Inspector Clouseau quotes from The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)

Inspector Clouseau

For me, the greater the odds, the greater the shal-ahnje. And as always, I accept the shal-ahnje.

Inspector Clouseau

Most ingenious. The old closet ploy. I really must congratulate you; if there's one thing I enjoy, it's a good closet ploy.

Inspector Clouseau

Good evening, commissioner. How are you, how is madame and all the little commissioners?

Inspector Clouseau

Until we meet again and the case is solv-ed.

Inspector Clouseau

Nothing worthwhile is ever easy; that is why I have always failed where others have succeeded.

Inspector Clouseau

Do you have a rheum?

I do not know what a "rheum" is.

Inspector Clouseau

Zimmer.

Ah, a room!

Inspector Clouseau

That is what I have been saying, you idiot. A rheum. [gesturing to the hotel's dog] Does your dog bite?

No.

Inspector Clouseau

I thought you said your dog did not bite!

That is not my dog.

Inspector Clouseau

A beekeeper who has lost his voice, a cook who thinks he's a gardener, and a witness to a murder. Oh, yes. It is obvious to my trained eye that there is much more going on here than meets the ear. [A bee buzzes around Clouseau. He swings at it with the hand that is stuck in a steel gauntlet, which is gripping a mace. The mace smashes the piano next to him.] Before you are dismissed, Mr. Stifsticker, I suggest you count your bees. You may find that one of them is missing.

You've ruined that piano!

Inspector Clouseau

What is the price of one piano compared to the terrible crime that's been committed here?

But that's a priceless Steinway!

Inspector Clouseau

Not anymore. What is your name?

Mrs. Leverlilly.

Inspector Clouseau

Mrs. Loveleaver, I would take a shrewd guess that you are the housekeeper. Am I right?

I have been with Professor Fassbender for thirty years.

Inspector Clouseau

That would account for your exaggerated hysteria over a simple blemish to the furniture.

Blemish?!

Inspector Clouseau

Whatever has happened to the piano can easily be righted. What has happened to Professor Fassbender and his daughter is another matter. And it is my job to bring the guilty party or parties to the justice. [Moves to stand with his back to the fireplace; the mace hangs close to the flames.] Now, then, what do we know? One, that Professor Fassbender and his daughter have been kidnap-ed. Two, that someone has kidnap-ed them. Three, that my hand is on fire.

Inspector Clouseau

One moment, and I will have you extracted.

Inspector Dreyfus

I'm fine. I am perfect. Every day, and in every way... I'm getting better and better. Somewhere over the rainbow... (laughs maniacally)

Inspector Clouseau

I'm afraid today is just not your day, my friend.

Inspector Dreyfus

But it is my day! It is, my "friend". After three, long terrible years it is AT LAST my day! I will not permit, "repeat," not permit anything..."repeat" anything to spoil it. Now, I will walk you to the gate, and then I will kiss you goodbye! (kisses on Clouseau's cheeks) And you will drive off in your new car which should rightfully be mine, and then I will have my interview with the sanity commission, and they will set me free! And then... (suction arrow sticks to his forehead, with appropriate sound) I will kill you! (takes a strangler hold) Kill you!

Inspector Clouseau

Francois! Start the car!

Inspector Dreyfus

KILL YOU! KILL YOU!