Ace Ventura [catchphrase]
All-righty, then.
Most-quoted character in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995): in 70 of its 70 quotes
Most scenes with: Fulton Greenwall (11), Ouda (5)
I am now a holy man. I think of women as the mothers of our children. They are a sanctuary for the reproductive organs. A temple to house the miracle of procreation. [to Greenwall] Do you have a dollar?
More lines from Ace Ventura
49 quotes Ace Ventura Ace Ventura [repeated line]
Ree-hee-hee-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE... EEEeeally?
Ace Ventura [repeated line]
Kooky.
Ace Ventura [repeated line (variations of:)]
Like-a-glove!
Ace Ventura [to a helicopter pilot]
You know... you can put somebody's eye out with that thing!
Ace Ventura [inspects the dwelling of the sacred bat]
Quite an auspicious dwelling for a filthy flying weasel.
Ace Ventura Do I have something in my teeth?
Ace Ventura Meeting with sinister types much? A-not 'too much', a 'much too much'.
Ace Ventura There's... someone on the wing! Some... THING! [grabs Greenwall threateningly] I'm sorry, what were you saying?
Ace Ventura I had a dog, and his name was... BINGO!
Ace Ventura The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.
Ace Ventura Friends! Rodents! Quadrupeds! Lend me your rears! [does a Tarzan yell through his rear]
Ace Ventura I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YA!
Ace Ventura It is the mucus that binds us.
Ace Ventura Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky, and loaded with danger.
Ace Ventura Don't mind me, Mr Quinn. I'm just a curious little rhino!
Ace Ventura Kinda hot in these rhinos...
Ace Ventura Awww, nobody wants to play with me!
Ace Ventura We love you, dark continent! Good night!
Ace Ventura Guano bowls! Collect the whole set!
Ace Ventura You know... gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay.
Ace Ventura "Wunderbar", he exclaimed with great relish.
Ace Ventura Vhere iz zhe bat?
Ace Ventura TAKE THAT, YOU WINGED SPAWN OF SATAN!
Ace Ventura DIE, DEVIL-BIRD!
Ace Ventura [pelvic thrusting]
Can you feel that, huh, can ya feel it, Captain Compost?!
Ace Ventura If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use your body to get to the top! You can't stop me no matter who you are! [laughs menacingly] LOSER! [they fly off, Ace looks at the camera] Leh-hew... zhe-her!
Ace Ventura That's quite a lovely rack you're wearing. Perhaps I could find you some fluffy new slippers made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
Ace Ventura Cadby! From the consulate, right? This is weird!
Ace Ventura That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM! [gasps] DAMN, I'M GOOD!
Ace Ventura [after driving the consulate general's car, flipping it numerous times and looking to find he landed in a parking space perfectly]
Like a glove!
Ace Ventura [sees the hideout of the poachers]
Gravy!
Ace Ventura Guano! Hello? Does "poop" ring a bell? [quotes from a book] "Guano: mines as a source of nitrate, producing 84% of the world's supply in fertilizer, a $1.4 billion industy." THAT'S what this war is all about! You can't legally take possession of the caves as long as the Wachatis inhabit the area... and you want that dooky so bad, you can taste it!
Ace Ventura Do not pass go! Do not collect two hundred dollars!
Ace Ventura It's lovely, but I fancy myself in autumn.
Ace Ventura Let's go kick some... [mimics as if to begin saying "ass"]... consolate butt!
Ace Ventura Hey, what are ya, HR Shove-N-Stuff?
Ace Ventura [meeting Quinn's pet raven, Tinky]
Pleasure, Tinky. Corvus corax, common raven, smartest of all birds. Rare in these parts.
Ace Ventura [after the Tiny Warrior changes his hairstyle to resemble horns]
All right! This White Devil thing has gone far enough. NOBODY... MESSES... WITH THE DO!
Ace Ventura [saying "loser"]
Le-hew. Ze-her.
Ace Ventura [strikes Vincent Cadby on the rear with the riders whip]
Funny, it didn't seem that painful when you were doing it to the horse.
Ace Ventura It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.
Ace Ventura Aww, he wants to go off-road!
Ace Ventura [after witnessing the monks celebrating his absence]
I've never seen them act like that before. Denial can be an ugly thing.
Ace Ventura [Discussing how he will infiltrate the Wachootoo tribe]
Worry not, my brother. I will be as a fly on the wall. A grain of salt in the ocean. I shall slip amongst them like a transparent... thing.
Ace Ventura [a reference to Scarface, whilst holding a skunk]
SAY HELLO TO MY STINKY LITTLE FRIEND!!
Ace Ventura Spank you very much!
Ace Ventura [after parking]
Lll-ii-k'a'gll-ove!
Ace Ventura NONSENSE POOPYPANTSSS!!
Scenes with Ace Ventura
20 scenes Ace Ventura I am yet to achieve omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Monk
No. Wait. There it is! You've just attained it.
Ace Ventura I have?
Monk
Yes, just now. You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!
Attendant
Peanuts?
Ace Ventura [looks down]
Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.
Attendant
[holding bag of peanuts]
Peanuts.
Ace Ventura ...Oh, I see!
Wachati Princess That is a dart of the Watchootoo shaman!
Ace Ventura The whattie whattun?
Ace Ventura [after Ace drives the jeep on a disasterous journey through the jungle]
Ah, there's the consolate!
Oh. Thank God.
Ace Ventura [still driving at top speed]
Now if I can JUST find a parkin' spot!
But don't you think we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit?!
Ace Ventura Nonsense, poopy-pants!
Ace Ventura [Ace sends the jeep flipping through the air, until it lands in the carpark]
Like a glove!
Wachootoo Medicine Man
[upon seeing Ace]
Equinsu... ocha!
Ace Ventura [to Ouda]
...What does equinsu ocha mean?
"White Devil."
Ace Ventura Well, tell him I'm not.
I only met you. How do I know?
The Tiny Warrior
[shrieking in Watchootoo]
Ace Ventura What did he just say?
I think he said that she is not a virgin. [looks at Ace]
Ace Ventura ...They can tell that!?
Ace Ventura Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious, and the pottery is lovely.
It's made from guano.
Ace Ventura Guano! Sounds so familiar...
[Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
Bat droppings.
[Ace drops the bowl spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue]
Guano is their chief resource, they use it to made many things in the village.
Ace Ventura Yyyyyummay!
Ace Ventura What type of bat are we talking about?
The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace Ventura Corpuscular chiroptera?
Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
Ace Ventura [Natives kneel in respect of the name every time it is mentioned]
Shikaka. [they kneel again] Shikakaaaa! [they kneel once more] Shikasha! [they begin to kneel but catch on that he didn't say the name right] Ahhh! Shhhish kabab. Shhhhhawshank Redemption. SHI-KAAAAGO! (Chicago) [Chief kneels] You're outta there! [points outside] Go on, you're gone, go on.
Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace Ventura Nice to meet you. Bumblebee tuna! Bumblebee tuna! Excuse me. [whispers] Your balls are showing! Bumblebee tuna!
Ace Ventura Okay, everything here seems good. Big load off my mind. You can speculate all you want but unless you check it out for yourself, you never know. [chuckles] We should head back now.
Aren't you going to go investigate?
Ace Ventura There's no reason for anyone to go in there. Ever. I... sense it as a holy man.
But I thought you said...
Ace Ventura IT'S DARK! I COULD FALL INTO A PRECIPICE!
Here you go.
Ace Ventura [hands him a torch] [gives look]
Spank you, Helpy Helperton.
Ace Ventura Greenwall, hit the lights! The switch on the wall beside you! Go for it! [starts crawling around furiously as if to attempt a daring escape, then stops] ...Flick it, QUICK!
Ace Ventura [Greenwall does nothing]
All-righty then, shall we go to jail?
Ace Ventura [with Greenwall at top of the huge stairs leading to a temple]
I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...
Ace Ventura [close-up of slinky going down huge steps to temple]
Isn't this incredible?! It's gonna be some kind of a record!! [singing] Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go!
Ace Ventura [Slinky stops on the second to last step]
Awwwwww, MAN!! Can you believe it?! It was RIGHT there! Can I do it one more time?
Forgive me, Mr Ventura, but if we don't hurry now, we might miss the plane.
Ace Ventura Of course. How selfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.
Quinn [Ace is horrified at being inside a room decorated with the heads and bodies of animals]
Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace Ventura Of course not. This is a lovely room of death. Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.
You must be very proud, Ace.
Ace Ventura Pride is an abomination! One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.
My name is Fulton Greenwall, and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.
Ashram Monk No man here... carries with him... a label...
Oh yes. No names, how silly of me. Umm, he is an American.
Ashram Monk We are all children... of the same life force...
[thinking of any other descriptions]
Yes, well, he bends over and speaks from his rear.
Ashram Monk Oh, him. This way.
[Ace is losing against the Tiny Warrior in the Watchootoo Circle of Death]
Ace! He much better fighter than you.
Ace Ventura [looks annoyed]
Doi!
[Watchootoo chief speaks in Watchootoo to Ace]
Wachootoo Chief say, "You friend to Watchootoo."
[Ace snorts and the Watchootoo chief speaks again]
"But if curse of Shikaka not lifted by tomorrow sun at top of sky, Wachootoo kill all Wachati, and smash your head on a rock."
Ace Ventura ...Super. Take care now, bye-bye then.
Ace Ventura [at a diplomatic function inside the British consulate in Nibia, after noticing a woman wearing a fox fur wrap] [leaning at the bottom of the staircase]
That's a lovely wrap you're wearing! Perhaps I could buy you some fluffy new slippers, made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
McGuire
Who is this ghastly man?
Ace Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy! Hey...[whispering] thanks for the free parking.
Pompous woman Another activist, McGuire.
McGuire
Activist, yes... [snobby laugh]
Ace [imitating him]
Activist, yes, mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!
Pompous Woman Mr. Ventura, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. You should try it sometime.
Ace Alrighty then! [smacks McGuire unconscious, then drapes him over his shoulders, in mockery of the woman's fur wrap] You know something? You're right! [sings and dances around the room, then shakes the man, making his jaw move] Do not pass Go! Do not collect 200 dollars! [hands him back to the woman] It's lovely, but I fancy myself an autumn.
Vincent Cadby [Ace enters the British Consulate and stamps his foot on the floor to get Cadby's attention]
Hello, Ace. You want your money?
Ace Ventura Wrong again, Sweeney Toad! I've come for the sacred bat. Where is it?!
Vincent Cadby Wait - whatever can you mean?
Ace Ventura Guano? Hello?! Does "poop" ring a bell? [takes out a book and reads from it] "Guano: mined as a source of nitrate, producing 84% of the world's supply of fertilizer, a 1.4 billion dollar industry." [closes the book] THAT'S what this war is all about! You can't legally take possession of the caves as long as the Wachatis inhabit the area, and you want that dookie so bad, you can taste it!
But sir, I thought that--
Vincent Cadby [quietly]
Yes, thank you, Fulton. [back to Ace] That's a fine theory, Mr. Ventura... What has it got to do with me?
Ace Ventura I thought you'd never ask! [does an exaggerated inhalation of air, then speaks rapidly] The day I met you, there was a white substance on your shoe that I mistook for plaster; yesterday I saw the same white substance outside the hut where the bat was kept, and suddenly it hit me: the great white bat has great white guano! That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, and that explains the abrasion on your palm! ...Let me run that back for ya! [steps back while talking backwards] That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRATION ON YOUR PALM! DAMN, I'M GOOD! [does pelvic thrusts] Can you feel that?! Huh?! Can you feel it, Captain Compost?! THE DAY OF REDEMPTION IS AT HAND! REPENT... and thou shall be saved!
[The Wachati Princess and the tiny Wachootoo warrior get married and enter a special tent to consummate their union]
They will now consummate the marriage in the witness of the tribe. [gently pats Ace on the shoulder] Well done, Ace. You must be extremely proud.
Ace Ventura Pride is an abomination. One must forego the self to attain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation. [The Wachootoo prince emerges from tent screaming angrily] What's that he's saying?
I think he's saying she's not a virgin. [looks pointedly at Ace]
Ace Ventura ... They can tell that?!
[Cut to both tribes chasing Ace through the jungle]
Other characters in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
More Jim Carrey characters
Fletcher Reede
Charlie Baileygates/Hank Evans
Lloyd
Grinch
Bruce
Adult Joe Wenteworth (Narrator)
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask
Ace Ventura