Garth Algar It's sucking my will to live!
Played by Dana Carvey 
Wayne's World (1992) · 81 quotes
Wayne's World (1992) · 81 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Wayne's World (1992): in 33 of its 81 quotes
Most scenes with: Mikita's manager, Glen (15), Wayne Campbell (10), Benjamin Kane (2)
Okay... First I'll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position. Then I'll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR-4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal down into the Azores, up to COMSAT-6, beam it back to SATCOM-3 transponder number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo. It's almost too easy.
More lines from Garth Algar
17 quotes Garth Algar Garth Algar Come in, your landing gear is down! (holding headset upside down)
Garth Algar Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.
Garth Algar In the edited for TV verison Garth states "Jamoca almond idiot" as the ice cream flavor.
Garth Algar Did you ever see that 'Twilight Zone' where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool, huh?
Garth Algar Ribbed for her pleasure. Ewww.
Garth Algar That bass player's a babe. She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.
Garth Algar If she were a president, she'd be Baberaham Lincoln
Garth Algar (as policeman approaches)
Yes; I definitely smell a pork product of some type.
Garth Algar Let me tell you something about women, Wayne. They want you to come get them, they LOVE it.
Garth Algar I'm having a good time... not.
Garth Algar (reading from Benjamin's planner)
'Thursday — purchase feeble cable access show, and exploit it.' Gee, I feel sorry for whoever THAT is.
Garth Algar [to camera]
I don't really have anything to say- HEY What's that? [Camera looks, turns back to Garth, who is walking away quickly]
Garth Algar We fear change.
Garth Algar Excuse me, I'd like to get by now.
Garth Algar Wayne, it's never going to happen, live in the now!
Garth Algar Hey Phil, if you're gonna spew...spew into this. (Unfolding and holding out a tiny Dixie paper cup to a sick-looking friend.)
Scenes with Garth Algar
15 scenes Garth Algar Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
Car!
Garth Algar Car!
car drives past
Game On!
Garth Algar Game On!
Garth Algar Hey, Mister Donut-head Man, who's trying to kill you?
Garth [as Mr. Donut-head Man]
I don't know, but he better not!
Garth Algar She's magically babe-a-licious.
Wayne
She tested very high on the stroke-ability scale.
...
Garth
Hey, are you done yet? I'm getting tired of holding this. (referring to Claudia's picture)
Wayne
Yeah, that's what she said.
First, let me get this out of the way: I'm a big fan.
Garth Algar You are?
The way I see it, your show is capable of so much more.
Garth
Well, we'll try harder, okay? Just give us a second chance. Just don't go and cancel us without giving us a second chance.
Do you have a lawyer?
Yes. Ahm... no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar That's right. I walked right to that office — that's what I did — and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his fat head and I said "Listen, man. I'm not going to jail for YOU or for anybody!
Terry Wayne. Wayne. Garth told me about the show, man. I love you, man.
Yeah, and I love you too, Terry.
Terry No-no-no, I mean it, man. I LOVE you.
Wayne
No, I-I mean it. I love you.
Terry No you don't, man. I love you.
Wayne
(being hugged by Terry)
Garth. Hey, come over here, I think Terry has something he wants to say to you.
Terry I love you, man.
Garth Algar (casually) Thank you. (continues dancing)
Garth Algar [Wayne and Garth are lying on the hood of the "mirth-mobile", staring at the stars.]
Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man has gone before... but I'll probably stay in Aurora. What are you thinking about?
Wayne
Cassandra. She's a fox. In French she would be called "la renarde" and she would be hunted, with only her cunning to protect her.
Garth
She's a babe.
Wayne
She's a robo-babe. In Latin she would be called "babia majora".
Garth
If she were a president she would be Babe-raham Lincoln.
Wayne
If she lived in the Cretaceous, she'd be Babeasauros Rex.
...
Garth
Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?
Wayne
(cracks up laughing)
No... No.
Garth
Neither did I. I was just asking.
Garth Algar Uh, Wayne?
Yeah?
Garth
Do you ever get the feeling Benjamin's not one of us?
Wayne
Good call. It's like he wants us to be liked by everyone. I mean, Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.
So, Garth, what do you think of the new set?
Garth Algar It's kinda like a new pair of underwear. At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.
Garth Algar Okay, pop quiz. Cassandra is not interested in Benjamin because... A: Chicks think he's handsome, B: has cool car, C: has lots of cash, D: has no visible scars, E: does not live with parents.
Okay, how about, F: you're a gimp.
Ron Paxton [Inventor Ron Paxton demonstrates the "Suck Kut", a vacuum/haircutting device.]
As you can see, it sucks as it cuts.
It certainly does suck.
Garth Algar (getting a suck-cut)
AAHHH! TURN IT OFF MAN, TURN IT OFF! IT'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE! OH, THE HUMANITY!
Hi, Garth.
Garth Algar Hi.
I'm looking for Wayne, I'm very concerned about him. He seems to be going through a difficult phase right now, you know. What do you think it is?
Garth
That you're mental.
You know him best, what do you think I should do?
Garth
Just get over it and go out with somebody else.
Get over it and go out with somebody else. Yeah, thanks, okay, great. [to random guy] Hi.
Phil, what are you doing here? You're partied out, man. Again.
Garth Algar What if he honks in the car?
Wayne
I'm giving you a no-honk guarantee.
...
Garth
Hey Phil, if you're gonna spew, spew into this. [Garth holds out an extremely small paper cup.]
Garth Algar I mean, we're looking down on Wayne's basement. Only that's not Wayne's basement. Isn't that weird?
Yeah, that's weird, man, that's weird. Garth! That was a haiku!
(Starting at 'I mean' and finishing at the second 'Wayne's basement', this is a haiku. I.e.:
I mean, we're looking/ Down on Wayne's basement. Only/ That's not Wayne's basement.)
