Lisa quotes from Blockers (2018)

Lisa

It’s okay, you’re gonna love it! Happy first day of school. Bye, sweetie.

Young Kayla

Hi!

Hi.

Young Sam

Hey, I’m Sam.

Hi, I’m Julie.

Lisa

Bye!

Bye, Mom!

Hunter

I’m Hunter. Sam’s mine, right there. The one with the glasses.

Lisa

I’m Lisa. That’s my Julie.

Mitchell

I’m Mitchell. (sniffles) Kayla’s hero.

Lisa

Oh. Are you okay?

Mitchell

Yeah, yeah. You crying? (Breaking his voice) No, man. It’s a big day, that’s all. You know, can I have a tissue, please?

Lisa

Yeah, yeah.

Mitchell

Thank you.

Lisa

It’s a big day for all of us.

Hunter

Yeah.

Mitchell

Thanks. (exhales)

Hunter

I think our daughters are friends. And I think that means we’re friends.

Hunter

Should we go get a drink?

Lisa

You okay?

Hunter

Yeah.

Lisa

Yeah.

Hunter

Do you guys wanna go get a drink?

Mitchell

Ah, they made it. (sniffles)

Hunter

You guys wanna go grab a drink real quick?

Lisa

Is he asking us if we wanna go grab a drink?

Mitchell

I’m really hoping it’s coffee.

Lisa

You’re probably gonna miss these mornings that we spend together, right?

Stop. You’re gonna make me cry. And I don’t want to cry, because it’s prom night. And it’s supposed to be, like, the most magical night of your life, and, you know, I’m just so anxious about it.

Lisa

Well, call me if you feel anxious. Or maybe FaceTime me, if it wasn’t too loud. I mean, if it was too loud, you could just… we could wave or whatever. (chuckles) That’d be funny. And then I can do… You know what I was thinking? You should send me photos throughout the night. Like, not… not, like, all night long, but if you could do it like every 30 minutes or so, then I can put together one of those iBooks. That would be so fun.

Yeah.

Lisa

That would be a really… I don’t think you would regret that. (chuckles)

Hmm. Mom?

Lisa

Mmm-hmm.

Are you gonna be okay when I go to college?

Lisa

Who, me?

Yeah.

Lisa

Me? (laughs) What? Pl-Please. Don’t even get me… (laughs) Don’t even… Please!

Okay, bye, Mom!

Lisa

Okay, bye!

I love you!

Lisa

Okay, I love you. (She is watching her when she heads off)

Oh…

Lisa

Julie, is that you?

Lisa

That is some horseshit.

Lisa

Wow. You look so beautiful! (gasps) Turn around. (Julie turns around) Wow.

Lisa

Oh, my goodness. Wow.

So what’s the big plan for after prom? Uh, we’re just going to Austin’s.

Lisa

You really like him, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean… Yeah, he’s cool. It’s not like serious or anything.

Lisa

His mom told me het got into UCLA. That’s nice.

Yeah, I mean, it’s good. You remember that time when, like, I thought about going to UCLA?

Lisa

Yes. That would’ve been crazy. That would’ve been the worst mistake ever.

I don’t think it would’ve been that huge of a mistake.

Lisa

Uh, yes, it would have. (laughs) University of Chicago is perfect. It’s 45 minutes away. So that way you’re gone but you’re not gone, gone.

But I’m gone.

Lisa

Right. But not, like, gone.

Right, but, like, I’m going to college and, like, I’m not gonna live at home. So, I’m like, I’m gone.

Lisa

Mmm-hmm.

Why are my boobs so big?

Lisa

Hi, how are you?

Kayla

Hi.

Lisa

Hi! How are you? Hi, Marcie.

Lisa

Oh. Uh-huh. Hey, Mitchell.

Mitchell

Hey! Haven’t seen you in a while.

Lisa

Yeah.

Mitchell

You know, I was worried when I never heard back from you about hot yoga. Called you a bunch of times. I ended up having to eat that two-for-one Groupon.

Lisa

Oh, yeah, I don’t really do the hot yoga thing. It’s just…

Mitchell

Well, we should catch up, though, right?

Lisa

Yeah.

Mitchell

Like a lunch, I don’t know.

Lisa

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, give me a call.

Mitchell

I’ve been calling you.

Lisa

Mmm-hmm.

Mitchell

It doesn’t work. It’s not effective.

Mitchell

What the hell is that?

Lisa

I have no idea.

Hunter

This is so dumb. Okay? Yeah, our kids are gonna hate us because you’re gonna humiliate them.

Lisa

I’m not gonna humiliate Julie. We’re best friends. I’m the cool mom.

Mitchell

Hunter, don’t make me sit on your balls again.

Hunter

Stop, stop, stop it, stop, stop! This is how they’re gonna be remembered in high school, as the weirdos whose parents dragged them out of prom because they were afraid of their sexuality. It’s not something that should be feared, it should be celebrated. And… And… And we have to empower these young women. I mean, what year is it, guys? It’s 2018.

Hunter

Jesus Christ!

Mitchell

Oh, gross.

Hunter

Okay, you know what? That’s an unfortunate coincidence. Get a **** room!

Mitchell

How are we supposed to find them in this place? It’s got, like, 20 rooms.

Hunter

I’m sorry, what the **** are you talking about? “Twenty”? It’s got, like, 200! What? Twenty?

Lisa

Grand Lux Suite is on the top floor.

Hunter

Go, go, go! Move! Hurry, Lisa!