Billy Mack Yes I have, Ant or Dec.
Played by Bill Nighy 
Love Actually (2003) · 89 quotes
Love Actually (2003) · 89 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Love Actually (2003): in 15 of its 89 quotes
A line from Billy Mack [having just sung the words "Love is all around me" instead of "Christmas is all around me" yet again]Oh! **** wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!
More lines from Billy Mack
8 quotes Billy Mack Billy Mack Oh.Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs..... Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!
Billy Mack [during a radio interview]
... so if you believe in Christmas, children, like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record...
Billy Mack [Billy's record makes #1 at Christmas; he gets a phone call]
Hello? Elton! Of course. Of, of course! Send an embarrassingly big car and I'll be there!
Billy Mack When I was young, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone.
Billy Mack I left Elton John's, where there were a hefty number of half-naked chicks with their mouths open, to hang out with you, at Christmas. It's a terrible mistake, Chubs, but you turn out to be the **** love of my life. And to be honest, despite all my complaining, we have had a wonderful life.
Billy Mack Now let's get pissed and watch porn.
Billy Mack Thank you, Ant or Dec.
Scenes with Billy Mack
6 scenes Billy Mack [about his new song]
This is shit, isn't it?
Joe [gleefully]
Yep, solid gold shit, maestro.
Parky This must be a very exciting moment for you, fighting for the Christmas number one. How's it looking so far?
Billy Mack Very bad indeed. Blue are outselling me five to one. But I'm hoping for a late surge. And if I reach number one, I promise to sing the song stark naked on TV on Christmas Eve.
Parky Do you mean that?
Billy Mack Well of course I mean it. Do you want a preview? You old flirt.
Parky [stands in front of Parky and flashes at him]
That'll never make number one!
Dec Billy, I believe you've brought a prize for our competition winners.
Billy Mack Yes I have, Ant or Dec. It's a personalized felt tip pen.
Mikey, DJ interviewer
Well. Thanks for that, Bill.
Billy Mack For what?
Mikey, DJ interviewer
Well, for actually giving a real answer to a question. Doesn't often happen here on "Radio Watford" I can tell you.
Billy Mack Ask me anything you like, I'll tell you the truth.
Mikey, DJ interviewer
Uh... best shag you've ever had?
Billy Mack Britney Spears.
Mikey, DJ interviewer
Wow!
Billy Mack No, only kidding. She was rubbish.
Radio DJ [on the phone]
Hi, Billy!
Billy Mack Hello.
Radio DJ We're live across the country, and you're number one!
Radio DJ [Billy laughs]
How will you be celebrating?
Billy Mack I don't know. Uh, either I could behave like a real rock-and-roll loser, and get drunk with my fat manager, or when I hang up I'll be bombarded with invitations to a large number of glamorous parties.
Radio DJ Let's hope it's the second, Billy. And here it is again, Number One by Billy Mack, it's "Christmas Is All Around."
Billy Mack Oh, Jesus, not that crap again! [laughs]
Billy Mack I realized that Christmas is the time to be with the people you love.
Joe Right.
Billy Mack And I realized that as dire chance and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid 50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a chubby employee. And much as it grieves me to say it, it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.
Joe [pause]
Well, this is a surprise.
Billy Mack Yeah...
Joe Ten minutes at Elton John's and you're as gay as a maypole.
