Jo
(when Bill hesitates to drive towards a tornado)
Have you lost your nerve?
Bill
(laughs)
Tighten your seatbelt! (tightens Jo's seatbelt and drives down the ditch)
Played by Bill Paxton 
Twister (1996) · 36 quotes
Twister (1996) · 36 quotes
Scenes with Bill
20 scenes Bill
Bill
Why can't we spend a normal day together?
Jo
(after finding a barn full of sharp instruments)
Oh my God, who are these people?!
Bill
I don't think so!
Bill
(a house crashes in front of Bill and Jo and they have no choice but to drive through it)
I think we're going in! (they scream as they drive through the house and out the other side) ...Maybe we should get off this road.
Jo
I think you're right.
Dusty
(realizes a tornado is coming)
Jo, Bill, it's coming! It's headed right for us!
Bill
(staring at the nearby tornado with Jo and Mellisa)
It's already here! (to everyone nearby) Everybody underground now!
Jo
(Bill pulls Jo to the truck as she fights)
Beltzer will tell us if drops near us!
Bill
It's not gonna drop near us its gonna drop right on us!
(they get out just as the tornado drops where they just were)
Beltzer
(Jo and Bill are too busy arguing to notice a tornado)
Hey, are you gonna wrap this up?
Bill
WHAT?
Beltzer
Oh nothing, I was just wondering if we were going to chase this tornado or just catch the next one.
Bill
SHIT!!
Jo
[After her truck is destroyed, looking over at Bill's truck]
Do you have full coverage on that truck?
Bill
Liability only.
Jo
Liability only...Well, it's a very pretty truck.
Melissa
Thank you.
Bill
[Bill smiles and realizes what she is thinking]
Don't even think about it. [Jo looks at him] NO WAY.
Dusty
So we get this one near Daleton right?
Rabbit
Oh, god.
Dusty
And we are way to close. And Jo's got the vid on it right, she's filming it. And all of the sudden outta nowhere, this shitty lookin' green Valiant comes pulling up right in the way.
Beltzer
[points to Bill]
And this loser stumbles out of the car, he's got like a bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand...
Dusty
He is naked!
Rabbit
He is buck naked.
Beltzer
Naked!
Bill
NOT naked! [laughter] I was not naked!
Beltzer
[whispering into Melissa's ear]
He was without apparel.
Bill
Half naked.
Dusty
Naked. Ok, so Jo's yelling at him to get out of the way, right? [laughter] And he just strolls up to the twister, says 'have a drink', and he chucks the bottle into the twister, and it NEVER hits the ground. The twister caught it, and sucked it right up!
Bill
Honey, this is a tissue full of lies. See, there was another Bill, an evil Bill, and I killed him.
Dusty
I LOVE THIS GUY!
Preacher
No, that was a good size twister. What was it, an F-3?
Bill
Solid F-2.
Melissa
See, now you've lost me again.
Bill
It's the Fujita Scale. It measures the intensity of a tornado by how much it eats.
Melissa
Eats?
Bill
Destroys.
Lawrence
The one we last encountered was a strong F-2, maybe an F-3.
Beltzer
Maybe we'll see some F-4's today.
Haynes
That would be sweet!
Bill
4 is good. 4 will relocate your house very efficiently.
Melissa
Is there an F-5? [silence falls over the group] What would that be like?
Preacher
...The Finger of God.
Melissa
None of you has ever seen an F-5?
Bill
...Just one of us.
Jo
[A combine has just been dropped from a tornado.]
Debris! Dusty, we have Debris!
Bill
DEBRIS?
Jo
Right! Left! Right! Left!
Bill
Which way now?
Jo
I have no idea.
Bill
[Bill, driving a truck, has been dodging multiple combines and gone through a house.]
Maybe we should get off of this road.
Jo
:[during an argument] Can I drive?
Bill
No!
Jo
Then will you? :[the truck is about to hit a tractor]
Bill
WOAH! [Swerves away] GODDAMN!
Jo
Where's my truck? [Jo's truck falls from the sky in the way of Melissa. Melissa screams hysterically, while at the same time able to swerve around it] There it is.
Bill
Melissa?!
Dusty
[Melissa stops the truck, panting and in shock. The rest of the team goes to meet her. Dusty is there first]
Did you just miss that truck? That's AWESOME! That's AWESOME!
Jo
:[cow flies by in the storm] Cow.
Melissa
[On the phone]
I gotta go Julia, we got cows.
Jo
'Nother cow.
Bill
Actually I think that was the same one.
Bill
Jonas! Son of a bitch!
Melissa
Who is that honey?
Bill
Jonas Miller. He's a nightcrawler. We all started out working in the same lab, but Jonas went out and got some corporate sponsors. He's in it for the money not the science. He has a lot of high tech gadgets, but he's got no instincts, and he doesn't have Dorothy.
Jo
[Bill sees Jonas talking to a camera crew about his D.O.T.3 system, then starts angrily walking toward him]
Bill?
Bill
Why didn't you tell me?
Jo
Bill, don't!
Joey
Uh, what?
Jonas
And what will soon be the center of all studies- [Bill punches Jonas off his hat and slams him against his D.O.T.3 system] Hey! Hey! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!
Bill
[Bill's team goes to stop Bill arguing with Jonas]
You son-of-a-bitch! What, did you think I wasn't gonna find out?
Jonas
Hey guys, get this loser off of me!
Jonas's team member #1
[Bill's team comes to pull Bill off of Jonas, so as Jonas's team pushing Bill away]
Alright! Back off! Back off!
Jonas's team member #2
Put your malfunction, man!
Joey
Come on, he's not worth it!
Jonas
What is the matter with you?!
Bill
[Tries to push at Jonas again]
You stole my design, you son of a bitch!
Joey
Calm down!
Jonas
[Pushes Bill back]
What the hell are you talking about?!
Bill
DOROTHY. You took her, you damn THIEF!
Jonas
[Realizes what Bill is talking about and smiles]
Oh, I get it. You wanna take credit for my designs, is that it?
Bill
You're a liar. She was our idea and you know it!
Jonas
Unrealized idea. Unrealized.
Bill
That thing ain't worth shit! [Tries to attack Jonas again, Jo helps stop it]
Jo
Hey! Hey, guys! Bill! Guys! GUYS!!! Oh my guys! Get a grip on yourselves. We both know they'll never get that thing up in the air.
Joey
That's right!
Jonas
Well, let me enlighten you people. This baby has satellite com-link. We've got an onboard pulse Doppler, and we've got NEXRAD real-time. Today, we're gonna make history. So stick around, 'cause the days of sniffing the dirt are over.
Rabbit
Better than what you sniff.
Bill
We'll see who gets it first, PAL.
Jonas
Oh, and by the way...[Referring to Bill's new weatherman job] I really enjoy your weather reports. [Laughs and walks away]
Bill
[Some of Jonas's team members laugh] [Tries to go after Jonas again]
JEEZ YOU SLIME!!! I'm not through with you, yet!
Rabbit
[Melissa sees the commotion. Jo's team holds Bill back until Jonas leaves, so as Jonas's team pushing Bill away. Bill then shoves them away, though still fuming]
Alright! Alright!
Bill
Come on! Come here! Come on! Come on! Get your hands off of me! Let go of me! OKAY!!!
Sanders
He's a corporate kiss-butt, man!
Jo
[Walks to Bill]
I'm sorry. I should've told you.
Bill
[Glaring at Jo]
ONE DAY. I'll give you one day. Whether she flies or not, I'm gone.
Bill
Hiya, Jo.
Jo
Hey, Bill. I'm happy you found us.
Bill
How're you doing?
Jo
[Briefly looks up at the gathering storm clouds and smiles wide]
It's going good. Did you see the sky today?
Bill
Yeah, she's, uh, she's really talking.
Jo
Catch. [Tosses some electrical cables to Bill, who only catches them at the last second] It's the biggest series of storms in 12 years; one lined up right after another. NSSL says they've never seen anything like it.
Bill
[Bill and Jo are talking about Melissa]
YES, she's very nice. NO, she does not work at the station, she...she's a therapist.
Jo
[pause]
Oh. [beat] Yours?
Bill
CHRIST!
Jo
What?!
Bill
-You couldn't resist, could you?
Jo
I'm not saying you-
Bill
Come on.
Jo
-need therapy!
Bill
[missing Jo's point]
What?
Jo: I'm not-
Bill
Wait, wait, wait, wait, I need therapy?
Jo
I didn't say that!
Bill
I need a therapist?
[Jo: I didn't say that!
Bill
What could I possibly need a therapist for?
Jo
I don't know.
Bill
You're the doctor, tell me.
Jo
I don't know! Um... inability to finish things? Maybe rushing into things you can't quite commit to?
Bill
Commitment?
Jo
You asked me.
Bill
Look...
Jo
YOU ASKED ME!
Bill
NO, that is BULLSHIT. Look, I may-
Jo
You asked-
Bill
have walked out, [looks away from the road and at Jo] but at least I showed up in the first place...
Jo
Okay, THERE'S A WHOLE ROAD THING GOING ON OUT HERE, OKAY?
Bill
You never had the slightest idea about commitment - what being married means! [truck veers into the grass] Like-like... stability, supportiveness, and a house, and all kinds of neat stuff like that!
Jo
Can I drive?
Bill
NO.
Jo
[notices Bill about to hit a parked combine]
Then would you?
Bill
WHOA!! [steers the car to safety] Damn...
Jo
Somebody should warn her about your temper.
Bill
Jo, I swear to-
Jo
She obviously has no idea what she's getting herself into.
Bill
[Cuts to Beltzer & Haynes driving, listening to Bill & Jo's argument over the radio]
' Stay the hell out of it. I know exactly what I'm doing!
Jo
What exactly are you doing?
Bill
What am I doing?
Haynes
I think they're getting better at this.
Jo
[Cuts back to Bill & Jo]
You know what? As long as you're happy...
Bill
THANK YOU. I am happy. I'm a happy person. I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with the way things are going in my life. I'm happy with... [falls apart] with-- with-- with-- with--
Jo
Melissa?
Bill
[trying to cover up his messup]
I KNOW HER NAME. Yes! I'm happy with MELISSA.
Jo
You look happy. You're happy.
Bill
I AM.
Jo
[Jo and Jonas' chaser teams drive alongside one another on the same road to intercept a tornado. Bill, driving lead with Jo and Melissa, looks up at the tornado, then suddenly steps on the brake, stopping his truck and the rest of the team following]
What're you doing? What're you doing?!
Bill
[Jonas and his driver Eddie briefly look back in confusion, but keep driving]
Look at the updraft, the angle. It's gonna shift its track.
Jo
Are you sure?
Bill
Oh yeah, it's definitely a sidewinder...It'll move left.
Melissa
Is that bad?
Bill
Wasn't there a road back there–?
Jo
[Sees what Bill saw]
You're right. Go, go, go, go, go!
Melissa
[Bill quickly reverses, then turns left onto another road, the rest of the team following] [Her phone rings. She answers]
Hello? Donald, now's not a very good time for me, I'm – okay, put Julia on...
Jonas
[In his truck, Jonas is calculating the track of the tornado. Eddie's watching the tornado, sees it starting to turn.]
Looking good, looking very good. Alright, now about four miles south, hang a right, let's deploy, and we'll be done.
Eddie
Uh, Dr. Miller?
Jonas
[Looks up and sees the tornado's new heading]
Shit, shit, IT'S MOVING AWAY! God!
Eddie
[Sees Bill's team down a different road]
Looks like they're gonna intercept.
Jonas
[Looks with his binoculars in surprise at where Bill's team is]
Dammit, Tony, I thought you told me this thing was gonna stay on the same heading!
