Tony quotes from Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Shit!

Language!
--

Wait a second. No one else is gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said "Language"?

I know! [hurls his bike through the front of a jeep] Just slipped out.
--

Thor

Find the scepter. [Flies off]

And for gosh sake, watch your language.

That's not going away any time soon.

Guys, stop. We gotta talk this through… [Shoots all the Hydra men non-fatally with tiny guided missiles] It was a good talk.

No, it wasn't!

Clint

It's a trick!

Thor

Oh, no, it is more than that.

Clint

Oh, "whosoever, be he worthy, shall haveth the power," WHATEVER, MAN! It's a trick!

Thor

Well, please, be my guest.

Clint

Really?

Thor

Yeah.

Oh, this is going to be beautiful.

Tony

Clint, you've had a tough week. We won't hold it against you if you can't get it up.

Clint

You know I've seen this before, right? [Tries to lift Mjolnir and can't; laughs] I still don't know how you do it!

Tony

Smell the silent judgment?

Clint

Please, Stark, by all means.

Okay.

Uh oh.

Tony

I'm never one to shrink from an honest challenge. It's physics. Right, so, if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?

Thor

Yes, of course.

Tony

I will be reinstituting Prime Nocta. [Tries to lift Mjolnir and is unable to] I'll be right back

Are you even pulling?

Are you on my team?

Just represent! Pull!

Tony

All deference to the Man Who Wouldn't be King, but it's rigged.

Clint

You bet your ass!

Steve, he said a bad language word.

Rogers

Did you tell everyone about that?!

Tony

The handle is imprinted, right? Like a security code. "Whoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints," I think, is the literal translation.

Thor

Yes, well, that's a very interesting theory. However, I have a simpler one. [Easily lifts the hammer and flips it with one hand] You're all not worthy.

Ultron

Worthy.

Ultron

No, how could you be worthy? You're all killers.

Rogers

Stark…

Tony

JARVIS…

Ultron

Sorry, I was asleep… Or… I was a dream.

Tony

Reboot Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit.

Ultron

There was a terrible noise… And I was tangled in… in… strings… I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy.

Rogers

You killed someone?

Ultron

Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world we're faced with ugly choices.

Thor

Who sent you?

Ultron

"I see a suit of armor around the world."

Banner

Ultron!

Ultron

In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this…chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on mission.

Natasha

What mission?

Ultron

Peace in our time.

Banner

Tony, maybe this might not be the time...

Tony

Really? That's it? You just roll over, show your belly, every time somebody snarls?

Banner

Only when I've created a murder-bot!

Tony

We didn't, we weren't even close! Were we close to an interface? [Bruce shrugs]

Rogers

Well, you did something right, and you did it right here. The Avengers were supposed to be different from S.H.I.E.L.D.

Tony

Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?

Nope. Never come up.

Tony

Saved New York?

Never heard that.

Tony

Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging in through a hole in space…we're standing 300 feet below it. We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live-long day, but…that up there? That's the endgame. How were you guys planning on beating that?

Rogers

Together.

Tony

We'll lose.

Rogers

Then we'll do that together, too.

Tony

Aw, junior. You're gonna break your old man's heart.

Ultron

If I have to.

Thor

Nobody has to break anything.

Ultron

Clearly, you've never made an omelette.

Tony

He beat me by one second.

Tony

She's clearly an agent of some kind.

Clint

Gentlemen, this is Laura.

Laura

I already know all of your names.

Tony

And these are…smaller agents.

Clint

Look at your face! Oh, my goodness!

Laura

Did you bring Auntie Nat?

Natasha

Why don't ya hug her and find out? [Lila rushes to her arms]

Tony

Thor didn't say where he was going for answers?

Rogers

Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things. Kind of hoping Thor would be the exception.

Tony

Yeah, give him time. We don't know what the Maximoff kid showed him.

Rogers

"Earth's Mightiest Heroes". She pulled us apart like cotton candy.

Tony

Seems like you walked away alright.

Rogers

Is that a problem?

Tony

I don't trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old-fashioned.

Rogers

Well, let's just say you haven't seen it yet.

Tony

You know Ultron's trying to tear us apart, right?

Rogers

Well, I guess you'd know. Whether you'd tell us is a bit of a question.

Tony

Banner and I were doing research.

Rogers

That would affect the team.

Tony

That would end the team. Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the "Why we fight"? So we can end the fight? So we get to go home?

Rogers

Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.

Laura

I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, Clint said you wouldn't mind but it seems our tractor doesn't want to start at all. Thought maybe you might.

Tony

Yeah. I'll give her a kick.

Tony

Hello, Deere. Tell me everything. What ails you?

Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.

Tony

No way we all get through this. If even one tin soldier is left standing, we've lost. There's going to be blood on the floor.

Rogers

I got no plans tomorrow night.

Tony

I get first crack at the big guy. I'm the one he's waiting for.

Vision

That's true. He hates you the most.

Ultron

Come to confess your sins?

I don't know. How much time you got?

Ultron

More than you.

Tony

Have you been juicing? Little vibranium cocktail? You're looking… I don't wanna say puffy…

Ultron

You're stalling. To protect the people.

Tony

That is the mission. Did you forget?

Ultron

I've moved beyond your mission. I'm free.

But if you put the hammer in an elevator,...

Tony

It would still go up.

Elevator's not worthy.

Thor

I'm gonna miss these little talks of ours.

Tony

Maybe I should take a page out of Barton's book. Build Pepper a farm, hope nobody blows it up.

Rogers

The simple life.

Tony

You'll get there one day.

Rogers

I don't know. Family, stability... the guy who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago.

Banner

So you're going for artificial intelligence, and you don't want to tell the team?

Tony

Right. That's right. You know why? Because we don't have time for a city hall debate. I don't want to hear the "man was not meant to meddle" medley. I see a suit of armor around the world.

Banner

Sounds like a cold world, Tony.

Tony

I've seen colder. This one, this very vulnerable blue one? It needs Ultron. Peace in our time. Imagine that.

Thor

What is this place?

Tony

Is it a safe house?

Clint

Let's hope. [with one arm still on Nat's shoulder, he opens the door, and leads the others inside] Honey? I'm home. [Laura, a pregnant woman with dark brown hair, appears holding art stuff] Hi. Company. Sorry. I didn't call ahead.

Laura

Hey. [she and Clint kiss]

Tony

This is an agent of some kind.

Clint

Gentlemen, this is Laura.

Laura

I know all of your names. [chuckles as Tony waves]

Clint

Ooh. Incoming. [gasps as Lila, a young girl with braided pigtails, runs to Clint, followed by her brother, Cooper, an older boy with short hair]

Dad!

Clint

Hi, sweetheart! [wraps his arm around Cooper's face, kissing his head] Hey, buddy! How are you guys doing? Look at your face!

Tony

These are… smaller agents.

Clint

Oh, my… [kisses Lila's cheek, then sets her down] …goodness!

Did you bring Auntie Nat?

Tony

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

Tony

OK, pal, we're gonna get you out of town. [Hulk makes them change course...] Not that way. NOT THAT WAY. [...into a building, destroying multiple windows, the fight continues] COME ON, Bruce! You gotta work with me.

Tony

Everybody, out! [they exit the elevator, Tony begins to swing] Going down?!

Tony

I'm sorry.