Dr. Kozak Why are you still standing here?! No sleeping, no talking! Find him!
2nd most-quoted character in The Shaggy Dog (2006): in 18 of its 36 quotes
Most scenes with: Dave Douglas (7), Lance (3)
I'm sorry you're a dog. I am also very sorry that you won't be leaving here alive. People will be wondering where you disappeared to. After all, dogs do wander off.
More lines from Dr. Kozak
6 quotes Dr. Kozak Dr. Kozak Don't worry about the F.D.A. There's nothing money can handle.
Dr. Kozak Lance, I'm so sorry that I have to do this to you but I just couldn't let you take all the credit again. Plus, you're a pig and I hate you. I hate you in so many ways.
Dr. Kozak Here's what we're going to do. You two will pay Mr. Douglas a visit.
Dr. Kozak [after Dave bites his finger]
That wasn't very nice.
Dr. Kozak Sorry, I'm a little stressy.
Scenes with Dr. Kozak
11 scenes
Dr. Kozak.
Dr. Kozak Yes.
I'm sorry I couldn't put you on stand.
Dr. Kozak Apology's not accepted. You know, Ken tells me if he steps down, you're gonna be the next district attorney.
Well, that's my hope.
Dr. Kozak Certainly. Well hopefully, justice will be served. You have my support. As well as that, Grant & Strictland.
Kozak, how is it going in court today?
Dr. Kozak Uh, Mr. Strictland, it goes well.
Have you unlocked the dog's secret?
Dr. Kozak Let's not talk here. Hey, I've got something to show you that would interest you.
Is that a snake's tail or a furry tail?
Dr. Kozak That would be a minor side effect.
Kozak, growing a dog's tail would turn your serum into a criminal act.
Dr. Kozak You know, you need to relax and have a good work, and Lance, we'll found a good fountain of youth. (answers the cellphone) Security, Dr. Kozak.
Dr. Kozak When I called you to make sure these people were arrested?
I understand that. If you arrest them, they'll turn into rebels that cause on a 6 o'clock news. If you leave them there, they're just kids laying on a sidewalk.
Dr. Kozak Good advice. Thanks for your help.
You bet. (releases hand to shake hands)
Dr. Kozak I'm good.
Larry We've search the whole building.
Gwen But we're gonna keep looking.
Dr. Kozak Really?
Larry Yes.
Dr. Kozak In the same place or new places? 'Cause if you look the same place...
Larry I think new places.
Dr. Kozak Oh, yeah? Tell me your more.
Larry Definitely.
Dr. Kozak Larry?
Larry Yes?
Dr. Kozak Don't-- don't speak. Do you understand the great white lines until you get this dog? Yes?
Gwen Yeah.
Dr. Kozak It's yes or no question, Larry.
Larry You said not to speak.
Dr. Kozak AND THE KEY TO MY FUTURE! So, if you undestand the reason if you don't find him, you won't have a future.
Larry Right.
Dr. Kozak Why are still standing here?! No sleeping, no talking! Find him!
Lawyer:Objection Your Honor
Dr.Strictland:Are You Gonna Be A Good Dog This Time
Gwen He's going to shock. It's the serum. It doesn't work.
Dr. Kozak Of course it works, just couldn't give it to him.
Dr. Kozak Lance? Lance, I'm so sorry that I have to do this to yo but I just couldn't let you take all of the credit again. Plus, you're a pig and I hate you. I hate you in so many ways. Would you hold this for a second? Get rid of it, accomplice.Dave:You Bit Me On Purpose You Bit Me Cause You Knew Who I Was
Gwen But, is he dead?
Dr. Kozak No, he's not dead. Just fully conscious but unable to speak. The doctors will think he's dementia. The drug itself will wear off in a few months. By then, I'll be CEO. I'll be famously, insanely, and imaginably wealthy.
Larry This was not part of the plan!
Gwen It's totally wrong.
Dr. Kozak Of course you cut those if you're not sure.
Larry Hold on.
Gwen It's fine with me.
Dr. Kozak Good. Larry, you park him in his desk for me. Or, should I say my desk?
Dr. Kozak I'm sorry you're a dog. I am also very sorry that you won't be leaving here alive. People will be wondering where you disappeared to. After all, dogs do wander off.
Dr. Kozak Unless before you die, we are going to run some tests on you. Eenie, meenie, minie, cut you, ow, your nose is coming off, because we just don't understand how you turned into him. I'm very excited. I just can't wait to get inside that body of yours and just poke around for...
Dr. Kozak (Dave bites Dr. Kozak's finger)
Oh, you filthy little mongrul! That wasn't very nice.
Dr. Kozak We have to work on that attitude when I get back. Meanwhile, we run upstairs for a minute. It seems Dr. Strictland is having bit of a healthy crisis. After that on the court, just when Forrester back down to save his skin, we'll cut you like a birthday cake later.
Dr. Kozak, is it true your company is working on a drug that will extend human life like a 100 years?
Dr. Kozak I am not at liberty to discuss that matter.
Of course you're not. But if that were true, that would be pretty big deal, right?
Dr. Kozak If it were true, which it is not, probably.
Whoever is in charge of developing such a thing, who will not be only insanely wealthy, they will be immortalize in history, right? Ken:We Would Like To Recall Dr.Kozak To The Stand
Dr. Kozak Yes, I suppose it would.
Wow. What a thrill it must be to work under Dr. Strictland.
Dr. Kozak (Dr. Kozak scratches his ear)
Excuse me.
Dr. Strictland, your creative force of your company, right?
Dr. Kozak Well, it takes many different people to contribute to the highter blahhh...
Yes, yes. What an honor it must be to work at Dr. Strictland's shadow.
Dr. Kozak No, no, I don't work at anyone's shadow. Why would I could live myself?
Doctor's nothing wrong with second place. Second fiddle? Second bananas? Second up?
Dr. Kozak I AM THE CHIEF SCIENTIST! I! ME! MY!
Oh, come on, you gone agitated self-dog pick a little virus in a lab, did you?
Dr. Kozak It must be something while you're around.
(Dave and Dr. Kozak begin to growl at each other) Judge Claire Whittaker:Ah No More Growling Mr.Douglas I've Had Enough
Well, that's the evidence of genetic mutation I don't know what is.
Judge Whittaker On second thought, Bailey, take him to custody.
Dr. Kozak For what? Just for little DNA, huh?! Don't you morons realize I can make us all immortal? Animals who care they don't even understand what is going on.
Don't tell me they don't understand. Animals understand. I know different.
Dr. Kozak (laughs)
This isn't over yet. We got so much in common. So, stay in touch, huh?
Dr. Kozak You might be interested to know, sir, when we got this snake, he was nearly dead. He was nearly dead of old age. Since we injected him with the serum made from the dog's viralized DNA, all cell degradation has ceased. And he's actually been getting stronger.
Does that snake have a furry tail?
Dr. Kozak Uh, that would be a-a-a side effect that I would classify as, uh, minor.
Kozak, dry mouth is a minor side effect. Growing a dog's tail is... (stammers) It makes your serum into a carnival act.
Dr. Kozak You know what? Your job is to relax. Our job is to work out the kinks, OK? Because when we do, Lance, you and I are gonna have the patent on the fountain of youth. (answers his cellphone) Ah. Excuse me. Uh, yeah, Security.
Dr. Kozak, is it true your company is workin' on a drug that will extend human life like a hundred years?
Kozak I am not at liberty to discuss that matter.
Of course you're not. But if that were true, that would be a pretty big deal, right?
Kozak Ah, were true, which it is not, probably.
And whoever was in charge of developing such a thing... Whoo! Not only would they be insanely wealthy, they would be immortalized in history, right?
Kozak Yes, I suppose it would.
Wow. What a thrill it must be to work under Dr. Strictland.
Kozak [Kozak scratches his ear as a result of the bite]
Excuse me.
Dr. Strictland, the creative force at your company, right?
Kozak Well, it takes many different people to contribute to the higher... [babbles]
Yes, yes, yes, yes. What an honor it must be to work in Dr. Strictland's shadow.
Kozak No, no, I don't work in anyone's shadow. I wouldn’t. I couldn't live with myself.
There's nothin' wrong being in second place. Second fiddle, second banana, second up?
Kozak I am the chief scientist! I! Me! Mine! [starts growling]
Ho! Come on. Gettin' kinda agitated. What's up, dog? Pick up a little virus down there in the lab, did ya?
Kozak Must be something going around. [Dave and Kozak begin to growling at each other]
Judge Woman [bangs]
No more growlin'. Mr. Douglas have he enough.
?
Kozak Did not!
Judge Woman ?
Kozak Thank you.
?
Judge Woman ?
Kozak Thank you, Ma'am.
Judge Woman ?
?
Judge Clarie
Enough!!
?
