Grinch quotes from How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Grinch

One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.

Grinch

I am the Grinch that stole Christmas... and I'm sorry.

Grinch

Oh, no. The sleigh, the presents, they'll be destroyed, and I care! What is the deal?! Wait!

Grinch

Ugh. Bleeding hearts of the world UNITE!

Grinch

Of course, they are. That's what it's all about, isn't it? [Laughing] That's what it's always been about! Gifts. Gifts. Gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! Do you know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage! I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump! And the avarice! The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs! I want diamonds! I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored, and sell it to make glue!" Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this whole Christmas season is stupid, stupid, stupid! [looks up to and advances towards Martha May Whovier] There is, however... 1... teeny-tiny... Christmas tradition... I find... quite... meaningful. [snatches up a sprig of mistletoe from Martha] Mistletoe. Now, pucker up and KISS IT, Whoville! Boi-i-i-i-i-i-ing! [puts a bit of mistletoe over his butt, and then waggles it; later shaves off the Mayor's hair with the same razor he gave the Grinch to tease him] Uh, oh. Somebody's... fabulous! [kisses the Mayor]

Grinch

Am I just eating because I am bored?

Grinch

♪ Tick tock, tick tock. ♪♪ Counting down the Christmas clock. ♪♪ Old, young, big, small–♪ [Realizes he's singing] RA-AAAAA-AUGH!!! [covers his ears with his pillow] Blast this Christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant.

Grinch

Taxi! [The taxi drives right by him] It's because I'm green, isn't it?!

Oh, well. It's just toys, right? [Cindy: Hi, Mr. Grinch.] [gasps] Cindy Lou… WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?! [Cindy: I came to see you. No one should be alone on Christmas.]

Grinch

THIS IS NUTS! [Max barks] ON, CRASHER! ON, THRASHER! ON, VOMIT AND BLITZKRIEG–! [on the sleigh he made; freaking out] WE'RE GONNA DIE, WE'RE GONNA DIE!! I'M GOING TO THROW UP, AND THEN I'M GONNA DIE!!! MOMMY, TELL IT TO STOP!! [sobs, then calms down] Ha! Almost lost my cool there.

Grinch

Merry christmas, one and all!

Grinch

Play, monkey! Play! [rides on a jackhammer while vocalizing] OWIE!!!

Grinch

I asked for 3/4, not 5/8. Stay focused!

Grinch

Holiday Whobie-wantie?

Grinch

Phew. [Max sneezes] Gesundheit. Ooh.

Grinch

Is it?

Grinch

Wrong-o.

Grinch

Give me that!

Grinch

IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!

The Grinch

Well done, Max! Serves them right, those yuletide-loving... sickly-sweet, nog-sucking cheer mongers! [picks up an onion] I really don't like 'em. Mm-mm. No, I don't. [eats the onion] MAX! [Max whimpers] Get my cloak. [Max runs back inside] I've been much too tolerant of these Who-venile delinquents, and their innocent, victim-less pranks. [rubs his pits with the onion] So they wanna get to know me, do they? [throws away the onion] They want to spend a little quality time with the Grinch. [turns to the camera] I guess I could use a little... social interaction. [shows off a sinister-looking smile; the scene fades to Whoville with a view of Max and the Grinch's feet]

Merry Christmas!

Mr. Grinch

Oh, yeah. You bet, and ho, ho, ho, and... stuff. [The bikers fall down, blocking traffic.] Oh, my. Someone has vandalized that vehicle. You see, Max? The city is a dangerous place.

Narrator

The Grinch hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season.

Top of the day.

Grinch

Flatfoot.

Narrator

Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

Grinch

Hey, kids. Here's a present for ya. Be sure to run real fast with it now. All right, come on. Double time. Let's go! Move, move, move, move, move!

Narrator

It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all...

Who

Merry Christmas!

Grinch

Is it?

Narrator

...May have been that his heart was 2 sizes too small.

Hey, stranger! Won't let you go until you buy a chapeau! [The Grinch pulls off his mask, loudly belches, blows odor on him, making him fall. The Grinch pulls his mask back on, and laughs evilly.]

Drew

DAD?! DAAAAAAAD!

Lou Who

What happened to you?

Stu

It was THE GRINCH!

Grinch?!

Grinch

What do you want? I mean– [mocks female voice] Grinch!? Oh, no!

Cindy Lou Who

But, Dad, I just don't understand something. Why won't anyone talk about the Grinch?

You kids and the Grinch. You see, Cindy, the Grinch is a Who who... well, is actually not a Who. He's... He's more of a…

A what?

Exactly, honey. And he's a What who... doesn't like Christmas. Take a look at his mailbox, sweetie. Not a single Christmas card in or out... ever.

But why?

Well…

Lou, where's my mail?

Lou, I got the wrong mail here!

Lou, I got the wrong mail!

Uh, I'll be right there. Whoop!

We got a problem!

All right. Uh, we'll straighten this out.

Grinch

It'll take them years to sort this out. This is his and now it's yours, and this is hers and now it's his! [laughs schemingly] And for the rest of you... [turns around by the sorting machine, then starts throwing everyone's mail in the wrong boxes] ...Jury duty, Jury duty, Jury duty, blackmail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, Jury duty! [throws more mail into the wrong boxes as he emits a light giggle of amusement] Gee-e-e-e-e-eee…!

Would you mind helping me? Take this to the back room, honey. But, be careful of the sorting machine, right?

Yeah.

Grinch

Gesundheit.

You're the, the, the, the…

Grinch

"The, the, the, the…" [normal voice; loudly] THE GRINCH!

Aah! [falls down a mail shaft] Help!

Grinch

Well...

Help!

Grinch

...That worked out nicely.

Help! [big stamp stamps fragile on present; muffled] Help me! Somebody!

Grinch

Max, let's go. Our work here is finished. [chomps] Sheesh!

Help me! Please! Help!

Grinch

That is not a chew toy! Stop it, Max! Get that out of your mouth! You have no idea where it's been!

Help!

Grinch

Ohhh... Bleeding hearts of the world, UNITE!

Help! Help!

Grinch

There. [takes back his goofy mask] Give me that! DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG TO YOU?! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU SOME KIND OF WILD ANIMAL?! HUH?!

Uh-uh.

Grinch

Let's go. [heads to the exit]

Thanks for saving me.

Grinch

Saving you? Is that what you think I was doing?

Uh-huh.

Grinch

Wrong-o. [grabs wrapping paper] I merely noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear! [begins wrapping Cindy Lou wildly in wrapping paper] DRAT! Hold still! [stops wrapping, to Max] Max, pick out a bow! [resumes wrapping Cindy Lou in wrapping paper, stops] Can I use your finger for a second?

Hello? Hello!

Grinch

Ow.

Cindy?

Dad. [Lou sees her covered in gift wrapping that the Grinch wrapped her up with earlier] Daddy! Daddy!

What the hey? Honey? Cindy?

Dad, it was amazing!

You've been practicing your Christmas wrapping. Honey, I'm so proud of you.

Uh… Oh. Well…

Now that's holiday!

Narrator

Sweet little Cindy didn't know what to do. In her head bum-tumbled a conflict or two; "If the Grinch was so bad, then why did he save me? Maybe he wasn't so bad."

Come on, let's go home.

Narrator

"Maybe. Just maybe."

Grinch

Oooh! Sweet. [singing] ♪ Be it ever so...heinous, there's no place like home. ♪

Grinch

Yes! Down a size 1/2! [breaks the fourth wall; to the audience watching] And this time, I'll keep it off. [frowns and walks out of frame; to Max, shaking hand quickly] Get the stick, Max! Get the stick! [throws his hand towards Max's direction; Max barks and runs in that direction, while the Grinch chortles to himself] There's no stick. I'm smarter. [takes a running leap onto his bed] Any calls? [turns his phone on]

You have no messages.

Grinch

Odd. Better check the outgoing. [presses another button]

If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key. [phone beeps]

Grinch

Hmm. Hmm? [turns his machine off] Oh, well. [jumps off his bed and slides to his chair as he screams and laughs gleefully] That's more like it. [he pulls off his socks while singing nonsense; the socks crawl away, and the Grinch bites off a piece of a glass bottle; puts his finger into his mouth, gags and continues to crunch the glass bottle] Mmm. Excellent year. [puts down glass bottle] I'll tell ya, Max. I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need... right here. Hello! [echoes] How are you? [echoes] I asked you first! [echoes; sarcastically] Oh, that's really mature, saying exactly what I say! [echoes]

Grinch

I'm an idiot!

YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, IDIOT....!

Grinch

All right, fine! I'm not talking to you anymore. In fact, I'm going to whisper, so that by the time my voice reverberates off the walls and it gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it. [covers his ears]

YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, IDIOT....!

Grinch

Am I eating because I'm bored?

Narrator

So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave( on Christmas Eve)... hating the Whos.

Grinch

Alphabetically. [raises finger, hits against name in book] Aadvarkian Abakenezer-Who, I... [bellows down] HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! [stops] Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. [pointing at various names] Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. [pause, widens eyes; venomously] LOATHE ENTIRELY!! [hears music playing in Whoville] Nutcrackers! [closes the book] It's their Whobilation!

Narrator

...He snarled with a sneer.

Grinch

Tomorrow is Christmas.It's practically here.MAX! FETCH ME MY SEDATIVE! [inside his cave; with a hammer] Now, to take care of those pesky memories. [hits himself with the hammer and falls over, moaning]

Grinch

Play, monkey! Play! Play, play, play! [rides a jackhammer while vocalizing; he soon wipes out] OWWIEE!!

Cindy

Mr. Grinch? [knocks on the door again] Mr. Grinch! [opens Max's doggie door] Hello? [crawls into the Grinch's cave; she finds him standing with his head in the path of the monkey's cymbals, yelling gibberish each time they hit his head. Taps his shoulder] Excuse me?

Grinch

Hmm? [sticks his head out and grabs the monkey's cymbals; the monkey short-circuits and it's motor slowly powers down; turns slowly to Cindy with a furious look as the monkey's motor stops] Hello... little girl. [angrily] HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?! THE IMPUDENCE! THE AUDACITY! THE UNMITIGATED GALL! You've called down the thunder. Now, get ready... FOR THE BOOOOOOM! Gaze into the face... of fear. BOOGA-BOOGA!

Cindy

Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.

Grinch

You see? Even now the terror is welling up inside you!

Cindy

I'm not scared.

Grinch

Denial is to be expected in the face of pure evil. [makes psychotic growling noises]

Cindy

I don't think so!

Grinch

Doubt?! Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're doomed. [jumps out of frame, then jumps back in wearing a white t-shirt and making animalistic noises, ripping the shirt apart] RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, BEFORE I KILL AGAIN! [howls] I'm a psycho. [growls, puts shirt in his mouth, spits it out, jumps around Cindy Lou frantically] Danger, danger! [repeatedly growls, but suddenly stops as he is out of breath]

Cindy

Um... maybe you need a time-out. [giggles after the Grinch looks dumbfounded]

Grinch

Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television. (Anyways…) [to Cindy] WHAT DO YOU WANT?! [echoes]

Cindy

Mr. Grinch, I came to invite you... to be Holiday Cheermeister.

Grinch

Uh... "Holiday whobie whatie"?

Cindy

Cheermeister.

Grinch

Huh? "C(ordially invites you to be Holiday C)heermeister( at the Whobilation 1,000 Celebration). Celebrate (and dine) with friends." [laughing raucously] AAH!! That's a good one. [wheezes]

Cindy

I know you hate Christmas, but what if it's all just a misunderstanding?

Grinch

Don't care.

Cindy

I mean, I myself am having some Yuletide doubts. [Grinch makes snoring noises] But maybe if you can reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas...

Grinch

"Maybe if you can reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas…" [normal voice] Grow up!

Cindy

...then maybe it'll be all right for me too!

Grinch

I'm sorry, your session is over. Please make another appointment with the receptionist on the way out.

Cindy

Please, please! You have to accept the award!

Grinch

"Award"? [rapidly grabs and dips Cindy attentively] You never mentioned... an award.

Cindy

Yeah, with a trophy and everything.

Grinch

And I won?

Cindy

You won!

Grinch

That means there were losers.

Cindy

I guess. So, if you come--

Grinch

A town full of losers! I like it! Was anyone... emotionally shattered? (Well...?) Come on! A minute ago, I couldn't shut you up! Details, details!

Cindy

Well, the Mayor wasn't happy.

Grinch

Oh, no.

Cindy

Martha May will be there.

Grinch

Oh, she will?

Cindy

Mm-hm.

Grinch

And she'll see me... a winner.

Grinch

She'll be on me like fleegle flies on a flat-faced floogle horse! [dramatically] WELL, I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, MARTHA BABY, BUT THE G-TRAIN HAS LEFT THE STATION!

Cindy

So will you come?

Grinch

Oh, all right. (I'll think about it.)

Grinch

I don't know if it's that adorable twinkle in your eye, or that nonconformist streak that reminds me of a younger less hairy me, but you've convinced me! Who knows? This Whobilation could change my entire outlook on life!

Cindy

Really?

Grinch

No. [pulls a rope, opening up the garbage chute beneath her and sending her back to Whoville]

Grinch

Nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there... on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! [opens his schedule] "4:00; wallow in self-pity. 4:30; stare into the abyss. 5:00; solve world hunger." Tell no one. "5:30; jazzercise. 6:30; dinner with me." I can't cancel that again. "7:00; wrestle with myself loathing…" I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. [beat] But what would I wear? [goes to kitchen, and grab tablecloth, without disturbing items, but returns and knocks off the stuff from the table; poses in the mirror as Max barks] It's not a dress, it's a kilt! [rips off tablecloth] Sicko!

Grinch

Stupid! Ugly! Out of date! This is ridiculous! If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going! [hears a yodeler and mugs him for his lederhosen] Ohh. Ahh. Mmm. That's it, I'm not going.

Augustus May Who

Well, it's time for our Holiday Cheermeister of the Year Award! [chuckles; everyone cheers] Congratulations, Mr. Grinch! [turns out the Grinch is not in the Whobilation] He isn't here. What, he didn't show? Who could've predicted this?

Grinch

All right. I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me, grab a handful of popcorn shrimp and blow outta there. [heads for the door, then stops abruptly and returns nervously] But what if it's a cruel prank? What if it's a cash bar? How dare they? [scowls, then calms down] All right, I'll go. But I'll be fashionably late. No, yes, no, yes, no. Yes! [groans in frustration; sharp inhale] Definitely not. [heading for the door with his hand behind his back] All right! I've made my decision; I'm going, and that's that! [shows his crossed fingers on his hand] Ah, had my fingers crossed. [Max pulls the rope, sending the Grinch falling through the garbage chute towards Whoville] Maybe I should flip a coin! [screams as the picture spins rapidly from him and stops to Cindy-Lou Who]

Augustus May Who

Well, I-I guess the award goes to the, the runner up.

That's right. A man for whom Christmas comes, not once a year, but every minute of every day. A handsome, noble man. A man who's had his tonsils removed twice.

Augustus May Who

That's an interesting story. You see, what happened was–

Grinch

Boo. [the crowd screams in horror] Hmm. Hot crowd, hot crowd. I believe I'm here to... [licks chops] ...accept an award of some kind. And... the child... mentioned a check?

Cindy

No, I didn't.

Grinch

Alright, then. Give me the award. COME ON. WHILE I'M YOUNG!

Augustus

Don't you worry, Mr. Holiday Cheermeister, you'll get your award. But first, a little family reunion. They nursed you, they clothed you. Here they are, your old biddies!

Grinch

Are you two still living?

Only 4 hours till Christmas!

Narrator

Yes, the Grinch knew.Tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys.

Grinch

And then, all the noise!All the noise, noise, noise, NOISE!!They'll bang on tong-tinglers.They'll blow their floo-flounders.They'll crash on jang-jinglers and bounce on boing-bounders!

Narrator

Then Whos young and old would sit down to a feast.And they'll feast, and they'll feast.

Grinch

And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast!They'll eat their Who pudding, and rare Who roast BEAST... which is something I just cannot stand in the least.Oh, no. I'm speaking in rhyme! Aah! [drops to his knees] BLAST YOU, WHOS! [sobs]

Narrator

And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought...

Grinch

I must stop this whole thing.Why, for year after year, I've put up with it now!I must stop this Christmas from coming, but how? [gasps] I mean, "In what way?". [gags, disgusted; as he goes inside his cave, he sees Max dancing right behind the doghouse; to Max, snickering] Are you having a holly... jolly... Christmas? [record needle scratches] WRONG-O! [throws Max and his doghouse out. He peers over the edge at the dog-shaped hole in the snow as Max whimpers] Hmph! [jumps to the hole, and picks up Max, who is covered in snow] If you're not going to help me, then you might as well– [sees snow covering Max's face, looking like Santa Claus' white beard]

Narrator

Then he got an idea; an awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful... awful idea.

Grinch

I know... just what to do. [smiles sneakily and points his pointer finger up with a "Ding!" sound effect; the scene cuts to the Grinch cutting a coat-shaped hole in the red fabric, and sewing the fabric]

Narrator

The Grinch laughed in his throat...

Grinch

Ha!

Narrator

...and he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.

Grinch

Oh-ho-ho! [sees his fingers sewn to the red fabric later]

Narrator

And he chuckled and clucked... [the Grinch faints in shock and pain] ...at this great Grinchy trick.

Grinch

With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! Ho, ho, ho! [singing] ♪ You're a mean one… Mr. Grinch! ♪♪ You really are a heel. ♪

♪ You're as cuddly as a cactus, and as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch! ♪You're a bad banana with a... ♪ greasy black peel! ♪ [scene cuts to the Grinch riding ziplines] ♪ Just face the music, you're a monster, Mr. Grinch. ♪Yes, you are!

Grinch

♪ Your heart's an empty hoooooooole! ♪

♪ Your brain is full of spiders and you got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch. ♪Mmm…♪ I wouldn't touch you with a… 39 1/2 foot pooooooooole! ♪

Grinch

I asked for 3/4, not 5/8. Stay focused! [The Grinch brings the 5/8 spanner back to Max.]

You know if you asked every Who's Who of Whoville…♪ No one would deny it. ♪ [holds note as Max presses the button, making the Grinch launch faster, until it hits the "HIT HERE" sign, making Jim Carrey cough]

Grinch

Ow. [lifts his head up after a dummy crash test] Airbag's a little slow. [Airbags come out] But that's what these tests are for! [Max barks, and the Grinch lets his head drop back down] ♪ You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch. You have termites in your smile. ♪

♪ You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch. ♪

♪ Given the choice between you, I'd take the... seasick crocodile! ♪ [holds note while spinning around but yells and holds his mouth as he grunts.]

Ho-ho-ho!

Grinch

Fat-boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.

Merry Christmas!

Grinch

Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer. (All I need is a reindeer.)

Narrator

Did that stop the old Grinch?No. The Grinch simply said...

Grinch

If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. [reaches for Max, who whimpers and runs away] Oh, Maaaaaa-AAAAAAX!!

Narrator

So he called his dog Max.Then he took some red thread… and tied a big horn... on top of his head.

Grinch

Alright, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation - your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with the red nose and nobody likes you. Then one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. [Max stares at him blankly] No, forget that part. We'll improvise, just keep kind of loosy-goosy. You hate Christmas, you're gonna steal it! Saving Christmas was a lousy ending. Way too commercial. [sits down on director's chair and holds up megaphone; amplified] ACTION! [Max pops off the red nose; jumps out of seat, ecstatic] BRILLIANT!! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of Commercialism! Why didn't I think of it?! Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.

Grinch

Come on, Max. It's our first stop.

Narrator

...The old Grinchy Claus hissed, and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. [the Grinch prepares to go down the chimney with rope on his feet]He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch.But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.

Grinch

He's planning a double-twisting interrupted by forward-flying 2 1/2 with a combo tuck and pike. High degree of difficulty. [jumps high in the air as bungee jumping while vocalizing] Whoo! [leans closer to the chimney] ♪ LAA-LAAA-LAAAAAAA!! ♪ [lands in the chimney upside down, and gets stuck since he gained a couple of pounds from the Whobilation]

Narrator

He got stuck only once... for a moment or two.

Grinch

Blasted water weight. Goes right to my hips. [struggles his arms to free himself as he slides down and lands and hits his head by the fireplace] Ow! Gee! [looks at the view of the living room]

Narrator

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue...

Grinch

Shh! A little more stealth, please.

Narrator

...Where the little Who stockings are all hung in a row.

Grinch

These stockings...

Narrator

He grinned.

Grinch

...Are the first thing to go. [picks out a jar of moths] Okay, fellas. Chow time. [frees the moths, sticks his head back up just as the moths eat the stockings. Then, the Grinch lowers a hose, and sucks everything into his bag, as he laughs evilly]

Narrator

Then he slunk to the icebox. [The Grinch hugs the fridge into place.]

Grinch

Slunk? [opens up the fridge] Eee.

Narrator

He eyed the Whos' feast.He took the Who-Pudding. [The Grinch throws a plate of Who pudding away.]He took... the Roast Beast.

Grinch

HIKE! [tosses the Roast Beast in a football hike position]

Narrator

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.Why, that Grinch, he even took their last can of Who-Hash. [The Grinch opens up the cupboard to reveal a last can of Who-Hash inside in it just as Cindy opens her bedroom door.]Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

Grinch

And now...

Narrator

Grinned The Grinch.

Grinch

...I'll stuff up the tree.

Narrator

And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove!When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

Cindy

Excuse me.

Grinch

Eee! [stops and hides behind the tree]

Narrator

The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughterwho'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.

Cindy

Santa Claus, what are you doing with our tree?

Narrator

But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick...[Grinch coughs]...He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.

Grinch

Why-hy-hyy, my sweet little tot...

Narrator

The fake Santa Claus lied.

Grinch

...There's a light on this tree that won't... light on one side, so I'm taking it home to my w-wo-orkshop, my dear. [laughs and Cindy giggles]I'll fix it up there… and I'll bring it... back here.

Cindy

Santa, what's Christmas really about?

Grinch

Vengeance! Er, I mean... presents... I suppose.

Cindy

Hmm. I was afraid of that.

Narrator

And his fib fooled the child.Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.

Cindy

Santa?

Grinch

What?!

Cindy

Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy… but I think he's actually kinda... sweet.

Grinch

"Sweet"?! You think he's sweet?

Cindy

Merry Christmas, Santa.

Narrator

And when Cindy Lou went up with her cup...

Grinch

Nice kid. Bad judge of character.

Narrator

...He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. [the Grinch stuffs the tree up the Chimney, grabs the Christmas lights and goes up the chimney] (Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.)And the last thing he took was the log for their fire.On their walls, he left nothing but some hooks and some wire.And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house was a crumb, that was even too small for a mouse.Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around each Who home, and he took every present.

Grinch

Clearance sale. Everything must go. [sucks up Christmas stuff even a cat on a chair, and takes it out.] What... now? [a cat attacks his face]

Augustus

Martha, have you ever kissed a man who lost his tonsils twice?

Grinch

No, silly. [picks up Max] But it's an experience that I've always longed for. Kiss me, you fool! [This makes Max's grow big eyes, making the Mayor holding up bright teeth as the Grinch puts a hook on the bottom of the bed.]

Grinch

Hmm. What are you laughing at... Rudolph? [later on Mt. Crumpit] It's all you, Maxie!

Narrator

3,000 feet up.Up the side of Mt. Crumpit.He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it.

Grinch

Okay, whoa! WHOOOAA!! [gets off the sleigh] We... DID IIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!! [chanting] We did it, we did it! That wasn't so bad, was it, Max? [Max now whimpers once again] They'll be waking up now. [spots at the bottom of the edge view of Whoville] And I know just what they'll do.All those Whos down in Whoville, will all cry... [The Whos were now singing "Boo Hoo" sober about stolen Christmas]

What an embarrassment! I've been robbed! [heads inside the police car, making the Mayor's bed come loose]

Whoa! Whoa! [the bed stops]
Office Houlihan [gasps] Mayor May Who? Oh, dearest me!

Well... I wonder who could have done this. [Ones of the Whos help the Mayor put a robe on. He puts the robe on] tell you people one thing: Invite the Grinch, destroy Christmas. [starts pounding the bed in frustration] INVITE THE GRINCH, DESTROY CHRISTMAS! But did anyone listen to me?

I did.

No. You chose to listen... [laughs sarcastically] ...To a little not-to-be-taken-seriously [seriously] ...GIRL, who hasn't even grown into her nose yet. [looks at Cindy] Cindy, I hope you're very proud of what you've done.

Grinch

Now, for the final note in my symphony of downright nasty not-niceness, the crescendo of my odious opus! [starts pushing the sled] Oh, the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! [strains harder, and stops to hear faint singing] (Hmm...?)

Narrator

Then the Grinch heard a sound rising over the snow.It started in low.Then it started to grow.

Grinch

Huh? Whuh?

Narrator

But the sound wasn't sad.Why, this sounded merry...but it was merry. Very.Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small was singing without any presents at all.He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming.It came.

Grinch

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

Cindy

Mr. Grinch!

Narrator

And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling.

Grinch

How could it be so?It came without ribbons.It came without tags.It came without packages, boxes or bags!

Narrator

And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore.Then the Grinch... thought of something... he hadn't before.

Grinch

Maybe... Christmas...

Narrator

He thought.

Grinch

...Doesn't...come from a store.Maybe Christmas...perhaps... [warmly] ...Means a little bit more. [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max, help me! I'm... feeling! [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing]

Narrator

And what happened then?Well, in Whoville they sayThat the Grinch's small heart... grew 3 sizes... that day.

Grinch

What's happening to me? [stops crying, and notices the sun rising] I'm all... toasty inside. [feels a tear] And I'm leaking. Oh, Max. I love ya!

Grinch

No hard feelings. [Augustus gives the Grinch his hand to shake, but the Grinch pulls the Mayor's hand, and roars with laughter] Cheer up, dude. It's Christmas.

Narrator

So, he brought back the toys, and the food for the feast.And he, he himself, the Grinch carved the Roast Beast.

Grinch

Yeah. [everyone cheers] There's nothing like the Holidays. Who wants the gizzard?!

Who

I do.

Grinch

Too late! That'll be mine.
Extended version[edit]

Grinch

Play, monkey! Play! Play, play, play! [He rides a jackhammer while vocalizing; he soon wipes out] OWWIEE!!

Cindy

Mr. Grinch? [knocks on the door again] Mr. Grinch! [opens Max's doggie door] Hello? [crawls into the Grinch's cave; she finds him standing with his head in the path of the Jolly Chimp's cymbals, yelling gibberish each time they hit his head. Taps his shoulder] Excuse me?

Grinch

Hmm? [He sticks his head out and grabs the Jolly Chimp's cymbals; the Jolly Chimp short-circuits, and the motor slowly powers down; turns slowly to Cindy with a furious look as the monkey's motor stops] Hello...little girl. [bellows] HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?!THE IMPUDENCE! THE AUDACITY! THE UNMITIGATED GALL! You've called down the thunder. Now, get ready... FOR THE BOOOOOOM! Gaze into the face...of fear. BOOGA-BOOGA!

Cindy

Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.

Grinch

You see? Even now, the terror is welling up inside you.

Cindy

I'm not scared.

Grinch

Denial is to be expected in the face of pure evil. [He makes psychotic growling noises]

Cindy

I don't think so.

Grinch

Doubt?! Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're doomed. [He jumps out of frame, then jumps back in, wearing a white t-shirt and making animalistic noises, ripping the shirt apart] RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, BEFORE I KILL AGAIN! [howls] I'm a psycho. [He growls, puts a shirt in his mouth, spits it out, jumps around Cindy Lou frantically] Danger, danger! [He repeatedly growls, but suddenly stops as he is out of breath]

Cindy

Um, maybe you need a time-out. [giggles after the Grinch looks dumbfounded]

Grinch

Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television. [to Cindy; bellows] WHAT DO YOU WANT?! [echoes]

Cindy

Mr. Grinch, I came to invite you... to be Holiday Cheermeister.

Grinch

Uh... "Holiday" who-bie what-ie?

Cindy

Cheermeister.

Grinch

Huh? "(Cordially invites you to be our Holiday) Cheermeister( at the Who Whobilation 1,000 celebration). Celebrate (and dine) with friends( at 7:30 P.M)." [laughing raucously] AAH!! That's a good one. [wheezes]

Cindy

I know you hate Christmas, but what if it's all just a misunderstanding?

Grinch

Don't care.

Cindy

I mean, I myself am having some Yuletide doubts. [Grinch makes snoring noises] But maybe if you can reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas...

Grinch

"Maybe if you can reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas--" [normal voice] Grow up!

Cindy

...then maybe it'll be all right for me, too!

Grinch

I'm sorry, your session is over. Please make another appointment with the receptionist on the way out.

Cindy

Please, please! You have to accept the award!

Grinch

"Award"? [rapidly grabs and dips Cindy attentively] You never mentioned...an award.

Cindy

Yeah, with a trophy and everything.

Grinch

And I won?

Cindy

You won!

Grinch

That means there were losers.

Cindy

I guess. So, if you come--

Grinch

A town full of losers! I like it! Was anyone... emotionally shattered? Come on! A minute ago, I couldn't shut you up! Details, details!

Cindy

Well, the Mayor wasn't happy.

Grinch

Oh, no.

Cindy

Martha May will be there.

Grinch

Oh, she will?

Cindy

Mm-hm.

Grinch

And she'll see me. A winner. [Cindy nods again] She'll be on me like Fleegle flies on a flat-faced floogle horse! [dramatically] WELL, I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, MARTHA BABY, BUT THE G-TRAIN HAS LEFT THE STATION!

Cindy

So will you come?

Grinch

Oh, alright.

Grinch

I don't know if it's that adorable twinkle in your eye, or that nonconformist streak that reminds me of a younger less hairy me, but (maybe) you've convinced me! Who knows? This Whobilation could change my entire outlook on life!

Cindy

Really?

Grinch

No(, but I'll still think about it). [pulls a rope, opening up the garbage chute beneath her and sending her back to Whoville]

Cindy

Aaaah!

Grinch

AAAAAAAH! The nerve of those Whos; Inviting me down there... on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! [opens his schedule] "4 o'clock; wallow in self-pity. 4:30; stare into the abyss. 5 o'clock; solve world hunger." Tell no one. "5:30; jazzercise. 6:30; dinner with me." I can't cancel that again. "7 o'clock; wrestle with myself loathing"... I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. [beat] But what would I wear? [goes to kitchen, and accidentally, yet perfectly, does the tablecloth trick without disturbing the items, but returns and knocks the stuff off of the table; poses in the mirror as Max barks] It's not a dress, it's a kilt! [rips off tablecloth] Sicko! [rummaging through clothes] Stupid! Ugly! Out of date! This is ridiculous! If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going! [hears a yodeler and mugs him for his lederhosen] Ohh. Ahh. Mmm. That's it, I'm not going.

Augustus May Who

Well, it's time for our Holiday Cheermeister of the Year Award! [chuckles; everyone cheers] Congratulations, Mr. Grinch! [turns out the Grinch is not in the Whobilation] He isn't here. What? He didn't show? Who could've predicted this?

Grinch

Alright. I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me, grab a handful of popcorn shrimp and blow outta here. [heads for the door, then stops abruptly and returns nervously] But what if it's a cruel prank, what if it's a cash bar? How dare they? [scowls, then calms down] Alright, I'll go, but I'll be fashionably late. No, yes, no, yes, no. Yes! Drrrgh! Definitely not. [heading for the door with his hand behind his back] All right, I've made my decision! I'm going, and that's that! [shows his crossed fingers on his hand] Ah, had my fingers crossed. Whaaaaa! [Max pulls the rope, sending the Grinch falling through the garbage chute towards Whoville] MAYBE I SHOULD FLIP A COIN! [screams as the picture spins rapidly from him and stops to Cindy-Lou Who]

Augustus May Who

Well, I, I guess the award goes to the, the runner-up.

That's right. A man for whom Christmas comes, not once a year, but every minute of every day. A handsome, noble man. A man who's had his tonsils removed twice.

Augustus May Who

That's an interesting story. You see, what happened was--

Alright, what do we have here?

Grinch

You got me, officer! [jumps down from his sleigh] I did it. I'm the Grinch that stole Christmas. And I'm...sorry. [the crowd goes "Aww..." as he turns himself in, but nothing happens afterwards] Aren't you gonna cuff me? Put me in a chokehold? Blind me with pepper spray?

Augustus

You heard him, officer! He admitted it! [whispers in the officer's ear] I'd go with the pepper spray. [the Grinch scowls]

Yes, I heard him, all right. He said he was sorry. [the crowd murmurs happily, much to Augustus' shock] Besides, looks like everything is all here and accounted for.

Augustus

Help me out here, people. I-- Martha!

Martha

Merry Christmas, August May Who! I'm afraid I do have something for you. [slides down the sleigh and walks slowly to Augustus] Your ring back. [the crowd gasps in shock] Sorry, but my heart belongs to... [turns to the Grinch] ...someone else.

Grinch

I got a girl, I got a girl, I got a girl! [to Augustus May Who] No hard feelings. [Augustus gives the Grinch his hand to shake, but the Grinch pulls Augustus' hand and guffaws; politely] Cheer up, dude. It's Christmas.