Conrad Vernon movie quotes

View Quote If you have any poo, fling it now.

View Quote [Mason and Phil have just escaped from the zoo] I hear Tom Wolfe's speaking at Lincoln Centre. [Phil signs frantically] Well of course we're going to throw poo at 'im!

View Quote Phil! Wake up, you filthy monkey.

View Quote [mumbles] I dunno.

View Quote Uh-oh!

View Quote Bleh!

View Quote Nana: That was beautiful. Now let's eat!
Alex: Dad! Look out!
Zuba: What the...?
Marty: Alex! Get in!
Alex: She’s got a gun! Let’s get out while we can!
Marty: What?
Alex: She's got a gun! Let's get out while we can! Pass it on.
[chimpanzees chatter the message all the way up the chain]
Mason: He said, "Let's have some fun and take out the dam. Basset hound."
Marty: Skipper! Alex wants to take out the dam!
Skipper: Alright. [on the intercom] But it's his funeral.
Marty: What?
Skipper: [on the intercom] Hard to port!
Gloria: Aye aye, Skippy!
Melman: Bring it on! Bring it on! Whoo!
Nana: Come back! That's my dinner!
Skipper: Kowalski, full throttle. Music! (Private puts in a tape that plays "At The Copa (Copacabana)" by Barry Manilow.)
Private: Oh, I like this song.
Kowalski: It never gets old.
Skipper: It does have a catchy hook. Come about! Bring her in low! [on the intercom] Hold on to your skirts! It's dam-busting time!
Gloria: Hold on tight, baby! Here we go!
Alex: Tell them No! Pull up! They'll kill us! There's got to be another way! Pass it on.
[The chimpanzees chatter the message all the way up the chain]
Mason: They said, "Don't pull up; kill us! There's no other way. Basset Hound."
Marty: Are you sure?
Skipper: Men, there's no sacrifice greater than someone else's.

View Quote Skipper: My goodness Doll, you're shaking like a leaf. Rico! You've had your fun. Pull up. [Rico pulls up]
Rico: All right, I'll pull up.
Skipper: Gear down. [Kowalski pulls a lever that deploys the landing gear] Gently now. You just want to kiss the ground. Just a little peck. A smooch. Like you're kissing your sister. [the landing gear breaks]
Rico: What did you say?
Skipper: I said kiss it! [the wings, engines, and the hull of the plane break off] Now just a little brake. Just a touch. A little whisper.
Mason: [while playing chess with Phil] I believe that's checkmate. [Alex and Marty scream]
Skipper: Commence emergency landing procedure! Flaps up! Deploy! [Kowalski and Rico deploy the parachutes that make the plane land gently]

View Quote [The union monkeys have gone on strike. Mason and Phil are with Skipper at the negotiating table]
Mason: The plane won't be fixed until the suits meet our demands. Now, about maternity leave.
Skipper: "Maternity leave"? [glances under the table] You're all males...
Marty: Look, we need that plane for a rescue mission.
Skipper: Well, there's nothing I can do until we bust up this union.
Gloria: I'm gonna get to busting up all you if you don't get this plane going!
Skipper: Can't you see these commies have my hands tied here! No maternity leave! [Mason nudges Phil, who pulls out incriminating photos of Skipper and "Doll" in compromising positions]
Mason: Maybe a certain someone wouldn't want these blowing around on the savanna? Hmm?
Skipper: [reluctantly] Alright, you get your maternity leave. [a whistle blows in the background and the monkeys get back to fixing the plane]
Marty: Finally.

View Quote Boss Baby: Well, that didn't end well. [Tim and Boss Baby look at "Top Secret: New Puppy" file, opened up, and he sees the text "GOTCHA!!!" written by Puppy Co Pete]
Tim and Boss Baby: WHAT?! [Puppy Co Pete chuckles ominously and pulls the lever, then Tim and Boss Baby scream in fall and trapped in a chair]
Tim: Huh?
Boss Baby: What the...?
[Eugene groans]
Francis Francis: [laughs] Thanks for dropping in, kids.
Tim: Francis Francis?
Francis Francis: I see you've met my big brother, Eugene. A man of few words. [Eugene takes off his Puppy Co. Pete head and makes a growling gibberish noise] None, in fact.
Tim: Can you put your head back on, please?
[Eugene yells]
Boss Baby: What is all this?
Francis Francis: [takes out a Baby Corp pacifier] Surprise!
Boss Baby: A Baby Corp binky? Where did you get that?!?!
Francis Francis: Oh, you don't recognize me? Perhaps from my youth!
[Francis Francis pulls a rope, separating two curtains behind him to reveal a portrait of Boss Baby's idol, Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby]
Boss Baby: Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby?
Tim: Whoa. He is him? And him is you? Except older and wrinklier. [reacting to Francis Francis sucks on the pacifier] That's not right.
Boss Baby: No, you were my hero! How did you end up... here?
Francis Francis: [irritated] You know what I do to little kids who ask lots of questions about me? Eugene!
[Eugene takes a pop-up book out of his sleeve. The boys cower, but sigh in relief after it is revealed]
Francis Francis: [happily] I read them my story. [as Eugene sets down cookies] And... I baked cookies! Eugene, my chair.
[Eugene lowers his body to form a chair, and Francis sits on his lap]
Francis Francis: [opens the book] Now, it all started at Baby Corp, a long, long time ago, I was a hotshot executive headed straight to the top. Everyone loved me. They gave me a promotion, the corner office, my very own...
Boss Baby: Personal potty?
Francis Francis: Shing! I had it all. [sadly] But then, one day, I made a terrible discovery. I was getting... old. The formula wasn't working anymore. It turns out I was lactose intolerant.
Boss Baby: No!
Francis Francis: Yes! I got called in to see the board of directors.
Tim: Who are the boring directors?
Francis Francis: The biggest baby bosses of them all. I thought they loved me. But they replaced me with someone new, someone younger.
Tim: That's horrible.
Francis Francis: All of a sudden, she got all the love, all the attention. You know how that feels, don't you, Tim? It hurts, doesn't it? [hands a cookie to Tim]
Tim: Yeah, it does. [eats the cookies] And then what happened?
Francis Francis: [weeping] Well... [angrily snaps with a red hue glowing on his face] THEY FIRED ME!!! AND TOOK AWAY MY SPECIAL FORMULA! THEN THEY SENT ME DOWN TO LIVE WITH A… F... F... F... [stammering] family!
Boss Baby: Oh, Francis, no!
Francis Francis: BABY CORP BETRAYED ME!!! AND I'M FINALLY GOING TO GET REVENGE! WITH! [Boss Baby and Tim scream, then Francis Francis flips the page to reveal a small white puppy with black ears and big green eyes; gleefully] The Forever Puppy.
Tim: Huh?
Boss Baby: That's it?
Francis Francis: [as he is flipping pages] No, no. Imagine a puppy that never grows up. A puppy that stays a puppy forever. Once I launch my Forever Puppies to every corner of the world, they'll be so adorable...
Imaginary Voices: How cute!
Francis Francis: ...no one will ever want a baby ever, ever again! The end... of Baby Corp! [He does a maniacal laugh as he attempts to close the book, but the pages fold out so much that it does not close, so he angrily tosses it into a nearby fireplace]
Boss Baby: Oh, please. A puppy that never grows up? That's impossible! [after brief silence] Isn't it?
Francis Francis: Oh, it was, until you brought me the key ingredient!
[Eugene takes the formula from Tim's backpack]
Boss Baby: My secret formula.
Francis Francis: [rips the formula from Eugene's hands] IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE! It's all mine.
Boss Baby: No!
Francis Francis: [as he sends the formula up a capsule pipeline] You brought me the very thing I needed to destroy Baby Corp!
Boss Baby: No!
Francis Francis: Yes! [laughs] You walked right into my trap!
Boss Baby: YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS!
Tim: Yeah, not if we-
Francis Francis: What? Tell? Who are you gonna tell, Tim? Your parents?
[Francis Francis plays live surveillance footage of Ted of Janice looking for them]
Janice: Where are the boys?
Ted: I told them to stay in the Puppy Zone.
Francis Francis: I'm taking them both with me to Las Vegas. So, stay out of my way. [crushes a cookie] I'd hate for them to get... terminated.
Tim: Ha! They'd never leave us alone!
Francis Francis: Oh, really? [snaps fingers, prompting Eugene to change from his business attire to that of a Mary Poppins-like nanny] Wait until they meet Puppy Co.'s certified in-house childcare expert.
Both: Ah!
Eugene: Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Both: Oh no.

View Quote Ted: Don't be nervous, buddy.
Janice: It's only overnight.
Ted: We'll be back before you know it.
Janice: Besides, you boys are in great hands. [Eugene laughing]
Francis Francis: That's right, Eugenia is practically perfect in every way!
Tim: No! Please don't go with him. Francis Francis is trying to-
Francis Francis: Oh! Believe me, Eugenia won't take her eyes off your children. Not for one second.
Ted: That's very reassuring.
Francis Francis: Now you see them... [crushes cookies] and now, you don't. [Ted and Janice are ready to the airport with Francis Francis] Too-da-loo!
Eugene: Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Francis Francis: To the airport! [Eugene takes Tim and Boss Baby to the baby's room]
Boss Baby: It's over, I'm through. What do we do, Templeton, what do we do?
Tim: We have to get to the airport and stop Francis before the plane takes off.
Boss Baby: Yes, but how do we get past Scary Poppins down there?
Tim: Okay, there must be something we can do... [Boss Baby cries] Hey, it's not that bad? [Boss Baby laughs] Are you okay? What's the matter with you?
Boss Baby: Ah! DON'T LOOK AT ME! Oh no, without my formula, I have turned into a normal baby! You know, goo-goo, ga-ga, the whole bit!
Tim: Oh no.
Boss Baby: Ah!
Tim: Bleugh! Gross!
Boss Baby: Ew, ew!
Tim: [He throws the drool at Tim] Ow!
Boss Baby: [sighs] I'm a ticking baby time bomb! I'm going to turn into a PUKING, POOPING, HELPLESS BABY!
Tim: Wait a second. That gives me an idea!
Boss Baby: What? What is it?
Tim: I've been through a lot of babysitters, and they all fear one thing.
[Now, they dump the baby food into a vacuum and add multi-colored cereal. Tim covers the baby's face with makeup and noodles. Meanwhile, Eugene watches along with a TV cooking show.]
TV Chef: Now ladies, the secret to deep fried butter, is a healthy dab of margarine.
Eugene: Mm. Yum-yum.
Tim: Hey, Mr. Lady Man! [Eugene: Huh!?] The baby, I think he's sick! [Eugene exclaims] You gotta do something. [Tim kicks the vacuum and fake vomit spews all over Eugene.] Oh, the horror! [Tim follows Eugene around shooting green barf at him from the hose beside the baby's face. He loses his grip and the baby goes flying.]
Boss Baby: Templeton!
TV Chef: Delicious! [Tim aims the vomit at Eugene's mouth. ]
Tim: Gross, it got in your mouth! Ew, it got in my mouth, too! I think I'm gonna be sick!
Boss Baby: ¡Vamonos al baño! [Eugene dashes to the bathroom. Boss Baby swerves the vacuum to the bathroom and leaps off.] Swirly! [He clogs the toilet lid over Eugene. Eugene gets up with the toilet stuck on his head.]
Tim: There's only an hour before the plane takes off.
Boss Baby: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's take the bike!
Tim: Uh, the bike? Um... I don't know. Ah!
Boss Baby: Let's move!
Tim: Okay, but wait right here.
Boss Baby: What? Where are you going? Templeton!
Tim: Always wear a helmet.
Eugene: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
Boss Baby: Too-da-loo, toilet head!
Tim: Ha! You'll never catch us!
[?]
Boss Baby: Staci! [over speaker] Staci, come in!
[Staci cries]
Woman: Oh, Staci.
Staci: Is that you, boss?
Boss Baby: Code red! I am being chased by a killer babysitter! Gather the team!
Staci: On it, boss.
Triplet One: Hello!
Triplet Two: Hello!
Triplet Three: Hello!
Staci: Code red!
Triplets: Got it! [?] We got a code red! Repeat. We got a code red!
Boss Baby: What are you doing, Templeton? Go, go!
Tim: But that's jaywalking!
Boss Baby: Here, I'll pay your ticket. Go! [?]
Tim: I think we lost him!
Boss Baby: Oh no, we didn't! [?]
Girl: [on recording] Flower power! [?]
Jimbo: Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!
Boss Baby: Ha-ha, that's my boy!
Jimbo: [?] Poppy! [?] Run, run, run, run, run, run, run. [?]
Triplets: Uh-oh.
Jimbo: Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run. [Eugene makes an evil chuckle, Tim and Boss Baby are riding a bicycle with training wheels, going after their parents, who are on their way to the airport, while being chased by Eugene]
Boss Baby: Tim, you've gotta go faster!
Tim: I can't! I can't do it!
Boss Baby: You can! Ha![leaps up onto Tim's shoulder] You've got it in you, Templeton! Now, eyes ahead! I said eyes ahead, son! Buttocks up! Now pedal like you mean it! Either you run the day, or the day runs you. [Tim pedals faster, Eugene almost catches them, but Boss Baby dodges his grasp, and they get further away] Good! [the bicycle's training wheels break off] Uh-oh!
Tim: Whoa! My training wheels! I can't ride without training wheels!
Boss Baby: Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right!
Tim: Ah! What are you talking about?
Boss Baby: The path to success is not a straight line, Templeton, but rather a wild ride... like a ship at sea! And you're a sea captain, taming a turbulent ocean! [The scene transforms from a suburb to an ocean, with Tim and Boss Baby riding a boat]
Tim: I'm a sea captain, taming the ocean! [they evade the incoming "whale"]
Both: Ah!
Boss Baby: Good!
Tim: Tree! I'm gonna hit it!
Boss Baby: Aim for failure, and you'll always succeed.
Tim: What?
Boss Baby: AIM AWAY FROM FAILURE! [Tim steers away from the tree, the scene transforms back into a suburb backdrop]
Tim: I'm doing it, I'm doing it! [They travel through a forest, with Eugene close behind who is smashing past trees]
Boss Baby: Once success is a habit, then it's all down...
Tim and Boss Baby: HILL! [They ride down a hill, at which time, they see the car which their parents are in with Francis Francis]
Tim: Look, there they are! Mom, Dad! [as the car passes the train crossing, the train passes by] Train!
Boss Baby: Choo-choo! [They continue to approach the train crossing, with Eugene close behind] Templeton, stop! [Tim notices a mold of sand at a construction site next to the tracks, Tim steers towards it] What are you doing? [Tim pedals faster, the scene transforms into a ramp, with them riding a motorcycle, at the end of a ramp there is a ring of fire]
Tim: We're gonna make it!
Boss Baby: But I don't have a quote for this! [They jump, Boss Baby yells out "Aaahhh!", and they make it, as the scene transform back into the "real" world, Eugene crashes into the mold of sand, ending the pursuit] (to Tim) You did it!
Tim: No, we did it!
Boss Baby: And all without your training wheels.
[Tim and Boss Baby are riding a bike at the airport]
Tim: Coming through!
Boss Baby: Baby on board!
Tim: Hang on to your diaper! Duck and cover!
Both: Whoa,
Guard: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it, buddy! I'm gonna need a strip search on two.
Tim: Um, there they are! Mom, Dad!
Boss Baby: Hey, not so fast! Uh! Oh no. [laughs and coos] Ah! Templeton!
Man: Hey! [Tim: Sorry!] [Boss Baby laughs and eats a coin]
Tim: Hey, where'd you go? Oh no. Not again! Not now.
Boss Baby: Ugh! What the...? Ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah! No, no, no, no!
Tim: [takes Boss Baby] Come on!
Boss Baby: Ugh. I think I ate $1.75.
Tim: Excuse me, coming through! Mom, Dad!
Francis Francis: Ah! Hurry now! Move! [Tim: Stop!] We don't wanna miss our flight! [Tim: No!] I warned you!
Tim: Wait! No! [Boss Baby: No, no!] Mom, Dad! Stop!
Boss Baby: No!
Tim: No, no, no! [watching Francis Francis escape on the Puppy Co. plane with his parents] They're gone.
Boss Baby: I failed.
Tim: I would've gotten to my parents if I didn't have to go back for you!
Boss Baby: What? We would've been here in plenty of time if you knew how to ride a bike like a normal kid! We're never going to stop the launch on time.
Tim: Who cares? My parents are in danger!
Boss Baby: I care! Baby Corp is gonna go out of business!
Tim: UGHHHH!! That's all you ever talk about! You don't even know what it's like to be part of a family!
Boss Baby: And you don't know what it's like to have a job!
Tim: You don't know anything about hugs, or bedtime stories, or special songs!
Boss Baby: Oh, please. Stop acting like a baby.
Tim: You're a baby!
Boss Baby: [gasps] You take that back.
Tim: My life was perfect until you showed up!
Boss Baby: Oh, believe me, kid, the feeling is mutual. I wish I'd never met you!
Tim: I WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!
[Boss Baby is shocked by Tim's harsh words. He straightens his tie, and leaves.]
Tim: Where are you going? FINE!!

View Quote Boss Baby: WRONG! You're not supposed to end with "Ha!"
[Boss Baby's pointer becomes a pirate sword in Tim's imagination, and the setting turns into a flying pirate ship at night; Tim, Boss Baby, and Francis Francis are all wearing pirate clothes and Tim and Boss Baby are dangling on a plank]
Tim: That's right!
Francis Francis: What?
Boss Baby You're supposed to end with...
Tim and Boss Baby: AAARRGGH!
Boss Baby: En garde!
Francis Francis: (grunting) Hey, oh! Argh! D'oh!
[Tim and Boss Baby jump back onto the ship and engage in swashbuckling action with Francis Francis.]
Tim: You are fired!
Boss Baby: And here's your severance package!
[Boss Baby grabs Francis Francis by the tie and tosses him off of the ship.]
Tim, Boss Baby and Francis Francis: Wait. No, no, no! Argh-ha!
[Platform into a void.]
Francis Francis: (yelling) WHOAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhh!!!!!
[This is followed by a transition back to reality; Francis Francis actually fell into the pool of formula.]
Boss Baby: Ha, ha-ha!
Tim: Take that, you scurvy scally-wag!
Both: Argh!
Automated Female Voice: One minute and counting.
Janice: Help!
Ted: Anybody!
Boss Baby: Tim, what are you doing? NOOOOOO! [laughs]
Tim: Mom, Dad, I'm coming!
Janice: Tim?
Ted: Is that you?
Tim: Don't worry, Mom and Dad, I got this!
Ted: Are you okay?
Janice: Is the baby all right?
Boss Baby: Yes, the baby's fine!
Janice: Who was that?
Tim: Uh, uh, that was me. [clears throat] The baby's fine. It won't budge!
Janice: What's happening?
Tim: Wait a second. Hey. I know a way to move my parents.
Boss Baby: How?
Tim: We can use the puppies!
Boss Baby: Upsies! I need upsies!
Tim: (to Tim) But what if you go baby again?
Boss Baby: It will be fine! [goes back into normal baby mode] Fine, fine... [slaps] FINE!! It will be fine.
Tim: Hang on to your diaper! Woo-hoo!
Janice: We are moving!
Ted: Why are we moving?
Tim: All right, Mom and Dad, hang on!
Automated Female Voice: T-minus thirty seconds.
Tim: Oh no, wait! Hold on!
Boss Baby: Go, Tim! Get your parents... out of here.
Tim: You have gotta jump! Come on, it is a piece of cake! No, no patty cake, get down! [This saddens Boss Baby, who starts crying.] Don't cry, I am sorry, I am sorry, please don't cry.
Automated Female Voice: Twenty seconds. Fifteen seconds.
Tim: [singing] Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life. You were only waiting, for this moment to arise.
Automated Female Voice: Three... [Tim: Gotcha!] two... one... blast off!
Tim: Yeah! Hey, are you still in there? Aha!
Boss Baby: Ah! What happened? Did we win?
Tim: We won!
Boss Baby: We won?
Tim: We won, we won, we won!
Boss Baby: We won! Yes! [snores] Victory nap! Whoo!
[Boss Baby tickles Tim, then Tim laughs]
Baby Francis: [reveals in the pool of formula, turns back into baby and does a snarl, then Tim gasps] You ruined everything!
Tim: Whoa!
Boss Baby: Ew!
Baby Francis: It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!
Tim: That's not right.
Baby Francis: Ugh! Now you're really going to pay!
Boss Baby: Oh yeah?! It's time you pick on someone your own size?!
Baby Francis: What?! Eugene! You put me down! You hear me?! I am the boss of you!
Eugene: [after Francis turns back into baby, and is asleep, clearing his voice and speaking for the first time.] This time, we will raise him right. [making a humming tune]
Boss Baby: Well, I am sure that is gonna turn out fine.
Janice: Tim, what is happening?
Tim: Mom, Dad, hold on! Yes!
Janice: Tim?
Ted: Tim!
Janice: Tim! Oh, are you okay?
Tim: I am fine, we are fine.
Ted: You saved us.
Janice: You are our hero.
Ted: And a great big brother.
Janice: Oh, we love you both so much.
Tim: Both of us?
Janice: With all our heart.
Ted: Let's go home.