I play for the Indians.
Chaire Holloway
Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!
Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!
Harry Doyle
Bob Uecker · 20 quotes
Jake Taylor
Tom Berenger · 20 quotes
Lou Brown
James Gammon · 16 quotes
Willie Mays Hayes
Wesley Snipes · 13 quotes
Charlie Donovan
Charles Cyphers · 9 quotes
Rick
Charlie Sheen · 8 quotes
Pedro
Dennis Haysbert · 7 quotes
Roger
Corbin Bernsen · 6 quotes
Eddie
Chelcie Ross · 5 quotes
Rachel Phelps
Margaret Whitton · 5 quotes
Construction worker
3 quotes
Diner patron
3 quotes
Groundskeeper #1
Keith Uchima · 3 quotes
Groundskeeper #2
Kurt Uchima · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Jake Taylor & Willie Mays Hayes (6), Jake Taylor & Roger (4), Jake Taylor & Eddie (4)
Major League quotes
Page 2 of 6That's my wife...
Does she know that?
Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with?
I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag.
Want me to drag him outta here, kick the shit out of him?
What I was concerned with was why you didn't come up with that grounder that Ryckert hit in the 9th
It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?
Rog, it could have meant the game!
Oh come on, cut the rah rah shit Taylor! Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or deface this property for a collection of stiffs!
Ya know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. If you wanna be an interior decorator now, that's none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me! This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don't know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your ****in throat!
[at the library, discussing Jake's one-night stand with a flight attendant]
I had no choice. She bet me fifty dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.
Lynn Wells Oh, what a bunch of bullshit! I have a much better body than she does!
[After Dorn boots a grounder]
C'mon, Dorn! Get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this olè bullshit!
Look, I took one of those in the eye last year, and I am not about to lose my sight!
[Unconcerned]
I'm deeply moved. Every time I see you play one your hips, you owe me forty sit-ups.
What?
[Later on, Roger appears with a contract]
Look here, Lou. My contract clearly states I don't have to do any calisthenics that I don't feel are necessary. So what do you think about that?
[Lou grabs the contract, throws it on the ground, and urinates on it before walking away]
I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent.
I forgot about Dorn, cause he's only high priced.
Pepper [Vaughn pulls up on a motorcycle]
Take a look at this ****in' guy.
It's my kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team.
I thought you said we didn't have any high-priced talent.
Forgot about Dorn, cause he's only high-priced. Picked him up as a free agent three years ago.
Still hits the ball pretty well, doesn't he?
Yeah, just can't field it. [Dorn gives cocky gesture to them]
We'll shape him up.
Lou, it's Charlie Donvan from Cleveland. How would you like to manage the Indians this year?
Gee, I don't know...
What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues.
Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.
[at a team meeting]
Can I have your attention, please? I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Even me?
Even you, Dorn.
What if we DON'T finish last?
She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
What's that?
Win the whole **** thing.
I'm pissed off now, Jobu... I go to you. I stick up for you. And you no help me now... I say **** YOU, Jobu. I do it myself.
Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum... Is very bad.
Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Shit, Harris! [leaves]
Ah, Jesus [pronounced hey-SOOS], I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
Let's not start a holy war now.
Here's to the thrill of defeat, Charlie.
This is a list of players that I want to invite to Spring Training this year.
Board Member #1
I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.
Most of these guys never had a prime.
Board Member #2
This guy here is dead.
Cross him off then.
I got news for you Mr. Brown, you haven't heard the last of me. You may think I'm shit now, but someday you're gonna be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're ****in' ass! [throws baseball against locker]
Good! I like that kind of spirit in a player. The only problem is I didn't cut you.
What?
I think someone's been having some fun with you.