Grandsanta quotes from Arthur Christmas (2011)

View Quote [using the Earth itself as a map after losing all the other ones] Biggest map in the world!

View Quote [after making the sleigh look like a UFO] Take us to your leader!

View Quote [as Arthur parachutes away] In Santa we believe!

View Quote [as he prepares to abandon Evie he speaks to his old reindeer] Well, this is it, old fella! Maybe the next Santa never sat in my Evie, but Arthur did, and he's as good a man as any Santa there's ever been! Goodbye, Evie. [jumps off at the last second as missiles destroy the sleigh]

View Quote Grandsanta: We've got to get you down there, lad!
Arthur: They'll see us! We'll be stopped!
Grandsanta: [takes Arthur's slipper] Give me that!
Arthur: What are you doing?
Grandsanta: It's Evie they're after. She doesn't fit this world, Arthur. She's a relic.
Arthur: [surprised] Evie?!
Grandsanta: I always knew she'd be needed one more time. You go on! We'll let them have her.
Bryony: You're coming too?
Grandsanta: You were right, Arthur. It doesn't matter how Santa's gift gets there. [referring to Steve and the S-1] Doesn't even matter if it's Mr. Postman in his spaceship.
Arthur: [smiles with confidence] As long as it gets there.
Grandsanta: You made it happen, lad. No one got left out. [Arthur hugs him, laughing] Get off! Now, do as I say.

View Quote Grandsanta: [referring to Steve] Tell him I'm not here!
Bryony: Grandsanta says he's not here.
Steve: Hi, I'm looking for a missing relic.
Grandsanta: Steve, 3 words.
Steve: Is the first one "help"?
Arthur: Yes. You can help us, Steve!
Grandsanta: It was him! Frosty the Madman, he forced me to come! [to Bryony] Elf, back me up if you want a career.
Arthur: I forced you?
Grandsanta: Ya see?! Look!
Steve: What did you want, Grandsanta? Let me guess. Hmm, a picture of you in the sleigh delivering the gift to show me how it's really done?
Grandsanta: [puts away camera] No.
Steve: You know the picture they'll have tomorrow? You lead away in handcuffs! The Santa who was seen by everybody on Earth. The Santa who ruined Christmas.
Peter: [tauntingly] Ruined it!
Grandsanta: We'll fix this, Steve. We'll be back home in a wobble of a reindeer's buttocks. A-And Evie can go back in mothballs. You can forget she ever existed.
Arthur: You can't just go home! [pulls away the reins] What about Gwen?!
Steve: Gwen? For that you'd threaten my whole operation?
Arthur: Steve, you said if there was any way to get there, you would. Well, this is it! Look, the old sleigh's perfect! [a piece broke off of Evie] Oh, right. Well, anyway, it goes really fast, even with bits missing, and we've got quite a few reindeer left. And if I'm sick again, I can be sick in a bag.
Bryony: I'll wrap him one!
Elf 1: We can help them, sir!
Elf 2: No one missed, sir!
Elf 3: All correct presents, present and correct, sir!
[the elves set up to deliver Gwen's present]
Arthur: If you'd help us, Steve, we can do it.
[Steve considers helping Arthur and Grandsanta while Peter offers him a drink]
Elf 4: Grandsanta and Arthur would be the heroes of the night, sir! [Peter drops the drink in shock]
Steve: [quickly] Come home now! If we all just gave in to Christmas spirit, there'd be chaos.
Grandsanta: [pulls the reins toward him] We're on our way, Steve!
Arthur: [pulls the reins away again] NO! Santa would want us to get to Gwen. Ask him! Please!
Steve: Arthur, this is Dad we're talking about. There was a time when he cared about every last gift tag, but now he just wants to be loved and get some rest.
Arthur: No! He's-He's lying awake, worrying his beard off about Gwen.
[Steve presses a button on his HOHO, revealing a voicemail]
Santa: [in the voicemail] Ho-ho-ho! Off to the land of nod. Please do not disturb until December 26. Is that it, dear?
Margaret: [in the voicemail] Yes, Malcolm. Press the red... [the voicemail ends]
Arthur: [after learning Santa has gone to bed without caring about Gwen] No. Santa's the most caring man in the world!
Bryony: Then why are you here, not him?
[Grandsanta pulls the reins really hard, causing Evie and the remaining reindeer to turn upside down, and then he, his pet reindeer, Bryony, and Arthur fall down onto a deserted island and Gwen's gift falls near Arthur, who walks away in disappointment]
Grandsanta: Don't leave me, Arthur! Poor old man and his reindeer on our own at Christmas? At least have the decency to finish us off with a rock!
[Arthur stops, and then walks away again]

View Quote [Santa, Steve and Grandsanta argue over who is the real Santa and gets to deliver the present]
Steve: [grabs the present] Gimme that! [Grandsanta grabs it too] I'm Santa! I'm delivering it!
Grandsanta: Don't be silly. I'm Santa! Can't you see from me suit?
Santa: I am actually Santa, and I think it would best if...
Steve: [interrupts Santa] I'm Santa! You handed over!
Santa: I didn't, in fact. Technically...
Steve: [interrupts Santa again] You said I could drive!
Grandsanta: I am Santa, you naughty boys. Here, have a bonbon.
Arthur: [interrupts them as Gwen wakes up] Ssssssshhhhh...!
Gwen: [offscreen] It's Christmas!
Arthur: Please! Gwen just has to have a present from Santa.
Santa: [hands Arthur the present] You do it, Arthur.

View Quote Arthur: It just can't be. It can't. It just can't be. It j-just CAN'T BE! Oh... [accidentally knocks over a snow globe]
Grandsanta: [having overheard the commotion] What's all this kadoodle, young man?
Arthur: Grandsanta, it's this little girl, she's been missed!
Grandsanta: HA! So much for your brother's fancy-pants technology!
Arthur: Steve and Dad racked their brains but said it's impossible.
Grandsanta: Is it now? Missed a child? Dear, oh dear. Sends shivers down me shins.
Arthur: In two hours, she's gonna wake up, tear downstairs, search under the tree, and... that look on her face. [frowns sadly] But there's nothing there. She won't understand. She'll think she's the one kid on the whole world that Santa doesn't care about. She'll feel so... left out. [straightens the portrait of him sitting on Malcolm's lap] On Christmas night, he comes. Gwen can't not have a present from Santa!
Grandsanta: Do you know, Arthur, there is a way.
Arthur: It's impossible.
Grandsanta: They used to say it was impossible to teach women to read. Follow me.

View Quote [Grandsanta, Malcolm and Steve start to leave while Arthur turns back to watch Gwen open her gift]
Arthur: Dad, wait! Please, let's... [gestures to the door]
Santa: [joins Arthur] Oh. In all my years, I've never actually... Always so busy. [Steve comes up beside them] Too busy. I'm not good at... [pats his sons on the back, they both look at him] In my day, a pat on the back and a walnut went a long way.
Gwen: Come on! It's downstairs! [she runs down the stairs] I think it's under the tree. [her parents follow, she tears the wrapping] I can see pink. [Santa, Grandsanta, Steve and Arthur watch as Gwen opens her present] It's a BIKE! Santa brought me the bike I wanted! Can I have a go? Please, please, please?
[Santa looks from the beaming Arthur to Steve]
Santa: Steve, you deserve to be Santa. [Steve gasps and looks at the Santa figure Arthur earlier gave him] But Steve, I wonder... if Gwen is right. [looks at Arthur]
Gwen: [as she rides her bike] Careful, I'm gonna bump into you!
Steve: [considers for a moment then holds out the figure to Arthur] I'll be the candle, eh? [Arthur gasps as he realizes the implications]
Grandsanta: [quietly] Whoppee!
Santa: You're better men than... [sniffles] Both of you.
Gwen: A bike and... a squirrel?! Oh! [the squirrel runs away]
[The Clauses exit the house, and Bryony picks up Steve's dropped HOHO to report in]
Bryony: Drop complete! [the number of children without a gift changes from 1 to 0] And we have a new Santa! [pans the HOHO to show Arthur climbing out the window. Everyone cheers]

View Quote [in Cayo Confites, Cuba, Bryony slowly places pieces of the bike’s wrapping in the campfire]
Grandsanta: Poor Evie. Sun'll be up soon. It's Christmas!
Arthur: Christmas is for kids. You grow out of it.
Bryony: What, in the last 6 minutes?
Arthur: [scoffs] I know what you all say about me, you know. [as an elf] "He belongs in the South Pole." [as Santa] "Dear Arthur, what a puzzle." [in his normal voice] Well, you were right. All that fuss over one kid, I was being ridiculous. [lies down] This is nice. It's good to get away from it all, you know? All the Christmas fuss.
Grandsanta: [gets up and sits next to Arthur] I'm sorry I messed things up, lad. You see, the night I last took Evie out, when there was all that...fuss, your father came to me. I'll never forget it. Couldn't look me in the eye. "Dad", he says. "Steve thinks it’s best you don't fly again. We're scrapping the sleigh." Me own son...who used to sit where you sat looking up at me. [Arthur looks away] I just wanted them to remember who I used to be. I was a bit like you, lad. Keen as cranberry. So was your dad. You get old, that's all. Everything...changes.
Arthur: Does it? [gets up quickly and grabs Gwen's letter] How can I ever write another letter saying that Santa cares? [throws the letter down, then takes off his last slipper and throws it into the sea] Good night, Dad. Sleep well.

View Quote [Arthur rows the boat to get all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to Trelew in time, while Grandsanta, his pet reindeer, Bryony, and the wrapped bike are onboard]
Arthur: [grunting and singing] Jingle bells / This boat smells / 3,000 miles to go
Grandsanta: Oh, dear. I've seen this before. Sleigh fever, they call it. Pressure of Christmas sends a man doolally tap. Santa Claus XVI got it, 1802. Every child that year got a sausage nailed to a piece of bark.
Bryony: Arthur, do you really think you can row the Atlantic Ocean in the next... 37 minutes?
Arthur: [grunts with all his might to keep on rowing] It's not... too late... yet. I just... have to keep... going.
Grandsanta: We need a blunt instrument. Knock him out and regroup.
GPS: Make a legal U-turn, then slight right in 4,228 miles.
Bryony: You do know we're going round in circles?
Grandsanta: You know, we're not the only ones. Maybe I will see Evie again.
Arthur: [stops rowing] What do you mean?
Grandsanta: Reindeer are brave, powerful beasts, but they're also dappled cretins with twigs on their heads. They'll just keep going in a straight-line right round the world. They'll be way up in the sky, flying at unimaginable speed, but they'll pass right over our heads.
Arthur: Great! We can get the sleigh back!
[Grandsanta and Bryony react with surprised and confused expressions, and they look at each other]

View Quote Grandsanta: [to Arthur, while looking up at the night sky, being unsure if Arthur can get the sleigh back, and holding a ribbon and anchor] You? Up there? Catch that with this?
Arthur: [to Bryony] Magic dust.
Bryony: [hands the magic dust to Arthur] You crack it over your head. You'll have to focus. The sleigh will be coming at you at 45,000 miles an hour.
Arthur: 45,000 miles an hour?!
Grandsanta: You'll be torn in half!
Bryony: Depends on the angle the sleigh hits. You might just get beheaded.
Arthur: [scared and anxious] I've got a phobia of being beheaded and heights and speed and reindeer and... buttons.
Bryony: [confused] Buttons?
Arthur: Yeah, I'm pretty much scared of everything. [to himself] Gwen thinks you are coming. You can't do this. Yes, you can! No, you can't. Yes, you can! Come on, Arthur!
Grandsanta: Don't worry. Only a raving lunatic--
Arthur: I have to worry! It's the only thing I'm good at! [gets an idea] Worry me.
Bryony: The sleigh will be back any minute!
Arthur: Come on. Worry me, quickly!
Grandsanta: [starts to "worry" Arthur] I-Imagine Gwen all alone, nothing under the tree.
Arthur: Here we go. [cracks the magic dust over his head and begins to panic as he rises up into the air while holding onto the anchor and ribbon] No! I don't like this! Stop! Get me down!
Grandsanta: The tears as she finds she's been left out!
Bryony: Screaming, "Santa didn't come!"
Arthur: Oh, Gwen... [begins to panic again] NOO! IT'S JUST TOO HIGH!
Bryony: Gwen in the street, surrounded by kids on new bikes, pointing: "THAT'S THE GIRL THAT SANTA HATES!" She runs away, alcoholic by the age of 9, DEAD BEFORE SHE'S EVEN...!
Grandsanta: [quickly covers Bryony's mouth] She may never build a snowman again!
Arthur: WHAT IF THERE ARE BUTTONS ON THE SLEIGH I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?!
Bryony: Here it is!
[just then, the reindeer and the sleigh, still upside down, rapidly approach Arthur, who braces himself. He hooks the anchor to the sleigh and gets pulled along. Grandsanta and Bryony are left in an awkward silence]
Arthur: [holds onto the ribbon behind the sleigh for dear life] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
[cut back to the boat]
Bryony: How do you think he's, uh...?
Grandsanta: Fine, fine. Probably just, uh...
[the scene cuts to Arthur facing one of the reindeer and trying to get to the sleigh while being careful, then back to Grandsanta whistling "Good King Wenceslas"]
Bryony: So... how come they didn't scrap the sleigh, sir?
Grandsanta: I threatened the elves. Said I'd feed 'em to the polar bears. [Bryony awkwardly looks away]
[the scene cuts once again to Arthur trying to balance and get past the reindeer in order to get to the sleigh and then back again]
Grandsanta: Elf, how do you fancy being the one to tell his parents about all this? [Bryony looks horrified at the thought]

View Quote Grandsanta: [hides in the back seat of the sleigh from the authorities at the wrong Trelew] It's like that terrible night all over again!
Arthur: What night?
Grandsanta: The last time I took Evie out for a spin! I didn't know it was the Cuban Missile Crisis! I nearly started World War III!

View Quote Grandsanta: Christmas has gone right down the rodney hole. [points at Steve and refers to the S-1] You're a postman with a spaceship!
Steve: My S-1 festivized the world at 1,860 times the speed of sound!
Grandsanta: Christmas 1941, World War II, I did the whole thing with 6 reindeer and a drunken elf! [Steve sits back down] I was shot at, Arthur. Took 12 direct hits, lost 3 reindeer.
Arthur: What happened to the elf?
Grandsanta: Fell out of the sleigh over Lake Geneva. Never saw him again.

View Quote Arthur: [parachuting away, to Grandsanta] Happy Christmas!
Grandsanta: In Santa we believe! [to Bryony] Go on, elf, you too!
Bryony: [she kisses Grandsanta in the cheek, as if to say, "Thank you", then jumps off] Hi-yah!
Chief De Silva: [amplified through drone] Fire missiles. [drone prepares to launch its missiles]
Grandsanta: [prepares to abandon Evie, to his old reindeer] This is it, old fella! Maybe the next Santa never sat in my Evie, but Arthur did, and he's as good a man as any Santa there's ever been! [releases the reindeer and stands on the top of Evie as missiles head towards it, saluting] Goodbye, Evie. [jumps off at the last second as the missiles destroy the sleigh]
Chief De Silva: Good work everyone. You just saved Christmas!

View Quote [at the tractor dealership in Idaho, Arthur is trying to remove a golden reindeer from the "Leaping Deer Auto's sign]
Grandsanta: Bash it with a brick, Arthur! Go on!
Arthur: [struggling to remove the reindeer on top of the roof] It just won't...
Grandsanta: Grab its antlers and tug!
Bryony: I may just be a wrapping operative, sir, but this contravenes [her HOHO says "17"] specific mission regulations.
Grandsanta: I'm in charge here, not Billy the Bureaucrat.
Arthur: [almost removing the reindeer] It's stuck!
Grandsanta: Shh...! [hears Bryony's HOHO say "18", then turns to Bryony] Elf, wrap your head!
Bryony: Sir! [wraps her head]
Grandsanta: [to Arthur] Come on, Lad. You're as much use as a cheese chopstick!
Arthur: Got it! Oh, no! [gasps]
Grandsanta: Oh, my big Aunt Betty. It will have to do! Pass it down! [turns to Bryony] What?
Bryony: [whimpering] Permission to breathe, sir?! I have about 9 seconds left before I black out!
Grandsanta: 1 breath.
Bryony: [seeing the lights in the tractor dealership owner's house switch on] Sir!
Grandsanta: [to Bryony] I said 1! [to Arthur] Hurry up, Arthur!
Arthur: But don't we need a whole one? You know, to balance the sleigh?
Grandsanta: Oh, it won't balance the sleigh! If anything, it will only slow us down.
Arthur: So why are we taking it?
Grandsanta: It's for Gwen! 8 beautiful reindeer! That is what she is dreaming of. The jingly bells, the sleigh on the roof...
Arthur: Yeah, but...
Grandsanta: That's what the kids want, not some spaceship. We're giving her the star treatment! [to Bryony, who is whimpering through the wrapping] What now?
Bryony: [opens the wrapping] We have a waker, sir! With a gun!
[the gun fires and the ladder falls down]
Grandsanta: That's it, lad! You distract him!
Arthur: Grandsanta!
Tractor Dealership Owner: Who's there?
Arthur: [dressed up as an alien speaking to the owner of the tractor dealership] We come in peace! Our craft has to travel around the world in less than an hour! We need a sign of our sle--, craft! Sorry I can't pay you. Where I come from, we don't have money!

View Quote [the sleigh is flying through Toronto. It traverses across a curved building and people inside see it]
Arthur: [worried] They can see us!
Grandsanta: Well, pull the camouflage lever! Now, we better draw in a few of these sky scratchers... [Arthur pulls the wrong lever, and the sleigh transforms into something that looks like a steam locomotive] Not that one! That’s a steam train, you ninny!