Thor No, Max. Forget about it. I do not want to listen to anymore of your ideas.
You'll like this one. We're gonna steal Georgie-Boy's talking ape.
Thor You mean, back up the mountain?
Thor, that ape is our ticket out of poaching and into show business. Think about it. We got a talking ape. What do Sigfried and Roy have?
Thor Sequins?
Exactly. Get ready for room service, mate, and girls. We're getting our ape and going to Vegas. By next weekend, we'll be headlining at the Tropicana. Nobody is gonna stop us.
Thor Right. George of the Jungle must be halfway to Frisco by now.
[Cut to George in San Francisco]
Ah, but the plotting poachers were only half-correct, for at that very moment, our handsome hero was all the way to San Francisco.
Thor Oh, shut up! You've been yakkin' for two days straight, and I'm getting mad enough to...
You know, you really should work on your anger. Have you tried Brankowski's "Cage the Rage" technique?
Don't let him get to you, Thor. He's just an ape.
That's a fine way to talk to your meal ticket. You keep that up, it's liable to affect my stage performance.
Give him a banana, Thor. Won't be long now.
Thor That's what you said yesterday. This trail's taking us to the middle of nowhere!
[Ape snickers]
The sign at the trail head said "Shortcut to Ape River". Now, why would it say "shortcut" if it wasn't a... [Realizes something] Wait a minute. Maybe it's a fake. A decoy trail.
Very good, Max. Actually, the trail is a fake. It circles Ape Mountain six times before heading right back to the treehouse.
Thor Ohhh! Oh, I knew we was lost!
Don't listen to him, Thor. He's just trying to trick us, lead us off the shortcut so we take twice as long on the regular trail.
Thor We're already taking twice as long!
Are you gonna let a monkey make a monkey out of you?
Thor What?
Let's go. If he tells us the shortcut leads to the treehouse, then that's exactly where it doesn't lead.
Thor Max, look. We're back at the treehouse.
Well, I tried, but you fellas are just too smart for me.
"Oh, no!" was right, for the exhausted ape-nappers--
Thor Hey! Why don't you say something constructive for a change, like, what should we do now?
Because I don't like you!
Thor Well, I hate you, you snotty son of a--!
I'll pretend I didn't hear that. [Makes a loud crashing noise; everything else fast forwards for a few seconds] Having some fun now, hmm?
Thor, were you fighting with the narrator?
Thor Well, he started it.
Thor You did too!
Thor You did too!
Thor You did too!
[Max and Thor pick George up and ram him]
Huh?
[George's head is wedged into the cage]
Why didn't you come sooner?
Why Ape have little stars around head?
[Max and Thor pull George out, tickle him, and ram his head back in]
George, remember everything I told you about Queensbury rules and fighting fair?
Well, now's a good time to forget it.
Thor [George kicks Max and Thor in the groins]
Oh, I can't breathe, Max!
Max Let it out, Thor, let it out!
[as Thor aims his rifle at Shep the elephant, Ape roars and jumps out of the treehouse to the ground]
Run, Shep! Run for your life!
Did that monkey just speak?
Thor That monkey just spoke.
US Ursula Stanhope
I knew it.
[turns and notices Max and Thor]
Hmm?
[lowers Thor's rifle]
With the tranquilizer gun, idiot. The ape's worth a fortune.
NOOOOOOOO! [runs towards Ape]
[Aims his handgun at George]
Stop, or I'll shoot! [in slow motion, Lyle inaudibly yells, "I mean it!" before he shoots George]
GEOOOOOOOORGE! [fade to white]
Whew! Okay, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the hero.
