Dave Douglas [as a dog]
I AM A DOG! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, EVERYBODY?! I'M A DOG! I AM A DOG!
Played by Tim Allen 
The Shaggy Dog (2006) · 36 quotes
The Shaggy Dog (2006) · 36 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Shaggy Dog (2006): in 21 of its 36 quotes
Most scenes with: Dr. Kozak (7), Josh (3)
What've you been eating?
More lines from Dave Douglas
7 quotes Dave Douglas Dave Douglas I hope that you have good futures. Kidnapping is a capital crime. You can't just lock up people in cages.
Dave Douglas Nothing but mouth.
Dave Douglas This is not working out. I'm not a bad dog, I'm a terrible man. I got to make this better.
Dave Douglas Someone's peeing on the lawn!
Dave Douglas I AM A DOG! PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE, EVERYBODY! I'M A DOG! I AM A DOG!
Dave Douglas To infinity... and beyond!
Scenes with Dave Douglas
13 scenes Dave Dr. Kozak.
Yes.
Dave I'm sorry I couldn't put you on stand.
Apology's not accepted. You know, Ken tells me if he steps down, you're gonna be the next district attorney.
Dave Well, that's my hope.
Certainly. Well hopefully, justice will be served. You have my support. As well as that, Grant & Strictland.
When I called you to make sure these people were arrested?
Dave I understand that. If you arrest them, they'll turn into rebels that cause on a 6 o'clock news. If you leave them there, they're just kids laying on a sidewalk.
Good advice. Thanks for your help.
Dave You bet. (releases hand to shake hands)
I'm good.
Judge Whittaker Mr. Douglas! Did you just growl at the opposing council?
Dave No. I need some water.
Judge Whittaker Do you need a brief recess?
Dave No thanks. I just... (growls at Judge Whittaker)
Judge Whittaker Did you just growl at me?
Dave No, I had something caught in my throat... (growls at Judge Whittaker)
Judge Whittaker One more outburst and I'm holding you in comtempt.
Dave (barks)
SILENCE! QUIET! WHOO! I think I could use a brief re... re...
Judge Whittaker Reecess! Ten minutes.
Tracy
Football? That's why you're not trying out? You hate football!
I know, but my dad loves. You should hear him. "Oh, you're gonna be just like your own man." If I told him I want to do musical instead, he'll like rape me off as a son.
Tracy
Josh, is your father a stupid man?
He is clueless, which in some ways is better.
Dave (as a dog)
Oh boy.
See, he told me I can play if I only keep my grades so I start flunking Math but he let me off with a warning. So now, I gotta flunk English, History, and Home Ec. Those are not really hard to fail.
Dave (as a dog)
Oh no, Josh...
Tracy
So you rather wreck your future than tell your dad you hate football.
I can get my grades back up as long as he givrs me qutting time.
Tracy
Wow. Men are so complicated.
Dave (Tracy leaves)
How did I let this happened? I'm not a father anymore.
Judge Whittaker:You Get Over Here Dont You Dare Turn My Courtroom Into A Barn
Carly None of this would have happened if we hadn't stole Shaggy.
Dave (as dog)
YOU WHAT? STOLE HIM? You stole a dog from Grant & Strictland and you lied about it.
Trey (holds up bone)
Fetch boy!
Dave I am not your boy and I'm not gonna fe... (Trey throws bone) Oh hey I'll be right back!
Dr.Lichtman:You Were A Very Bad Dog
Dr.Strictland:Are You Gonna Be A Good Dog This Time
Gwen He's going to shock. It's the serum. It doesn't work.
Of course it works, just couldn't give it to him.
Dave (as a dog)
What have you done to him?
Lance? Lance, I'm so sorry that I have to do this to yo but I just couldn't let you take all of the credit again. Plus, you're a pig and I hate you. I hate you in so many ways. Would you hold this for a second? Get rid of it, accomplice.Dave:You Bit Me On Purpose You Bit Me Cause You Knew Who I Was
Gwen But, is he dead?
No, he's not dead. Just fully conscious but unable to speak. The doctors will think he's dementia. The drug itself will wear off in a few months. By then, I'll be CEO. I'll be famously, insanely, and imaginably wealthy.
Larry This was not part of the plan!
Gwen It's totally wrong.
Of course you cut those if you're not sure.
Larry Hold on.
Gwen It's fine with me.
Good. Larry, you park him in his desk for me. Or, should I say my desk?
Carly Shaggy, would you stop making such a... That's impossible.
Dave (The message read "I am Dad".) (as a dog)
Finally.
How?
Dave (as a dog)
Yes.
Carly Well, Mr. Forrester said that they were making mutant animals. That's when I found Shaggy but Shaggy bit Dad. Oh, Daddy!
Dave (as a dog)
It's okay, kiddo. It's okay.
Carly I'm sorry this is all my fault. Could you please forgive me?
Dave (as a dog)
There's nothing to forgive.
Dave (as a dog)
Here. This is what you love because if you keep playing football, you're gonna get hurt.
Thanks, Dad.
Dave (as a dog)
Here's something else.
Dave (as a dog)
Deal?
It's a deal.
I'm sorry you're a dog. I am also very sorry that you won't be leaving here alive. People will be wondering where you disappeared to. After all, dogs do wander off.
Dave (as a dog)
I can't believe you think you'll get away with this, Kozak.
Unless before you die, we are going to run some tests on you. Eenie, meenie, minie, cut you, ow, your nose is coming off, because we just don't understand how you turned into him. I'm very excited. I just can't wait to get inside that body of yours and just poke around for...
Dave (as a dog)
Ooh, that hurt, didn't it?
We have to work on that attitude when I get back. Meanwhile, we run upstairs for a minute. It seems Dr. Strictland is having bit of a healthy crisis. After that on the court, just when Forrester back down to save his skin, we'll cut you like a birthday cake later.
Dave Dr. Kozak, is it true your company is working on a drug that will extend human life like a 100 years?
I am not at liberty to discuss that matter.
Dave Of course you're not. But if that were true, that would be pretty big deal, right?
If it were true, which it is not, probably.
Dave Whoever is in charge of developing such a thing, who will not be only insanely wealthy, they will be immortalize in history, right? Ken:We Would Like To Recall Dr.Kozak To The Stand
Yes, I suppose it would.
Dave Wow. What a thrill it must be to work under Dr. Strictland.
Dave Dr. Strictland, your creative force of your company, right?
Well, it takes many different people to contribute to the highter blahhh...
Dave Yes, yes. What an honor it must be to work at Dr. Strictland's shadow.
No, no, I don't work at anyone's shadow. Why would I could live myself?
Dave Doctor's nothing wrong with second place. Second fiddle? Second bananas? Second up?
I AM THE CHIEF SCIENTIST! I! ME! MY!
Dave Oh, come on, you gone agitated self-dog pick a little virus in a lab, did you?
It must be something while you're around.
(Dave and Dr. Kozak begin to growl at each other) Judge Claire Whittaker:Ah No More Growling Mr.Douglas I've Had Enough
Dave Well, that's the evidence of genetic mutation I don't know what is.
Judge Whittaker On second thought, Bailey, take him to custody.
For what? Just for little DNA, huh?! Don't you morons realize I can make us all immortal? Animals who care they don't even understand what is going on.
Dave Don't tell me they don't understand. Animals understand. I know different.
Teacher Josh was one of my best math students, and then, all of a sudden... Bad grades. And so we're just trying to search out an explanation, really.
Rebecca Well, I think the problem is he's distracted by football.
Dave Can I...? I think I know what the problem... The problem, I think, is me. I've been working too much. This is what this is about. I haven't been home. It's... It's been causing a lot of stress on my family.
Teacher Well, I know what it's like to be too busy to do anything. In fact, I didn't even get to eat lunch. Do you mind if I eat something?
Dave Sure. Go ahead.
Teacher Thanks.
Dave Dr. Kozak, is it true your company is workin' on a drug that will extend human life like a hundred years?
I am not at liberty to discuss that matter.
Dave Of course you're not. But if that were true, that would be a pretty big deal, right?
Ah, were true, which it is not, probably.
Dave And whoever was in charge of developing such a thing... Whoo! Not only would they be insanely wealthy, they would be immortalized in history, right?
Yes, I suppose it would.
Dave Wow. What a thrill it must be to work under Dr. Strictland.
Dave Dr. Strictland, the creative force at your company, right?
Well, it takes many different people to contribute to the higher... [babbles]
Dave Yes, yes, yes, yes. What an honor it must be to work in Dr. Strictland's shadow.
No, no, I don't work in anyone's shadow. I wouldn’t. I couldn't live with myself.
Dave There's nothin' wrong being in second place. Second fiddle, second banana, second up?
I am the chief scientist! I! Me! Mine! [starts growling]
Dave Ho! Come on. Gettin' kinda agitated. What's up, dog? Pick up a little virus down there in the lab, did ya?
Must be something going around. [Dave and Kozak begin to growling at each other]
Judge Woman [bangs]
No more growlin'. Mr. Douglas have he enough.
Dave ?
Did not!
Judge Woman ?
Thank you.
Dave ?
Judge Woman ?
Thank you, Ma'am.
Judge Woman ?
Dave ?
Judge Clarie
Enough!!
Dave ?
