Ace Ventura quotes

View Quote [catchphrase] All-righty, then.

View Quote [repeated line] Ree-hee-hee-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE... EEEeeally?

View Quote [repeated line] Kooky.

View Quote [repeated line (variations of:)] Like-a-glove!

View Quote [to a helicopter pilot] You know... you can put somebody's eye out with that thing!

View Quote [inspects the dwelling of the sacred bat] Quite an auspicious dwelling for a filthy flying weasel.

View Quote Do I have something in my teeth?

View Quote [as the Wachati Princess performs the Virgin's Dance of Seduction near him] I am now a holy man. I think of women as the mothers of our children. They are a sanctuary for the reproductive organs. A temple to house the miracle of procreation. [to Greenwall] Do you have a dollar?

View Quote Meeting with sinister types much? A-not 'too much', a 'much too much'.

View Quote There's... someone on the wing! Some... THING! [grabs Greenwall threateningly] I'm sorry, what were you saying?

View Quote I had a dog, and his name was... BINGO!

View Quote The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.

View Quote Friends! Rodents! Quadrupeds! Lend me your rears! [does a Tarzan yell through his rear]

View Quote I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YA!

View Quote It is the mucus that binds us.

View Quote Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky, and loaded with danger.

View Quote Don't mind me, Mr Quinn. I'm just a curious little rhino!

View Quote Kinda hot in these rhinos...

View Quote Awww, nobody wants to play with me!

View Quote We love you, dark continent! Good night!

View Quote Guano bowls! Collect the whole set!

View Quote You know... gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay.

View Quote "Wunderbar", he exclaimed with great relish.

View Quote Vhere iz zhe bat?

View Quote TAKE THAT, YOU WINGED SPAWN OF SATAN!

View Quote DIE, DEVIL-BIRD!

View Quote [pelvic thrusting] Can you feel that, huh, can ya feel it, Captain Compost?!

View Quote If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use your body to get to the top! You can't stop me no matter who you are! [laughs menacingly] LOSER! [they fly off, Ace looks at the camera] Leh-hew... zhe-her!

View Quote That's quite a lovely rack you're wearing. Perhaps I could find you some fluffy new slippers made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!

View Quote Cadby! From the consulate, right? This is weird!

View Quote That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM! [gasps] DAMN, I'M GOOD!

View Quote [after driving the consulate general's car, flipping it numerous times and looking to find he landed in a parking space perfectly] Like a glove!

View Quote [sees the hideout of the poachers] Gravy!

View Quote Guano! Hello? Does "poop" ring a bell? [quotes from a book] "Guano: mines as a source of nitrate, producing 84% of the world's supply in fertilizer, a $1.4 billion industy." THAT'S what this war is all about! You can't legally take possession of the caves as long as the Wachatis inhabit the area... and you want that dooky so bad, you can taste it!

View Quote Do not pass go! Do not collect two hundred dollars!

View Quote It's lovely, but I fancy myself in autumn.

View Quote Let's go kick some... [mimics as if to begin saying "ass"]... consolate butt!

View Quote Hey, what are ya, HR Shove-N-Stuff?

View Quote [meeting Quinn's pet raven, Tinky] Pleasure, Tinky. Corvus corax, common raven, smartest of all birds. Rare in these parts.

View Quote [after the Tiny Warrior changes his hairstyle to resemble horns] All right! This White Devil thing has gone far enough. NOBODY... MESSES... WITH THE DO!

View Quote [saying "loser"] Le-hew. Ze-her.

View Quote [strikes Vincent Cadby on the rear with the riders whip] Funny, it didn't seem that painful when you were doing it to the horse.

View Quote It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.

View Quote Aww, he wants to go off-road!

View Quote [after witnessing the monks celebrating his absence] I've never seen them act like that before. Denial can be an ugly thing.

View Quote [Discussing how he will infiltrate the Wachootoo tribe] Worry not, my brother. I will be as a fly on the wall. A grain of salt in the ocean. I shall slip amongst them like a transparent... thing.

View Quote [a reference to Scarface, whilst holding a skunk] SAY HELLO TO MY STINKY LITTLE FRIEND!!

View Quote Spank you very much!

View Quote [after parking] Lll-ii-k'a'gll-ove!

View Quote NONSENSE POOPYPANTSSS!!

View Quote Ace Ventura: I am yet to achieve omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Monk: No. Wait. There it is! You've just attained it.
Ace Ventura: I have?
Monk: Yes, just now. You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!

View Quote Attendant: Peanuts?
Ace Ventura: [looks down] Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.
Attendant: [holding bag of peanuts] Peanuts.
Ace Ventura: ...Oh, I see!

View Quote Wachati Princess: That is a dart of the Watchootoo shaman!
Ace Ventura: The whattie whattun?

View Quote [after Ace drives the jeep on a disasterous journey through the jungle]
Ace Ventura: Ah, there's the consolate!
Fulton Greenwall: Oh. Thank God.
Ace Ventura: [still driving at top speed] Now if I can JUST find a parkin' spot!
Fulton Greenwall: But don't you think we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit?!
Ace Ventura: Nonsense, poopy-pants!
[Ace sends the jeep flipping through the air, until it lands in the carpark]
Ace Ventura: Like a glove!

View Quote Wachootoo Medicine Man: [upon seeing Ace] Equinsu... ocha!
Ace Ventura: [to Ouda] ...What does equinsu ocha mean?
Ouda: "White Devil."
Ace Ventura: Well, tell him I'm not.
Ouda: I only met you. How do I know?

View Quote The Tiny Warrior: [shrieking in Watchootoo]
Ace Ventura: What did he just say?
Fulton Greenwall: I think he said that she is not a virgin. [looks at Ace]
Ace Ventura: ...They can tell that!?

View Quote Ace Ventura: Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious, and the pottery is lovely.
Ouda: It's made from guano.
Ace Ventura: Guano! Sounds so familiar...
[Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
Fulton Greenwall: Bat droppings.
[Ace drops the bowl spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue]
Fulton Greenwall: Guano is their chief resource, they use it to made many things in the village.
Ace Ventura: Yyyyyummay!

View Quote Ace Ventura: What type of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace Ventura: Corpuscular chiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
[Natives kneel in respect of the name every time it is mentioned]
Ace Ventura: Shikaka. [they kneel again] Shikakaaaa! [they kneel once more] Shikasha! [they begin to kneel but catch on that he didn't say the name right] Ahhh! Shhhish kabab. Shhhhhawshank Redemption. SHI-KAAAAGO! (Chicago) [Chief kneels] You're outta there! [points outside] Go on, you're gone, go on.

View Quote Fulton Greenwall: Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace Ventura: Nice to meet you. Bumblebee tuna! Bumblebee tuna! Excuse me. [whispers] Your balls are showing! Bumblebee tuna!

View Quote Ace Ventura: Okay, everything here seems good. Big load off my mind. You can speculate all you want but unless you check it out for yourself, you never know. [chuckles] We should head back now.
Fulton Greenwall: Aren't you going to go investigate?
Ace Ventura: There's no reason for anyone to go in there. Ever. I... sense it as a holy man.
Fulton: But I thought you said...
Ace Ventura: IT'S DARK! I COULD FALL INTO A PRECIPICE!
Ouda: Here you go.
[hands him a torch]
Ace Ventura: [gives look] Spank you, Helpy Helperton.

View Quote Ace Ventura: Greenwall, hit the lights! The switch on the wall beside you! Go for it! [starts crawling around furiously as if to attempt a daring escape, then stops] ...Flick it, QUICK!
[Greenwall does nothing]
Ace Ventura: All-righty then, shall we go to jail?

View Quote [with Greenwall at top of the huge stairs leading to a temple]
Ace Ventura: I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...
[close-up of slinky going down huge steps to temple]
Ace Ventura: Isn't this incredible?! It's gonna be some kind of a record!! [singing] Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go!
[Slinky stops on the second to last step]
Ace Ventura: Awwwwww, MAN!! Can you believe it?! It was RIGHT there! Can I do it one more time?
Fulton Greenwall: Forgive me, Mr Ventura, but if we don't hurry now, we might miss the plane.
Ace Ventura: Of course. How selfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.

View Quote [Ace is horrified at being inside a room decorated with the heads and bodies of animals]
Quinn: Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace Ventura: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death. Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.

View Quote Fulton Greenwall: You must be very proud, Ace.
Ace Ventura: Pride is an abomination! One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.

View Quote Fulton Greenwall: My name is Fulton Greenwall, and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.
Ashram Monk: No man here... carries with him... a label...
Fulton Greenwall: Oh yes. No names, how silly of me. Umm, he is an American.
Ashram Monk: We are all children... of the same life force...
Fulton Greenwall: [thinking of any other descriptions] Yes, well, he bends over and speaks from his rear.
Ashram Monk: Oh, him. This way.

View Quote [Ace is losing against the Tiny Warrior in the Watchootoo Circle of Death]
Ouda: Ace! He much better fighter than you.
Ace Ventura: [looks annoyed] Doi!

View Quote [Watchootoo chief speaks in Watchootoo to Ace]
Ouda: Wachootoo Chief say, "You friend to Watchootoo."
[Ace snorts and the Watchootoo chief speaks again]
Ouda: "But if curse of Shikaka not lifted by tomorrow sun at top of sky, Wachootoo kill all Wachati, and smash your head on a rock."
Ace Ventura: ...Super. Take care now, bye-bye then.