Matilda [to Katinka]
By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!
Played by Christine Taylor 
Zoolander (2001) · 106 quotes
Zoolander (2001) · 106 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Zoolander (2001): in 13 of its 106 quotes
Most scenes with: Derek Zoolander (12), Hansel (4)
Scenes with Matilda
13 scenes Matilda Matilda What time is it?
Almost five.
Matilda What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys--
Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak-fest last night."
Matilda When I was in seventh grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Ew!
Matilda I became...
What?
Matilda Bulimic.
... you can read minds?
Matilda So when did you know you wanted to be a model?
Hmm, I guess it would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking, "Wow, you're ridiculously good looking. Maybe you could do that for a career."
Matilda Do what?
Be professionally good looking.
Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda Honestly?
Yes.
Matilda I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
Oh, snap!
Matilda I've been trying to reach you for a week.
A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda That was last Friday.
Uh, Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?
Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.
Matilda What?
A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?
You mean, you haven't...
Matilda Done it in a while, yeah.
What's a while? Like eight days?
Look, I think I know what this is about and I'm complimented but not interested.
Matilda What?
I can't sleep with you, OK? My head is killing me...
Matilda What are you talking about?
Okay, if you just want to fool around or...
Matilda WAIT! I don't want to sleep with you!
The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
Mugatu!
[pauses]
Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.
Matilda Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.
You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were!
But why male models?
Are you serious? I just told you.
Matilda [after Derek saves the prime minister]
Derek that was unbelievable!
I know! I turned left!
Matilda No, you saved the prime minister!
Oh, well, that's cool too.
Look, you can't just come into people's lofts, wanting sex, then changing your mind, then telling them they've been at a day spa for a week...
Matilda You have been at a day spa for a week.
So what?!
