Greenwall, hit the lights! The switch on the wall beside you! Go for it! [starts crawling around furiously as if to attempt a daring escape, then stops] ...Flick it, QUICK!
Ace Ventura
Jim Carrey · 70 quotes
Fulton Greenwall
Ian McNeice · 11 quotes
Ouda
Maynard Eziashi · 5 quotes
Most scenes together: Ace Ventura & Fulton Greenwall (11), Ace Ventura & Ouda (5), Fulton Greenwall & Ouda (2)
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls quotes
Page 1 of 5I am yet to achieve omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Monk
No. Wait. There it is! You've just attained it.
I have?
Monk
Yes, just now. You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!
Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious, and the pottery is lovely.
It's made from guano.
Guano! Sounds so familiar...
[Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
Bat droppings.
[Ace drops the bowl spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue]
Guano is their chief resource, they use it to made many things in the village.
Yyyyyummay!
Okay, everything here seems good. Big load off my mind. You can speculate all you want but unless you check it out for yourself, you never know. [chuckles] We should head back now.
Aren't you going to go investigate?
There's no reason for anyone to go in there. Ever. I... sense it as a holy man.
But I thought you said...
IT'S DARK! I COULD FALL INTO A PRECIPICE!
Here you go.
What type of bat are we talking about?
The Great White Bat, of course.
Corpuscular chiroptera?
Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
[Natives kneel in respect of the name every time it is mentioned]
Shikaka. [they kneel again] Shikakaaaa! [they kneel once more] Shikasha! [they begin to kneel but catch on that he didn't say the name right] Ahhh! Shhhish kabab. Shhhhhawshank Redemption. SHI-KAAAAGO! (Chicago) [Chief kneels] You're outta there! [points outside] Go on, you're gone, go on.
Attendant
Peanuts?
Attendant
[holding bag of peanuts]
Peanuts.
...Oh, I see!
Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Nice to meet you. Bumblebee tuna! Bumblebee tuna! Excuse me. [whispers] Your balls are showing! Bumblebee tuna!
My name is Fulton Greenwall, and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.
Ashram Monk No man here... carries with him... a label...
Oh yes. No names, how silly of me. Umm, he is an American.
Ashram Monk We are all children... of the same life force...
[thinking of any other descriptions]
Yes, well, he bends over and speaks from his rear.
Ashram Monk Oh, him. This way.
You must be very proud, Ace.
Pride is an abomination! One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.
The Tiny Warrior
[shrieking in Watchootoo]
What did he just say?
I think he said that she is not a virgin. [looks at Ace]
...They can tell that!?
Wachati Princess That is a dart of the Watchootoo shaman!
The whattie whattun?
Wachootoo Medicine Man
[upon seeing Ace]
Equinsu... ocha!
"White Devil."
Well, tell him I'm not.
I only met you. How do I know?
Vincent Cadby [Ace enters the British Consulate and stamps his foot on the floor to get Cadby's attention]
Hello, Ace. You want your money?
Wrong again, Sweeney Toad! I've come for the sacred bat. Where is it?!
Vincent Cadby Wait - whatever can you mean?
Guano? Hello?! Does "poop" ring a bell? [takes out a book and reads from it] "Guano: mined as a source of nitrate, producing 84% of the world's supply of fertilizer, a 1.4 billion dollar industry." [closes the book] THAT'S what this war is all about! You can't legally take possession of the caves as long as the Wachatis inhabit the area, and you want that dookie so bad, you can taste it!
But sir, I thought that--
Vincent Cadby [quietly]
Yes, thank you, Fulton. [back to Ace] That's a fine theory, Mr. Ventura... What has it got to do with me?
I thought you'd never ask! [does an exaggerated inhalation of air, then speaks rapidly] The day I met you, there was a white substance on your shoe that I mistook for plaster; yesterday I saw the same white substance outside the hut where the bat was kept, and suddenly it hit me: the great white bat has great white guano! That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, and that explains the abrasion on your palm! ...Let me run that back for ya! [steps back while talking backwards] That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRATION ON YOUR PALM! DAMN, I'M GOOD! [does pelvic thrusts] Can you feel that?! Huh?! Can you feel it, Captain Compost?! THE DAY OF REDEMPTION IS AT HAND! REPENT... and thou shall be saved!
Quinn [Ace is horrified at being inside a room decorated with the heads and bodies of animals]
Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Of course not. This is a lovely room of death. Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.
[Ace is losing against the Tiny Warrior in the Watchootoo Circle of Death]
Ace! He much better fighter than you.