8th most-quoted character in Major League (1989): in 6 of its 78 quotes
Most scenes with: Jake Taylor (4), Lou Brown (4), Pedro (3)
Scenes with Roger
6 scenes
I Indians
[wearing tuxedos, the whole team stands behind Home Plate]
Hello. Do you know us?
I Indians
[putting on their caps]
We're a Major League Baseball team.
But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
That's why we carry the American Express card.
No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger Look what it's done for us. People still DON'T recognize us but... [snaps his fingers]
[slides into Home Plate and holds up a green credit card]
The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.
Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Roger Shit, Harris! [leaves]
Ah, Jesus [pronounced hey-SOOS], I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
Let's not start a holy war now.
Roger [after Rick tackled him, and the two have been separated]
Don't **** with me, Vaughn!
Yeah? [shouting] **** you!
Roger What's the matter, rookie ****-Wad? Can't you take a little joke?
Real **** funny, asshole.
All right, [shouting] All right. Knock that shit off.
Roger Lou, you better make it real clear to this little lady that I'm not about to take his shit.
What I was concerned with was why you didn't come up with that grounder that Ryckert hit in the 9th
Roger It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?
Rog, it could have meant the game!
Roger Oh come on, cut the rah rah shit Taylor! Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or deface this property for a collection of stiffs!
Ya know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. If you wanna be an interior decorator now, that's none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me! This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don't know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your ****in throat!
[at a team meeting]
Can I have your attention, please? I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Roger Even me?
What if we DON'T finish last?
She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
[stands]
Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Roger What's that?
Win the whole **** thing.
[long pause] [stands]
Yeah.
[After Dorn boots a grounder]
C'mon, Dorn! Get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this olè bullshit!
Roger Look, I took one of those in the eye last year, and I am not about to lose my sight!
[Unconcerned]
I'm deeply moved. Every time I see you play one your hips, you owe me forty sit-ups.
Roger What?
Roger [Later on, Roger appears with a contract]
Look here, Lou. My contract clearly states I don't have to do any calisthenics that I don't feel are necessary. So what do you think about that?
[Lou grabs the contract, throws it on the ground, and urinates on it before walking away]
Other characters in Major League
