Storks (2016) quotes

View Quote Alpha Wolf: I'm gonna devour this thing!
Beta Wolf: I'm gonna bite her arm clean off.
[wolves start licking the Diamond Destiny's face lovingly; in which she giggles with delight]

View Quote Alpha Wolf: Wolf Pack, form a wolf submarine!
[the pack make themselves into a submarine... then come up for air]

View Quote Henry: Gardner Real Estate. Henry...
Sarah: ...And Sarah...
Both: Gardner! A house is not a home without a Gardner! [laughs]
Nate: Ninja Commander, where are you?
Henry: Uh, can you hold one second?
Nate: You promised me that we were taking down Dr. LeFreeze this afternoon. You didn't show up, and now he controls most of Western Europe. Ethnic tension is on the rise.
Henry: Yeah...We're totally done after this call, okay?
Nate: Really?
Henry: Five more minutes.
Sarah: And then we'll stop.
Both: We promise.

View Quote Hunter: Junior, you know why I built my office entirely out of glass even though birds can't see glass?
Junior: I do not.
[two storks fly smack into the glass]
Hunter: Power move. 18 years ago, I saved all storks by getting out of babies and into package delivery. Now, this Monday at Storkcon, the board will announce they're kicking me upstairs.. I'm going to be named Chairman. Which means you are going to be named boss.

View Quote Junior: [first lines of the film; narrating] For as long as can be remembered, storks delivered babies... [We see the tower called "Stork Mountain" as the storks fly out to deliver babies] From their perch on Stork Mountain. [We see clouds as a silhouette stork is flying] It was an honor and a privilege to serve. [We see a stork flying while holding a blonde-haired brown skinned baby with a white blanket] It was our duty, our core belief the driving force of our very lifeblood.

View Quote Junior: Excuse me! Orphan Tulip?
Tulip: Junior, you're talking to me?
Junior: Yes, Orphan Tulip!
Tulip: No, it's ju- Uh, it's just that you never talk to me.
Junior: Well, yeah, that's changing starting today, Orphan Tulip.
Tulip: Oh, uh, Tulip is just fine, Orphan hurts my heart.

View Quote Junior: Oh boy. Uh, Tulip, OK. I have news for you.
Tulip: Before you finish, for you to come to wish me a happy birthday, that's just the nicest, you know it's like a little rainbow. So, thank you. [sniffs] That's really nice. But, oh, I'm sorry, I interrupted you. What were you gonna tell me?
Junior: Uh...Oh boy. I have wonderful news for you. You have been liberated.
Tulip: What does that mean?
Junior: Well, it means that you are [softly, faster] fired.
Tulip: What?
Junior: You're fir...[stuttering; grunting]
Tulip: Are you okay?
Junior: Excuse me. You're fi...You're fantasic!
Tulip: Really? Because I just blew up the most of the factory.
Junior: Oh yeah. What a twist. Um...Well, it means [a scene pans over the baby factory] Oh!

View Quote Junior: Put down that baby!
Penguin: Shhh!
[points out the infant is asleep; a silent fight starts]

View Quote Junior: We're not like a family; we're just a guy and girl trying to put a baby to sleep.

View Quote Nate and Henry: Five more minutes and then we stop.
Sarah: [shocked] What?!
Nate and Henry: Five more minutes...
Sarah: [off-screen] No! [As Henry accidentally throws a sledge hammer away, crashes] That's our chimney, you're gonna destroy the whole roof?!
Nate: Mom, we have to replace the chimney with a slide for when the storks deliver my baby brother.
Henry: What he said.
Sarah: No. Don't be crazy. You cannot do the chimney. Come on, don't make me the mean mom.
Nate: Dads are fun, moms are mean.
Henry: I heard that!
Sarah: Parent conference. [As she pinches Henry's ear]
Henry: Pinching.
Sarah: Henry, people are gonna think we're crazy. We need to tell him.
Henry: Tell him what? What, to go watch more TV? This is the best time I've had with Nate in my life. I actually feel like a dad again.
Sarah: And when no baby brother shows up?
Henry: Well, then we tell him. We can get a new chimney, but we'll never be able to replace this time with Nate. And if we put those headsets back on, how old will Nate be when we take them off again?
Nate: I'm not a jerky teenager yet. Fleeting moments, precious memories.

View Quote Nate: Mom! Dad! the storks are bringing me a baby brother!
Henry: [yawns] That sounds like a nice dream, buddy.
Sarah: Let's go back to sleep, honey.
Nate: This is the best day of my life!

View Quote Policeman: This is not code.
Nate: [Henry and Sarah gasp] What?!
Policeman: It's all have come down.
Junior: [Hunter opens the door; gasps] Hunter?
Hunter: You're fired.
Junior: [stammers] But, but-but-but...
Hunter: [mockingly] "But, but-but-but-but..." You are so idiotic. How were you not suspicious? [the screen zooms out to reveal a fake house in front of two warehouses]
Junior: I thought this was a gentrifying neighborhood.
Toady: Didn't expect to see you here, brah! Oh, yes, I did. I set it up.
Hunter: Seize the thing!
[penguins squeak and take Diamond Destiny]
Junior: Wait, no! Not the baby!
Hunter: Don't worry, she's gonna be fine. She's with penguins. There are whole documentaries about how great they are at baby-sitting!
[a scene where a penguin in a snowy storm, a walrus ate it and except the egg]
Hunter: And she'll be an excellent swimmer. And then when she's old enough, we'll return her to the human world.
Junior: That's insane! You need to deliver her!
Hunter: We can't let it get out that we accidentally made a baby! Our stock would plummet everything we've built. My entire company will fall apart. Those parents can never find out.
Toady: Okay we're ready to go. [as he puts a pink bonnet on a tied up Junior and puts a pacifier in his beak] Who's the baby now?
Hunter: Good enough.
[Diamond Destiny cries as she looks back at Junior as she gets abducted by the penguins as Junior muffled screaming]
[A penguin shuts the door]

View Quote Toady: [seeing white powder on the floor] Powduh? [brushes some into the air, tastes a bit of the powder] Baby Powduh!

View Quote Toady: [shows Junior a picture of a Goose on his phone] Check out my girlfriend! She's in Canada!
Junior: Yeah huh.
Toady: She migrated, she's not made up.
Junior: Okay.
Toady: [waving his phone around] Look at her, look at her! She exists, brah!
Junior: That's great.

View Quote Tulip: [singing] Baby, what are we gonna call you, baby? This is crazy! We're delivering a baby!
Junior: No, we're delivering a package. Maybe we should name it instead of calling the package. We do not name the package, OK? We make a plan, stick to the plan, always deliver. And we get back to Storkcon, so, the board can name me boss.
Tulip: Whoa, it's so exciting! What can we expect from boss Junior?
Junior: [lowers Tulip's hand] Oh, you know it's top secret. [guffaws]
Tulip: You can tell me, come on.
Junior: It's gonna be big.
Tulip: Like, what? Like what? How big? Like, what are you gonna do?
Junior: I prefer we're gonna talk about it right now.
[both laugh]
Tulip: Do you not know?
Junior: What?
Tulip: Oh, my gosh, you don't know.
Junior: [offscreen] I know.
Tulip: [gasps] If you don't know, why do you want to be boss?
Junior: I know.
Tulip: You don't? [laughing with Junior] All man, you laugh when you're uncomfortable.
Junior: [laughing] No.
Tulip: Am I pushing your buttons?
Junior: Uh, no.
Tulip: Yes, I am.
Junior: Nah, no.
Tulip: [laughing] Beep, beep, Boop, boop, beep, beep...
Junior: No, those aren't even where my buttons would be if I had buttons.
Tulip: Beep, beep, boop, boop...
Junior: Nice try.
Tulip: [robotic voice] I am programming you to tell me why you want to be boss.
Junior: [robotic voice] I love robots, so this is fun.
Tulip: Beep, beep, boop, boop...
Junior: We're having a good time together.
Tulip: Why do you want to be boss, why do you want to be boss, why do you want to be boss?
Junior: BACK OFF!!!
Tulip: AAAAAAGH!! [Junior gets Tulip back on the plane after her hat and goggles blew off]
Junior: Wow! Well, that was funny. You almost died. I guess the lesson we learned today is... don't ask me why I want to be boss, right? [chuckles] Okay, good talk.