Scenes with Chief Insp. Dreyfus
5 scenes
CI Chief Inspector Dreyfus
[Dreyfus is being asked to deliver Clouseau's eulogy]
Me?
Police Commissioner You knew him intimately.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus I hated him intimately!
Police Commissioner But you're the expert who's going to track down his murders!
Chief Insp. Dreyfus I'm the expert who would love to- to kiss his murders, don't you understand?!
Police Commissioner Now, the PR people loved the angle.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus Sacrilege! I won't do it.
Police Commissioner Politics!
Chief Insp. Dreyfus No. I'm a good Catholic.
Police Commissioner So's the Chief's wife.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus I don't care! [Hesitates] What's she got to do with it?
Police Commissioner She wrote the speech.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus Doctor, please, you must help me. Is Clouseau real, or am I going mad again?
Dr. Paul Laprone What do you think?
Chief Insp. Dreyfus What do I think? What can I think? If that nincompoop is really alive and the things I heard are true, he'll probably be decorated again for rounding up the biggest drug ring in France, and I'll be a-a laughingstock.
Dr. Paul Laprone That sounds reasonable. What are you going to do?
Chief Insp. Dreyfus What choice do I have? I either commit myself and come back to be locked up in here...Or... I go to Hong Kong.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus Clouseau?
Chief Insp. Dreyfus Are you wounded?
No. Fortunately I was saved by the darkness.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus So what we need is more light.
[Dreyfus shoots at Clouseau]
It's me!
Chief Insp. Dreyfus I know!
[Dreyfus laughs and starts shooting again]
Police Commissioner [Chief Inspector Dreyfus meets with the Commissioner of Police, believing Clouseau has been murdered]
The Chief thinks that you should give the eulogy.
CI Chief Inspector Dreyfus
The what?
Police Commissioner The tribute!
CI Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Me?
Police Commissioner You knew him intimately.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus I hated him intimately!
Police Commissioner But you're the expert who's going to track down his murderers!
Chief Insp. Dreyfus I'm the expert who would dearly love to–– to kiss his murderers, don't you understand?!
Police Commissioner Now, the PR people loved the angle.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus Sacrilege! I won't do it.
Police Commissioner Politics!
Chief Insp. Dreyfus No. I'm a good Catholic.
Police Commissioner So's the Chief's wife.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus I don't care! [Hesitates] What's she got to do with it?
Police Commissioner She wrote the speech.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus [Cut to Dreyfus in front of mourners in a church. Dreyfus struggles to keep from laughing, which happens to make him look deeply grieved]
Ladies and gentlemen… honored guests… dear friends… we are gathered here to say… good-bye… to a… a great man. [suppresses a laugh; feigns tears]. Not only was he a model police officer… a brilliant detective… [coughs] admired and respected… by his fellow officers… and all those who were fortunate enough;–– enough;–– enough to know him… [suppresses a laugh; feigns tears]… he was, above all else… a modest man! [suppresses a laugh; feigns tears]. His kind, will not pass this way again… and our loss… is surely… Heaven's gain! [breaks down in tears of laughter].
Other characters in Revenge of the Pink Panther
