Tim, look who is here.
Meet your new baby [in slow-motion voice] brother.
Baby what?
Brother.
Tim, look who is here.
Meet your new baby [in slow-motion voice] brother.
Baby what?
Brother.
I know. Isn't it cute? He is like a little man!
He carries a briefcase! Does no one else think that's... oh, I don't know... a little freaky?
Well, you carried Lam-Lam around until you were like-
This is not about Lam-Lam. [Boss Baby snorts to hold back a laugh and spits out baby food]
All babies are different, Tim.
And each one is special.
He's taking over the whole house!
Are you taking over the house? Yes you are, yes you are. [Boss Baby makes cute faces to Janice]
Trust me, one day you're gonna get to know this little guy... [kisses the baby] and you're gonna love him with all of your heart. Just like we do.
All of your heart? [Ted and Janice exit to clear the table. Boss Baby looks up smugly, but then sees that Tim is gone from the chair. He looks over and recoils. Tim is now right next to him] Never! [He points toward his own eyes, then at Boss Baby, "I'm watching you". Boss Baby swats Tim's hand, making him poke himself in both eyes] Ooh!
Thank you all for coming here on such a short notice. Now, before we begin... [Is the kid listening?]
Yes, sir!
Sure is!
Affirmative!
Jimbo, run some interference.
Hey!
We babies are having a crisis!
Oh no!
That's awful!
Horrible!
What is it?
Well, it's simpler if I just show you. Teddy, if you please.
Let's put on a show!
Oh. [Staci gasps]
Here we go!
Jimbo, hit the lights. [Jimbo hits lights] You see, babies aren't getting as much love as we used to.
Why? Have we been bad?
No, Staci. But I'll tell you who is. Behold our mortal enemy. Puppies!
Aww!
No, no, that's exactly the problem!
Puppies? What's the deal with puppies?
Throughout history, people have loved babies more than anything in the world. We've always been must-have item, number one on every wish list. Puppies were merely accessories. But all that changed when the puppies began coming out with new designer models. Each one more adorable than the last. Remember the Labradoodle? The Peekaboo? The Chiweenie? Try to say "Chiweenie" without smiling. [All: Chiwee...] Not possible, don't waste your time. We all laughed at the Shar Pei. [Jimbo laughs] And now it's number one in China.
Oh no!
That's terrible!
Horrible!
Yes. And it gets even worse. Francis Francis, the CEO of Puppy Co, made this announcement. Teddy, roll the clip.
And we are on schedule to release the most adorable puppy ever! We're gonna launch it at the pet convention in Las Vegas! Watch out, world! It's gonna crush the competition!
Yay!
No, Jimbo. No "yay". We are the competition! This is war. Puppies are winning, and babies are losing. Thank you, Teddy. And if this new puppy is as cute as we fear, it could put the baby business out of business, baby.
Uh-oh!
That's awful!
Bad news, baby!
What are we going to do?
My job is to find out exactly what that new puppy is, so that Baby Corp can stop it. And you're going to help me.
Genius!
Home run!
You still got it, boss!
Yay!
Yay. Now, your parents all work for Puppy Co. So, have you learned anything from them?
Yes, sir!
Sure did!
Mm-hm!
Fantastic. Triplets, go!
A, B, C, D.
No, what have you learned about the new puppy?
Yay, puppy!
No, Jimbo! Puppies are evil! Staci, read back the notes.
I can't read. What's it say? [?]
THIS IS MY TEAM!? A muscle-head, a bunch of yes men, and a doodler?
Exactly!
Affirmative!
Good call!
Oh yeah!
Nice one, BB!
Gotcha!
Let's have another show!
No, Teddy! No! [Staci cries]
How about a hug?
No more shows!
Boss!
There's plenty of love to go around!
Teddy, go to sleep!
Nighty-night... [faints]
Boss, Boss!
WHAT?!
PARENTS!
Aww! It's like they're having their own little meeting! [The parents begin taking pictures of the babies, Boss Baby is eating his foot, Staci is throwing her papers in the air, and Jimbo is eating all the cookies]
Isn't that adorable?
Who wants dessert?
Hey, Templeton, what you got there?
Hand over the tape.
Never! [rushes outside and finds Janice and Ted inside] Mom! Dad! Over here!
Hi, Timmy!
Hi! Anyway... [Tim gets surrounded by Boss Baby and his infants. They are in vehicles. Staci is in a kid's flower bike.]
Flower power! [Jimbo rolls his ball popper. The triplets are in a firetruck. Boss Baby is in a police car.]
Ha! [runs]
Fasten your seat belt! Let's go! [Staci gets stuck in a sandbox, and pouts]
Run, run, run, run, run... [crashes through a fence. The triplets ride in the firetruck and snatch the tape]
Hey!
Ha-ha! [Tim finds the hose rolling out]
Hmm.
Uh-oh! [Tim ties the hose to a pole with tap and yanks it really hard, which sends the triplets and the tape flying]
WHOA!
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run! Catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch! [catches them, and the firetruck hits the ground explodes, sending the tape flying]
Whoa!
Yes! [grabs the tape and flies in the air then comes back to the ground] Oh, yeah! [finds Tim in the police car, then Tim splutters] Let go, you little... [The scene cuts to Ted and Janice looking outside a window]
Oh, look, the kids are finally getting along.
That's nice! [Janice and Ted clink glasses together. The scene cuts back to backyard. Boss Baby swings Tim around, then falls onto the grass, the babies come in, Boss Baby makes a throat cutting gesture, and the babies charge]
Sayonara! [rides a rope into his treehouse, and grabs suction cup darts and a Nerf gun] You wanna play? Let's play! [uses a paper clip and swings down on a rope and shoots suction cup darts at Jimbo]
NOOOOO! Save Boss! Save Boss! [gets suction cup darts on him. The tape drops. Tim grabs the tape]
Get him!
I got him, I got him, I got him! [Tim jumps on a trampoline into the window of the house, and Staci and the triplets bounce on the trampoline, unable to reach the window. Staci flies into the air and gets stuck in a tree]
You're toast, baby man!
Upsies! I need upsieeees! [Jimbo twirls him, and Boss Baby flies into a window, breaking it.]
Who wants... [drops the plate] cheese-sticks! [They look at the mess.]
Oh! [Jimbo stands still, and the toy firetruck is behind him on fire.] Oh! [The triplets play with the broken glass from the window that Jimbo threw Boss Baby into it.] Oh! [Staci is stuck in the tree. She looks at them, with a confused expression on her face, and cries.]
Mom, Dad! I've got proof! [Boss Baby runs in his walker and gets vampire teeth, then growls and bites Tim on the leg] Ah! [Boss Baby tumbles, and Tim slides down the stairs] Oh, someone can't go down the stairs? Ha!
Nothing can stop me! [rolls down the stairs, then Tim opens the door, and he rolls outside, and Tim closes the door]
Mom, Dad! Where are you guys? Hello! Where did everyone go? [runs into the office room] Mom, Dad! The baby can talk!
Oh, can he now? [turns to Tim in a chair]
Wait, how did you...?
Hand over the tape, Timmy, or Lam-Lam gets it, see? [grabs a stapler]
No!
What's that, Lam-Lam? Oh, you want a nose ring? Well, it's really not my scene, but who am I to judge!? [staples Lam-Lam's nose, then Tim whimpers] And an eyebrow ring. Seems like a little bit too much, Lam-Lam! [staples Lam-Lam's eyebrow]
Ah!
How's that gonna look in a job interview?
Stop it!
The tape, Timmy, or I'm gonna rip-rip-rip-rip-rip-rip-rip...
NOOOOO! [grabs Lam-Lam and they tug at her] Let go!
You let go!
You let go!
Give me the tape!
Give me Lam-Lam! [pauses; gasps, seeing Lam-Lam ripped, then glares at Boss Baby]
Whoops! Too far! [Tim grunts, grabs him] Templeton, Templeton, let’s be reasonable! We can be reasonable, right? What are you doing?!
You've been asking for this since you got here! [puts the jumper up on the window]
We can talk about this over a juice box!
No, no, Templeton! You wouldn't!
Say bye-bye, baby! You're fired!
Nothing. [Boss Baby looks at Ted, and cries. Tim let us go of the jumper, accidentally shoots the tape out the window, then it lands onto the road and gets run over in tape is brokeness by a passing car, horrified, gasps] My proof! [Boss Baby grins triumphantly]
Tim! [takes Boss Baby] Explain yourself!
Yes, explain yourself!
It wasn't me! It was the baby's fault!
The baby's fault?
It's true, he can talk! They all can talk! They're having a meeting! There's something about puppies! It's one big baby con-spy-racy!
Timothy Leslie Templeton! [Boss Baby snickers]
We are very disappointed in you.
No, we're mad at you!
Exactly, we're mad at you!
You need a time-out!
You're grounded!
Yes, grounded! (to Janice) For two?
Three!
Weeks!
Weeks! Three weeks!
For three... NEVERS!!!
You know what, Janice, you're never 3 weeks ever again!
You're gonna stay in this house with your baby brother... [Boss Baby gasps and looks at her up with confusion] until you learn to get along.
Oh, great. [Tim looks down in disappointment. The scene fades to a jail/prison cell]
It was my first time behind bars. The big house. The lock-up. Grounded for life. The minutes turned into hours, the hours into days. Every man has his breaking point. This was mine.
Hey, what's all the racket?
Aw! Isn't he adorable?
Oh, I've got one for you, too! Ahoy, matey!
Ooh.
What?
They have a puppy pool and everything!
Oh, isn't that sanitary?
Well, that didn't end well. [Tim and Boss Baby look at "Top Secret: New Puppy" file, opened up, and he sees the text "GOTCHA!!!" written by Puppy Co Pete]
WHAT?! [Puppy Co Pete chuckles ominously and pulls the lever, then Tim and Boss Baby scream in fall and trapped in a chair]
Huh?
What the...?
Francis Francis?
I see you've met my big brother, Eugene. A man of few words. [Eugene takes off his Puppy Co. Pete head and makes a growling gibberish noise] None, in fact.
Can you put your head back on, please?
A Baby Corp binky? Where did you get that?!?!
Oh, you don't recognize me? Perhaps from my youth!
Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby?
Whoa. He is him? And him is you? Except older and wrinklier. [reacting to Francis Francis sucks on the pacifier] That's not right.
No, you were my hero! How did you end up... here?
You know what I do to little kids who ask lots of questions about me? Eugene!
I read them my story. [as Eugene sets down cookies] And... I baked cookies! Eugene, my chair.
Now, it all started at Baby Corp, a long, long time ago, I was a hotshot executive headed straight to the top. Everyone loved me. They gave me a promotion, the corner office, my very own...
Personal potty?
Shing! I had it all. [sadly] But then, one day, I made a terrible discovery. I was getting... old. The formula wasn't working anymore. It turns out I was lactose intolerant.
No!
Yes! I got called in to see the board of directors.
Who are the boring directors?
The biggest baby bosses of them all. I thought they loved me. But they replaced me with someone new, someone younger.
That's horrible.
All of a sudden, she got all the love, all the attention. You know how that feels, don't you, Tim? It hurts, doesn't it? [hands a cookie to Tim]
Yeah, it does. [eats the cookies] And then what happened?
Well... [angrily snaps with a red hue glowing on his face] THEY FIRED ME!!! AND TOOK AWAY MY SPECIAL FORMULA! THEN THEY SENT ME DOWN TO LIVE WITH A… F... F... F... [stammering] family!
Oh, Francis, no!
BABY CORP BETRAYED ME!!! AND I'M FINALLY GOING TO GET REVENGE! WITH! [Boss Baby and Tim scream, then Francis Francis flips the page to reveal a small white puppy with black ears and big green eyes; gleefully] The Forever Puppy.
Huh?
That's it?
No, no. Imagine a puppy that never grows up. A puppy that stays a puppy forever. Once I launch my Forever Puppies to every corner of the world, they'll be so adorable...
How cute!
...no one will ever want a baby ever, ever again! The end... of Baby Corp! [He does a maniacal laugh as he attempts to close the book, but the pages fold out so much that it does not close, so he angrily tosses it into a nearby fireplace]
Oh, please. A puppy that never grows up? That's impossible! [after brief silence] Isn't it?
Oh, it was, until you brought me the key ingredient!
No!
You brought me the very thing I needed to destroy Baby Corp!
No!
Yes! [laughs] You walked right into my trap!
YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS!
Yeah, not if we-
What? Tell? Who are you gonna tell, Tim? Your parents?
Where are the boys?
I told them to stay in the Puppy Zone.
I'm taking them both with me to Las Vegas. So, stay out of my way. [crushes a cookie] I'd hate for them to get... terminated.
Ha! They'd never leave us alone!
Oh, really? [snaps fingers, prompting Eugene to change from his business attire to that of a Mary Poppins-like nanny] Wait until they meet Puppy Co.'s certified in-house childcare expert.
Ah!
Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Oh no.
Don't be nervous, buddy.
It's only overnight.
We'll be back before you know it.
Besides, you boys are in great hands. [Eugene laughing]
That's right, Eugenia is practically perfect in every way!
No! Please don't go with him. Francis Francis is trying to-
Oh! Believe me, Eugenia won't take her eyes off your children. Not for one second.
That's very reassuring.
Now you see them... [crushes cookies] and now, you don't. [Ted and Janice are ready to the airport with Francis Francis] Too-da-loo!
Hoo-hoo-hoo!
To the airport! [Eugene takes Tim and Boss Baby to the baby's room]
It's over, I'm through. What do we do, Templeton, what do we do?
We have to get to the airport and stop Francis before the plane takes off.
Yes, but how do we get past Scary Poppins down there?
Okay, there must be something we can do... [Boss Baby cries] Hey, it's not that bad? [Boss Baby laughs] Are you okay? What's the matter with you?
Ah! DON'T LOOK AT ME! Oh no, without my formula, I have turned into a normal baby! You know, goo-goo, ga-ga, the whole bit!
Oh no.
Ah!
Bleugh! Gross!
Ew, ew!
I'm a ticking baby time bomb! I'm going to turn into a PUKING, POOPING, HELPLESS BABY!
Wait a second. That gives me an idea!
What? What is it?
I've been through a lot of babysitters, and they all fear one thing.
Now ladies, the secret to deep fried butter, is a healthy dab of margarine.
Mm. Yum-yum.
Hey, Mr. Lady Man! [Eugene: Huh!?] The baby, I think he's sick! [Eugene exclaims] You gotta do something. [Tim kicks the vacuum and fake vomit spews all over Eugene.] Oh, the horror! [Tim follows Eugene around shooting green barf at him from the hose beside the baby's face. He loses his grip and the baby goes flying.]
Templeton!
Delicious! [Tim aims the vomit at Eugene's mouth. ]
Gross, it got in your mouth! Ew, it got in my mouth, too! I think I'm gonna be sick!
¡Vamonos al baño! [Eugene dashes to the bathroom. Boss Baby swerves the vacuum to the bathroom and leaps off.] Swirly! [He clogs the toilet lid over Eugene. Eugene gets up with the toilet stuck on his head.]
There's only an hour before the plane takes off.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's take the bike!
Uh, the bike? Um... I don't know. Ah!
Let's move!
Okay, but wait right here.
What? Where are you going? Templeton!
Always wear a helmet.
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
Too-da-loo, toilet head!
Ha! You'll never catch us!
Oh, Staci.
Is that you, boss?
Code red! I am being chased by a killer babysitter! Gather the team!
On it, boss.
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Code red!
Got it! [?] We got a code red! Repeat. We got a code red!
What are you doing, Templeton? Go, go!
But that's jaywalking!
Here, I'll pay your ticket. Go! [?]
I think we lost him!
Oh no, we didn't! [?]
Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!
Ha-ha, that's my boy!
Poppy! [?] Run, run, run, run, run, run, run. [?]
Uh-oh.
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run. [Eugene makes an evil chuckle, Tim and Boss Baby are riding a bicycle with training wheels, going after their parents, who are on their way to the airport, while being chased by Eugene]
Tim, you've gotta go faster!
I can't! I can't do it!
You can! Ha![leaps up onto Tim's shoulder] You've got it in you, Templeton! Now, eyes ahead! I said eyes ahead, son! Buttocks up! Now pedal like you mean it! Either you run the day, or the day runs you. [Tim pedals faster, Eugene almost catches them, but Boss Baby dodges his grasp, and they get further away] Good! [the bicycle's training wheels break off] Uh-oh!
Whoa! My training wheels! I can't ride without training wheels!
Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right!
Ah! What are you talking about?
The path to success is not a straight line, Templeton, but rather a wild ride... like a ship at sea! And you're a sea captain, taming a turbulent ocean! [The scene transforms from a suburb to an ocean, with Tim and Boss Baby riding a boat]
I'm a sea captain, taming the ocean! [they evade the incoming "whale"]
Ah!
Good!
Tree! I'm gonna hit it!
Aim for failure, and you'll always succeed.
What?
AIM AWAY FROM FAILURE! [Tim steers away from the tree, the scene transforms back into a suburb backdrop]
I'm doing it, I'm doing it! [They travel through a forest, with Eugene close behind who is smashing past trees]
Once success is a habit, then it's all down...
HILL! [They ride down a hill, at which time, they see the car which their parents are in with Francis Francis]
Look, there they are! Mom, Dad! [as the car passes the train crossing, the train passes by] Train!
Choo-choo! [They continue to approach the train crossing, with Eugene close behind] Templeton, stop! [Tim notices a mold of sand at a construction site next to the tracks, Tim steers towards it] What are you doing? [Tim pedals faster, the scene transforms into a ramp, with them riding a motorcycle, at the end of a ramp there is a ring of fire]
We're gonna make it!
But I don't have a quote for this! [They jump, Boss Baby yells out "Aaahhh!", and they make it, as the scene transform back into the "real" world, Eugene crashes into the mold of sand, ending the pursuit] (to Tim) You did it!
No, we did it!
And all without your training wheels.
Baby on board!
Hang on to your diaper! Duck and cover!
Whoa,
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it, buddy! I'm gonna need a strip search on two.
Um, there they are! Mom, Dad!
Hey, not so fast! Uh! Oh no. [laughs and coos] Ah! Templeton!
Hey! [Tim: Sorry!] [Boss Baby laughs and eats a coin]
Hey, where'd you go? Oh no. Not again! Not now.
Ugh! What the...? Ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah! No, no, no, no!
Ugh. I think I ate $1.75.
Excuse me, coming through! Mom, Dad!
Ah! Hurry now! Move! [Tim: Stop!] We don't wanna miss our flight! [Tim: No!] I warned you!
Wait! No! [Boss Baby: No, no!] Mom, Dad! Stop!
No!
No, no, no! [watching Francis Francis escape on the Puppy Co. plane with his parents] They're gone.
I failed.
I would've gotten to my parents if I didn't have to go back for you!
What? We would've been here in plenty of time if you knew how to ride a bike like a normal kid! We're never going to stop the launch on time.
Who cares? My parents are in danger!
I care! Baby Corp is gonna go out of business!
UGHHHH!! That's all you ever talk about! You don't even know what it's like to be part of a family!
And you don't know what it's like to have a job!
You don't know anything about hugs, or bedtime stories, or special songs!
Oh, please. Stop acting like a baby.
You're a baby!
My life was perfect until you showed up!
Oh, believe me, kid, the feeling is mutual. I wish I'd never met you!
I WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!
Where are you going? FINE!!
WRONG! You're not supposed to end with "Ha!"
That's right!
What?
Boss Baby You're supposed to end with...
AAARRGGH!
En garde!
You are fired!
And here's your severance package!
Wait. No, no, no! Argh-ha!
Ha, ha-ha!
Take that, you scurvy scally-wag!
Argh!
One minute and counting.
Help!
Anybody!
Tim, what are you doing? NOOOOOO! [laughs]
Mom, Dad, I'm coming!
Tim?
Is that you?
Don't worry, Mom and Dad, I got this!
Are you okay?
Is the baby all right?
Yes, the baby's fine!
Who was that?
Uh, uh, that was me. [clears throat] The baby's fine. It won't budge!
What's happening?
Wait a second. Hey. I know a way to move my parents.
How?
We can use the puppies!
Upsies! I need upsies!
It will be fine! [goes back into normal baby mode] Fine, fine... [slaps] FINE!! It will be fine.
Hang on to your diaper! Woo-hoo!
We are moving!
Why are we moving?
All right, Mom and Dad, hang on!
T-minus thirty seconds.
Oh no, wait! Hold on!
Go, Tim! Get your parents... out of here.
You have gotta jump! Come on, it is a piece of cake! No, no patty cake, get down! [This saddens Boss Baby, who starts crying.] Don't cry, I am sorry, I am sorry, please don't cry.
Twenty seconds. Fifteen seconds.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life. You were only waiting, for this moment to arise.
Three... [Tim: Gotcha!] two... one... blast off!
Yeah! Hey, are you still in there? Aha!
Ah! What happened? Did we win?
We won!
We won?
We won, we won, we won!
We won! Yes! [snores] Victory nap! Whoo!
You ruined everything!
Whoa!
Ew!
It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!
That's not right.
Ugh! Now you're really going to pay!
Oh yeah?! It's time you pick on someone your own size?!
What?! Eugene! You put me down! You hear me?! I am the boss of you!
This time, we will raise him right. [making a humming tune]
Well, I am sure that is gonna turn out fine.
Tim, what is happening?
Mom, Dad, hold on! Yes!
Tim?
Tim!
Tim! Oh, are you okay?
I am fine, we are fine.
You saved us.
You are our hero.
And a great big brother.
Oh, we love you both so much.
Both of us?
With all our heart.
Let's go home.