Up your butt, Jobu.
Harry Doyle
Bob Uecker · 20 quotes
Jake Taylor
Tom Berenger · 20 quotes
Lou Brown
James Gammon · 16 quotes
Willie Mays Hayes
Wesley Snipes · 13 quotes
Charlie Donovan
Charles Cyphers · 9 quotes
Rick
Charlie Sheen · 8 quotes
Pedro
Dennis Haysbert · 7 quotes
Roger
Corbin Bernsen · 6 quotes
Eddie
Chelcie Ross · 5 quotes
Rachel Phelps
Margaret Whitton · 5 quotes
Construction worker
3 quotes
Diner patron
3 quotes
Groundskeeper #1
Keith Uchima · 3 quotes
Groundskeeper #2
Kurt Uchima · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Jake Taylor & Willie Mays Hayes (6), Jake Taylor & Roger (4), Jake Taylor & Eddie (4)
Major League quotes
Page 1 of 6Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill.
Heywood
How's your wife and my kids?
Hats for bats, keep bats warm.
I stuck up for you Jobu. You no help me now...I say **** you Jobu. I do it myself.
Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: "Strike this mother ****er out."
Vaughn's been looking good out there today.
Don't worry, he'll blow it.
Well, if I'm the G.M., who's gonna be the manager?
I was thinking of Lou Brown.
He's managed the Toledo Mud Hens of the International League for the last 30 years. I think he'll fit right into our team concept.
What exactly is our team concept?
That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Charlie: I want to put together a team that'll help us relocate to Miami.
What do you mean? [holds up the roster of spring training invitees] Some of these guys are furniture movers?
I'm serious about this, Charlie. It's no secret I've never liked Cleveland much. [sighs] Stadium's falling apart, we don't draw dick, the weather's lousy. Another couple years of this, and I'm gonna have to start feeding Cha-Cha real dog food.
Mrs. Phelps, you just can't up and move a team on a whim.
It's hardly a "whim". Miami's offered to build us a new stadium. 62,000 capacity, 45 VIP boxes, and for me, a mansion in Boca Raton, plus free membership in the Palm Beach Polo and Country Club. Now, no other franchise in baseball can match that deal.
The league will never let us leave Cleveland. We got a lease with the city.
[promptly gives Charlie a copy of the lease]
The lease says we have the right to move if the attendance falls below 800,000 for the year; paragraph 40, line 17. If we play bad enough, we should be able to come in under that.
What're you saying, you want us to lose?
No, we've been losing...What I want is for us to finish dead last.
We heard about your pitching out of Portland last year...
I'm not really with them anymore...
We'd still like to take a look at you in our spring training camp in Arizona, March the first.
Diner Waitress
Spring training starts on the 1st. How do you think the Indians will do this year?
[Cuts to two Japanese groundskeepers working on the Indians playing field] [In Japanese]
They're shitty.
Hai.
Monty
Ummm... no.
He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!
[reading statistics on the air]
And the Indians drop this one, 6-to-one to the Rangers. For the Indians, one run on, let's see, one hit...that's all we got? One god-damned hit?
Monty
[covering microphone]
You can't say "god-damn" on the air!
Don't worry. Nobody's listening, anyway.
Haywood
Taylor what are you doin back up here?
I couldn't cut it in the Mexican Leagues
Haywood
How's your wife and my kids?
Heywood
[afterHayes reached on a bloop infield single]
You really knocked the crap out of that one.
Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this. [shows Heywood his black gloves] I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame.
Heywood
My ass.
[Hayes takes his lead off first base]
We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a hell of a job.
Heywood
You're gonna look real sharp, tryin' to steal second with your shoe untied.
[Hayes looks down, then gets thrown out by the pitcher]
Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.