down there, actually.
I really miss your ****, Aldous.
I'm gonna come and see you, Jackie.
I don't think you should, but I do, I really miss you, Aldous.
I'm stuck here with a hard-on. I don't know what to do with it.
L Lars
Hey, babe. Who's on the horn?
It's Mum. She's just calling up from London.
L Lars
Let me take care of this. Oi, Aldous. It's Lars.
"I'm ashamed that you're with a drummer, Jackie. "I'd always dreamed that you would marry a front man. With charisma. Razzmatazz. Rough around the edges, but with stars in his eyes, you know."
L Lars
Jackie, your mom kind of sounds like a Monty Python skit.
L Lars
Okay. Okay, okay, sorry.
Darling, I've gotta go, all right?
I'll see you later. I'm coming to see you. Don't say anything else, all right? I gotta go. Bye.
...
[To Aaron]
Get up. I can't be here anymore now.
[In limo]
I can't believe we're actually on time for a flight.
[To chauffeur]
Hey, can you pull over, mate?
Actually, we, we have a flight to catch.
Yeah, no, just pull over here off Linden. I want to get a pretzel. [Aldous mingles with shady-looking men who hand him a rubber-wrapped ball]
Dude really wants a pretzel. He's not getting a pretzel is he?
LC Limo chauffeur
Not the kind you put mustard on. [Aldous comes back and gets in limo]
[Answering machine plays]
Aaron! This is Sergio! Where the **** are you guys? And why the **** aren't you answering your phone? I'm answering my phone, and I just got hit by a mother**** car!
[Aaron is putting out romantic touches and Daphne enters the house]
Hi. Before you say anything just let me talk, okay? You were right. We broke off our relationship without really thinking about it. And I've learned over the past few days that life is mainly filled with superficial surface encounters. And I realize now how wonderful it is, what we have. I'm begging you to take me back. I'm sorry.
Daphne Did you hook up with anyone while you were gone?
You mean surface encounters?
Daphne [Aldous knocks on door]
What is he doing here?
What the **** is he doing here? I'll get rid of him, all right?
Daphne Did you invite him?
[Opens door and lets Aldous in]
Hey, man. What are you doing here?
Just went and saw Jackie. She's marrying Lars Ulrich now, and Naples ain't really my son. I remember thinking, "What bad advice." Thank you, Aaron. So, this is what you live in. You're Daphne then? Dr. Daphne? You know, when you hear about someone and then you meet them? That's happening now. I've walked in the middle of a romantic reconciliation?
Daphne No. No, no, no. Definitely not. [Aldous walks over to a couch and sits really comfortably]
Why is it so tense? Is it because he had sex with other people when he was working with me?
I think that's something we should... We're gonna discuss privately.
Daphne Yes. I would like to talk about it. I am upset. I am pissed. [She sits in a chair in front of Aldous really formally]
Why are you so cross, Daphne?
Daphne Because he broke my trust. We were barely broken up for a day and he went and cheated on me.
I didn't enjoy it, okay? [He sits in a chair also formally]
What I think, Daph, is that human beings by their nature are polygamous. It's against nature to be with one person. It never works.
Daphne Yeah. Or you think it's working, and then it turns out he's cheating on you with a bunch of hos and skanks. [Aldous pointing at Aaron twice]
I personally think that monogamy can work given the right circumstance.
Aaron, why have you chosen to put yourself in this ideological prison? You don't need these unnecessary restrictions. Unless you get rid of them, you just can't progress.
Daphne What kind of sexual restrictions? 'Cause in nature, there's everything from polygamy to, like, a threesome. What...
Threesome. Well, I mean, a threesome is something that's possible right now. You know, the three of us could have a threesome. Hypothetically. We've got the utensils. There's three of us.
Okay, that's funny. Yeah, we're gonna do a threesome. Let's just get naked and start **** right here.
Daphne We should do it. We should have a threesome.
Wait, what? I don't... What?
Daphne Come on. Let's have a threesome.
No, thanks. I don't... I'm all right, thank you.
Daphne So you get to mess around on the road, and because I'm a woman, I don't get to have any fun? You had your turn. It's my turn now. I would like to have a threesome, please.
Don't think of it as a threesome. Think of it as having sex with your girlfriend while someone else also has sex with your girlfriend.
Daphne I think it'd be fun. We should do a threesome.
We are pre-negotiating a threesome.
Daphne Pre-negotiated. And agreed upon. I'm **** psyched!
So, Aaron, Daphne, shall we play doctor?
I'm not sucking his dick, that's like 100%.
...
[Starts playing ipod playlist and watching Aaron and Daphne on bed standing with plate of strawberries]
Just relax. Just relax and listen to Mariah. [Daphne leans in to kiss Aaron] That's good. Aaron, look at her. Aaron, look at Daphne.
Put those strawberries down. They're not for you.
Come on, mate, don't be tight. We share everything now.
Daphne Okay, I'm gonna kiss Aldous now, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Is that okay?
Yeah, it's totally cool. Okay. Great.
Daphne [Aldous is performing cunilingus]
Oh, my God! Oh, ****! Oh, my God!
[He's on top of her in bed and Aaron is bathroom watching]
Daphne?
Daphne Yeah?
Daphne Yeah, I'm ready.
You sure you want to do this?
Daphne Okay, I'm gonna kiss Aldous now, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Is that okay?
****! [Aaron walks over, grabs Aldous and kisses him passionately]
What are you doing? What are you doing? Aaron, no. What? What are you doing? I'm just having a threesome! I'm just having fun! Come on!
[Aaron grabs Aldous' genitals]
Enough with these rules and restrictions, right? Come on!
Unleash that! This is the emperor! Release him!
Daphne Aaron, don't do that!
You need to look at yourselves. Honestly, this isn't how people live.
What the **** are we doing?
Daphne I don't know. What are we doing? I don't want to do this.
I don't want this, either. Like, at all.
Daphne I am so sorry, Aaron. How did this happen?
You kind of insisted, but whatever. Wow. That was insane. What was I thinking?
I think I've misjudged the dynamic. You've been wonderful hosts. Particularly you.
Daphne [Checks cellphone]
Oh, God, I'm on call. Jesus Christ. [She gets up and leaves]
Nothing you say makes any sense! Okay? I understand that now. You're just a **** junkie.
And you're smart, so you make your insanity sound good, but it's bullshit. This is it, Aaron. This is rock and roll. Did you enjoy the party?
You're sick in the **** head! You messed your own life up and now you have to mess up mine, too? We're done here? Get out of my apartment.
Thanks for the hospitality.
Daphne [All dressed in hospital scrubs]
Bye.
TA TV announcer
[Aaron is watching television]
Coming up later... The 10-year anniversary of Aldous Snow's seminal concert at the Greek. Live in Los Angeles. But now, Bill Maher, Red, White and Spew. [Aaron reads phone text message from Sergio in his voice] "Where the **** are you? I am gonna kill you. Smiley face."
**** him. [Puts down phone]
TA TV announcer
[Aaron is at kitchen table reading newspaper with page promoting Greek concert]
Broadcasting live from the Greek, your Uncle Joe. The crowd is amped! Aldous Snow, the most self-destructive man in rock and roll, not yet in the building. Well, there'll be a lot of Infant Sorrow...
[From answering machine]
Aaron? It's me. I really need to apologize and to tell you that I'm gonna jump off the roof of the Standard Hotel now.
Shit! [He is driving erratically at high speed] Shit, shit, shit, shit.
...
Hello, Los Angeles! Should I jump into the pool? Or how about into the street?
Hey, Aldous, it's Aaron! Get down! I'm here! I'm here, get down from there! Hey, Aldous, I'm here! Hey! Hey, Aldous, don't jump!
Just come down and we'll talk about it! You made it! No, stop!
P Partygoer
He's gonna jump!
Don't do it! No, stop! No, no, no! No, no, no! [Aldous jumps into pool hitting shoulder on pool edge] Aldous! Aldous!
Are you okay, man? You...
Aaron, it was wrong of me to have sex with you and your girlfriend, Daphne. That wasn't fair.
We don't have to talk about it. I done it for me. I done it for my selfish reasons.
I know, but fine. Whatever. Just... I don't wanna... Are you okay?
I'm lonely, mate. I'm really lonely. And I'm sad. And I ain't got no one, except my mum. And she's an idiot. And now I'm crying in front of you, and you thought I was cool, didn't you, for a while, and now I'm crying. I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed.
You're Aldous Snow, man. You make people happy by doing what you love to do. You make people happy by doing what you love to do. And that's **** awesome. There's thousands of people in a room right now just standing, waiting to see your face. And they like you. I liked you before I met you.
Don't you like me no more?
Aldous, I came here. I'm here.
Right. I want to do the gig. I'm gonna... I'll do the gig. I'm gonna do it.
No, I didn't mean that. I don't think that we... Let's go.
No, we should do it. Let's go. Let's do it. I don't want to let people down who love me.
I'm pretty sure if you don't go to a hospital, you're going to die.
I want to go to the Greek Theatre and I want to save your job, and I want to perform for my fans and do something that ain't selfish, 'cause this is not working for me as a lifestyle choice.
You sure you're okay? 'Cause it looks like Jaws just bit your ass off.
Yeah. Little bit of blood makes a really big cloud.
...
[Aaron is speeding while driving]
This is a bad idea. We should not be doing this.
Yes, we should. This is a good idea. Although, my arm is hurting a little bit. I sustained an injury.
[Holds up arm with bone sticking out of gaping wound]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That's bone. I'm taking you to the hospital, Aldous. I'm taking you to the hospital, all right, man?
Not tonight. This is rock and roll. Touch it.
That is so ****... [ He projectile vomits onto windshield]
I told you don't freak out.
Get that **** arm out of my face! I **** threw up!
...
[Aaron and Aldous arrive at Greek Theatre and Sergio greets them]
Yes, yes, yes! I knew you would make it. I love you!
Sergio. [Holds up wounded arm]
K Kali
No! We should take him to the hospital.
No. Come on, let's get him into wardrobe. Don't worry about it. Let's get him out to the audience there. The audience is getting restless, but you're here. You are here.
Hey, look, we should talk.
He's like, really, really hurt.
What are you talking about? He's here. He's all right. It's just a little scratch. There's a teeny-weeny bone sticking out!
What the ****? Hold on. We have something for that. Give him two of these. He'll be singing like Aretha Franklin.
What the **** you talking about, you can't do it anymore? You, you got him here! You've done it!
He doesn't need to be pushed on the stage right now. I...
Sometimes we gotta sacrifice one lamb, baby. It's gonna be all right. He's not gonna die!
You keep feeding him drugs and lies. He's a sad guy. He needs help.
He's gonna live a long time. Trust me. British mother****ers don't die. You ever heard of a ****... A British rock and roll star dying? No, none of them die. Mick Jagger. Keith Richards. Those Led Zeppelin... Them mother****ers old as ****! **** Ozzy Osbourne's gonna outlive Miley Cyrus!
Hey, come on! Why do you even have me feeling like this? This is supposed to be fun!
Aldous! You don't have to go out there. You don't have to do this anymore!
I don't know what all the fuss was about. I love doing this!
You don't have to do this.
I do, Aaron. They're all here to see me. I feel nervous. It's good to feel something. I love this! It's all I've got. And you. I owe you one, mate. See you on the other side. [Singing] Like water through a drain I'm spinning down, down, down Down, down, down Like the needle in my vein You're bringing me down, down, down Down, down, down Like a dog who's gone insane You're putting me down, down, down, down, down, down. And those of you who doubted me You're going down, down, down Down, down, down. And the record man who never called can you hear what's going on? I'm coming up, I'm coming up, I'm coming up, I'm coming up. And this world ain't gonna catch me going down. Another night, you're on my mind I'm hypnotized but I cannot find the signs. The signs for the Tube to come home. I need the Tube to get home. Another night I'm here alone. My eyes so tired from staring at this phone. Why won't you call and come home? Please, call and come home. And I know that you won't come. Just for the cash. But will you come for my bangers. My beans and mash? Another night in Soho Grand. My wrists so tired. From working with my hands. Why has the world gone so still? The world is so still I feel that my next meal might be my last. Will you come for my bangers My beans and mash? Come for my bangers My beans and mash.
Daphne [Aaron climbs into bed with Daphne]
Aaron?
Listen... Don't say anything.
...
Daphne Oh, my God. We slept for, like, 14 hours.
Wow. I feel so much better now.
Daphne Me, too.
Do you want to get some brunch? We should probably burn these sheets, huh?
Daphne Yeah. I can get some bleach from the hospital.
Maybe just torch the whole apartment. You got it?
Daphne Yeah.
