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How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) quotes

55 total quotes

Cindy Lou Who
Grinch
Narrator


View Quote Deleted scenes[edit]
View Quote 3,000 feet up.Up the side of Mt. Crumpit.He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it.
View Quote Cindy Lou Who: But, Dad, I just don't understand something. Why won't anyone talk about the Grinch?
Lou Lou Who: [puts stuff inside] You kids and the Grinch. You see, Cindy, the Grinch is a Who who... well, is actually not a Who. He's... He's more of a…
Cindy Lou: A what?
Lou: Exactly, honey. And he's a What who... doesn't like Christmas. Take a look at his mailbox, sweetie. Not a single Christmas card in or out... ever.
Cindy: But why?
Lou: Well…
Post Office Person: Lou, where's my mail?
Post Office Person 2: Lou, I got the wrong mail here!
Post Office Person 3: Lou, I got the wrong mail!
Lou: Uh, I'll be right there. Whoop!
Post Office Person 4: We got a problem!
Lou: All right. Uh, we'll straighten this out.
Grinch: [at the back room of the post office with Max by the sorting machine; laughing evilly] It'll take them years to sort this out. This is his and now it's yours, and this is hers and now it's his! [laughs schemingly] And for the rest of you... [turns around by the sorting machine, then starts throwing everyone's mail in the wrong boxes] ...Jury duty, Jury duty, Jury duty, blackmail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, Jury duty! [throws more mail into the wrong boxes as he emits a light giggle of amusement] Gee-e-e-e-e-eee…!
Lou Lou Who: Would you mind helping me? Take this to the back room, honey. But, be careful of the sorting machine, right?
Cindy: Yeah.
View Quote Cindy: [following him] I know you hate Christmas, but what if it's all just a misunderstanding?
Grinch: Don't care.
Cindy: I mean, I myself am having some Yuletide doubts. [Grinch makes snoring noises] But maybe if you can reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas...
Grinch: [mimics Cindy in a nasally voice] "Maybe if you can reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas…" [normal voice] Grow up!
Cindy: ...then maybe it'll be all right for me too!
Grinch: I'm sorry, your session is over. Please make another appointment with the receptionist on the way out.
Cindy: Please, please! You have to accept the award!
Grinch: [gasps; stops in surprise] "Award"? [rapidly grabs and dips Cindy attentively] You never mentioned... an award.
Cindy: Yeah, with a trophy and everything.
Grinch: And I won?
Cindy: You won!
Grinch: That means there were losers.
Cindy: I guess. So, if you come--
Grinch: [gleefully] A town full of losers! I like it! Was anyone... emotionally shattered? (Well...?) Come on! A minute ago, I couldn't shut you up! Details, details!
Cindy: Well, the Mayor wasn't happy.
Grinch: [with relish] Oh, no.
Cindy: [smiling] Martha May will be there.
Grinch: [smiling back] Oh, she will?
Cindy: [nodding] Mm-hm.
Grinch: And she'll see me... a winner.
Cindy: [nods again]
Grinch: She'll be on me like fleegle flies on a flat-faced floogle horse! [dramatically] WELL, I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, MARTHA BABY, BUT THE G-TRAIN HAS LEFT THE STATION!
Cindy: So will you come?
Grinch: [shrugging] Oh, all right. (I'll think about it.)
[Cindy giggles]
Grinch: [leading her to the front door, acting happy] I don't know if it's that adorable twinkle in your eye, or that nonconformist streak that reminds me of a younger less hairy me, but you've convinced me! Who knows? This Whobilation could change my entire outlook on life!
Cindy: Really?
Grinch: [grumpy again] No. [pulls a rope, opening up the garbage chute beneath her and sending her back to Whoville]
View Quote Clock Operator: Only 4 hours till Christmas!
Narrator: Yes, the Grinch knew.Tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys.
Grinch: And then, all the noise!All the noise, noise, noise, NOISE!!They'll bang on tong-tinglers.They'll blow their floo-flounders.They'll crash on jang-jinglers and bounce on boing-bounders!
Narrator: Then Whos young and old would sit down to a feast.And they'll feast, and they'll feast.
Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast!They'll eat their Who pudding, and rare Who roast BEAST... which is something I just cannot stand in the least.Oh, no. I'm speaking in rhyme! Aah! [drops to his knees] BLAST YOU, WHOS! [sobs]
Narrator: And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought...
Grinch: I must stop this whole thing.Why, for year after year, I've put up with it now!I must stop this Christmas from coming, but how? [gasps] I mean, "In what way?". [gags, disgusted; as he goes inside his cave, he sees Max dancing right behind the doghouse; to Max, snickering] Are you having a holly... jolly... Christmas? [record needle scratches] WRONG-O! [throws Max and his doghouse out. He peers over the edge at the dog-shaped hole in the snow as Max whimpers] Hmph! [jumps to the hole, and picks up Max, who is covered in snow] If you're not going to help me, then you might as well– [sees snow covering Max's face, looking like Santa Claus' white beard]
Narrator: Then he got an idea; an awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful... awful idea.
Grinch: I know... just what to do. [smiles sneakily and points his pointer finger up with a "Ding!" sound effect; the scene cuts to the Grinch cutting a coat-shaped hole in the red fabric, and sewing the fabric]
Narrator: The Grinch laughed in his throat...
Grinch: Ha!
Narrator: ...and he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
[loud crunch]
Grinch: [alarmed] Oh-ho-ho! [sees his fingers sewn to the red fabric later]
Narrator: And he chuckled and clucked... [the Grinch faints in shock and pain] ...at this great Grinchy trick.
Grinch: [admires himself in the mirror, dressed in the finished outfit] With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! Ho, ho, ho! [singing] ♪ You're a mean one… Mr. Grinch! ♪♪ You really are a heel. ♪
Jim Carrey: ♪ You're as cuddly as a cactus, and as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch! ♪You're a bad banana with a... ♪ greasy black peel! ♪ [scene cuts to the Grinch riding ziplines] ♪ Just face the music, you're a monster, Mr. Grinch. ♪Yes, you are!
Grinch: [singing] ♪ Your heart's an empty hoooooooole! ♪
Jim: ♪ Your brain is full of spiders and you got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch. ♪Mmm…♪ I wouldn't touch you with a… 39 1/2 foot pooooooooole! ♪
[Max brings the Grinch a "5/8" spanner]
Grinch: I asked for 3/4, not 5/8. Stay focused! [The Grinch brings the 5/8 spanner back to Max.]
Carrey: You know if you asked every Who's Who of Whoville…♪ No one would deny it. ♪ [holds note as Max presses the button, making the Grinch launch faster, until it hits the "HIT HERE" sign, making Jim Carrey cough]
Grinch: Ow. [lifts his head up after a dummy crash test] Airbag's a little slow. [Airbags come out] But that's what these tests are for! [Max barks, and the Grinch lets his head drop back down] ♪ You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch. You have termites in your smile. ♪
Carrey: ♪ You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch. ♪
Grunch: ♪ Given the choice between you, I'd take the... seasick crocodile! ♪ [holds note while spinning around but yells and holds his mouth as he grunts.]
View Quote Drew: DAD?! DAAAAAAAD!
[Drew and the other teen Whos are covered in snow]
Lou Who: What happened to you?
Stu: It was THE GRINCH!
[A record scratch sound effect is heard, blocking traffic again.]
Female People: Grinch?!
Grinch: What do you want? I mean– [mocks female voice] Grinch!? Oh, no!
View Quote Grinch: [arrives on the roof with Max] Come on, Max. It's our first stop.
Narrator: ...The old Grinchy Claus hissed, and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. [the Grinch prepares to go down the chimney with rope on his feet]He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch.But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
Grinch: [imitating sports announcer] He's planning a double-twisting interrupted by forward-flying 2 1/2 with a combo tuck and pike. High degree of difficulty. [jumps high in the air as bungee jumping while vocalizing] Whoo! [leans closer to the chimney] ♪ LAA-LAAA-LAAAAAAA!! ♪ [lands in the chimney upside down, and gets stuck since he gained a couple of pounds from the Whobilation]
Narrator: He got stuck only once... for a moment or two.
Grinch: Blasted water weight. Goes right to my hips. [struggles his arms to free himself as he slides down and lands and hits his head by the fireplace] Ow! Gee! [looks at the view of the living room]
Narrator: Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue...
Grinch: [to the narrator; breaking the 4th wall again] Shh! A little more stealth, please.
Narrator: [quietly] ...Where the little Who stockings are all hung in a row.
Grinch: These stockings...
Narrator: [normal voice] He grinned.
Grinch: ...Are the first thing to go. [picks out a jar of moths] Okay, fellas. Chow time. [frees the moths, sticks his head back up just as the moths eat the stockings. Then, the Grinch lowers a hose, and sucks everything into his bag, as he laughs evilly]
Narrator: Then he slunk to the icebox. [The Grinch hugs the fridge into place.]
Grinch: Slunk? [opens up the fridge] Eee.
Narrator: He eyed the Whos' feast.He took the Who-Pudding. [The Grinch throws a plate of Who pudding away.]He took... the Roast Beast.
Grinch: [imitating football quarterback] HIKE! [tosses the Roast Beast in a football hike position]
Narrator: [as the Grinch messes everything up the fridge] He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.Why, that Grinch, he even took their last can of Who-Hash. [The Grinch opens up the cupboard to reveal a last can of Who-Hash inside in it just as Cindy opens her bedroom door.]Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
Grinch: And now...
Narrator: Grinned The Grinch.
Grinch: [snatches the tree] ...I'll stuff up the tree.
Narrator: And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove!When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
Cindy: Excuse me.
Grinch: Eee! [stops and hides behind the tree]
Narrator: The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughterwho'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
Cindy: Santa Claus, what are you doing with our tree?
Narrator: But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick...[Grinch coughs]...He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.
Grinch: [imitating Santa] Why-hy-hyy, my sweet little tot...
Narrator: The fake Santa Claus lied.
Grinch: ...There's a light on this tree that won't... light on one side, so I'm taking it home to my w-wo-orkshop, my dear. [laughs and Cindy giggles]I'll fix it up there… and I'll bring it... back here.
Cindy: Santa, what's Christmas really about?
Grinch: [pops out through the tree, startling Cindy] Vengeance! Er, I mean... presents... I suppose.
Cindy: Hmm. I was afraid of that.
Narrator: And his fib fooled the child.Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
Cindy: Santa?
Grinch: [sharply] What?!
Cindy: Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy… but I think he's actually kinda... sweet.
Grinch: "Sweet"?! You think he's sweet?
Cindy: (Mm-hm.) Merry Christmas, Santa.
[Grinch flinches, covers his ears and groans, but Cindy Lou goes back to bed.]
Narrator: And when Cindy Lou went up with her cup...
Grinch: Nice kid. Bad judge of character.
Narrator: ...He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. [the Grinch stuffs the tree up the Chimney, grabs the Christmas lights and goes up the chimney] (Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.)And the last thing he took was the log for their fire.On their walls, he left nothing but some hooks and some wire.And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house was a crumb, that was even too small for a mouse.Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around each Who home, and he took every present.
Grinch: [uses a saw to cut a hole with a Christmas tree on top of it, and it falls down as the he emerges from the hole] Clearance sale. Everything must go. [sucks up Christmas stuff even a cat on a chair, and takes it out.] What... now? [a cat attacks his face]
[The scene cuts to the Grinch snatching the ring in a box away from Martha, then forms an oval on the window with hands pressed by the glass while sucking on it. He opens the bedroom door to the Mayor of Whoville, and chortles in amusement, but quickly covers his mouth as Augustus talks in his sleep]
Augustus: Martha, have you ever kissed a man who lost his tonsils twice?
Grinch: [imitating Martha May Whovier] No, silly. [picks up Max] But it's an experience that I've always longed for. Kiss me, you fool! [This makes Max's grow big eyes, making the Mayor holding up bright teeth as the Grinch puts a hook on the bottom of the bed.]
View Quote Grinch: [as Max sneezes] Gesundheit.
[Max growls; this causes Cindy Lou to see the Grinch and Max, and she screams, and the Grinch screams back; drops down to the ground and snorts.]
Cindy: You're the, the, the, the…
Grinch: [imitating Cindy] "The, the, the, the…" [normal voice; loudly] THE GRINCH!
Cindy: Aah! [falls down a mail shaft] Help!
Grinch: Well...
Cindy: Help!
Grinch: ...That worked out nicely.
Cindy: Help! [big stamp stamps fragile on present; muffled] Help me! Somebody!
Grinch: [to Max] Max, let's go. Our work here is finished. [chomps] Sheesh!
Cindy: Help me! Please! Help!
Grinch: [sees Max biting his own cloak] That is not a chew toy! Stop it, Max! Get that out of your mouth! You have no idea where it's been!
[Cindy screams, and a whistle blows]
Cindy: Help!
Grinch: [scowls; annoyed] Ohhh... Bleeding hearts of the world, UNITE!
Cindy: Help! Help!
Grinch: [saves Cindy] There. [takes back his goofy mask] Give me that! DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG TO YOU?! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU SOME KIND OF WILD ANIMAL?! HUH?!
Cindy: [shaking her head] Uh-uh.
Grinch: [to Max] Let's go. [heads to the exit]
Cindy: Thanks for saving me.
Grinch: [screeches to a stop, fingers scrape against glass, turns around angrily] Saving you? Is that what you think I was doing?
Cindy: [nods] Uh-huh.
Grinch: [wags finger] Wrong-o. [grabs wrapping paper] I merely noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear! [begins wrapping Cindy Lou wildly in wrapping paper] DRAT! Hold still! [stops wrapping, to Max] Max, pick out a bow! [resumes wrapping Cindy Lou in wrapping paper, stops] Can I use your finger for a second?
Cindy: Hello? Hello!
Grinch: [puts on his mask] Ow.
Lou Lou Who: [enters back room] Cindy?
Cindy: Dad. [Lou sees her covered in gift wrapping that the Grinch wrapped her up with earlier] Daddy! Daddy!
Lou Lou Who: What the hey? Honey? Cindy?
Cindy: [removes gift wrapping] Dad, it was amazing!
Lou: You've been practicing your Christmas wrapping. Honey, I'm so proud of you.
Cindy: Uh… Oh. Well…
Lou: Now that's holiday!
Narrator: Sweet little Cindy didn't know what to do. In her head bum-tumbled a conflict or two; "If the Grinch was so bad, then why did he save me? Maybe he wasn't so bad."
Lou: Come on, let's go home.
Narrator: "Maybe. Just maybe."
View Quote Grinch: [catapults the red "Hazardous Waste" bag at the picture of Augustus] Oooh! Sweet. [singing] ♪ Be it ever so...heinous, there's no place like home. ♪
View Quote Grinch: [noticing the sleigh had ran out of gas because the bag is full; Max barks] Hmm. What are you laughing at... Rudolph? [later on Mt. Crumpit] It's all you, Maxie!
Narrator: 3,000 feet up.Up the side of Mt. Crumpit.He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it.
Grinch: Okay, whoa! WHOOOAA!! [gets off the sleigh] We... DID IIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!! [chanting] We did it, we did it! That wasn't so bad, was it, Max? [Max now whimpers once again] They'll be waking up now. [spots at the bottom of the edge view of Whoville] And I know just what they'll do.All those Whos down in Whoville, will all cry... [The Whos were now singing "Boo Hoo" sober about stolen Christmas]
Officer Houlihan: What an embarrassment! I've been robbed! [heads inside the police car, making the Mayor's bed come loose]
Mayor May Who: Whoa! Whoa! [the bed stops]
Office Houlihan [gasps] Mayor May Who? Oh, dearest me!
Mayor May Who: Well... I wonder who could have done this. [Ones of the Whos help the Mayor put a robe on. He puts the robe on] tell you people one thing: Invite the Grinch, destroy Christmas. [starts pounding the bed in frustration] INVITE THE GRINCH, DESTROY CHRISTMAS! But did anyone listen to me?
Whobris: I did.
Mayor May Who: [ignoring Whobris] No. You chose to listen... [laughs sarcastically] ...To a little not-to-be-taken-seriously [seriously] ...GIRL, who hasn't even grown into her nose yet. [looks at Cindy] Cindy, I hope you're very proud of what you've done.
View Quote Grinch: [rummaging through clothes] Stupid! Ugly! Out of date! This is ridiculous! If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going! [hears a yodeler and mugs him for his lederhosen] Ohh. Ahh. Mmm. That's it, I'm not going.
[Back in Whoville…]
Augustus May Who: Well, it's time for our Holiday Cheermeister of the Year Award! [chuckles; everyone cheers] Congratulations, Mr. Grinch! [turns out the Grinch is not in the Whobilation] He isn't here. What, he didn't show? Who could've predicted this?
Grinch: [after standing grumpily with his arms crossed] All right. I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me, grab a handful of popcorn shrimp and blow outta there. [heads for the door, then stops abruptly and returns nervously] But what if it's a cruel prank? What if it's a cash bar? How dare they? [scowls, then calms down] All right, I'll go. But I'll be fashionably late. No, yes, no, yes, no. Yes! [groans in frustration; sharp inhale] Definitely not. [heading for the door with his hand behind his back] All right! I've made my decision; I'm going, and that's that! [shows his crossed fingers on his hand] Ah, had my fingers crossed. [Max pulls the rope, sending the Grinch falling through the garbage chute towards Whoville] Maybe I should flip a coin! [screams as the picture spins rapidly from him and stops to Cindy-Lou Who]
Augustus May Who: Well, I-I guess the award goes to the, the runner up.
Whobriss: That's right. A man for whom Christmas comes, not once a year, but every minute of every day. A handsome, noble man. A man who's had his tonsils removed twice.
Augustus May Who: [chuckles] That's an interesting story. You see, what happened was–
View Quote Grinch: [screams and lands in his chair] Nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there... on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! [opens his schedule] "4:00; wallow in self-pity. 4:30; stare into the abyss. 5:00; solve world hunger." Tell no one. "5:30; jazzercise. 6:30; dinner with me." I can't cancel that again. "7:00; wrestle with myself loathing…" I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. [beat] But what would I wear? [goes to kitchen, and grab tablecloth, without disturbing items, but returns and knocks off the stuff from the table; poses in the mirror as Max barks] It's not a dress, it's a kilt! [rips off tablecloth] Sicko!
View Quote Grinch: [sees the tiny red heart beating on his X-ray] Yes! Down a size 1/2! [breaks the fourth wall; to the audience watching] And this time, I'll keep it off. [frowns and walks out of frame; to Max, shaking hand quickly] Get the stick, Max! Get the stick! [throws his hand towards Max's direction; Max barks and runs in that direction, while the Grinch chortles to himself] There's no stick. I'm smarter. [takes a running leap onto his bed] Any calls? [turns his phone on]
Phone: You have no messages.
Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing. [presses another button]
Phone Message (Grinch's voice): If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key. [phone beeps]
Grinch: Hmm. Hmm? [turns his machine off] Oh, well. [jumps off his bed and slides to his chair as he screams and laughs gleefully] That's more like it. [he pulls off his socks while singing nonsense; the socks crawl away, and the Grinch bites off a piece of a glass bottle; puts his finger into his mouth, gags and continues to crunch the glass bottle] Mmm. Excellent year. [puts down glass bottle] I'll tell ya, Max. I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need... right here. Hello! [echoes] How are you? [echoes] I asked you first! [echoes; sarcastically] Oh, that's really mature, saying exactly what I say! [echoes]
Grinch: [thinks for a second] I'm an idiot!
Echo: YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, IDIOT....!
Grinch: [gruffly whispering] All right, fine! I'm not talking to you anymore. In fact, I'm going to whisper, so that by the time my voice reverberates off the walls and it gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it. [covers his ears]
Echo: [after a brief silence] YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, AN IDIOT, IDIOT....!
Grinch: [breaks and eats the glass bottle] Am I eating because I'm bored?
View Quote Grinch: [to Augustus May Who] No hard feelings. [Augustus gives the Grinch his hand to shake, but the Grinch pulls the Mayor's hand, and roars with laughter] Cheer up, dude. It's Christmas.
View Quote Grinch: [to Whos] Boo. [the crowd screams in horror] Hmm. Hot crowd, hot crowd. I believe I'm here to... [licks chops] ...accept an award of some kind. And... the child... mentioned a check?
Cindy: No, I didn't.
Grinch: Alright, then. Give me the award. COME ON. WHILE I'M YOUNG!
Augustus: Don't you worry, Mr. Holiday Cheermeister, you'll get your award. But first, a little family reunion. They nursed you, they clothed you. Here they are, your old biddies!
Grinch: Are you two still living?