Inspector Clouseau You fool! You raving Oriental idiot! There is a time and a place for everything, Cato! ...and this is it!!
Most-quoted character in The Return of the Pink Panther (1975): in 16 of its 21 quotes
Most scenes with: Chief Inspector Dreyfus (3)
I arrest you, Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious pink Lytton.
More lines from Inspector Clouseau
6 quotes Inspector Clouseau Inspector Clouseau I see you are familiar with the falling-down-on-the-floor ploy.
Inspector Clouseau Valet, this is Inspector Clouseau. Please send up my... well, please send down my brown suit immediately. As quick as you can. Quicker, please!
Inspector Clouseau [after inadvertently destroying much of the hotel he is in]
: I must leave. Zis Hotel is deteriorating rapidly.
Inspector Clouseau [to a taxi driver]
: Follow that car! [driver gets out of the taxi and follows the car]
Inspector Clouseau I did not know the bank was being robbed because I was engaged in my sworn duty as a police officer.
Scenes with Inspector Clouseau
9 scenes Inspector Clouseau This is very strange. I do not ever recall receiving the fortune cookie in a Japanese restaurant.
Sgt. François Chevalier What does yours say?
Inspector Clouseau "Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies..."
Inspector Clouseau I tell you, infamous powers are at work! The instant you assign me to a case, the Underworld hears about it and I am set upon! ... It is amazing that I am still alive.
Chief Inspector Dreyfus [stifling a giggle]: "Amazing" is not the word.
Inspector Clouseau Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you?
YES! I wish you were DEAD!
Inspector Clouseau Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.
Inspector Clouseau How long have you been a bellboy?
Bellboy
Oh, too long, Monsieur.
Clouseau Keep up the good work, and I shall see to it you become a bell-MAN.
Inspector Clouseau [answering the phone]
This is Monsieur Gadbois - who is this speaking?
Don't you know? Hmmm? Hmmm? Can't you guess? I'll give you a clue - this is the man who hates you. This is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried!
Inspector Clouseau ...are you the headwaiter that works in the little bistro on the Rue de Bazaar?
No, this is Chief Inspector Dreyfus! Idiot!
Inspector Clouseau You understand that anyone could ask for Monsieur Guy Gadbois and say that they were Chief Inspector Dreyfus. What is your code-name?
Code-name... CODE-NAME?! I've never had a code-name, lunatic!
Inspector Clouseau Only the real Inspector Dreyfus would know that he did not have a code-name.
The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.
Inspector Clouseau That is impossible.
Inspector Clouseau He was blind! How can a blind man be a lookout?
How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that!
Inspector Clouseau It's very simple. All he has to do is enlist...
Shut up!
Police Chief Lundallah
He pulled himself across the floor using this wire. How else could he have avoided our radar field?
Inspector Clouseau He did? ... Yes, how else! Hmm. Of course he would have needed a very slippery floor to do that.
Police Chief Lundallah
Therefore the wax.
Inspector Clouseau The wax? ... AGHH! [Clouseau slips on the waxed floor and falls to the ground]
Col. Sharki Are you alright, Inspector?
Inspector Clouseau [on his knees]
Of course I'm alright. I'm... examining the wax. [sniffs the wax on the floor] Have you taken a sample of this wax?
Police Chief Lundallah
Wax is wax!
Inspector Clouseau See, this is where you are wrong. Wax is NOT just wax. In this case it is a clue. French wax, English wax, domestic wax...
Col. Sharki Ah, the Inspector is right. Have the wax tested immediately.
Inspector Clouseau [grabbing a mechanical arm from the jewel stand]
It is my guess that you will find it is English wax.
Police Chief Lundallah
Why?
Inspector Clouseau Because your thief is an Englishman.
Col. Sharki How do you know that?
Inspector Clouseau It is my business to know that. He is Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Lytton.
Police Chief Lundallah
The Phantom?
Inspector Clouseau Yes, one and the same.
Inspector Clouseau [to blind beggar]
City Ordinance 132R prohibits the begging.
How do you know so much about city ordinances?
Inspector Clouseau What sort of stupid question is that? Are you blind?
Yes!
Inspector Clouseau [at Lytton Manor in Nice, while working undercover as a telephone repairman, Clouseau has already annihilated the Lyttons' doorbell!]
... I am from the Nice Telephone Company; there is some trouble with your phone.
Mac ...I don't think there's any trouble with the telephones here.
Inspector Clouseau I know when there is a trouble, and when there is not a trouble, and you may rest assured that there is a trouble.
Mac Since when?
Inspector Clouseau Since it was reported.
Mac By whom? And what sort of trouble is it?
Inspector Clouseau If I knew that, I could simply call you up and tell you what the trouble with your telephone is!
Sir Charles Lytton
He's either reloading, or he's out of ammunition.
Inspector Clouseau E's out of his mind, that's what e's out of!
Other characters in The Return of the Pink Panther
More Peter Sellers characters
Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau
President Merkin Muffley
Chance the Gardener
Hrundi V. Bakshi
Inspector Jacques Clouseau
Inspector Clouseau
Fabrizi
Inspector Jacques Clouseau