Most scenes together: Arthur & Grandsanta (13), Arthur & Bryony (10), Grandsanta & Bryony (8)
Bryony Shelfley, sir! The crazy wrapping elf, you know? Security tracked her to Sector 19. And we think Arthur was here.
Arthur?
Who else leaves the door open, huh, sir?
The old sleigh barn? That was sealed up decades ago. After that terrible night, Grandsanta sneaked out and... Thank goodness he is too old these days to get into trouble.
The old sleigh? What is happening here?! It was supposed to be chopped up for firewood decades ago. How on earth did that devious...?
We have a finer comms array than the Pentagon, and you're saying we can't contact them unless by some crazy, ancient... [interrupted once again]
Toodle-ooh! Here comes the cavalry! [An elderly elf, probably as old as Grandsanta comes hobbling down the Communications Center pushing a Signalator device]
Ernie Clicker, sir.
Head of Polar Communications for 46 missions. Oh crikey-blikey! Me and your granddad saw some times. I remember once...
Oh, you're in a hurry. I can tell.
Oh, this is ridiculous. Could we hurry this?
Oh, you can't rush the Signalator. Gotta play gentle. [unhurriedly tries to communicate with Grandsanta and Arthur] So, what do you wish to say? I wouldn't worry. It's not like they're surrounded by man-eating lions.
Silent night / Holy night / All is calm... [one lion roars at Arthur] Aah! All is bright / I realize this is mental / But it's all that I know / It's Christmas, nice kitties / So please let us go
Sleep in heavenly peace / Sleep in heavenly peace.
[because of the "lullaby", the lions fall asleep and the three tiptoe slowly to make an escape, but a bang from the sleigh wakes the lions again. They chase after the trio, and they escape in Evie]
Jingle bells / This boat smells / 3,000 miles to go
Oh, dear. I've seen this before. Sleigh fever, they call it. Pressure of Christmas sends a man doolally tap. Santa Claus XVI got it, 1802. Every child that year got a sausage nailed to a piece of bark.
Arthur, do you really think you can row the Atlantic Ocean in the next... 37 minutes?
It's not... too late... yet. I just... have to keep... going.
We need a blunt instrument. Knock him out and regroup.
Make a legal U-turn, then slight right in 4,228 miles.
You do know we're going round in circles?
You know, we're not the only ones. Maybe I will see Evie again.
Reindeer are brave, powerful beasts, but they're also dappled cretins with twigs on their heads. They'll just keep going in a straight-line right round the world. They'll be way up in the sky, flying at unimaginable speed, but they'll pass right over our heads.
Great! We can get the sleigh back!
[Grandsanta and Bryony react with surprised and confused expressions, and they look at each other]
I wish Dad could see this. It would take such a load off his mind.
So, what are your orders?
Hmm?
You're a Claus. You give the orders.
Do I? Oh! Um, heh... I'm just happy being an elf, really. You know, just-just part of it all.
Oh! Um, yes. That's a great idea.
Brilliant. Thank you, Bryony.
And do you want to... Quick!
The alarm? Definitely, yes. [covers the alarm 3 times with wrapping paper and tapes it with bows]
Bash it with a brick, Arthur! Go on!
Grab its antlers and tug!
I may just be a wrapping operative, sir, but this contravenes [her HOHO says "17"] specific mission regulations.
I'm in charge here, not Billy the Bureaucrat.
Shh...! [hears Bryony's HOHO say "18", then turns to Bryony] Elf, wrap your head!
Sir! [wraps her head]
Got it! Oh, no! [gasps]
Oh, my big Aunt Betty. It will have to do! Pass it down! [turns to Bryony] What?
1 breath.
But don't we need a whole one? You know, to balance the sleigh?
Oh, it won't balance the sleigh! If anything, it will only slow us down.
So why are we taking it?
It's for Gwen! 8 beautiful reindeer! That is what she is dreaming of. The jingly bells, the sleigh on the roof...
Yeah, but...
That's what the kids want, not some spaceship. We're giving her the star treatment! [to Bryony, who is whimpering through the wrapping] What now?
Grandsanta!
Who's there?
We come in peace! Our craft has to travel around the world in less than an hour! We need a sign of our sle--, craft! Sorry I can't pay you. Where I come from, we don't have money!
Dad, wait! Please, let's... [gestures to the door]
Oh. In all my years, I've never actually... Always so busy. [Steve comes up beside them] Too busy. I'm not good at... [pats his sons on the back, they both look at him] In my day, a pat on the back and a walnut went a long way.
Come on! It's downstairs! [she runs down the stairs] I think it's under the tree. [her parents follow, she tears the wrapping] I can see pink. [Santa, Grandsanta, Steve and Arthur watch as Gwen opens her present] It's a BIKE! Santa brought me the bike I wanted! Can I have a go? Please, please, please?
Steve, you deserve to be Santa. [Steve gasps and looks at the Santa figure Arthur earlier gave him] But Steve, I wonder... if Gwen is right. [looks at Arthur]
Careful, I'm gonna bump into you!
I'll be the candle, eh? [Arthur gasps as he realizes the implications]
You're better men than... [sniffles] Both of you.
A bike and... a squirrel?! Oh! [the squirrel runs away]
Drop complete! [the number of children without a gift changes from 1 to 0] And we have a new Santa! [pans the HOHO to show Arthur climbing out the window. Everyone cheers]
Poor Evie. Sun'll be up soon. It's Christmas!
Christmas is for kids. You grow out of it.
What, in the last 6 minutes?
I know what you all say about me, you know. [as an elf] "He belongs in the South Pole." [as Santa] "Dear Arthur, what a puzzle." [in his normal voice] Well, you were right. All that fuss over one kid, I was being ridiculous. [lies down] This is nice. It's good to get away from it all, you know? All the Christmas fuss.
I'm sorry I messed things up, lad. You see, the night I last took Evie out, when there was all that...fuss, your father came to me. I'll never forget it. Couldn't look me in the eye. "Dad", he says. "Steve thinks it’s best you don't fly again. We're scrapping the sleigh." Me own son...who used to sit where you sat looking up at me. [Arthur looks away] I just wanted them to remember who I used to be. I was a bit like you, lad. Keen as cranberry. So was your dad. You get old, that's all. Everything...changes.
Does it? [gets up quickly and grabs Gwen's letter] How can I ever write another letter saying that Santa cares? [throws the letter down, then takes off his last slipper and throws it into the sea] Good night, Dad. Sleep well.
Gimme that! [Grandsanta grabs it too] I'm Santa! I'm delivering it!
Don't be silly. I'm Santa! Can't you see from me suit?
I am actually Santa, and I think it would best if...
I didn't, in fact. Technically...
I am Santa, you naughty boys. Here, have a bonbon.
It's Christmas!
Please! Gwen just has to have a present from Santa.
Okay, so I'm not great with children. Does that make me a bad Santa? You're hardly perfect. Let me guess: You put in the address, saw a list of Trelews and clicked on the first one? You're just like Arthur!
North Pole incoming.
Sir the soldiers have shot the sleigh! [Margaret gasps]
But sir, it's Arthur! He's still going!
It's like 1816!
Abandon the North Pole!
Are you sure you want to delete Christmas? [the elf hits "yes" and a 10-minute countdown starts to meltdown]
What the…? [turns around and spots Arthur cycling through Trelew on Gwen's bike] Look, everyone! It's Arthur! He's delivering the present!
It's Arthur!
MELTDOWN PAUSED.
They can see us!
Well, pull the camouflage lever! Now, we better draw in a few of these sky scratchers... [Arthur pulls the wrong lever, and the sleigh transforms into something that looks like a steam locomotive] Not that one! That’s a steam train, you ninny!
Well, this is it, old fella! Maybe the next Santa never sat in my Evie, but Arthur did, and he's as good a man as any Santa there's ever been! Goodbye, Evie. [jumps off at the last second as missiles destroy the sleigh]
