You know, Barn, I've been thinking about this executive job. It's not me. Cooped up inside some swank office all day, kissing the big shot's feet. Not Fred Flintstone. Why, good afternoon, Mr. Vandercave. My, that's a handsome pelt you're wearing today.
Thank you. Your attention, please! Please take your seats. And welcome. You will have one hour to complete the exam. Please carve all answers with a well-sharpened No. 2 chisel. On behalf of Slate and Company, I want to wish you all the very best of luck. Let's begin.
Chisels down. Please slide your answer slab into the numbered envelope provided and stack them neatly on my desk.
Psst! Hey, Fred! How'd you do?
You want me to take that up for you?
"And I stand before my peers and vow, "I'll pay him back, someday, somehow."
Well, Cliff, the test results are in.
And our unsuspecting dupe is?
Believe it or not, the one who scored the highest was Fred Flintstone.
No, the big ape got a 65.
Flintstone? Oh, this can't be right! He must have cheated. He's dense, he's witless...
The results of the exam were very competitive, and just because an applicant was not selected... is no indication of lack of ability. I am pleased to announce...
Yeah, I know a kiss-off when I hear one. Let's go, Barn.
That the newest member of our executive rank is Mr. Fred Flintstone!
Barney, quick. What's my name?
Don't toy with me, Barney.
You did it, Fred! You made it!
Hey, brother. A little something to take that chill off. Take a swig of this. Put hair on your knuckles. Tell me something... You one of those guys that was laid off at the stone quarry?
FF Fred Flintstones
Yeah, I used to work there.
A lot of guys here would like to get their hands on the guy who's responsible for all this.
So they could hear his side of the story?
What? His side of the story?
P Pigasaurus
Huh? Flintstone! Flintstone!
You can't do this. I was framed!
In a minute you're going to be boxed.
Anybody want a snow cone?
Fred! What are you doing here?
Oh. I got cherry, lime, rocky road.
Wait a minute. Do you know this guy?
Know him? He used to be my best friend. In a way, if it wasn't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
Thanks for filling us in. We could've made a very big mistake here. Hang both of 'em.
What? Gee, take it easy. They make you pay for your own uniforms.
Barney, I thought you came to save me.
Save you? I saw a crowd, I figured I'd sell a few snow cones.
You mean you haven't forgiven me yet?
Nope. And frankly, I don't think this is going to help.
R Roxanne
I took a cherry.
Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute! Look, Barn, I know you're still a little mad at me. But I want you to know, if I had to have someone hanging next to me, I'm glad it's you.
I guess switchin' them tests didn't turn out much like I planned, huh, Fred?
A Accuser
Hey, got any lemon?
Check in the back. Gee, why can't business be this good every day? The story of my life. I'm a loser.
No, but you're the best friend a guy ever had and that makes you a winner in my book, pal. Me... I'm just a big jerk.
Ah, everybody loves you, Fred. Except for this lynch mob.
Come on, come on. You'll have plenty of time to bond in the afterlife.
Now wait, everybody. Fred is innocent.
Barney, do you have to do everything Fred does?
Everybody, listen to him.
First things first. I demand an apology.
Me? Apologize to a bird? Not Fred Flintstone!
I had hoped we might be colleagues but instead, you've treated me as if I were an ordinary piece of office furniture. I may eat bugs, but I have feelings, Mr. Flintstone. And you've hurt them.
Uh, well, look, I know I could've been a little more sensitive. Especially when you were molting.
I don't think they heard you in the back.
Oh. Now, then, gather 'round, everyone. I'll tell you the tale of an unsophisticated man caught up in a treacherous web of power, deceit and lust.
There he is! You're a traitor, Flintstone!
Listen to me. I'm your friend.
You're no friend of ours! You're a rotten bowler too!
Good morning, Mr. Flint...
Look what they had to work with.
Flintstone, heard you were down in the file room. Find anything interesting?
Yeah! I'm on to your little scam. Billing phony companies and keeping the money for yourself. I'm going to Mr. Slate.
Good idea. Turning yourself in might buy you a little leniency.
Me? This entire scheme was your idea.
True. But I've graciously decided to give you all the credit, since it's your name on the requisitions.
I never touched any of that money!
Hmm. Fred, please. Remodeling your house, furs, jewelry, a fully-equipped Le Sabertooth. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have been more discreet.
Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. Miss Stone, call security. Tell them we've uncovered an embezzler.
[Cliff is suing Fred for embezzlement] [grabs her hand]
Miss Stone, you'll back me up, won't ya?
You better run while you still have a chance.
You'll never get away with this.
JR Joe Rockhead
What you got today?
Lizard and onions. Want half?
You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
What a load of bunk. My father ate it every day of his life, he lived to the ripe old age of 38.
Your attention please. May I have your attention! I have a very important announcement to make.
You found out why the guys in pit six are losing their hair?
Yes! And we are currently in the process of refuting the results of that investigation. But today I am here to formally announce the creation of Slate and Company's executive placement program. Hold your questions, please. That's right, this Saturday an aptitude test will be given, granting one of you the opportunity to crawl out of the primordial ooze and be somebody. A vice president at Slate and Company, with an obscene salary and a shiny nameplate.
Good luck, and may the best biped win.
An executive? This is my chance to be somebody. Be somebody.
Whee! Higher, Bamm-Bamm, higher! Higher! Higher! Whee!
How did you get rid of the ring around the collar?
I just started washing Fred's neck.
Hmm. You know, Wilma, if Fred scores the highest on that test, you'll be able to hire someone to do your laundry for you.
If Fred scores the highest on that test, I'll have to hire someone to revive me.
Oh, it's true, Fred's no Albert Einstone. But you never know, he may surprise you.
Well, maybe. He has been studying day and night.
I know! I've never seen him so excited about something you couldn't spread mayonnaise on.
Okay, Brother Flintstone, we need a strike to win. Can you do it?
A All
Wooga-wooga-wee! Piki-piki-piki! Poki-poki-poki!! Ahhhhhhhh-oooh!
Lava juice! Hey, can I have everybody's attention, please? I would like to propose a toast to not only a great bowler, but a great human being. And no offense to you guys. "Since I was just a lad often, I've had the very bestest friend. "He may be big, he may be loud, "so you'll never lose him in a crowd. "But for my friend the special part... "Is what's behind his ribs... His heart." "I owe my son to him, and now... "I stand before my peers and vow... "I'll pay him back, someday, somehow." The end.
That was beautiful, Barn.
I meant every word of it, Fred.
Care to join me in a cold one?
It doesn't get any better than this.
Just think. This time tomorrow, we'll be on a pterodactyl winging our... Oh, Cliff.
How come there's only one ticket to Rocapulco?
For your protection, darling. I thought I would go on a "business trip," while you stay here to keep up appearances. Then, when we're sure it's safe, I'll send for you.
Forgive me, Cliff. Looks like you've thought of everything.
No, Mumsie, I don't want to go to school. The other boys make fun of me.
Oh, Mrs. Flintstone. To what do I owe the honor of this break-in?
I need your help, Mr. Bird. You hear everything that goes on in this office.
You are the only one who can help clear my husband.
My, my. What a delicious irony. Thank you for sharing it with me. Now, let me share something with you.
Oh, now, Wilma, calm down. Maybe I can reason with him.
There. All set. You know, my only regret is I won't be around when that shoddy new equipment blows up in their big, dumb faces. Oh, well, I'll just have to console myself with all that money. Hey, who's that?
That's Flintstone's wife.
What would she want with a stinky old dict... Son of a brachiosaurus!
Well, Cliff. I guess you haven't thought of everything.
Oh, this is far from over.
S Mr. Slate
Gentlemen, please. I cannot endorse this modernization... if it means laying off all those workers. Some have been here since the beginning of time.
What if I could quadruple your income?
S Mr. Slate
I'll miss them. You were saying?
Sorry I'm late. I had car trouble. Picked up a nail.
S Mr. Slate
Thank you for sharing that, Mr. Flagstone. May we continue?
Mr. Slate. Gentlemen. I have a vision. While our competitors are mired in the Stone Age, I give you... The future!
Slate and Company will revolutionize the building industry... By providing simple, low-cost, modular housing units. Impossible, you say? Let me demonstrate. Through the miracle of geothermal power, the raw material is elevated to the second stage, where our steam-powered conveyor belt carries...
E1 Executive 1
Steam? He's a madman!
Steam-powered conveyor belts... Carry the product to be shaped, cleaned, inspected and delivered to discerning consumers worldwide. And did I mention increasing our profit margin... Fourfold?
S Mr. Slate
Very impressive, Mr. Vandercave. Very impressive. I think we should implement this system immediately. Yes?
Excuse me, Mr. Slate. I know I'm the new man here, but I don't think you hired me to sit around and look pretty. I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small, who's gonna live in 'em?
Here comes the pterodactyl.
Pebbles Mmm-mmm-mmm.
It's no use, Mother. She misses Fred. I hope it's not that pesky Avrok lady again. Oh! Betty!
I have missed you so much.
I don't care what Barney said. I couldn't let you go through this alone. Have you heard from Fred?
I spoke to a lawyer. If he's missing seven years, you can remarry.
Mother! Well, wherever Fred is, I hope he knows I still love him. Oh.
PR Police Radio
Calling all Bedrock units, all Bedrock units.
Bedrock's Most Wanted Host: Tonight, in a special edition of Bedrock's Most Wanted, we bring you the story that's rocked our city, "The Case of the Embezzling Executive."
SL Miss Stone Look-A-Like
Mr. Flintstone, what are you doing?
I'm an executive. I'm embezzling.
SL Miss Stone Look-A-Like
I'm shocked!
How could you ever marry that man?
Mother! That man is not my husband.
That's right. He plays Dr. Gravelman on The Young And The Thumbless.
Fred might be a lot of things but a thief is not one of them.
Who cares? Yabba-dabba-dabba!
Yabba-dabba-dabba!
Bedrock's Most Wanted Host: This menace remains at large... We ask the public's help in apprehending...
SM Store Manager
Excuse me. Mrs. Rubble?
SM Store Manager
There seems to be a slight problem with your credit carol.
Really? And what would that be?
SM Store Manager
It's no damn good!
I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life.
Wilma, I promise you I'll pay you back. I just don't know when.
Oh, now, Betty. It can't be as bad as all that.
But it is. Barney's still out of work, we've nearly spent all of our savings. And, Wilma, what if the adoption agency finds out? I don't want to lose my baby.
I swear, Betty, Fred and I would never let that happen.
Good morning, Mr. Vice President.
Good morning, Mrs. Vice President. Oh, Dino! Oh, Dino, no! Hey!
So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
No, a simple "Your Highness" will do. No, Barn. I'm not gonna be one of these guys that makes it then forgets where he came from. The first thing I'm gonna do is get everyone in the quarry some vacation time. And maybe a health plan with free foot care.
Gee, Fred, I'd settle for them little packets of ketchup for the lunch room.
Well, I guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone. Go get 'em, big guy.
Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch? I'm a little short.
You're right, Fred. Nothing's changed.
Welcome aboard, Flintstone! We're glad you're here. Nice suit! You know, Fred, any gravel brain can shovel rock down in the quarry, but up here... Do you know what we do up here?
Me and the guys have always wondered.
We interface, Flintstone. We strategize, analyze, conceptualize, prioritize...
Fred, until this moment I wasn't sure we'd picked the right man. Now I'm certain. Fred Flintstone, you've arrived.
Mmm-hmm. Not to throw too much at you on your first day, but this big thing here is your desk.
Watch out for your fingers in the drawers.
[enters Fred's office]
Ahem! Am I interrupting?
Not at all. Fred, I'd like you to meet Miss Sharon Stone. She's going to be your secretary.
Personal secretary, Mr. Flintstone, that is of course, if you want me.
[Fred's tie rolls up to his chin]
Well, then, I the two of you could get better acquainted. [closes the doors]
Mr. Flintstone, I'd like you to know that I enjoy working long hours, late nights, even weekends, so feel free to use me however you see fit. Now! Can I get you anything? Coffee?
[seductive whisper]
How would you like it?
Bold choice Mr. Flintstone. You'll go far in this company.
Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf. We can prioritize, conceptualize and, uh... Tenderize. Executively yours, Fred Fli... Ah!
Are there six or seven "I"s in "Fli... Ah"?
It was I, your dictabird.
Dictabird. Read my beak. "Cliff, let's play golf. "We can prioritize, conceptualize and, uh, tenderize."
Mr. Flintstone, I'd like to warn you that management positions are fraught with peril. Whenever you find yourself in a befuddled state, I urge you to avail yourself of my experience and sage advice.
Oh, really? Listen, birdie, let's get the pecking order straight here.
I don't need any help from you. I'm Vice President of... Of, uh...
How about that? Excuse me. Hey, guys! Guess what I am! Vice President of Industrial Procurement!
W Woman
Wait! Come on, honey!
D Driver
Watch your step.
D Driver
All right, all together, folks.
Betty, sit down and relax.
Oh, I can't, Wilma. It just hit me. From now on, I'll be spending 24 hours a day attending to the every need of a helpless little boy. Then again, maybe it won't be such a big adjustment after all.
Fred! And promise you won't say anything like you did when you saw my sister's baby.
The kid had a tail. Was I supposed to pretend I didn't notice?
P Mrs. Pyrite
Hello, Mommy and Daddy! I have someone who wants to meet you!
Well, it's not exactly what we pictured, but... We'll love him like he was our own.
P Mrs. Pyrite
No, no, no. This little fellow belongs to the Hendersons. So glad you'll be nursing.
P Mrs. Pyrite
Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
Barney, isn't he precious?
Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.
Is that short for somethin'?
P Mrs. Pyrite
Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. [about Bamm-Bamm] You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild mastodons. [laughs]
BA Barney and Betty
Mastodons?!
P Mrs. Pyrite
Let's not nit-pick, a mammal's a mammal.
Well, sounds to me like all he needs is a little lovin'.
Come here, little guy. Aah! He growled.
It's okay, little guy. I'm your da-da.
Bamm-Bamm! No! Bamm-Bamm! Bamm-Bamm, wait!
S Singer
Stalactite, stalagmite
Hold your baby very tight
Bamm-Bamm! Bamm! Bamm-Bamm!
S Singer
Rock with the caveman
Bamm-Bamm-Bamm-Bamm-Bamm!
S Singer
Roll with the caveman
Shake to the caveman
Break with the caveman
S Singer
Make with the caveman
Okay, give me a C-A-V-E
"And Cinderocka married the handsome prince, and... "And they lived happily ever after."
W1 Worker 1
Come on, you lazy Cro-Magnon!
F Foreman
Hey! Back to work! You guys had a break two days ago! Come on, now!
W Worker
Come on, Sheba! That's my big girl!
Look at those pathetic worms burrowing their lives away. Do you know why I'm up here and they're down there, Miss Stone?
Because you lied on your resume?
No. Because I have vision. And right now I have a vision of you and me... Dripping with coconut oil on a beach in Rocapulco... With Mr. Slate's fortune to keep us company.
I'm glad we see eye to eye.
And somewhere down there is the ignorant stooge who will make all my schemes come true.
YABBA-DABBA-DOO!!!
The BC-52's: [singing] Flintstones
Meet the Flintstones
They're a modern Stone Age family
From the town of Bedrock
They're a page right out of history
Let's ride with the family down the street
Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet
When you're with the Flintstones
Have a yabba-dabba doo time
A dabba-doo time
