Jake Taylor I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.
Played by Tom Berenger 
Major League (1989) · 78 quotes
Major League (1989) · 78 quotes
Tied for most-quoted character in Major League (1989): in 20 of its 78 quotes
Most scenes with: Willie Mays Hayes (6), Roger (4), Eddie (4)
Hey, Rexman! Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife at the Capri Lounge last night. Hell of a dancer. You should be very very proud. Oh, and that guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend and all, but tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head? [Rexman pops the ball straight up] Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance.
More lines from Jake Taylor
6 quotes Jake Taylor Jake Taylor Second base... [overthrows second baseman] shit.
Jake Taylor Come on Jake. It's only your life.
Jake Taylor [He tries to throw a runner out, talking to himself]
Don't bounce the damn ball...[Overthrows the second baseman] Nice throw, dickhead.
Jake Taylor [preparing for Vaughn's first pitch to Heywood. Vaughn shakes off the breaking pitches, until Taylor finally signals for a fastball, which Vaughn nods at]
Alright, Ricky. Let's get nasty.
Jake Taylor [to Heywood when he swings and misses on Vaughn's 97 MPH fastball]
Sucker was moving, wasn't it? If it'd hit you, it'd leave a 2-foot hole coming out.
Scenes with Jake Taylor
13 scenes
Haywood
Taylor what are you doin back up here?
Taylor I couldn't cut it in the Mexican Leagues
Haywood
How's your wife and my kids?
Jake Taylor I play for the Indians.
Chaire Holloway
Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!
Jake Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!
Indians
[wearing tuxedos, the whole team stands behind Home Plate]
Hello. Do you know us?
Indians
[putting on their caps]
We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
That's why we carry the American Express card.
No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Look what it's done for us. People still DON'T recognize us but... [snaps his fingers]
We're contenders now.
[slides into Home Plate and holds up a green credit card]
The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.
Jake That's my wife...
Does she know that?
Jake Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with?
I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag.
Want me to drag him outta here, kick the shit out of him?
Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Shit, Harris! [leaves]
Ah, Jesus [pronounced hey-SOOS], I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
Jake Let's not start a holy war now.
Tom Stay away from her.
Jake Suck my dick.
Jake [at the library, discussing Jake's one-night stand with a flight attendant]
I had no choice. She bet me fifty dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.
Lynn Wells Oh, what a bunch of bullshit! I have a much better body than she does!
Jake [everyone in the library turns to look] [to others]
She's right.
Jake What I was concerned with was why you didn't come up with that grounder that Ryckert hit in the 9th
It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?
Jake Rog, it could have meant the game!
Oh come on, cut the rah rah shit Taylor! Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or deface this property for a collection of stiffs!
Jake Ya know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. If you wanna be an interior decorator now, that's none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me! This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don't know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your ****in throat!
[looks over Jake's shoulder and see's him reading a comic book]
Moby Dick? What you reading that for?
Jake This happens to be a masterpiece of American Literature.
Jake Yeah... a long time ago.
Well listen, if we ever get out of here, me and the other guys are going to a club later on tonight. You want to come with us?
Jake [frustrated]
Oh, I can't, I got some reading to do.
[rolls his eyes]
What man, you got a test or something? Jake, man why don't you just go over there and see her. Maybe she'll let you slide on a couple of these.
Jake Well I would if I knew where she lived.
That's easy! Just tail her home from the library.
Jake You mean sit in my car and wait for her to get out of work and then follow her? That's kind of juvenille don't you think?
[at a team meeting]
Can I have your attention, please? I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Even me?
Even you, Dorn.
What if we DON'T finish last?
She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
Jake [stands]
Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
What's that?
Jake Win the whole **** thing.
[After first day of workouts in spring training]
200 pushups! How am I supposed to hit if I can't lift my arms? Shit!
Jake Well, the way I played today, I wouldn't be surprised if they red-tagged me already.
What do you mean?
Jake If you get a red tag in your locker, it means the manager wants to see you, because you just died and went back down to the minors.
Jake [Vaughn, starting to open his locker, stops at this. Taylor notices.]
Hey, don't worry, kid. They don't cut anybody on the first day. [Vaughn nonetheless keeps his locker closed.]
Player #1
[Last day of spring training] [As the players go back to the clubhouse]
Final cut day today, isn't it?
Player #2
Afraid so.
Vaughn
[Stops just outside the door]
I don't wanna go in there.
Taylor Look, no matter what happens, just keep it to yourself until you're out of the clubhouse. You don't wanna celebrate in front of those who'd just died. [Goes inside]
Yeah, but what if we're already one of the deceased, huh?
[Brown and Taylor go out to the mound to Harris, with the bases loaded and Heywood about to come to bat] [takes the ball from Taylor]
How's it holding up, Eddie? You look a little tired.
I'm throwin' every piece of junk I can think of at 'em, skipper. I got enough left for one more hitter.
Naw, you've pitched a helluva game. Take a seat, we'll see if we can get this guy out for ya. [Harris leaves semi-dejected to the dugout. The crowd gives him a polite standing ovation]
Jake Good game, Eddie.
Jake You want Vaughn?
I know he hasn't done very well against this guy, but I got a hunch he's due.
Other characters in Major League
Harry Doyle
Bob Uecker
Lou Brown
James Gammon
Willie Mays Hayes
Wesley Snipes
Charlie Donovan
Charles Cyphers
Rick
Charlie Sheen
Pedro
Dennis Haysbert
Roger
Corbin Bernsen
Eddie
Chelcie Ross
Rachel Phelps
Margaret Whitton
Construction worker
Diner patron
Groundskeeper #1
Keith Uchima
Groundskeeper #2
Kurt Uchima
