Hugh Laurie movie quotes

View Quote [to after they rescue her] My dear, no matter what your size you'll always be... [notices the Gallaxhar clones coming and pulls Susan down, shaking her] nothing but a filthy carbon based lifeform!

View Quote I'm not a quack, I'm a mad scientist! There's a difference.

View Quote They called me crazy! But I'll show them! I'll show them all! [does a classic "mad scientist" laugh]

View Quote 2 billion gifts delivered, and we didn't leave a footprint in the snow. And now...

View Quote How many times, Arthur? It's the North Pole. [turns around and walks away] Shut the doors!

View Quote This is Germany, Father. They drive on the right. National dish, sausage. Okay, let's show them, people. Operation: Santa Claus is Coming to Town!

View Quote Cruella: You...BEASTS! But I'm not beaten yet. You've won the battle, but I'm about to win the wardrobe. My spotty puppy coat is in plain sight and leaving tracks. In a moment I'll have what I came for, while all of you will end up as sausage meat, alone on some sad, plastic plate. Dead and meaty and red. No friends, no family, no pulse. Just slapped between two buns, smothered in onions, with fries on the side. Cruella De Vil has the last laugh!
Jasper: Now there are two things you must not do to the skinner. One: do not look at the horrendous scar on this neck. Two: don't talk to him, understand? Not a word.
Horace: Right. [Skinner answers the door] [surprised] OH! Look at the size of that scar! [Jasper rolls his eyes in annoyance] No bloody wonder you can't talk, mate!
[Skinner growls]
Jasper: Excuse me just a minute, would you? [closes the door and angrily punches Horace]

View Quote Horace: [still cold after falling through the frozen pond] Turn the heater on will you!
Jasper: No. Not with this thing acting the way she is. I don't want to risk losing power.
Horace: I can't stand the cold no more... I want heat! [turns the heat on himself, but the system shorts and a bolt of lightning strikes the heater and sets the truck on fire] FIRE! TOO HOT! TOO HOT!

View Quote Jasper: Stupidly, you see? That's your problem, That's what's been holding you back, if it was to you, you'd have taken hold of that wire set fire to your undershorts cooked your tongue before even thinking it was electrified
Horace: Point taken, But what are the logs for
Jasper: We stand upon the logs and hop over thereby avoiding painful electirc-shock
Horace: [seeing Jasper had a plan to jump] Brilliant,
Jasper: Right. Mount the log. [as they climb on pile of logs] Extend Leg, [their legs go over the wires of the electric fence] All right, Now, when I count to three, we jump, Ready.
Horace: Yes,
Jasper: One, [Logs gives way sending Jasper and Horace fell on the wires of electric fence causing them to zap with screams in pain and fell onto the ground and stands up as walks off]

View Quote Messenger: Wing Commander Gutsy, this just in from a seagull near Dover: None of them made it back alive!
Gutsy: None of them? But those were some of our top fliers.
Messenger: I'm sorry, Sir. I'm just the messenger pigeon.
Gutsy: [sighs] If we don't find some more birds fast, our goose is going to be cooked.

View Quote Valiant: Come on! Chin up, Valiant! Stiff upper-beak.
Gutsy: Gentlemen, get ready to drop!
Tailfeather: Are you ready to drop?
Toughwood: I think I dropped already!
Gutsy: It's okay to be scared! I'd be worried if you weren't. It won't get better, but you'll get used to it! Go! Go! Go! It's jammed!
Valiant: Sir, let me help you!
Gutsy: NO! Go now! That's an order!
Valiant: Yes, sir. Come on Gutsy, get out of there! (groans) Oh, come on.

View Quote Felix: So, what's the news from the front?
Gutsy: Can't say of course. Classified. But danger is our business.
Valiant: [grunts] Let me through. Got to get to Wing Comman- [slips; crowd laughs] Excuse me, Wing Commander?
Gutsy: Yes?
Valiant: Sir, where do I sign up?
Unnamed Pigeon: Are you a bit on the wee side? (crowd laughs)
Gutsy: [clears throat] There always a place for a few valiant birds. Sign up is tomorrow in London. Love to stay and chat but duty calls and we must answer. Beaks up, boys [drinks juice] Let's make wind.

View Quote Let's imagine, if you glimpsed the future, and you were frightened by what you saw, what would you do with that information? You would go to the politicians? Captains of industry? And how would you convince them? Data? Facts? Good luck. The only facts they won't challenge are the ones that keep the wheels greased and the dollars rolling in. But what if... what if there was a way of skipping the middleman, and putting the critical news directly into everyone's head? The probability of widespread annihilation kept going up. The only way to stop it was to show it. To scare people straight. Because what reasonable human being wouldn't be galvanized by the potential destruction of everything they've ever known or loved? To save civilization, I would show its collapse. But how do you think this vision was received? How do you think people responded to the prospect of imminent doom? They gobbled it up, like a chocolate eclair. They didn't fear their demise, they repackaged it! It can be enjoyed as video games, as TV shows, books, movies - the entire world wholeheartedly embraced the apocalypse, and sprinted towards it with gleeful abandon. Meanwhile, your Earth was crumbling all around you. You've got simultaneous epidemics of obesity and starvation. Explain that one! Bees and butterflies start to disappear, the glaciers melt, algae blooms, all around you the coal mine canaries are dropping dead, and you won't take the hint! In every moment, there is the possibility of a better future, but you people won't believe it. And because you won't believe it, you won't do what is necessary to make it a reality! So you dwell on this terrible future, you resign yourselves to it, for one reason: because that future doesn't ask anything of you today. So, yes, we saw the iceberg and warned the Titanic, but you all just steered for it anyway, full steam ahead. Why? Because you want to sink. You gave up. That's not the monitor's fault. That's yours.