Mrs. Stanhope quotes from George of the Jungle (1997)

Ursula, it's Mother. Pick up the phone and tell me who that man was I saw you strolling with today. And where is Lyle? We must discuss the engagement party. I know you're there, Ursula. Pick up the phone and tell me why you have been avoiding me. PICK UP THE PHONE! [George picks up the phone and yells into it, scaring Mrs. Stanhope, who then hangs up] Well, I think that was an overreaction.

Well, we haven't been friends for very long, George, but I already think I know something about you.

George

Oh?

You are in love with my daughter.

George

Oh, Mrs. Ursula not so dumb.

Charming. My concern, however, is that Ursula seems to reciprocate your feelings, and that does present a problem to me. You see, you and Ursula together would be unbefitting her social stature. You see? Let me put it in a way you might understand. Where you come from, zebras marry zebras and leopards marry leopards. Stripes with stripes, spots with spots. Well, Ursula is a stripe, and you are a spot, one which I intend to have removed as soon as possible.

George

So you no want Ursula to love George?

I would rather have my tongue nailed to this table every morning at breakfast.

George

That hurt.

Not as much as you will if you do anything to screw up my daughter's marriage to Lyle Van de Groot. When Lyle returns, this wedding will proceed as planned. If you do anything to upset that, I will remove your reason for wearing a loin cloth.

Steak tartare, Mrs. Stanhope?

No, thank you. I've had quite enough protein for today. [Walks away from a depressed George] Have a pleasant evening, Mr. Jungle.

Well, of course he went back to the jungle. Where else would he go? The Hague?

But why would he leave without saying goodbye?

Well, personally, I think he acted rather sensibly. Showed good character. He understands that he belongs there, you belong here. It's really all a question of stripes and spots.

What? [Realizes] Oh, no. You got to him. Mother, what did you say?

I simply said that if he really cared for you, he'd leave you alone, let you get on with your life and marry Lyle.

I am not marrying Lyle, Mother!

Beatrice, perhaps we should just...

Arthur! Now, Ursula, darling, don't be ridiculous. There's a big difference between marriageable material and a fling in the jungle.

"A fling in the jungle"? A fling in the jungle? Who says I had a fling in the jungle?

You don't think you can fool your mother, do you? You've been head over heels for that ape ever since you brought him here. Now, Ursula, that kind of love is fleeting. You'll get over it.

Did you just say love?

No.

You did.

Ursula!

You're right.

Don't say it!

I love him. I'm outta here.

Ursula, you can't love him! Arthur, say something!

Be careful out there, honey.

What?!

Goodbye, Daddy. [Hugs him]

I love you.

What?!

I love you, Mom. Thank you. [Leaves]

Ursula! Arthur, do something!

What would you have me do? There's obviously no stopping her.

Oh, God! [Drinks a sip of her drink and leaves] URSULA!!

God, that woman's a pain in the ass.

Narrator

Meanwhile, halfway across the road, another ass was feeling pain, as an ape named Ape was caged in a cage, hoping to hear the jungle king's awesome... [The sound of George yelling is heard] Hey, I'm pretty good at that. ...and wondering if he would ever come. But the motion-sick mammal needn't have moaned, for that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak, and all-around good guy, George of the Jungle, was closer than he knew.

Arthur, I wish you could do something about all these monkeys. I feel like Jane Goodall.

Ape

Madam, I knew Jane Goodall, and you are no Jane Goodall.