Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssmokin!
Played by Jim Carrey 
The Mask (1994) · 48 quotes
The Mask (1994) · 48 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Mask (1994): in 37 of its 48 quotes
Most scenes with: Dorian Tyrell (3), Kellaway (3)
Hold me closer, Ed, it's getting dark... [coughs] Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out... [coughs]...tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas... [coughs]...tell Scarlett I do give a damn! (coughs on thug, a fart is heard) Pardon me... [he dies, an audience appears and gives the Mask a standing ovation while The Mask is handed Oscar acting award] Thank you! You love me! You really love me!
More lines from Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask
25 quotes Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask It's party time! P-A-R-T-whY? Because I gotta!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Look, Ma, I'm roadkill! Ha ha ha!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask After being flattened onto the road
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask [acting as a balloon salesman to a group of thugs]
Step right up here! Don't be shy! Nobody likes a bashful leather head! [Pause] MOVE IT! [the thugs approach him] For my first trick...I'll do something for you, son. [makes a giraffe-shaped balloon] We have a giraffe. [Offers it to a thug] There you go, son. Now get out of here. You bother me. Now...[pulls out what appears to be a used condom] Sorry, wrong pocket. For you, son. Little body English. [makes a poodle-shaped balloon] A French poodle. [Rips it apart before the thug can take it] Sorry, son. The dog was rabid. Had to put her down. And, last but not least, my favorite. [makes a gun-shaped balloon, which transforms into a rather rubbery submachine gun. He aims it at the thugs] A Tommy gun!! [as the thugs run away. the Mask shoots at them while laughing manically]
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask This is incredible. With these powers, I could be...A SUPERHERO! I could fight crime, protect the innocent, work for World Peace! But first...
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Hold onto your lugnuts — it's tiiiiime for an overhaul!!!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Hold on, sugar! Daddy's got a sweet tooth tonight!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Sssomebody stop me!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Uh-oh...can't make the scene if you don't have the green; I better make a little stop.
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask [After robbing the bank, to Dorian's henchmen]
Sorry, fellas. Waste not, want not.
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Let's rock this joint!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Our love is like a red, red rose... and I am a little thorny.
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Did you miss me? I GUESS NOT!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Now you have to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" WELL, DO YA... PUNKS?!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask In a Clint Eastwood Dirty Harry voice
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask THAT'S A SPICY MEATBALL!!!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask In an Italian accent, using a line from an Alka-Seltzer advertisement, after swallowing a bomb, then belching out the explosion
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask This guy's incorrigible.
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask You were good, kid, real good. But as long as I'm around, you'll always be second-best, see?
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask After defeating Dorian, with an Eddie G. Robinson voice
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Thank ya very much!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask Dodging bullets with an Elvis Presley voice
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask [In a French accent]
Hello, cheri. We meet again. Is it fate? Is it meant to be? Is it written in the stars that we are destined to fraternize? [normal voice] I'D LIKE TO THINK SO! HA HA HAA!
Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask [After being kicked in the groin by Tina; in a high-pitched voice]
She is so coy. [normal voice] I LOVE IT!
Scenes with Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask
11 scenes
Alley Punk
Hey, mister! You got the time?
The Mask As a matter of fact I do, Cubby. [pulls a watch out of his pocket] Look at that! It's exactly two seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head! [A strong tick is heard, Mask honks punk's nose and pulls his underwear over his head]
Bobby Uh, are you on the list?
The Mask Nooooo. But I believe my friends are. Perhaps you know them. [He takes fistfuls of high denomination cash out of his pocket] Franklin, Grant, and... Jackson?
Driver
Hey, get out of the road!
The Mask I think he wants to communicate! [The Mask holds up a tiny horn that says "Squeeze me gently". He does so, blowing it at the driver. The horn unleashes a deafeningly-loud "AH-OOOOOOOOOOO-GAH!" and explodes the car's windows with its volume. The horn turns into it's normal size and the Mask blows on the end like a gun, dusts himself and leaves.]
Okay, Twinkle-Toes, I want to know where my money is and I want to know right now!
The Mask Okay. [puts on a green eyeshade and pulls out an accounting machine] You've got 17.5% in T-bills amortized over the fiscal year. 8% in stocks and bonds. Carry the nine, divide by the gross national product. Fortunately, funeral bouquets are deductible!
Orlando [begins shooting, which the mask easily dodges]
Shoot him!
The Mask [turns into a matador]
Toro! [turns into a cossack] Oy!Oy!Oy!Oy! [turns into Elvis] Thank you very much. Huh! Huh! [turns into a cowboy, who draws before his gun is shot out of his hand. A squish is heard] Ugh, ya got me partner.
Doyle [The Mask is being searched by the police]
Really big sunglasses...
Park Policeman
Bike horn...
Doyle Small mouth bass...
Park Policeman
Bowling pin...
Doyle [yelps in pain]
Mouse trap...
Park Policeman
Rubber chicken...
The Mask A little to the left... that's it.
Doyle [squeezes a stress reliever toy a few times]
Mmmm, I don't know... funny eyeball glasses?
The Mask I've never seen those before in my life.
Park Policeman
Bazooka?
The Mask I have a permit for that.
Doyle Picture of Kellaway's wife...
What?!
The Mask Uh oh...
The Mask Jeez, I figured you had a sense of humor. After all... YOU MARRIED HER!!!
The Mask [Kellaway screams angrily; The Mask rapidly slaps the sides of his and his partner's faces.]
That's gotta hurt! [makes weird sound then whizzes off.]
GET HIM! [discovers he's now handcuffed to Doyle.] Doyle?
Doyle Aw, come on, Lieutenant. It's not all your fault. Something would turn up.
Sure, Stanley Ipkiss is gonna fall right into my lap. [falls when Stanley falls on him, then tears the tape off Stanley's mouth]
Stanley Ipkiss OW!
Ipkiss!
Stanley Ipkiss Wait, I can explain everything!
Oh, yeah? You can explain everything? [finds a green rubber mask] Explain this.
Stanley Ipkiss Um...
Get him up!
Freeze! [The Mask literally freezes] Put your hands up!
The Mask [with teeth clenched]
But you told me to freeze!
All right, all right, un-freeze. [The Mask defrosts and falls to the ground] You're under arrest.
The Mask [Desperate voice]
No! It wasn't me! It was the one-armed man! [gets up, in normal voice] All right, I confess! I did it, ya hear? And I'm glad, glad I tell ya! [begs on the ground] What are they gonna do to me, Sarge? What are they gonna do?!
[slaps handcuffs on The Mask]
Sorry, son, that's not my department. Search him! [The Mask is pulled up and his [endless] pockets are searched]
The Mask Ow! Where's a camcorder when ya need one? [snorty laugh]
Orlando [delivering Stanley]
Hey, boss. Look who decide to crash the party.
Stanley Hey, Dorian. How's it going?
Bring him up here!
Tina Dorian, wait. No!
Ugh, there's no time for last request.
Tina But all I wanted was a kiss.
A kiss?
Tina Just one last kiss?
Dorian, I can't shut this thing off.
There is always time for one last kiss!
Tina [Prepares to kiss Tina demonically]
No. I want it to be with the real Dorian. The one I used to love. No one's ever kissed me like Dorian Tyrell.
[yells; eyes glow red]
JUST WAIT!...I've decided...[Dorian removes mask and reverts to his human self] to give her one last thrill.
[Dorian and Tina kiss passionately. Tina takes advantage of distraction to kick mask towards Stanley]
I'm gonna take you apart! [he punches Stanley]
Stanley Ipkiss Well, I hope you can enjoy the victory with one friggin' eye! [he pokes Dorian in the eye and punches him across the face]
Mr. Dickey Ipkiss, we have a crisis on our hands here and you stroll in over an hour late? If I have to put up with your slovenly behavior...
Stanley BACK OFF, Monkey Boy, before I tell your daddy you're running this place like it's your own personal piggy bank. Or maybe we should call the IRS, and see if we can arrange a little vacation for you at Club FED!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Dickey [shocked from being told off by his employee]
That'll be all, Ipkiss.
Mrs. Peenman Ipkiss, do you have any idea what time it is?
Stanley Ipkiss [exasperatedly]
Actually, no.
Mrs. Peenman [gasps; Stanley steps off carpet]
My new carpet! Well, this is coming right out of your security, Ipkiss!
Stanley Ipkiss You know what, Mrs. Peenman?
Mrs. Peenman WHAT?!
Stanley Ipkiss [pauses]
Nothing.
Mrs. Peenman Well, that's what you are, Ipkiss, A BIG NOTHING! [slams the door behind her]
Stanley Ipkiss "Aren't you due back at the lab to get your bolts tightened?!" [to himself] I should've said that.
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