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Grinch: [trying to drown out the Whos' singing, turns on a mechanical monkey that plays cymbals] Play, monkey! Play! Play, play, play! [rides a jackhammer while vocalizing; he soon wipes out] OWWIEE!!
Cindy: [knocks on the door] Mr. Grinch? [knocks on the door again] Mr. Grinch! [opens Max's doggie door] Hello? [crawls into the Grinch's cave; she finds him standing with his head in the path of the monkey's cymbals, yelling gibberish each time they hit his head. Taps his shoulder] Excuse me?
Grinch: Hmm? [sticks his head out and grabs the monkey's cymbals; the monkey short-circuits and it's motor slowly powers down; turns slowly to Cindy with a furious look as the monkey's motor stops] Hello... little girl. [angrily] HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?! THE IMPUDENCE! THE AUDACITY! THE UNMITIGATED GALL! You've called down the thunder. Now, get ready... FOR THE BOOOOOOM! Gaze into the face... of fear. BOOGA-BOOGA!
Cindy: [calmly] Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.
Grinch: [thinking he's scaring Cindy] You see? Even now the terror is welling up inside you!
Cindy: I'm not scared.
Grinch: Denial is to be expected in the face of pure evil. [makes psychotic growling noises]
Cindy: I don't think so!
Grinch: Doubt?! Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're doomed. [jumps out of frame, then jumps back in wearing a white t-shirt and making animalistic noises, ripping the shirt apart] RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, BEFORE I KILL AGAIN! [howls] I'm a psycho. [growls, puts shirt in his mouth, spits it out, jumps around Cindy Lou frantically] Danger, danger! [repeatedly growls, but suddenly stops as he is out of breath]
Cindy: Um... maybe you need a time-out. [giggles after the Grinch looks dumbfounded]
Grinch: [aside, to the camera; breaking the fourth wall again] Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television. (Anyways…) [to Cindy] WHAT DO YOU WANT?! [echoes]
Cindy: Mr. Grinch, I came to invite you... to be Holiday Cheermeister.
Grinch: Uh... "Holiday whobie whatie"?
Cindy: Cheermeister.
Grinch: Huh? "C(ordially invites you to be Holiday C)heermeister( at the Whobilation 1,000 Celebration). Celebrate (and dine) with friends." [laughing raucously] AAH!! That's a good one. [wheezes]
Cindy: [knocks on the door] Mr. Grinch? [knocks on the door again] Mr. Grinch! [opens Max's doggie door] Hello? [crawls into the Grinch's cave; she finds him standing with his head in the path of the monkey's cymbals, yelling gibberish each time they hit his head. Taps his shoulder] Excuse me?
Grinch: Hmm? [sticks his head out and grabs the monkey's cymbals; the monkey short-circuits and it's motor slowly powers down; turns slowly to Cindy with a furious look as the monkey's motor stops] Hello... little girl. [angrily] HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?! THE IMPUDENCE! THE AUDACITY! THE UNMITIGATED GALL! You've called down the thunder. Now, get ready... FOR THE BOOOOOOM! Gaze into the face... of fear. BOOGA-BOOGA!
Cindy: [calmly] Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.
Grinch: [thinking he's scaring Cindy] You see? Even now the terror is welling up inside you!
Cindy: I'm not scared.
Grinch: Denial is to be expected in the face of pure evil. [makes psychotic growling noises]
Cindy: I don't think so!
Grinch: Doubt?! Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're doomed. [jumps out of frame, then jumps back in wearing a white t-shirt and making animalistic noises, ripping the shirt apart] RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, BEFORE I KILL AGAIN! [howls] I'm a psycho. [growls, puts shirt in his mouth, spits it out, jumps around Cindy Lou frantically] Danger, danger! [repeatedly growls, but suddenly stops as he is out of breath]
Cindy: Um... maybe you need a time-out. [giggles after the Grinch looks dumbfounded]
Grinch: [aside, to the camera; breaking the fourth wall again] Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television. (Anyways…) [to Cindy] WHAT DO YOU WANT?! [echoes]
Cindy: Mr. Grinch, I came to invite you... to be Holiday Cheermeister.
Grinch: Uh... "Holiday whobie whatie"?
Cindy: Cheermeister.
Grinch: Huh? "C(ordially invites you to be Holiday C)heermeister( at the Whobilation 1,000 Celebration). Celebrate (and dine) with friends." [laughing raucously] AAH!! That's a good one. [wheezes]
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Grinch: Now, for the final note in my symphony of downright nasty not-niceness, the crescendo of my odious opus! [starts pushing the sled] Oh, the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! [strains harder, and stops to hear faint singing] (Hmm...?)
Narrator: Then the Grinch heard a sound rising over the snow.It started in low.Then it started to grow.
Grinch: Huh? Whuh?
Narrator: But the sound wasn't sad.Why, this sounded merry...but it was merry. Very.Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small was singing without any presents at all.He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming.It came.
Grinch: Somehow or other, it came just the same!
Cindy: [looking up at the Grinch's sled] Mr. Grinch!
Narrator: And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling.
Grinch: How could it be so?It came without ribbons.It came without tags.It came without packages, boxes or bags!
Narrator: And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore.Then the Grinch... thought of something... he hadn't before.
Grinch: Maybe... Christmas...
Narrator: He thought.
Grinch: ...Doesn't...come from a store.Maybe Christmas...perhaps... [warmly] ...Means a little bit more. [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max, help me! I'm... feeling! [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing]
Narrator: And what happened then?Well, in Whoville they sayThat the Grinch's small heart... grew 3 sizes... that day.
Grinch: [puts his hand by his body, sits up, begins crying, and bawls] What's happening to me? [stops crying, and notices the sun rising] I'm all... toasty inside. [feels a tear] And I'm leaking. Oh, Max. I love ya!
Narrator: Then the Grinch heard a sound rising over the snow.It started in low.Then it started to grow.
Grinch: Huh? Whuh?
Narrator: But the sound wasn't sad.Why, this sounded merry...but it was merry. Very.Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small was singing without any presents at all.He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming.It came.
Grinch: Somehow or other, it came just the same!
Cindy: [looking up at the Grinch's sled] Mr. Grinch!
Narrator: And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling.
Grinch: How could it be so?It came without ribbons.It came without tags.It came without packages, boxes or bags!
Narrator: And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore.Then the Grinch... thought of something... he hadn't before.
Grinch: Maybe... Christmas...
Narrator: He thought.
Grinch: ...Doesn't...come from a store.Maybe Christmas...perhaps... [warmly] ...Means a little bit more. [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max, help me! I'm... feeling! [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing]
Narrator: And what happened then?Well, in Whoville they sayThat the Grinch's small heart... grew 3 sizes... that day.
Grinch: [puts his hand by his body, sits up, begins crying, and bawls] What's happening to me? [stops crying, and notices the sun rising] I'm all... toasty inside. [feels a tear] And I'm leaking. Oh, Max. I love ya!
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Narrator: So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave( on Christmas Eve)... hating the Whos.
Grinch: [brings out a Whoville phone book] Alphabetically. [raises finger, hits against name in book] Aadvarkian Abakenezer-Who, I... [bellows down] HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! [stops] Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. [pointing at various names] Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. [pause, widens eyes; venomously] LOATHE ENTIRELY!! [hears music playing in Whoville] Nutcrackers! [closes the book] It's their Whobilation!
Narrator: ...He snarled with a sneer.
Grinch: [shocked gasp] Tomorrow is Christmas.It's practically here.MAX! FETCH ME MY SEDATIVE! [inside his cave; with a hammer] Now, to take care of those pesky memories. [hits himself with the hammer and falls over, moaning]
Grinch: [brings out a Whoville phone book] Alphabetically. [raises finger, hits against name in book] Aadvarkian Abakenezer-Who, I... [bellows down] HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! [stops] Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. [pointing at various names] Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. [pause, widens eyes; venomously] LOATHE ENTIRELY!! [hears music playing in Whoville] Nutcrackers! [closes the book] It's their Whobilation!
Narrator: ...He snarled with a sneer.
Grinch: [shocked gasp] Tomorrow is Christmas.It's practically here.MAX! FETCH ME MY SEDATIVE! [inside his cave; with a hammer] Now, to take care of those pesky memories. [hits himself with the hammer and falls over, moaning]
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Santa Claus: [heartly] Ho-ho-ho!
Grinch: Fat-boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.
Santa: [flying with his reindeer, lead by Rudolph] Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer. (All I need is a reindeer.)
Narrator: (The Grinch looked around, but since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.) Did that stop the old Grinch?No. The Grinch simply said...
Grinch: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. [reaches for Max, who whimpers and runs away] Oh, Maaaaaa-AAAAAAX!!
Narrator: So he called his dog Max.Then he took some red thread… and tied a big horn... on top of his head.
[The Grinch dresses Max with reindeer antlers and a red nose as Rudolph. He claps his hands, makes a gleeful noise and puts on a director's cap, mimicking Ron Howard, the director.]
Grinch: [to Max as Rudolph] Alright, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation - your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with the red nose and nobody likes you. Then one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. [Max stares at him blankly] No, forget that part. We'll improvise, just keep kind of loosy-goosy. You hate Christmas, you're gonna steal it! Saving Christmas was a lousy ending. Way too commercial. [sits down on director's chair and holds up megaphone; amplified] ACTION! [Max pops off the red nose; jumps out of seat, ecstatic] BRILLIANT!! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of Commercialism! Why didn't I think of it?! Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.
Grinch: Fat-boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.
Santa: [flying with his reindeer, lead by Rudolph] Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer. (All I need is a reindeer.)
Narrator: (The Grinch looked around, but since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.) Did that stop the old Grinch?No. The Grinch simply said...
Grinch: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. [reaches for Max, who whimpers and runs away] Oh, Maaaaaa-AAAAAAX!!
Narrator: So he called his dog Max.Then he took some red thread… and tied a big horn... on top of his head.
[The Grinch dresses Max with reindeer antlers and a red nose as Rudolph. He claps his hands, makes a gleeful noise and puts on a director's cap, mimicking Ron Howard, the director.]
Grinch: [to Max as Rudolph] Alright, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation - your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with the red nose and nobody likes you. Then one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. [Max stares at him blankly] No, forget that part. We'll improvise, just keep kind of loosy-goosy. You hate Christmas, you're gonna steal it! Saving Christmas was a lousy ending. Way too commercial. [sits down on director's chair and holds up megaphone; amplified] ACTION! [Max pops off the red nose; jumps out of seat, ecstatic] BRILLIANT!! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of Commercialism! Why didn't I think of it?! Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.
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The Grinch: [after Max scared off some teen Whos] Well done, Max! Serves them right, those yuletide-loving... sickly-sweet, nog-sucking cheer mongers! [picks up an onion] I really don't like 'em. Mm-mm. No, I don't. [eats the onion] MAX! [Max whimpers] Get my cloak. [Max runs back inside] I've been much too tolerant of these Who-venile delinquents, and their innocent, victim-less pranks. [rubs his pits with the onion] So they wanna get to know me, do they? [throws away the onion] They want to spend a little quality time with the Grinch. [turns to the camera] I guess I could use a little... social interaction. [shows off a sinister-looking smile; the scene fades to Whoville with a view of Max and the Grinch's feet]
Whoville Bike Men: Merry Christmas!
Mr. Grinch: Oh, yeah. You bet, and ho, ho, ho, and... stuff. [The bikers fall down, blocking traffic.] Oh, my. Someone has vandalized that vehicle. You see, Max? The city is a dangerous place.
Narrator: The Grinch hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season.
Who Officer: Top of the day.
Grinch: Flatfoot.
Narrator: Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
Grinch: [gives two Who girls a bandsaw] Hey, kids. Here's a present for ya. Be sure to run real fast with it now. All right, come on. Double time. Let's go! Move, move, move, move, move!
Narrator: It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all...
Who: Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Is it?
Narrator: ...May have been that his heart was 2 sizes too small.
Whoville Hat Salesman: Hey, stranger! Won't let you go until you buy a chapeau! [The Grinch pulls off his mask, loudly belches, blows odor on him, making him fall. The Grinch pulls his mask back on, and laughs evilly.]
Whoville Bike Men: Merry Christmas!
Mr. Grinch: Oh, yeah. You bet, and ho, ho, ho, and... stuff. [The bikers fall down, blocking traffic.] Oh, my. Someone has vandalized that vehicle. You see, Max? The city is a dangerous place.
Narrator: The Grinch hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season.
Who Officer: Top of the day.
Grinch: Flatfoot.
Narrator: Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
Grinch: [gives two Who girls a bandsaw] Hey, kids. Here's a present for ya. Be sure to run real fast with it now. All right, come on. Double time. Let's go! Move, move, move, move, move!
Narrator: It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all...
Who: Merry Christmas!
Grinch: Is it?
Narrator: ...May have been that his heart was 2 sizes too small.
Whoville Hat Salesman: Hey, stranger! Won't let you go until you buy a chapeau! [The Grinch pulls off his mask, loudly belches, blows odor on him, making him fall. The Grinch pulls his mask back on, and laughs evilly.]
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[last lines]
Narrator: So, he brought back the toys, and the food for the feast.And he, he himself, the Grinch carved the Roast Beast.
Grinch: Yeah. [everyone cheers] There's nothing like the Holidays. Who wants the gizzard?!
Who: I do.
Grinch: Too late! That'll be mine.
Extended version[edit]
Narrator: So, he brought back the toys, and the food for the feast.And he, he himself, the Grinch carved the Roast Beast.
Grinch: Yeah. [everyone cheers] There's nothing like the Holidays. Who wants the gizzard?!
Who: I do.
Grinch: Too late! That'll be mine.
Extended version[edit]
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[Clock Operator: Only 4 hours till Christmas!] Yes, the Grinch knew tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys. [Grinch: And then, oh, the noise! Oh, the noise, noise, noise, noise! They'll bang on tong-tinglers They'll blow their floo-flounders. They'll crash on Jang-jinglers and bounce on boing-bounders!] Then Whos young and old would sit down to a feast. and they'll feast, and they'll feast. [Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast! They'll eat their Who-pudding and rare Who roast beast, which is something I just cannot stand in the least. Oh, no. I'M SPEAKING IN RHY-YME! AAAHHHH! BLAST YOU, WHOS! [sobs]] And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought [Grinch: I must stop this whole thing. Why for year after year, I've put up with it now. I must stop this Christmas from coming! But how? I mean, in what way?]
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[Grinch: Oh, the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! [strains harder, and stops to hear faint singing] Then the Grinch heard a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow. [Grinch: Huh? Whuh?] But the sound wasn't sad. Why this sounded merry. But it was merry. Very. Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small... were singing without any presents at all. He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came. [Grinch: Somehow or other, it came just the same!] [Cindy Lou Who: Mr. Grinch?] And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling. [Grinch: How could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags!] And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something... he hadn't before. [Grinch: Maybe...Christmas...] He thought... [Grinch: ...Doesn't... come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… [warmly] ...Means a little bit more. [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max! Help me! I'm... feeling! [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing]] And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart... grew 3 sizes... that day.
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[Grinch: [arrives on the roof with Max] C'mon, Max. It's our first stop!] The old Grinchy Claus hissed, and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. [the Grinch prepares to go down the chimney with rope on his feet] He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch. But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch. [Grinch: [imitating sports announcer] He's planning a double-twisting interrupted by forward-flying 2 1/2 with a combo tuck and pike… High degree of difficulty. [jumps high in the air as bungee jumping while vocalizing] Whoo! [leans closer to the chimney] LAA-LAAA-LAAAAAAAA!!! [lands in the chimney upside down, and gets stuck since he gained a couple of pounds from the Whobilation]] He got stuck only once... for a moment or 2. [Grinch: Blasted water weight. Goes right to my hips. [struggles his arms to free himself as he slides down and lands and hits his head by the fireplace] Ow! Gee! [looks at the view of the living room]] Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue... [Grinch: [to the narrator; breaking the 4th wall again] Shh. A little more stealth, please.] [whispering] ...Where the little Who stockings are all hung in a row. [Grinch: These stockings...] [normal voice] He grinned. [Grinch: ...Are the first thing(s) to go. [picks out a jar of moths] Okay, fellas. Chow time. [frees the moths, sticks his head back up just as the moths eat the stockings]]
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[Grinch: [pulls Max out of snow, not noticing the snow beard] If you're not going to help me, then you might as well… [stops; notices the snow beard on Max]] Then he got an idea; An awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea. [Grinch: I know... just what to do. [cut to red fabric being cut by the Grinch]] The Grinch laughed in his throat… [Grinch: Ha.] And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. [crunch; Grinch shouts in shock, and sees his fingers sewn on the red fabric and faints.] And he chuckled and clucked at this great Grinchy trick. [Grinch: With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! Ho, ho, ho!]
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[Narrator: Cindy Lou had some questions in her curious heart. Why did the Grinch hate Christmas? Where did it all start? With her dad's blabbacorder, she wouldn't give an inch.] In your own words, please tell me everything you know about the Grinch.
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[Santa Claus: Ho-ho-ho!] [Grinch: Fat boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.] [Santa Claus: [flying with his reindeer] Merry Christmas!] [Grinch: Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer.] Did that stop the old Grinch? No. The Grinch simply said: [Grinch: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. [reaches for Max, who whimpers and runs away.] Oh, Ma-a-a-a-a-AXXXX!] So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread… and tied a big horn... on top of his head.
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[After Martha says that her gifts from Mayor May Who are dazzling and The Grinch angrily scratched her new car from Mayor May Who] Of course, they are. That's what it's all about, isn't it? [Laughing] That's what it's always been about! Gifts. Gifts. Gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! Do you know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage! I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump! And the avarice! The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs! I want diamonds! I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored, and sell it to make glue!" Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this whole Christmas season is stupid, stupid, stupid! [looks up to and advances towards Martha May Whovier] There is, however... 1... teeny-tiny... Christmas tradition... I find... quite... meaningful. [snatches up a sprig of mistletoe from Martha] Mistletoe. Now, pucker up and KISS IT, Whoville! Boi-i-i-i-i-i-ing! [puts a bit of mistletoe over his butt, and then waggles it; later shaves off the Mayor's hair with the same razor he gave the Grinch to tease him] Uh, oh. Somebody's... fabulous! [kisses the Mayor]
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[After the Grinch starts up his sleigh outside his cave] THIS IS NUTS! [Max barks] ON, CRASHER! ON, THRASHER! ON, VOMIT AND BLITZKRIEG–! [on the sleigh he made; freaking out] WE'RE GONNA DIE, WE'RE GONNA DIE!! I'M GOING TO THROW UP, AND THEN I'M GONNA DIE!!! MOMMY, TELL IT TO STOP!! [sobs, then calms down] Ha! Almost lost my cool there.
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[first words of the movie] Inside a snowflake, like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe.Way up in the mountains, in the high range of Pontoos, lay the small town of Whoville: The Home of the Whos.Ask any Who, and they'll have this to say, "There is no place like Whoville around Christmas Day."Every window was flocked, every lamppost was dressed and the Whoville band marched in their Christmasy best.Arbor Day was fine and Easter was pleasant and every St. Fizzin's day, they ate a Fizz pheasant, but every Who knew, from their 12 toes to their snout they loved Christmas the most, without a single Who doubt.