Kayla (Off-screen)
I’m in the bathroom.
Kayla Thanks, I was looking for that.
You mind telling me what this is?
Kayla Uh, fuzz.
Yeah. Yeah, fuzz. It’s what I thought it was and then on further investigation, it is clearly an unraveled filter of a cigarette. Kayla, are you a smoker?
Kayla What? No. (She goes back to the bathroom) I’m not a smoker, Dad.
Hey, haven’t you seen the billions of ads that tell you not to do this stuff?
Kayla Dad! You can’t teach someone not to try things. Okay? That’s what trying things is for. To teach you things. It’s a contradiction. It’s like telling me not to go for a triple on a base hit to the gap when I’ve made a good turn around first and I know that the right fielder has a weak arm.
Kayla Okay. Yeah. All right. Time to get ready for school, Dad.
Kayla Yep.
And now, standing at 5’ 7”, 5’ 9” if you count the heels, straight out of Great Lakes High School, the prettiest girl in all of prom, Kayla Mannes.
Oh. Just high-fives from now on.
Kayla Okay.
Oh, honey, I never thought I’d see you in a dress!
Technically it’s not a full dress. Some material is missing from the middle there.
Kayla All right, yeah, I think it’s time to go.
Yes. Yeah. Honey, we gotta go.
Kayla Dad, are you okay? It’s like when he watched Frozen.
Kayla Hi.
Hi! How are you? Hi, Marcie.
Oh. Uh-huh. Hey, Mitchell.
Hey! Haven’t seen you in a while.
You know, I was worried when I never heard back from you about hot yoga. Called you a bunch of times. I ended up having to eat that two-for-one Groupon.
Oh, yeah, I don’t really do the hot yoga thing. It’s just…
Well, we should catch up, though, right?
Like a lunch, I don’t know.
Yeah, maybe. Yeah, give me a call.
It doesn’t work. It’s not effective.
I don’t even know! Wait, wait, wait.
Kayla Oh, my gosh, thank you.
You guys, you guys. Wait, this is, like, the best lighting with the Valencia filter, so wait, wait.
Kayla Oh, God. All right. Here we go.
Yeah, okay, that’s enough.
Kayla One more.
Kayla Oh, my God, we need to get this party started. Ooh, okay, Julie.
Kayla I got you something. (She gives her a bag of coconut oil) It’s coconut oil. For lube. I hear it works just as well and it makes blowjobs taste like Almond Joy.
(sighs)
Thank God it doesn’t taste like Mounds. I’d rather eat 10 dicks than one Mound. Thank you. That’s so sweet!
Oh, my God. I’m so excited.
Kayla Me, too. You have to text me, like, right away.
Oh, my God, we’re gonna be doing it at the same time.
Kayla (gasps)
Oh, my God. We have to talk about it tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re gonna know every detail.
Kayla There’s gonna be so much to talk about.
Guys? Hey, guys! I want in on this sex pact.
Are you sure? You don’t have to do this just because we are.
No, that’s not why. I want to have sex. Yeah. That’s something all 3 of us have in common.
Chad is gonna tap that ass with his penis, and I doubt we’ll have anal the first time, but…
Kayla All right!
This is gonna make tonight even more perfect.
Kayla It’s gonna be the three of us!
