Narrator
Emboldened with jungle juju, Ursula Stanhope went inside to break the news to her parents, who took it extremely well.
U Ursula
Mother, Daddy, I love you both very much. I have something very important to tell you, and I hope you'll understand. I don't wanna marry Lyle anymore.
AA Arthur and Beatrice
[kindly]
We understand, dear.
Narrator
[Ursula sighs happily; after a pause...]
Just kidding.
Narrator
The young Miss Stanhope proceeded to spill the beans... [Ursula's conversation is sped up] ...very quickly, until she got to the important part at the end. [scene replays normally]
U Ursula
And then, Lyle shot him. So Lyle is in jail, and George is with me, and I don't wanna marry Lyle anymore.
B Beatrice
I knew it! It's that swinging man from the bridge. I saw you smooching on TV.
U Ursula
Mother, we weren't smooching...
B Beatrice
How could you do this to me? Don't you realize the cailbre of people who are going to be here?
A Arthur
Calm down, Beatrice, and let her say...
B Beatrice
I thought we would be introducing them to Lyle Van de Groot, not some wild man you found in the jungle!
A Arthur
Beatrice, this is supposed to be her wedding, not yours.
A Arthur
Beatrice, I know you're upset, and so am I, but we can't force her to marry someone against her will.
U Ursula
Mom, Dad, I'm ready to go out there and apologize to everybody and tell them what really happened.
B Beatrice
Absolutely not! As far as I'm concerned, you, you caught one of those viruses. Yes, one of those dreadful jungle viruses that get nice girls all confused. And if Lyle survives that awful jail, you will simply have to kiss and make up. As for this evening, we will hold our heads high and we will carry on. [Sweetly] Now, darling, where is that charming young friend of yours?
S Mrs. Stanhope
Well, of course he went back to the jungle. Where else would he go? The Hague?
U Ursula
But why would he leave without saying goodbye?
S Mrs. Stanhope
Well, personally, I think he acted rather sensibly. Showed good character. He understands that he belongs there, you belong here. It's really all a question of stripes and spots.
U Ursula
What? [Realizes] Oh, no. You got to him. Mother, what did you say?
S Mrs. Stanhope
I simply said that if he really cared for you, he'd leave you alone, let you get on with your life and marry Lyle.
U Ursula
I am not marrying Lyle, Mother!
S Mr. Stanhope
Beatrice, perhaps we should just...
S Mrs. Stanhope
Arthur! Now, Ursula, darling, don't be ridiculous. There's a big difference between marriageable material and a fling in the jungle.
U Ursula
"A fling in the jungle"? A fling in the jungle? Who says I had a fling in the jungle?
S Mrs. Stanhope
You don't think you can fool your mother, do you? You've been head over heels for that ape ever since you brought him here. Now, Ursula, that kind of love is fleeting. You'll get over it.
U Ursula
[Ursula realizes something]
Did you just say love?
S Mrs. Stanhope
[Scared]
No.
S Mrs. Stanhope
Don't say it!
U Ursula
I love him. I'm outta here.
S Mrs. Stanhope
Ursula, you can't love him! Arthur, say something!
S Mr. Stanhope
Be careful out there, honey.
U Ursula
Goodbye, Daddy. [Hugs him]
S Mr. Stanhope
I love you.
U Ursula
I love you, Mom. Thank you. [Leaves]
S Mrs. Stanhope
Ursula! Arthur, do something!
S Mr. Stanhope
What would you have me do? There's obviously no stopping her.
S Mrs. Stanhope
Oh, God! [Drinks a sip of her drink and leaves] URSULA!!
S Mr. Stanhope
[under his breath]
God, that woman's a pain in the ass.
Narrator
[Cut back to the jungle]
Meanwhile, halfway across the road, another ass was feeling pain, as an ape named Ape was caged in a cage, hoping to hear the jungle king's awesome... [The sound of George yelling is heard] Hey, I'm pretty good at that. ...and wondering if he would ever come. But the motion-sick mammal needn't have moaned, for that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak, and all-around good guy, George of the Jungle, was closer than he knew.
Ape
[as Thor aims his rifle at Shep the elephant, Ape roars and jumps out of the treehouse to the ground]
Run, Shep! Run for your life!
Max
Did that monkey just speak?
Thor
That monkey just spoke.
US Ursula Stanhope
I knew it.
Max
[to Thor]
Shoot it now.
Ape
[turns and notices Max and Thor]
Hmm?
Max
[lowers Thor's rifle]
With the tranquilizer gun, idiot. The ape's worth a fortune.
George
NOOOOOOOO! [runs towards Ape]
LV Lyle Van de Groot
[Aims his handgun at George]
Stop, or I'll shoot! [in slow motion, Lyle inaudibly yells, "I mean it!" before he shoots George]
Ape
NOOOOOOOO!
LV Lyle Van de Groot
NOOOOOOOO!
U Ursula
GEOOOOOOOORGE! [fade to white]
Narrator
Whew! Okay, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the hero.
