Charles Dreyfus
Give me ten men like Clouseau and I could destroy the world.
Charles Dreyfus
Charles Dreyfus
If someone has been murdered here, please let it be Clouseau.
Clouseau
Well... that just goes to prove what I have said all along.
Dreyfus
What you've said, Clouseau, qualifies you as the greatest prophet since Custer said he was going to surround all those Indians!
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Now he's off to Gstaad. Today... a paradise in the Swiss Alps; tomorrow... a wasteland! Compared to Clouseau, Attila the Hun was a Red Cross volunteer!
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
[to Francois, after accidentally shooting himself in the face]
Don't just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor, and then help me find my nose!!
Inspector Clouseau
[answering the phone]
This is Monsieur Gadbois - who is this speaking?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Don't you know? Hmmm? Hmmm? Can't you guess? I'll give you a clue - this is the man who hates you. This is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried!
Inspector Clouseau
...are you the headwaiter that works in the little bistro on the Rue de Bazaar?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
No, this is Chief Inspector Dreyfus! Idiot!
Inspector Clouseau
You understand that anyone could ask for Monsieur Guy Gadbois and say that they were Chief Inspector Dreyfus. What is your code-name?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Code-name... CODE-NAME?! I've never had a code-name, lunatic!
Inspector Clouseau
Only the real Inspector Dreyfus would know that he did not have a code-name.
Inspector Dreyfus
Compared to Clouseau, this doomsday machine is a water pistol!
Inspector Clouseau
One moment, and I will have you extracted.
Inspector Dreyfus
I'm fine. I am perfect. Every day, and in every way... I'm getting better and better. Somewhere over the rainbow... (laughs maniacally)
Inspector Clouseau
I'm afraid today is just not your day, my friend.
Inspector Dreyfus
But it is my day! It is, my "friend". After three, long terrible years it is AT LAST my day! I will not permit, "repeat," not permit anything..."repeat" anything to spoil it. Now, I will walk you to the gate, and then I will kiss you goodbye! (kisses on Clouseau's cheeks) And you will drive off in your new car which should rightfully be mine, and then I will have my interview with the sanity commission, and they will set me free! And then... (suction arrow sticks to his forehead, with appropriate sound) I will kill you! (takes a strangler hold) Kill you!
Inspector Clouseau
Francois! Start the car!
Inspector Dreyfus
KILL YOU! KILL YOU!