Professor Gerald Robotnik quotes from Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (2024)

Professor Gerald Robotnik

Welcome home, my boy.

Professor Gerald Robotnik

Holy crab!

Professor Gerald Robotnik

I know, grandson, a woman in the military.

Professor Gerald Robotnik

In exchange for my freedom, I gave G.U.N. the most powerful weapon mankind has ever seen, capable of delivering a precision strike anywhere on Earth.

Professor Gerald Robotnik

I... will... not... try... to stop... my... elders... from... destroying... the... world!

Professor Gerald Robotnik

Shadow. I see you've chosen betrayal, and you were once so useful to me.

Sonic

Whoa, look at all this stuff. This was more than just a military base or a lab. It was a home. People lived here. [finds a framed photo of Shadow and Maria with the glass broken] He had a family.

Ivo

Is that what I smell? The stench of domestic harmony?

Sonic

You ever wonder what your life would've been like if you had a family?

Ivo

Hm... no.

Sonic

Maybe you wouldn't have gone full supervillain.

Ivo

I have no parents, no aunts, no uncles, and something about my attitude renders me... [looks at his reflection] ...undesirable to all possible genders. [Sonic follows a trail of footprints leading into the next room while Robotnik continues.] My future is a cul-de-sac. The Robotnik name ends... [pulls out Sonic's quill] ...avec moi. Yes, I know French. [shocks his tongue again]

Sonic

Whoa, is this where you grew up, Shadow? No wonder you're so mad. This place could really use a beanbag chair and some comic books. What happened here?

Shadow

I'm tired of giving you warnings! [throws Sonic against the lab's machinery and charges a Chaos energy-infused punch, knocking Sonic out again.]

Sonic

AH!

Ivo

Where'd you go, hedgehog? I wasn't finished trauma-dumping. [looks around the room, he finds his drones neatly stacked and inactive.] My... darlings! [hugs his drones] My eggy-weggies!

♪ Memories... light the corners of my mind... misty watercolor memories... ♪ [walks into view, Ivo discovers that he bears a striking resemblance to him.] ♪ ...of the way we were... n't! ♪

Ivo

I... don't believe it.

Don't you?

Ivo

It's impossible.

Is it?

Ivo

It couldn't be.

Couldn't it?

Ivo

I'm...

Are you?

Ivo

Imposter! You stole my babies! [activates his drones via his glove] They know who their real daddy is, drone-napper!

Magnificent creations, my boy. I borrowed them to lure you here and reunite our family. You see, Ivo. [removes glasses] I'm your grandfather: Gerald Robotnik.

Ivo

My... grandfather? But how? And why? And who did what with whom?!

Professor Gerald Robotnik

You hail from an ancestry of excellence, tied directly à moi. Yes, I know French.

Ivo

You do look like me. But fatter, and older. And there's that funny smell. But the resemblance is uncanny. It's as if...

We're two characters in a movie [slowly turning to the camera] being played by the same actor!

Ivo

But I need real proof!

Gerald

Ivo! We have very little time. [commands a drone via his glove to shoot at Gerald's feet. Gerald hops over the bullet and immediately reconsiders] But I could field a couple of queries.

Ivo

Name the most elegant formula in mathematics.

Gerald

Euler's identity: e to the i times pi plus one equals zilch.

Ivo

European capitals arranged alphabetically by the fourth letter.

Gerald

Riga, Monaco, Sarajevo, Tirana.

Ivo

The speed of light divided by the speed of sound divided by the speed of the bus in the movie Speed.

Gerald

17,893.33333...

Ivo

Rounding up.

Gerald

17,893 mph.

Ivo

And, for all the marbles...

Gerald

Good, I lost mine.

Ivo

A rare lung disease, and the longest word in the English dictionary.

Gerald

Em...

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis!

Ivo

Pop-Pop?

Gerald

In the saggy flesh. But lookin' pretty good for 110. [shocks his tongue on Shadow's quill]

Ivo

Oh, Grampy-poo! [hugs Gerald] Where have you been my entire life? [pulls back] Wait. [angrily] Where have you been... my ENTIRE LIFE?!

Gerald

Locked in a top-secret prison for the last 50 years. Made it kinda hard to send Christmas cards. Now, you're probably wondering why I brought you here.

Ivo

You didn't bring me here. I used my unparalleled intellect to track you down.

Gerald

Per the plan I concocted with my unparalleled intellect. You'll see. I have the answer to everything. C'mon, kiddo.
[Ivo follows Gerald with a skip in his step. Behind them, the drones form hearts in their optics.]

Sonic

Oh, no. Someone tell me this is some kind of concussion-induced nightmare. There's TWO Eggmen now?!

Ivo

Double your villains, double your fun!

Gerald

Two Robotniks are way worse than one!

Ivo

Chest bump? No. [to Stone] Stone, why are you tied up? Do that on your own time. You sicken me.

Shadow

You must be the long-lost grandson.

Ivo

And you must be another stinking hedgehog.

Sonic

So, you're the one behind all this? The Shadow breakout.

Tails

The attack on Walters!

Knuckles

That musty old man smell?

Gerald

How dare you insult me with your unsolicited exposition! Shadow, get the key.

Shadow

Where is it?

Sonic

Ha! Good one, Hot Topic. Do you really think we'd be that stupid, to bring the key right to you? [Shadow takes the key from Tails' backpack.] Yup, we're that stupid.

Shadow

G.U.N. took everything from us. And now we are going to take everything from them.

Gerald

With this. [activates a small hologram] My masterpiece of malevolence: the Eclipse Cannon. In exchange for my freedom, I gave G.U.N. the most powerful weapon mankind has ever seen, capable of delivering a precision strike anywhere on Earth. Our first target: G.U.N. headquarters!

Sonic

But firing a weapon that powerful could threaten millions of innocent lives!

Gerald

Yeah, terabyte me! [Ivo chuckles at Gerald's pun] This is one of two keys required to launch the Eclipse Cannon. The other is locked inside G.U.N. headquarters. Once we have both, I will take rightful control of my weapon.

Ivo

I'm in.

Gerald

Holy crab!

Stone

Spacious and crustaceous.

Ivo

Thank you so much for inspiring this little adventure. It really worked out for me.

Sonic

And you wonder why I have trust issues! [As the Robotniks and Stone board the crab, Shadow teleports above Team Sonic.] Shadow, wait! Don't do this. I know you're hurting, but don't let that change who you are inside.

Shadow

I've spent 50 years reliving what they did to her. [deploys a black hole orb with his Chaos energy] This is who I am inside. [drops the orb and then teleports into the crab]

Sonic

Uh, nice magic marble. Real scary. [The orb unleashes a vortex, absorbing the base's ruins.] Aah! That actually is real scary!

Tails

It's a mini black hole! It's going to suck in all the matter in this base!

Knuckles

Fear not, friends! Even my teeth are muscles! [bites down on a loose cable, keeping the team from being absorbed]

Tails

Sonic, try to reach one of my rings!

Sonic

Got one! Check this out. Trick shot! [flips the ring up and kicks it to try to open it, but it keeps bouncing into debris being pulled in.] Come on... come on... come on! [Knuckles loses his grip, and the team is pulled towards the vortex, but the ring opens right in front of them, transporting them to safety at the edge of a nearby cliff. The team briefly celebrates before witnessing the black hole devouring the mountain and disappearing.] Yikes. Somebody better call Google Maps.

Ivo

I've spent years trying to cleanse the cosmos of that spiny, blue speed freak, and you did it... in one afternoon.

Gerald

There's nothing we can't destroy together, my boy.

Stone

Charting route to G.U.N. headquarters in London, sirs. ETA: four hours, as the crab flies.

Gerald

By all accounts, we're ahead of schedule. We should take this time to get to know each other better.

Ivo

Wow, what...? You mean... spend some qu-qu-qu... ality time?

Gerald

You've waited for this your whole life. How would you choose to spend one perfect day with your new grand pal?

Ivo

London, baby!

Shadow

G.U.N. headquarters is right there! Let me go in, get the key, and destroy anyone in my way! I want revenge!

Gerald

Patience, Shadow. Just let us handle this. And I promise, you'll have revenge... on a scale you can't possibly imagine.

Ivo

C'mon, granddaddio, we've got... dirt to do! [to Stone] Suits.

Stone

Right here, sir. [presents a briefcase with two suits]

Ivo

Stone, babysit the hedgehog. Keep the crab on a low boil. [to Gerald] It's time for more family bonding. [takes the suitcase, joins Gerald]

Stone

C'mon, Shadow. Got fresh avocados in the crab. We'll make guac. [goes down the manhole]

Shadow

Revenge guac!

Ivo

The Robotniks have entered the chat. [realizes] Wait. Poppy seed? Grand geezer...? ¿Dónde está--?

Gerald

I'm right here! [decloaks] If you weren't family, I could've gut you like a pheasant! [rethinks] I mean... try to keep up.

Gerald

What now, my cunning cohort?

Ivo

Just a little teamwork...!

Gerald

Hey... The lasers... don't seem to be penetrating my suit. They're conforming to the shape of my bodacious bod.

Ivo

Of course. I designed these suits to create a field of laser-bending thermal distortion. Wasn't sure it would work 'til now.

Gerald

You're heartless, son.

Ivo

Hmm.

Gerald

Rotten to the core.

Ivo

Mm-hmm.

Gerald

I'm... so proud. So, now we can just dance right through.

Ivo

That sounds like a challenge.

Ivo

Our destiny awaits.

Sonic

Stop right there, robo-scum!

Ivo

Let's do this...!

Gerald

Copy!

Sonic

Too slow, Eggmen. Now if you don't mind, I gotta get that key-- [another floor panel turns green, suspending him off the ground] Whoa! My feet! Why can't I use my beautiful feet?

Rockwell

Because... [walks in, holding the controls] this vault is armed with variable gravity.

Gerald

No kidding?

Rockwell

Green goes up, and red takes you down, hard.

Sonic

Rockwell, listen to me. The Robotniks are planning to--

Rockwell

Oh, they're planning on stealing the second key, just like you are? Yes, I'm aware. [pulls the key] I called it the second Commander Walters was attacked, so... thank you for taking the bait and falling right into my trap.

Ivo

I don't believe this.

Gerald

I know, grandson. A woman in the military.

Tom

Robotnik. Goin' full spandex, huh? (re: Gerald) Who's the fossil?

Ivo

That's my grandfather, you dough-eating dim-becile!

Gerald

Who are they?

Ivo

A couple of bleeding hearts, here to rescue their emotional support animals.

Rockwell

Enough! It's over. The only way you're leaving here is in handcuffs. There is no other way out.

Sonic

You know, there might be one other way out.

Rockwell

And what is that supposed to mean?

Sonic

Hey, big guy, I think it's time to...

Knuckles

Break glass in case of emergency! [glides straight through G.U.N. HQ's energy shield and breaks into the vault, roaring and slamming his flaming fist down against the floor. The resulting shockwave blasts Rockwell back, and Knuckles snags the vault's gravity controls from her.] Ha! Nothing can stop Team Knuckles!

Rockwell

Open fire!

Sonic

Knuckles, turn this stuff off! Hurry!

Knuckles

On it! [smashes the controls with his fist. The controls turn all red, forming an X-eyed frowny face] Uh-oh.
[Tails facepalms as the vault's gravity goes haywire, randomly sending soldiers up and down.]

Ivo

Excuse me, Grampasadoble. What is that thermonuclear gerbil doing?

Gerald

Infusing the core with Chaos Energy. That's my little secret: the Eclipse Cannon is about to turn this planet into a flaming pile of rubble, wiping out everything in a 25,000-mile radius... including us.

Ivo

WHAT?! [laughing incredulously] We can't annihilate the Earth! By combining our genius, we can rule humanity. Together!

Gerald

Humanity is a failed experiment. If anyone should know that, it's you. All your life, you've been rejected by this world. You have nothing down there... no one who cares about you.

Ivo

But I have you now. We're family... we have each other.

Gerald

Oh, Ivo... you're no Maria. The moment I lost her, my family was gone forever. The only way to give Maria's life meaning is to destroy the world that took her from me... so I'm BURNING IT ALL DOWN!

Shadow

It's done.

Gerald

Good work, Shadow. I'm prepping the firing sequence. [flicks a switch] The weapon will be fully charged in ten minutes.

Shadow

It's almost finished, Maria. You will have justice. [then notices a golden light flying up from the planet]

Gerald

What is that?

Shadow

Is G.U.N. launching missiles at us?

Gerald

Impossible. It's moving too fast.

Ivo

It's him.

YOU'VE HURT MY FAMILY! THIS ENDS NOW!

Shadow

Now you know my anger. The pain I felt for fifty years! And you’ve made the same choice I did.

I'M NOTHING LIKE YOU!

Shadow

We'll see.

SHOW YOURSELF, COWARD!
[Shadow shows himself behind Super Sonic and knocks the Chaos Emeralds out of him, reverting Sonic to his base form. They see the Emeralds falling in the air and both make a mad dash for them at the same time. A pillar of golden light shoots up from the Emeralds, and when it leaves, Sonic sees that he has regained his Super form... but Shadow has also gained his for the first time, his limiter rings glowing with power and his fur whitish gold. Super Sonic tries to punch Super Shadow, but the latter effortlessly blocks, the impact causing the earth to crack beneath their feet.]

You were right about one thing... This ends NOW.

Gerald

What's happening? Where are they?

Ivo

Up there.

Gerald

Where?

Ivo

Higher.

Gerald

Hmm?

Gerald

Ah!

Ivo

Left yourself open. [runs for the Cannon's controls]

Gerald

Ivo! What are you doing?!

Ivo

Thwarting your evil plan!

WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA! OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!

Ivo

Not the mustache!

Gerald

Agreed!

Ivo

Let go on three. One, two, three! [they both let go and shake their mustaches before Gerald creates a giant fist out of nanobots] Ooooh... A nanofist. I haven't seen that since I hate-watched Green Lantern in 2011!

Gerald

I was saving it for Comic-Con. But now there won't be a Comic-Con! [slaps Ivo which sends him flying]

Why are you alone? Where are your friends? [Super Sonic merely grunts in pain.] They tried to stop you, didn't they? But you came anyway. Your anger was too much. What kind of hero abandons his friends to pursue revenge? Abandons his family?

Don't you dare talk about my family!

And here I thought you cared for them. Especially the one... What's his name? Tom?

HYNAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Shadow

Go ahead! Finish it! [Super Sonic pants heavily and prepares to hit, but hesitates] What are you waiting for?! Do it! [points at his heart] I’m right here!

Tom

You didn't let your pain change who you are... [points at Sonic's heart] in here.

This is not who I am.

Shadow

What are you doing? You won. Take your revenge.

Sonic

There are no winners with revenge.

Maria

Wow. Look at all those stars. They're like diamonds.

Shadow

The last time I sat beneath stars like this, I was with her. I've felt this pain for so long, it's all I know.

Sonic

When I lost Longclaw, I felt the same way.

Shadow

Did your pain eventually go away?

Sonic

No. But in time, I learned there's something more powerful than pain. The love we felt for each other. That's what you need to hold on to, Shadow. Maria might be gone, but your love will always remain.

Shadow

The light shines, even though the star is gone. [Sonic sees Shadow's understanding, along with the Eclipse Cannon still looming over the planet in the distance] This whole mess is my fault. I've been so blinded by rage, I thought... I had no choice.

Sonic

You always have a choice. [Shadow thinks for a second, then takes Sonic's hand and gets back up] Making the right one is never easy. One more thing I learned, is that when you really screw something up... you can't fix it on your own.

Gotta go fast!

Don't tell me you've got a catchphrase.

That's right, new hedgehog, and everyone loves it!

Gerald

I... will... not... try... to stop... my... elders... from... destroying... the... world!
[Ivo makes a nano drill and drives it into Gerald's foot, who shouts in pain and relents, so Ivo rolls away and gets to his feet] Playtime is over! [makes a pair of nano scorpion pincers and a tail, the latter destroying the Eclipse Cannon controls]

Gerald

There's no going back now!

Ivo

Set up defense. [accidentally makes a fence] Damn you, autocorrect! [Gerald lunges to attack with his pincers; to his glove] Mantis. [makes a pair of mantis blades, hovering around Gerald's next attack via mantis wings.] I'm right here, arach-nerd. [Gerald lunges again, but Ivo catches his pincer with one mantis blade and slices off part of his mustache with the other.] Hahahahaaa! That's what I call "mantiscaping".

Gerald

That's ELDER ABUSE!

Alert.

Gerald

Shadow, I see you've chosen betrayal. And you were once so useful to me.

Ivo

Please, Grampsy! Don't do this.

Gerald

Sorry, kiddo. "Bring Your Grandkid to Work Day" is over. [opens the hatch, causing Ivo to hold on for dear life] Any last words?

Ivo

Just... one thing... that I never thought I’d say.

Gerald

What is it? [mockingly] "I love you"?

Ivo

No. It was something even better, but I'm not gonna say it if that's the way you're gonna be!

Gerald

'Kay. Bye.

Ivo

AAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Gerald

Grandchildren. All the fun and none of the responsibility.

Ivo

Who said life was pointless?

Gerald

Huh?

Ivo

Oh, right. You did. [uses the quill to zap Gerald behind, sending him flying into the energy field, disintegrating and killing him instantly]

Gerald

AAH!

Tails

Whoo-hoo!

Knuckles

Victory!

Ivo

Say what you want about my granddad... He made one hell of a bug zapper. [blows on the quill and tosses it aside]

Tails

We've gotta stop that laser!

Ivo

I knew there was something I was forgetting.