Fingers
What's his problem?
The Nut Job quotes
Page 1 of 4
King
[sees cart of nuts]
What the? [sees Fingers and Lucky walk out of the tunnel] I told you to load those nuts into the vault!
Fingers
Yeah, so why did you take the cart outta the tunnel?
King
What kinda game are you playin' here?
Fingers
What kinda game are YOU playin'?!
Lucky
[puts his hand on Fingers]
Relax! We probably just bumped the cart.
King
Or maybe it was... [pushes the cart to expose Buddy, Andie, and the Bruisers] Rats! [they scatter]
Lucky
Holy Toledo! [King sees Andie, pulls out his gun, and tries to shoot her] Watch out!
King
I'll handle these rats! [shoots again]
Fingers
[Surly runs across the basement, the rats follow him into traps, the Rat follows after him] [sees Surly and the Rat on him]
Squirrels!
Lucky
Watch out! Hang on, Fingers!
King
[Fingers falls on the coal chute, Surly and the Rat hurl in the air, the Rat falls in a box of traps]
Get going!
Lucky
What about you?
King
What are you, deaf? I said get going!
Fingers
It was going so smooth! [he and Lucky leave the basement]
Surly
[King **** his gun, Surly sees Grayson on King's back, Grayson jumps and hides]
Grayson, you moron!
Grayson
Surly, I need a disguise. Something flamboyant.
Surly
What? Get your head out of your tail! Lead the team into the tunnel and escape through our hole. I'll distract the big guy.
Grayson
I'll need some skates, a mustache, and maybe a cape.
Surly
[grabs Grayson's face]
YOU DON'T NEED A CAPE! I can't help the park alone. I'm not a hero, but you are. Last summer during that heatwave, who discovered that broken sprinkler so everyone could have water?
Grayson
[muffled]
I did?
Surly
That's right! They believe in heroes. So snap out of it and be one! It's hero time.
Grayson
It's hero time! Why am I shouting?
Surly
[thinks for a moment]
Rats!
Grayson
RAAAAAATS!!!!! RUN! RUN FOR THEIR LIVES! CHILDREN AND GRAYSON FIRST!
Jamie
Oh, it's Grayson!
Johnny
He's come to save us!
Andie
Now's our chance. Let's go. Move it everybody! Move!
[Surly jumps on King's shoulder, King loses focus and tries to get Surly off of him, Surly just kept running up and down King's body]
King
We cut the alarm wire from the tunnel. When you 2 hit the vault, we got 3 minutes to dynamite it and get that dough out.
Surly
We dig here, from the alley into the basement.
Jimmy
[points to the coal chute]
Why don't we just use the door thing?
Surly
Too unpredictable. They lock it from the inside. Now listen closely.
King
We fill the vault with bags o' nuts, we seal it, we head for state lines. It'll be days before the bank realizes they got peanuts on deposit. Agreed?
Mole
Agreed, but I do not dig.
Johnny
'Cause you're blind as a bat!
Mole
[gets agitated]
WHAT?! Who said that? Where are you?
Fingers
What kind of haul we talkin', pops?
Surly
We're talkin' almonds, pistachios, walnuts, Brazils.
King
Enough cashews to buy yourselves a racetrack.
Surly
And did I mention the peanut brittle?
Johnny
Is that a candy or a nut?
Surly
[chuckles]
Both. [brief silence for 2 seconds]
Mole
[bumps Jamie's shoulder]
Ha ha!
King
Now listen up. This is my last heist. I ain't goin' back to that rat-filled slammer. Ya dig?
Fingers
[to Lucky]
It's all we been doin'!
Lana
Percy "King" Dimpleweed, you and I are officially through.
Lucky
[about King's betrayal]
You'll never get away with this.
Raccoon
[sees Andie handing out nuts]
I didn't authorize and handouts, did I?
Mole
You know Andie. [digs through bounty] It was her idea.
Raccoon
Are you looking for these? [hands Mole a pair of sunglasses, he grabs them] I know Andie. She lacks obedience. Can't follow orders.
Mole
But she follows Surly. [Raccoon raises his ear] Y'know, he even tamed that guard dog. He could actually pull this off.
Raccoon
[snaps his fingers, Cardinal snatches the sunglasses from Mole]
The day Surly saves this park is the day nuts will rain from the skies! Hmm, there could be an accident. [Cardinal spits out the sunglasses, then pushes the hatch lid, Mole screams in pain] Have you considered sabotage?
Mole
What? Hey, what's gotten into you? It's only Surly. A 2-bit trashcan thief.
Raccoon
It's not about thievery; it's about that food getting to those animals. [sighs briefly] Have you forgotten my motto? [Cardinal steps forth] "Animals are controlled by the amount of food they have."
Both
"It is our duty to keep it from them."
Raccoon
Good! Now, where were we? Ah yes, sabotage.
Mole
Yeah, sabotage. Uh, what is that, French?
Raccoon
The tally is in! The food collected in the trunk of our oak tree... [the other animals gasp] ...will not be enough to carry us through winter.
Redline
[as the other animals chatter in disappointment]
I knew it, we're gonna die!
Raccoon
Settle down! Settle down now, please!
Sparrow
RACCOON!
Mole
Shh! Raccoon's giving a speech.
Raccoon
[as he descends from the trunk]
Though this outlooks appears disheartening...
Sparrow
EXCUSE ME! ANDIE AND GRAYSON ARE...
Mole
Tee-tee-tee-tee!
Sparrow
YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO ME!
Mole
Ba-ba-ba-ba!
Raccoon
[turns to the animals]
...this park will persevere! Take heart, park brethren. [the other animals look behind Raccoon] There is hope.
Sparrow
RACCOON!!!
Mole
[grabs the Sparrow]
Quiet! [repeats thrice]
Sparrow
I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO POINT OUT THAT... [laughs nervously]
Raccoon
Grayson's never let us down before. I believe he's on his way, right at this very moment, carrying...
Mole
[drops the Sparrow]
FLAMING CART OF NUTS!!!
Raccoon
[turns around, sees a nut cart on fire flying across the park]
What? [the other animals panic] Our food! It'll be destroyed!
Mole
[picks up the Sparrow]
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?! [drops Sparrow again]
Raccoon
Abandon tree! ABANDON TREE!!!
Grayson
[the nut cart bounces off the tree, lands on the mill wheel, sends itself in the air, Andie drops off] [opens the haul, sees he's about to crash in the tree]
NOT MY PERFECTLY SYMMETRICAL FACE! AAAAAAAHH!!! [the nut cart lands]
Mole
[the other animals sigh in relief, then the tree explodes, creating popcorn launching from it]
Grayson? Grayson?! Where are you?!
Raccoon
What happened here? [picks up charred nuts, crumbles them in his hands in frustration] Who is responsible for this?!
Surly
Let go of me, you clowns! You're making a big mistake here! I got an alibi! Unh, I got witnesses! [the twins throw him]
Johnny
Found him hiding in one of our holes, just like a snake.
Surly
I was recovering buried nuts. That what I was doi... [sniffs the air] You smell, like, burnt nuts or somethin'? That me? [as he turns around] What's goin' ooooo... [laughs] Look at that! Ha-ha! You guys are messed for winter, man! I mean, wow! Just look at that bonfire! You didn't see that comin', did ya?
Grayson
[lands on Surly, gets up immediately]
Never fear, this sweet body is undamaged! [faints]
Andie
Raccoon, let me organize a trial. Just give the order.
Pigeon
Another trail?! He's never learned!
Jimmy
He needs something more severe!
Jamie
He is a clear and present danger!
Surly
Yug...!
Andie
No! No, we do things by the rule of law. Let justice take care of him.
Raccoon
They want justice, Andie, and justice they will receive. [Cardinal lands on his shoulder, he turns to the other animals] All those in favor of banishment, raise your paws!
Surly
[gets up]
Banishment?
Andie
Banishment?
Grayson
Bandages? Yes, please.
Raccoon
[the other animals hesitate]
Why are you hesitating? He's refused to join us, ridiculed our hard work, stolen, cheated, lied, and now destroyed our only food for winter! What say all?! [they raise their paws]
Grayson
And stick 'em up! Ha! [raises his paw] Why is the ground moving towards my face? [faints again]
Andie
We don't convict without a trial. This isn't how we do things. [Mole sighs in resignation]
Raccoon
I have run out of options for that squirrel, Andie [puts his hand on her shoulder] Do what you will. Do what is right. [Andie slowly raises her paw]
Surly
[looks around in desperation, finds Buddy roasting an acorn, regains self-confidence]
Ha! Uh, uh, Buddy has not voted! And it has to be unanimous. That's the rule. You won't vote against me, will ya, ol' Buddy? Buddy? [Buddy looks, waves his paw, Surly is in shock]
Raccoon
You were saying?
Redline
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
Sarge
I need to see your vendor permits.
Surly
Ha-ha! I got 4 words for you.
Precious
Okay!
Surly
THING-A-MA-BOOBY!
Precious
AAH!!!
Surly
How you like that, huh?
Precious
Okay, you win! You win! Get that thing outta my face! You got me.
Surly
So you can talk?
Precious
Okay, I'll stop talking. Just don't blow that whistle.
Surly
I'm not gonna feel sorry for you.
Precious
Of course, yes, I understand.
Surly
Stay! [to Buddy and Andie] Alright, it's safe to come down!
Precious
I'm gonna level with you 'cause you seem like a reasonable guy. If I don't get rid of you, they're gonna send me back to the pound. Alright? And I can't go back to that pound!
Surly
Oh, yeah, sure, I believe you.
Precious
No, I'm a victim of circumstance!
Surly
Not my problem, dog. [to Andie] Are you guys okay? Don't worry about her.
Andie
This is incredible! [climbs a barrel] There's enough food here to feed the park for years!
Surly
[as Andie has a snack]
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?!
Precious
Look, can we be friends?
Surly
Oh, great.
Precious
C'mon! I can do all sorts of stuff. You wanna see? You know what? I can fetch things, huh? I can sit. Oh! [turns around to shake her tail] Look at this thing! This is crazy! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Has a mind of its own. Oh, oh, oh! I can play dead. Watch. [plays dead] Now I'm alive! I mean, this is unbelievable. It's like one then the next. Dead, then alive. Right? [Buddy sniffs and throws a stick of dynamite]
Andie
I'm getting some of this food back to the park.
Surly
What?
Andie
We had a deal.
Precious
[about Andie]
Oh, I can attack her if you want.
Surly
I said shut it! [to Andie] Look, the deal is: you take your share, I get mine, we split ways.
Andie
There's no way I can get these to the park safely. [jumps down] We need a foolproof plan.
Surly
Yeah, good luck with that. Buddy and I are diggin' a tunnel.
Andie
[chuckles]
That's just... That's crazy. No, it's brilliant. [jumps onto the tractor belt] Oh, Raccoon and the animals will flip when they hear about this! We'll be back, first thing tomorrow to get started on the tunnel.
Surly
That's not part of the deal!
Precious
[about Andie, again]
Should I attack her now?
Surly
What? No! S- You stay! [to Andie] I never said that I'd work with the park.
Andie
Well, your welcome to come back with me if you want. Who knows? You might just end up being a hero. I'll be back with a team. Well done, Surly! [she leaves the store]
Surly
[to Buddy, about Andie]
Put a tail on her. You know what I mean. [Buddy sprints after Andie]
Precious
Hey, boss. I'm gonna lick your face. [Surly walks away, she follows after him] C'mon, don't be weird.
The Rat
[the rats seize Surly]
Hold him down! Hold him down! That's it! Ha ha ha!
Raccoon
Well, what do we have here? [walks to Surly] A hero or a thief?
Surly
You think you can starve the park to stay in control? Mole told me everything.
Mole
What? What's he talking about? [chuckles] I didn't say anything! He's loopy! Yeah. Cuckoo, you know, nuts. Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Raccoon
Is this another one of your swindles? Some half-baked revenge against me? [Surly grunts] It's something else, isn't it? You're trying to impress. Grayson, perhaps? Andie? [Surly looks surprised] Oh, I see. No matter. My accomplices will take care of them soon enough.
Surly
[tries to get free]
They don't follow me. They hate me. They hate me!
Raccoon
Maybe, but I can't leave any evidence, Surly. [Cardinal lands on his shoulder] Every good thief knows that.
Mole
Hey, this is getting a little crazy, don't you think? I mean...
Raccoon
[interrupting Mole]
Maybe we'll finish you off next! And where's that shiny thing he's supposed to have?
King
[The dog whistle is in King's back pocket]
All right, this is it. 10, 9...
Raccoon
[picks up a bag of nuts]
You'll get the rest once you dispose of Andie and Grayson. [The Rat catches the bag of nuts] I'll finish off Mr. Hero myself.
Surly
The park will get rid of you. They'll vote in new leaders.
Raccoon
How many leaders did you think this park can have?
King
3, 2...
Raccoon
1!
Raccoon
[explosion, Surly shakes his head, Cardinal lands and the chute door lands on him, Surly goes in]
He'll warn the others! What are you waiting for? [kicks a rat] After him!
Jamie
[Grayson opens the van door]
Grayson! He's here to save us! [sees Surly] Oh...
Surly
Lemme explain.
Jamie
[she and Buddy prepare to fight]
Let's get him, guys!
Surly
Hey, hey, wait a second.
Andie
[runs in front of them]
Forget him! The door is open. We can push the nuts out.
Raccoon
[jumps down]
Ha-ha! [grabs Surly by neck]
Andie
[sees Raccoon, surprised]
Raccoon!
Raccoon
[Grayson grabs Surly by the tail and pulls]
Let me go, you idiot! Help me throw him off before he kills us all!
Grayson
Kill us?! This squirrel is a hero! [Andie, Jamie, and Buddy stare in disbelief] Well, co-hero, actually.
Mole
Raccoon is...the double-crosser! You have to...believe me!
Surly
[choking]
Hang on, Mole!
Mole
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?! AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
Jamie
Why did you lock us in here?!
Raccoon
You're wasting time. This is our one opportunity to rip the park of this villain. For the park! [Andie, Jamie, and Buddy refuse]
Grayson
You still haven't answered the question.
Raccoon
This is treason! Andie!
Andie
Answer the question, Raccoon. Was Surly telling the truth? ANSWER!
Grayson
I call for a vote! Agreed! All those in favor of banishment, raise your paws!
Andie
[Buddy raises his paw, followed by Andie, Jamie, Grayson, Mole, then Surly] [as Raccoon throws Surly off]
RACCOON!!
Raccoon
[Surly grabs a bag of nuts, and lands in the middle of the street]
Ah. [grabs the dog whistle] Shiny.
Andie
Hey! [Raccoon laughs evilly and climbs up the door]
Surly
[first lines of the film; voice over]
When you're an animal, life's a balancing act. Each day is a quest to find food to survive. It's a tough nut to crack. Wait... you think I'm one of those pigeons? No, no, no, no. This is me right here. I mean, I got no problem with my feathered friends. (In fact, I get a real kick out of 'em.) They're really soft on the feet. And they're always building these little picnic baskets that offer the occasional treat. Apparently, not today. Thanks for nothin'. At the end of the day, I'm just like all you fine people. I'm no hero. I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut. Oh, and that's my buddy named... well, Buddy. He don't talk much. Yeah, they say the world's there for the taking. So that's just what we're gonna do.
Surly
[last lines of the film; voice over]
Yeah, they say life's there for the taking. But the truth is, life's really there for the sharing. Once you realize that, you might discover there's a little hero in all of us. After all, we're all a little nuts.
Raccoon
[last lines, turns to Cardinal]
Anymore big ideas? [Cardinal turns, stretches his wings ready to fly away] Please stay. [Cardinal puts his wings down, sharks circle the buoy]