Coming up later... The 10-year anniversary of Aldous Snow's seminal concert at the Greek. Live in Los Angeles. But now, Bill Maher, Red, White and Spew. [Aaron reads phone text message from Sergio in his voice] "Where the **** are you? I am gonna kill you. Smiley face."
Aaron
**** him. [Puts down phone]
Broadcasting live from the Greek, your Uncle Joe. The crowd is amped! Aldous Snow, the most self-destructive man in rock and roll, not yet in the building. Well, there'll be a lot of Infant Sorrow...
Aldous
Aaron? It's me. I really need to apologize and to tell you that I'm gonna jump off the roof of the Standard Hotel now.
Aaron
**** him.
Aldous
If you're not busy...
Aaron
Shit! [He is driving erratically at high speed] Shit, shit, shit, shit.
...
Aldous
Hello, Los Angeles! Should I jump into the pool? Or how about into the street?
Aaron
Hey, Aldous, it's Aaron! Get down! I'm here! I'm here, get down from there! Hey, Aldous, I'm here! Hey! Hey, Aldous, don't jump!
Aldous
Hi, Aaron!
Aaron
Just come down and we'll talk about it! You made it! No, stop!
He's gonna jump!
Aaron
Don't do it! No, stop! No, no, no! No, no, no! [Aldous jumps into pool hitting shoulder on pool edge] Aldous! Aldous!
Aldous
My arm. Aaron.
Aaron
Are you okay, man? You...
Aldous
Aaron, it was wrong of me to have sex with you and your girlfriend, Daphne. That wasn't fair.
Aaron
No, no, that's okay.
Aldous
We don't have to talk about it. I done it for me. I done it for my selfish reasons.
Aaron
I know, but fine. Whatever. Just... I don't wanna... Are you okay?
Aldous
I'm lonely, mate. I'm really lonely. And I'm sad. And I ain't got no one, except my mum. And she's an idiot. And now I'm crying in front of you, and you thought I was cool, didn't you, for a while, and now I'm crying. I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed.
Aaron
You try so hard, man.
Aldous
But you're fine.
Aaron
You're Aldous Snow, man. You make people happy by doing what you love to do. You make people happy by doing what you love to do. And that's **** awesome. There's thousands of people in a room right now just standing, waiting to see your face. And they like you. I liked you before I met you.
Aldous
Don't you like me no more?
Aaron
Aldous, I came here. I'm here.
Aldous
Right. I want to do the gig. I'm gonna... I'll do the gig. I'm gonna do it.
Aldous
No, I didn't mean that. I don't think that we... Let's go.
Aaron
We shouldn't go.
Aldous
No, we should do it. Let's go. Let's do it. I don't want to let people down who love me.
Aaron
Not tonight.
Aldous
Let's go. Let's do it.
Aaron
I'm pretty sure if you don't go to a hospital, you're going to die.
Aldous
I want to go to the Greek Theatre and I want to save your job, and I want to perform for my fans and do something that ain't selfish, 'cause this is not working for me as a lifestyle choice.
Aaron
You sure you're okay? 'Cause it looks like Jaws just bit your ass off.
Aldous
Yeah. Little bit of blood makes a really big cloud.
...
Aaron
This is a bad idea. We should not be doing this.
Aldous
Yes, we should. This is a good idea. Although, my arm is hurting a little bit. I sustained an injury.
Aaron
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That's bone. I'm taking you to the hospital, Aldous. I'm taking you to the hospital, all right, man?
Aldous
Not tonight. This is rock and roll. Touch it.
Aaron
That is so ****... [ He projectile vomits onto windshield]
Aldous
Don't overreact.
Aaron
I **** threw up.
Aldous
I told you don't freak out.
Aaron
Get that **** arm out of my face! I **** threw up!
...
Sergio
Yes, yes, yes! I knew you would make it. I love you!
Aldous
Sergio. [Holds up wounded arm]
Sergio
Shit!
No! We should take him to the hospital.
Sergio
No. Come on, let's get him into wardrobe. Don't worry about it. Let's get him out to the audience there. The audience is getting restless, but you're here. You are here.
Aaron
Hey, look, we should talk.
Sergio
What's up?
Aaron
He's like, really, really hurt.
Sergio
What are you talking about? He's here. He's all right. It's just a little scratch. There's a teeny-weeny bone sticking out!
Aaron
He can't go on.
Sergio
What the ****? Hold on. We have something for that. Give him two of these. He'll be singing like Aretha Franklin.
Aaron
I can't do this anymore.
Sergio
What the **** you talking about, you can't do it anymore? You, you got him here! You've done it!
Aaron
He doesn't need to be pushed on the stage right now. I...
Sergio
Sometimes we gotta sacrifice one lamb, baby. It's gonna be all right. He's not gonna die!
Aaron
You keep feeding him drugs and lies. He's a sad guy. He needs help.
Sergio
He's gonna live a long time. Trust me. British mother****ers don't die. You ever heard of a ****... A British rock and roll star dying? No, none of them die. Mick Jagger. Keith Richards. Those Led Zeppelin... Them mother****ers old as ****! **** Ozzy Osbourne's gonna outlive Miley Cyrus!
Aaron
I quit.
Sergio
Hey, come on! Why do you even have me feeling like this? This is supposed to be fun!
Aaron
I **** quit.
Sergio
Aaron, get back here!
...
Aaron
Aldous! You don't have to go out there. You don't have to do this anymore!
Aldous
I don't know what all the fuss was about. I love doing this!
Aaron
You don't have to do this.
Aldous
I do, Aaron. They're all here to see me. I feel nervous. It's good to feel something. I love this! It's all I've got. And you. I owe you one, mate. See you on the other side. [Singing] Like water through a drain I'm spinning down, down, down Down, down, down Like the needle in my vein You're bringing me down, down, down Down, down, down Like a dog who's gone insane You're putting me down, down, down, down, down, down. And those of you who doubted me You're going down, down, down Down, down, down. And the record man who never called can you hear what's going on? I'm coming up, I'm coming up, I'm coming up, I'm coming up. And this world ain't gonna catch me going down. Another night, you're on my mind I'm hypnotized but I cannot find the signs. The signs for the Tube to come home. I need the Tube to get home. Another night I'm here alone. My eyes so tired from staring at this phone. Why won't you call and come home? Please, call and come home. And I know that you won't come. Just for the cash. But will you come for my bangers. My beans and mash? Another night in Soho Grand. My wrists so tired. From working with my hands. Why has the world gone so still? The world is so still I feel that my next meal might be my last. Will you come for my bangers My beans and mash? Come for my bangers My beans and mash.
Daphne
Aaron?
Aaron
Listen... Don't say anything.
...
Daphne
Oh, my God. We slept for, like, 14 hours.
Aaron
Wow. I feel so much better now.
Daphne
Me, too.
Aaron
Do you want to get some brunch? We should probably burn these sheets, huh?
Daphne
Yeah. I can get some bleach from the hospital.
Aaron
Maybe just torch the whole apartment. You got it?
Daphne
Yeah.
