[Chief Inspector Dreyfus meets with the Commissioner of Police, believing Clouseau has been murdered]
The Chief thinks that you should give the eulogy.
The what?
The tribute!
Me?
You knew him intimately.
I hated him intimately!
But you're the expert who's going to track down his murderers!
I'm the expert who would dearly love to–– to kiss his murderers, don't you understand?!
Now, the PR people loved the angle.
Sacrilege! I won't do it.
Politics!
No. I'm a good Catholic.
So's the Chief's wife.
I don't care! [Hesitates] What's she got to do with it?
She wrote the speech.
[Cut to Dreyfus in front of mourners in a church. Dreyfus struggles to keep from laughing, which happens to make him look deeply grieved]
Ladies and gentlemen… honored guests… dear friends… we are gathered here to say… good-bye… to a… a great man. [suppresses a laugh; feigns tears]. Not only was he a model police officer… a brilliant detective… [coughs] admired and respected… by his fellow officers… and all those who were fortunate enough;–– enough;–– enough to know him… [suppresses a laugh; feigns tears]… he was, above all else… a modest man! [suppresses a laugh; feigns tears]. His kind, will not pass this way again… and our loss… is surely… Heaven's gain! [breaks down in tears of laughter].
