Mikita's manager, Glen You know, if you stab a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wounds. Indians believed it was his soul escaping from his body.
Played by Ed O'Neill 
Wayne's World (1992) · 81 quotes
Wayne's World (1992) · 81 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Wayne's World (1992): in 36 of its 81 quotes
Most scenes with: Wayne Campbell (20), Garth Algar (15), Benjamin Kane (7)
I'd never done a crazy thing in my life before that night. Why is it that if a man kills another man in battle it's called heroic, yet if he kills a man in the heat of passion it's called murder?
More lines from Mikita's manager, Glen
1 quote Mikita's manager, Glen Scenes with Mikita's manager, Glen
34 scenes
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
Car!
Car!
car drives past
Game On!
Game On!
Uh-oh, Stacy.
Hi Wayne! Hi... rides bicycle into car
Hey, Mister Donut-head Man, who's trying to kill you?
Garth [as Mr. Donut-head Man]
I don't know, but he better not!
All I have to say about that is "ass-sphincter-says-what" (spoken speedily).
Noah Vanderhoff [arcade owner] What?
Wayne
A sphincter says what?
Vanderhoff What?
Wayne
Exactly.
Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say it's okay, I don't mind? I don't mind. Well, I mind! I mind big-time! And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ. (Splashing water on his face to simulate tears)
Is that true?
Yes, everything except the reading part.
Tiny Wayne. How you doin'?
Wayne
Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles.
Wayne
Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?
Tiny They suck.
Wayne
Then it's not just a clever name.
Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne
Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out.
Wayne
Well, it does, actually. That's what breaking up is.
...
Well, don't you want to open your present?
Wayne
If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset.
Open it.
Wayne
What is it?
It's a gun rack.
Wayne
A gun rack... a gun rack. Shyeah, Right! I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?
You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
Wayne
I lost you two months ago. We broke up. Are you mental? Get the net!
Alan Do I frighten you?
Mrs. Vanderhoff No.
Alan Do you want me to?
So, do you... come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper
Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
Pete
Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Alice Cooper
Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
I was not aware of that.
She's magically babe-a-licious.
Wayne
She tested very high on the stroke-ability scale.
...
Garth
Hey, are you done yet? I'm getting tired of holding this. (referring to Claudia's picture)
Wayne
Yeah, that's what she said.
First, let me get this out of the way: I'm a big fan.
You are?
The way I see it, your show is capable of so much more.
Garth
Well, we'll try harder, okay? Just give us a second chance. Just don't go and cancel us without giving us a second chance.
Do you have a lawyer?
Yes. Ahm... no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
That's right. I walked right to that office — that's what I did — and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his fat head and I said "Listen, man. I'm not going to jail for YOU or for anybody!
Terry Wayne. Wayne. Garth told me about the show, man. I love you, man.
Yeah, and I love you too, Terry.
Terry No-no-no, I mean it, man. I LOVE you.
Wayne
No, I-I mean it. I love you.
Terry No you don't, man. I love you.
Wayne
(being hugged by Terry)
Garth. Hey, come over here, I think Terry has something he wants to say to you.
Terry I love you, man.
Thank you. (continues dancing)
Russel
It will be Terry's job to give the actors their hand cues.
Excuse me, Russel, but I believe I requested the hand job...
[Wayne and Garth are lying on the hood of the "mirth-mobile", staring at the stars.]
Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man has gone before... but I'll probably stay in Aurora. What are you thinking about?
Wayne
Cassandra. She's a fox. In French she would be called "la renarde" and she would be hunted, with only her cunning to protect her.
Garth
She's a babe.
Wayne
She's a robo-babe. In Latin she would be called "babia majora".
Garth
If she were a president she would be Babe-raham Lincoln.
Wayne
If she lived in the Cretaceous, she'd be Babeasauros Rex.
...
Garth
Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?
Wayne
(cracks up laughing)
No... No.
Garth
Neither did I. I was just asking.
Mikita's Manager, Glen Anything wrong, Davy?
Davy Yeah, I got paid today.
Glen Yeah, I know what that's like.
Davy No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these. (holds up pink slip)
Glen Yeah, I know how that feels.
Davy Know what I'd like to do?
Glen Yeah, I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still-beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
Davy Actually, I was thinking of filing a grievance with the union.
Glen Well, the world's a twisted place.
T-1000 Have you seen this boy?
AHHHHHHHH! [floors it]
I don't believe I've ever had French champagne before...
Oh, actually all champagne is French, it's named after the region. Otherwise it's sparkling white wine. Americans, of course, don't recognize the convention so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white champagne, even though by definition they're not.
Hey, where'd you learn to speak English?
College... and the "Police Academy" movies.
We'll be in touch.
He's in.
Uh, Wayne?
Yeah?
Garth
Do you ever get the feeling Benjamin's not one of us?
Wayne
Good call. It's like he wants us to be liked by everyone. I mean, Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.
Yeah, and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass when it hopped.
Interesting.
So, Garth, what do you think of the new set?
It's kinda like a new pair of underwear. At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.
Okay, pop quiz. Cassandra is not interested in Benjamin because... A: Chicks think he's handsome, B: has cool car, C: has lots of cash, D: has no visible scars, E: does not live with parents.
Okay, how about, F: you're a gimp.
Ron Paxton [Inventor Ron Paxton demonstrates the "Suck Kut", a vacuum/haircutting device.]
As you can see, it sucks as it cuts.
It certainly does suck.
(getting a suck-cut)
AAHHH! TURN IT OFF MAN, TURN IT OFF! IT'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE! OH, THE HUMANITY!
Hi, Garth.
Hi.
I'm looking for Wayne, I'm very concerned about him. He seems to be going through a difficult phase right now, you know. What do you think it is?
Garth
That you're mental.
You know him best, what do you think I should do?
Garth
Just get over it and go out with somebody else.
Get over it and go out with somebody else. Yeah, thanks, okay, great. [to random guy] Hi.
Phil, what are you doing here? You're partied out, man. Again.
What if he honks in the car?
Wayne
I'm giving you a no-honk guarantee.
...
Garth
Hey Phil, if you're gonna spew, spew into this. [Garth holds out an extremely small paper cup.]
Tell me, when the first show is over, will you still love me when I'm an incredibly humungoid giant star?
Yeah.
Wayne
Will you still love me when I'm in my hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?
Yeah.
Wayne
Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?
.........Yeah.
Wayne
Okay, party. Bonus.
Wayne
[Wayne wants help in a music store.]
I know — I'll use the "May I help you?" riff (plays obnoxious guitar solo)
Clerk
May I help you?
...
Guy
[Garth plays an astonishing drum solo in the music store.]
You are, like... amazing... dude.
Garth
Thanks. I...like to play. (taps cymbal lightly)
Hey, who wants Chinese Takeout? I know a great place!
I'll have the "cream of sum yung gai".
I mean, we're looking down on Wayne's basement. Only that's not Wayne's basement. Isn't that weird?
Yeah, that's weird, man, that's weird. Garth! That was a haiku!
(Starting at 'I mean' and finishing at the second 'Wayne's basement', this is a haiku. I.e.:
I mean, we're looking/ Down on Wayne's basement. Only/ That's not Wayne's basement.)
Terry I love you, man.
Russell And I love you. Because I've learned that platonic love can exist between two grown men.
And I've learned something, too. I've learned that a flawless profile, a perfect body, the right clothes, and a great car can get you far in America, almost to the top, but it can't get you everything.
