Melissa [Melissa is giving therapy to a patient over the phone.]
She did not marry your penis. Ok, she didn't ONLY marry your penis.
Played by Jami Gertz 
Twister (1996) · 36 quotes
Twister (1996) · 36 quotes
5th most-quoted character in Twister (1996): in 6 of its 36 quotes
Most scenes with: Bill (5), Jo (3)
Scenes with Melissa
6 scenes Melissa [After her truck is destroyed, looking over at Bill's truck]
Do you have full coverage on that truck?
Liability only.
Liability only...Well, it's a very pretty truck.
Melissa Thank you.
[Bill smiles and realizes what she is thinking]
Don't even think about it. [Jo looks at him] NO WAY.
Preacher
No, that was a good size twister. What was it, an F-3?
Solid F-2.
Melissa See, now you've lost me again.
It's the Fujita Scale. It measures the intensity of a tornado by how much it eats.
Melissa Eats?
Destroys.
Lawrence
The one we last encountered was a strong F-2, maybe an F-3.
Maybe we'll see some F-4's today.
That would be sweet!
4 is good. 4 will relocate your house very efficiently.
Melissa Is there an F-5? [silence falls over the group] What would that be like?
Preacher
...The Finger of God.
Melissa None of you has ever seen an F-5?
...Just one of us.
:[cow flies by in the storm] Cow.
Melissa [On the phone]
I gotta go Julia, we got cows.
'Nother cow.
Actually I think that was the same one.
Jonas! Son of a bitch!
Melissa Who is that honey?
Jonas Miller. He's a nightcrawler. We all started out working in the same lab, but Jonas went out and got some corporate sponsors. He's in it for the money not the science. He has a lot of high tech gadgets, but he's got no instincts, and he doesn't have Dorothy.
[Jo and Jonas' chaser teams drive alongside one another on the same road to intercept a tornado. Bill, driving lead with Jo and Melissa, looks up at the tornado, then suddenly steps on the brake, stopping his truck and the rest of the team following]
What're you doing? What're you doing?!
[Jonas and his driver Eddie briefly look back in confusion, but keep driving]
Look at the updraft, the angle. It's gonna shift its track.
Are you sure?
Oh yeah, it's definitely a sidewinder...It'll move left.
Melissa Is that bad?
Wasn't there a road back there–?
Melissa [Bill quickly reverses, then turns left onto another road, the rest of the team following] [Her phone rings. She answers]
Hello? Donald, now's not a very good time for me, I'm – okay, put Julia on...
Jonas
[In his truck, Jonas is calculating the track of the tornado. Eddie's watching the tornado, sees it starting to turn.]
Looking good, looking very good. Alright, now about four miles south, hang a right, let's deploy, and we'll be done.
Eddie
Uh, Dr. Miller?
Jonas
[Looks up and sees the tornado's new heading]
Shit, shit, IT'S MOVING AWAY! God!
Eddie
[Sees Bill's team down a different road]
Looks like they're gonna intercept.
Jonas
[Looks with his binoculars in surprise at where Bill's team is]
Dammit, Tony, I thought you told me this thing was gonna stay on the same heading!
