Tied for 9th most-quoted character in Major League (1989): in 5 of its 78 quotes
Most scenes with: Jake Taylor (4), Lou Brown (3), Pedro (3)
Scenes with Eddie
5 scenes
What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie [wipes his finger across his chest]
Crisco; [wipes his finger across his waist line] Bardol; [wipes his finger along his head] Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. 'Course if the umps are watching me real close I just rub a little jalapeño juice up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just... [wipes his nose] ...wipe my nose.
You put snot on the ball?
Eddie I haven't got an arm like yours; I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too.
I Indians
[wearing tuxedos, the whole team stands behind Home Plate]
Hello. Do you know us?
I Indians
[putting on their caps]
We're a Major League Baseball team.
But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie That's why we carry the American Express card.
No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Look what it's done for us. People still DON'T recognize us but... [snaps his fingers]
[slides into Home Plate and holds up a green credit card]
The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.
Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Eddie You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Ah, Jesus [pronounced hey-SOOS], I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
Eddie You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
Let's not start a holy war now.
[at a team meeting]
Can I have your attention, please? I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Eddie What if we DON'T finish last?
She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
[stands]
Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Win the whole **** thing.
[long pause] [stands]
Yeah.
[Brown and Taylor go out to the mound to Harris, with the bases loaded and Heywood about to come to bat] [takes the ball from Taylor]
How's it holding up, Eddie? You look a little tired.
Eddie I'm throwin' every piece of junk I can think of at 'em, skipper. I got enough left for one more hitter.
Naw, you've pitched a helluva game. Take a seat, we'll see if we can get this guy out for ya. [Harris leaves semi-dejected to the dugout. The crowd gives him a polite standing ovation]
[gestures to the bullpen]
Give me Vaughn.
I know he hasn't done very well against this guy, but I got a hunch he's due.
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