Most scenes together: Inspector Clouseau & Chief Inspector Dreyfus (3)
Describe your thoughts. Get them out in the open. You'll feel much better.
All right. See, it's always the same. Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me. Then suddenly, my hands go round his throat, and I begin to squeeze (he does). It's wonderful. It's marvellous. I'm squeezing (and the doctor is choking...). And the more I squeeze, the freer I feel. I'm in ecstasy. And then suddenly, suddenly my problem is solvèd...
Doctor! DOCTOR!
... I am from the Nice Telephone Company; there is some trouble with your phone.
Mac ...I don't think there's any trouble with the telephones here.
I know when there is a trouble, and when there is not a trouble, and you may rest assured that there is a trouble.
Mac Since when?
Since it was reported.
Mac By whom? And what sort of trouble is it?
If I knew that, I could simply call you up and tell you what the trouble with your telephone is!
He's either reloading, or he's out of ammunition.
E's out of his mind, that's what e's out of!
The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.
That is impossible.
He was blind! How can a blind man be a lookout?
How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that!
It's very simple. All he has to do is enlist...
Shut up!
Don't you know? Hmmm? Hmmm? Can't you guess? I'll give you a clue - this is the man who hates you. This is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried!
...are you the headwaiter that works in the little bistro on the Rue de Bazaar?
No, this is Chief Inspector Dreyfus! Idiot!
You understand that anyone could ask for Monsieur Guy Gadbois and say that they were Chief Inspector Dreyfus. What is your code-name?
Code-name... CODE-NAME?! I've never had a code-name, lunatic!
Only the real Inspector Dreyfus would know that he did not have a code-name.
How do you know so much about city ordinances?
What sort of stupid question is that? Are you blind?
Yes!
How long have you been a bellboy?
Oh, too long, Monsieur.
Keep up the good work, and I shall see to it you become a bell-MAN.
I tell you, infamous powers are at work! The instant you assign me to a case, the Underworld hears about it and I am set upon! ... It is amazing that I am still alive.
Chief Inspector Dreyfus [stifling a giggle]: "Amazing" is not the word.
Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you?
YES! I wish you were DEAD!
Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.
This is very strange. I do not ever recall receiving the fortune cookie in a Japanese restaurant.
Sgt. François Chevalier What does yours say?
"Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies..."
Wie geht’s?
He pulled himself across the floor using this wire. How else could he have avoided our radar field?
He did? ... Yes, how else! Hmm. Of course he would have needed a very slippery floor to do that.
Therefore the wax.
The wax? ... AGHH! [Clouseau slips on the waxed floor and falls to the ground]
Col. Sharki Are you alright, Inspector?
Of course I'm alright. I'm... examining the wax. [sniffs the wax on the floor] Have you taken a sample of this wax?
Wax is wax!
See, this is where you are wrong. Wax is NOT just wax. In this case it is a clue. French wax, English wax, domestic wax...
Col. Sharki Ah, the Inspector is right. Have the wax tested immediately.
It is my guess that you will find it is English wax.
Why?
Because your thief is an Englishman.
Col. Sharki How do you know that?
It is my business to know that. He is Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Lytton.
The Phantom?
Yes, one and the same.
: I must leave. Zis Hotel is deteriorating rapidly.
: Follow that car! [driver gets out of the taxi and follows the car]
Don't just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor, and then help me find my nose!!
I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money.
