Amy Poehler movie quotes

View Quote Coach Roberts: [to Riley, Grace, and Bree] Hey, girls. Congratulations on your win!
Joy: [gasps] That's the high school coach! [she and Disgust exclaim excitedly]
Coach Roberts: What a game! That last play? Whoo! The three of you were impressive!
Riley: Thanks, Coach Roberts.
Coach Roberts: Look, its last minute, but every year, I do a three-day skills camp. I invite all the best players in the area. I'd love for you girls to come.
Fear: Are we in a dream right now? Please, can somebody pinch me? [Anger punches him in the arm] Definitely awake.
Joy: If we impress Coach, she'll put the three of us on the team next year.
Anger: Ooh, the Fire Hawks. Finally, a team I can get behind!
Coach Roberts: What do you say?
Riley: YES! Thank you, Coach! Thank you, thank you!
Bree and Grace: [in unison] YES!
Coach Roberts: Great! We'll see you tomorrow. [Riley and her friends squeal in excitement; Later that evening, at Riley's house...]
Jill: What a big day!
Bill: Ha! You are such an all-star! Oh, you're going to knock the coach's skates off! Hockey scholarship, here we come!
Riley: [happily] Dad, stop! It's just hockey camp. I mean who knows what'll happen. [inside her mind, the memory of her getting a two-minute penalty for tripping shows up; worried] My penalty almost lost us the game today. What if I get to camp and screw it up?
Bill: Hey, don't talk like that.
Jill: Yeah. You did great today, honey.
Joy: Exactly! Mom gets it. [removes the memory]
Riley: Yeah, I guess.
Jill: We are so proud of you.

View Quote Sadness: Joy, are you taking that where I think you're taking that?
Joy: Wanna come this time?
Sadness: Yes. I-I mean, no. Oh, no. I-I-I really shouldn't.
Joy: You know, you’re the only one who hasn't been to the Belief System.
Sadness: Yeah, it’s just that it's new, and I know how important it is, and I don't wanna mess it up, break it, burn it to the ground or anything.
Joy: Sadness, you won't hurt it, I promise. Have I ever steered you wrong before?
Sadness: Yeah. Many times.

View Quote Jill: [enters Riley's room as Riley wakes up] Riley, you aren't packed yet?
Riley: [as Anger presses a button on the console, Riley is frustrated] You're always on me! Can't you just lay off for like one second?!
Disgust: Uh, overreact much?
Anger: I barely touched it. Those morons broke the console!!!
Jill: Riley, what's wrong?
Sadness: Oh. Mom looks sad. [presses a button on the console, making Riley feel more emotional]
Riley: I'm the WORST! [cries]
Jill: Oh, no. Honey...
Sadness: I barely touched it.
Anger: That's what I said. [Riley then sniffs her armpits]
Disgust: Let the professional handle this. [cracks her knuckles and presses a button on the console, making Riley overreact]
Riley: [???] I'm too gross to go to camp, OR ANYWHERE EVER *AGAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!* [?]
Disgust: Oh, yeah, this is totally broken. [Zoom into Jill's mind and her emotions.]
Jill's Anger: Well, we all knew this day would come.
Jill's Sadness: Remember, we agreed not to make a big deal about this.
Jill's Disgust: But she really does stink.
Jill's Anger: Oh, it's bad.
Jill's Sadness: Remain calm. Stick to the prepared script. [presses a button on the console, making Jill try to console Riley]
Jill: [sits down on Riley's bed] You are not gross, honey. You're just changing. Remember that beautiful butterfly we saw in the park last week? [inside Riley's mind, the emotions are using an extended arm to reach the console] Well, that butterfly began as a caterpillar. And just like that caterpillar, you're about to get your wings. But if you have questions...
Joy: Easy... [The hand touches a button on the console, making Riley overreact more.]
Riley: [irritated] Oh, my gosh, Mom! Just go away! [gets up from her bed and leaves] UGH!
Jill's Anger: Well, that's a preview of the next ten years.

View Quote (the sisters are clothes shopping for the party) We need a little less Forever 21 and a little more Suddenly 42.

View Quote Dear Diary, today I tried a tampon. No thanks, Tom Hanks.

View Quote Can I borrow me your bathroom? Number one only.

View Quote Jenny: Where's Reggie?
[Jake saddened down]

View Quote [the Chief sacrificing himself to save the flock when the pilgrim's attack. He's trapped underneath flaming debris and instructs his daughter to go without him]
Chief Broadbeak: GO! Join the others!
Jenny: Not without you!
Chief Broadbeak: [softly] Jenny...
Jenny: Daddy!
Chief Broadbeak: I'll always be with you.

View Quote Jenny: My father loved this flock. And he will always be a part of it. He gave his life to give us ours. [Reggie starts to leave out of guilt] So, we will honor him. [Reggie sadly looks back at Jenny] But right now, we need to do what we must to survive.
Reggie: [sadly] This is all my fault. [leaves]
Jenny: They have taken our home. They've taken our family. [Jake realizes Reggie is gone] We have only one choice now. We will fight! We will stand and fight! This is our home! No more hiding! We will attack the fort, free our family and make our flock whole once again! Who's with me!?
Ranger: We fight!
Danny: We fight, brother! [the flock chants as Jake runs after Reggie, meanwhile Reggie sadly walks through the forest to get to STEVE]
STEVE: Good morning, Reggie. Why the long face? That is a punch line from a joke.
Reggie: Just take me home.
Jake: Reggie, wait! The flock is in trouble!
Reggie: [angrily] Yup. (They are all in grave danger.) And you know why? Because of us! We didn't save anyone. We made everything worse.
Jake: But, Reggie, the Great Turkey told me—
Reggie: [angrily moves Jake's wings off of him] There is no Great Turkey! There is no mission. You made it all up in your head. It's all a lie. [Jake slumps] Now, I'm leaving, alright? Before we mess things up even more! And if you're smart, you'll come with me.
Jake: [close to tears] I can't give up.
Reggie: Yeah, if you're smart. [turns his back on Jake and enters STEVE sits on the seat] Look who I'm talking to.
[STEVE and Reggie disappears back into the present, leaving the disheartened Jake behind]

View Quote "Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them."

View Quote "Ok, stop! I feel like I'm watching regional theatre, you guys! God, am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to exercise it! Take a break! Think about what you've done."

View Quote "Beth, I may regret saying this, but how dare you usurp my authority as producer... director slash choreographer of this talent show. I mean, you were wrong to do that. I need you to know I have been busting my BALLS woman! I am telling you the musical numbers are a mess, my kids are a bunch of amateurs, and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak prancing around on stage making my life a living HELL! *long pause* All right, I'll put him last."

View Quote You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose!

View Quote Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.
Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?
Cricket Feldstein: My balls?

View Quote Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.
Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.
Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.
Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet!
Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.
Dana Marschz: It was?

View Quote [Scott and Kate hold up their weapons to intimidate a bad driver] Wrong couple to **** with, pal!

View Quote Tommy Papouli: Where's the money?
Frank Theodorakis: We just got robbed.
Scott Johansen: Yeah.
Frank Theodorakis: Look, the saves are all empty.
Tommy Papouli: Do you know how many times I see someone point to any empty safe and say we have no money?
Frank Theodorakis: A hundred?
Scott Johansen: 500?
Frank Theodorakis: 30,000.
Tommy Papouli: It's rhetorical, ****stick.
Frank Theodorakis: Okay.
Tommy Papouli: Shut up. This your daughter?
Scott Johansen: Where? Who, her?
Tommy Papouli: Right here.
Scott Johansen: That's such a compliment. This is my wife.
Kate Johansen: Alex?
Scott Johansen: In fact, there's our daughter.
Kate Johansen: There she is. Hello, daughter.
Scott Johansen: Hi, honey.
Kate Johansen: Don't overthink it, just be our daughter.
Scott Johansen: Come right here.
Rachel: I'm not your daughter, that's your--
[Scott pushes her into a desk and she screams]
Scott Johansen: Sorry, Rachel!
Tommy Papouli: The ****'s the matter with you?
Scott Johansen: What?
Tommy Papouli: Shoving a girl like that?
Scott Johansen: We are strict diciplinarians in our household.
Tommy Papouli: Get out of my way. I know this is your daughter.
[takes Alex by the arm]
Alex Johansen: Mom!
Scott Johansen: No, no, no!
[Tommy handcuffs himself to her]
Tommy Papouli: Cuff her.
Scott Johansen: Sweetie.
Alex Johansen: Mom.
Kate Johansen: Honey.
Scott Johansen: No.
Frank Theodorakis: Wait, no. Take me, not her.
Tommy Papouli: No. No one cares if you die.
Frank Theodorakis: Oh, thank god.
Tommy Papouli: Help 'em find the money. Oh, and hey... 300 grand. Or you'll never see your daughter again.
Alex Johansen: Mom! Dad! Help!
Carl Shackler: [raises his crooked middle finger at Scott, Kate, and Frank] **** you.
Alex Johansen: Help!
Carl Shackler: **** you.
Alex Johansen: Let go of me.

View Quote You exist! This means my husband isn't crazy. Hooray!