[in the restroom]
No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't. [training him to use toilet] Before you pee, you lift the seat. After you pee, you put the seat back down. Females in tribe start war over this. Many deaths.
Michael Cromwell
Tim Allen · 47 quotes
Mimi Siku
Sam Huntington · 30 quotes
Richard Kempster
Martin Short · 19 quotes
Charlotte
Lolita Davidovich · 12 quotes
Ian
Dominic Keating · 5 quotes
Patricia
JoBeth Williams · 5 quotes
Langston
Bob Dishy · 4 quotes
Jovanovic
3 quotes
Karen
Leelee Sobieski · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Michael Cromwell & Mimi Siku (22), Michael Cromwell & Richard Kempster (13), Michael Cromwell & Charlotte (11)
Jungle 2 Jungle quotes
Page 3 of 5[Michael and Mimi are at the airport in New York City and Richard has spotted them]
Michael! Michael!
[introducing Mimi to the moving walkway for the first time]
All right, we gotta get movin' here pretty-- Get on there. It's just-- It's a moving sidewalk.
Richard, what are you doing here?
I told Langston you had a reason. You do have a reason, right?
For what?
For holding on to the beans.
What beans?
The coffee beans.
You didn't sell them?
No.
I told you to sell them at 97½!
[stops in place and reels back with both hands on his head]
Oh, God, I'm dead! I'm gonna lose my house! Where will my children live?!
Richard-- Excuse me. Richard. Why didn't ya sell?
'Cause you didn't confirm, that's why!
What?!
You did not confirm.
What's coffee doin' now?
It's under 90 cents and gone limit down. [Michaels cringes in anger and stomps foot]
I asked you-- I told you to sell it at 97½, and you can't do it 'cause I didn't say "confirm"?! You're an idiot!
Look, for 15 years, Michael, you say "sell," I say "confirm!" Sell, confirm. Sell, confirm. You confirm, and I sell. You didn't confirm, so I didn't sell! [to Mimi] Look, kid, I've given to the rain forest, okay?
His name is Mimi Siku. He's my son.
What do you mean, "son"? You didn't have one when you left here three days ago.
Well, apparently, I did. He's Patricia's son. He's Patricia and my son.
[Michael and Mimi are eating hotdogs]
Mmm. Here you go. Thanks, buddy. Now this is America, huh? Mmm.
Tastes like lizard guts.
Oh, lizard guts. [spits out hot dog and throws the rest in trash]
[Michael and Mimi are riding a ferry]
Come on. Come on. Come on. Excuse me. Excuse me. Come on. Last time I was here, I bought that for your mom.
I want to go back home.
You sick?
No.
You sure? [Mimi nods] All right, um, but we got to come back here in a couple of days. Tell you why. 4th of July. It's like that Fanenteyou celebration of yours. But here, it's big. There's boats everywhere that you can see, and thousands of people, and at night, they shoot off fire in the sky, like you've never seen.
I failed the chief, Baboon.
How did you fail the chief?
Didn't get the fire from the Statue of Liberty. The fire isn't real.
W-- The fire's in here. [regarding Mimi's heart] Chief knows that.
I miss Paliku. I want to go back home.
Home. All right.
You know, actually, the snake filled me right up.
No-no-no-no. I make it for you. [plopping lizard guts into Michael's hand] Tastes good.
Oh.
Now you here, you stay with me all the time?
I'd like to, Mimi Siku, but I can't.
Why?
I have a whole another life where I live.
Another son?
No. You're the only son I have.
I'll teach you to hunt. Tomorrow I've got to go to my village.
I'm a trader. That's what I do, okay?
[laughs boisterously and chuckles in amusement]
I've never-- I've never had her described quite like that. Yes, she's in my village. We call her the Statue of Liberty.
When I'm a man, will you take me to Statue of Liberty?
Sure. Why not? Yeah. When you're a man, I'll take you to the Statue of Liberty.
[Michael throws the lizard guts away and washes his hand in the river and shakes them. He sees a tarantula crawling onto Mimi's stomach] [alarmed]
Mimi, don't move! [Mimi wakes up] Don't move! There's a giant spider on you! [tarantula moves off of Mimi] Don't move! What's it doing? [sarcastically] Oh, great! [alarmed] It's now comin' up to me! Damn, it's chasing me. Stop, stop, stop! I don't want to hurt you, but I will. [picks up rock and holds it up] I will crush you like... a bug! [throws rock but misses] Mimi, don't! No, no! I can handle this! Go to the village, save yourself! [walks onto log and tarantula follows] No, no, don't! Back! Gee! Ah--! [he falls into water; Mimi laughs in amusement as Michael emerges from the water; Mimi puts Matika in custom carrier]
If you scream, Matika attack. If you're calm, Matika nice. But Kukuve always mean.
Who's Kukuve? [Mimi points to alligator behind him] Huh? [turns head to see Kukuve snarling while swimming to him; alarmed] AAH! This place is a nightmare! [runs away]
Yeah, I guess there are.
What? What?
Come, Baboon! We dance!
I don't dance in public.
Come. I'll show you. [Mimi starts Michael dancing and everyone in the vicinity all join in dancing]
[Michael and Mimi are walking through jungle]
Is it much further? These shoes cost me $500. Whoa. [Snake rears up] Hey! Hey-hey-hey! [Mimi shoots snake with sleeping dart from blowgun] Good shot!
Okay.
Scared of snake?
No, scared of snake bite. Ugh. [Mimi drops snake into Michale's hands; disgusted] Eww. [to Mimi] This buradu is dead, right?
Sleeping. We kill it before we eat it.
No, no, no, no. I do not eat snake.
[Michael and Mimi arrive back at Charlotte's apartment]
Pretty cool. I haven't danced like that since I was a little kid. Oh. You'll get used to those shoes. Huh? Here. Why don't you give her the flowers? [calling to Charlotte] Charlie, how'd that interview go? You home, Charlie?
Michael, I'm in here!
Charlie?
Michael, I've been in this bathroom for hours!
Make sure you open a window!
Michael! I'm being attacked by a giant spider!
[sees Matika]
Oh! I can see it! Move away from the door! Move away from the door! [to Mimi] Grab this thing. Come on. Come on.
Do something!
I'm doing something. I'm gonna fight it. Stay away from the door! Look at that. Oh, it's a big one! It's a big one!
Be careful!
I'm gonna put it in the wastebasket. Don't come out here yet. It's still moving. [to Mimi] Put the thing back in its box.
What?
It's as big as an ox!
You bad girl, Matika. [putting Matika in clam basket] Stay here.
[Michael is at a tribal initiation ceremony with the chief holding a branch straight from fire for Michael to hold onto]
Looks too hot. [chief grunts] Too hot. [the chief grunts louder, and Michael musters up courage to hold the hot branch, and he stifles himself from screaming. Afterwards, he lets go, walks off slowly and then runs away, while screaming in pain] LOOK AT MY HAND!
Pinare children
[Michael is at the Fanentaeyou celebration] [Running past Michael]
Baboon! Baboon!
Pinare children
Baboon! Baboon!
The hair on your chest reminds them of a monkey. "Baboon" is your Pinare name.
Baboon? That's the best they could come up with?
At first, they wanted to go with "Man Who Must Be Smarter Than He Looks."
If we get to pick our own names, I'd like to pick this: "Man Who's Extremely Well-Endowed."
Sorry. It's already taken. [points to man surrounded by women, and the man thanks Patricia in Pinare]
The chief is telling the forest that Mimi's no longer a child.
[Pinare chief announces to tribe and holds up still smoldering branch from the campfire to Mimi holds onto the branch for a few moments then he lets go to cheers from the village, who repeatedly chant "Mimi Siku!"]
Are they finished?
Almost. But to become a tribal leader someday, Mimi has to perform a special task that the chief will give to him. He says he's very proud of Mimi Siku, and, as his father, you should be too.
Well, I am very proud of him, considering the fact that I just found out a couple days ago I had a son, and I'm standing about four feet from a witch doctor. [the Witch doctor speaks to Michael in Pinare and Michael hisses at him; chief talks about Mimi's task, and the villagers cheer in agreement]
The chief has given Mimi the task of bringing fire back from the Statue of Liberty.
You promised to take me to New York when I become a man, Baboon.
And when you're a man, I will.
In this tribe, he is a man, and he wants to go now?
No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Tomorrow, we fly to Caracas, we sign the divorce papers, then I get in a big, steel bird and fly back to New York City.
Yakuza.
Did you promise to take him or not?
Maybe. Mimi Siku, I have to be back on the exchange floor. I'm gettin' married. I cannot take you tomorrow.
Here, if you make a promise, you keep it. "Tomorrow," "Can't," "Maybe." These words don't mean anything to Mimi. He doesn't understand them.
It's not my fault he doesn't understand. You're his mom, you brought him down here to live with the Pirates of the Caribbean. Maybe you should have taught him better English.
This is the most important day in your son's life, and he wanted you here to share it with him. And now, you're going to humiliate him in front of the whole tribe by not keeping the first promise you ever made to him?
Baboon, I-- I want to go.
Mimi Siku, I am-- I'm very sorry.
You made wakatepe with me. [Mimi turns and walks away past tribe]
Yep. This is my village.
It's big. [later] Where are all the animals?
Up in their offices, where they work.
Trader 1
[Michael is in the open outcry floor of the Stock exchange]
10½!
Trader 2
9.25!
Trader 3
25! I'll take it!
How's July? July's how?
Trader 4
July's at 95¼.
Trader 4
"Moron"?! "Moron," this. At 95! At 95!
94¾ bid, for 300.
Trader 4
Sold, 300!
Buy 300, yes!
[to Trader 4]
300?! 300, you idiot?! [to another trader] Get out of my way! [following Michael] 300 lots of coffee futures? You call that a hunch?
No, Richard, I call that an opportunity.
300 lots, in this market, is not an opportunity, it's a death wish.
Oh, ye of little faith.
No, no, no. Me of big mortgage.
Hi, Maddy. What've you got?
Maddy
American Airlines Flight 109 leaving J.F.K., 1:00 p.m., arriving Caracas at 6:22 p.m.
All right, all right.
Aw, come on. You're not still leaving, are you? I mean, after what you did in there?
I'm getting married to Charlotte in 30 days. In order to do that, I need the divorce from Patricia.
Maddy
Toiletries, shirts, socks...
I don't believe this. You're gonna leave me with 5,100 tons of coffee?
Richard, the only reason I put up with you for so long is because you're the best analyst on the Street.
You know, you give me that same patronizing little speech every time you play one of your stupid hunches.
Yeah? And what happens?
I'm hospitalized, and the blood pressure medication is adjusted.
Maddy
Laptop. Uplink. [Michael gets in taxi] You'll overnight in Caracas, then fly to Canaima the next morning where you'll be met.
Thanks. [to Richard] See ya in two days!
[Michael is playing with Mimi's blowgun and pricks himself]
Ow! [He then falls asleep leaning forward and Mimi lays a blanket over his back]
[Michael is trying to sleep in a hammock with other men farting perpetually]
Talk about your wind instruments. Oh! [man farts in his face; disgusted] Oh, ease up on the fruit, for God's sakes. [Spots Mimi Siku walking] Mitsubishi!
Hi, uh, Mimi Siku. I'm Michael Cromwell. Patricia-- Oh, um, Paliku tells me that, um... that I-I'm-- I'm your father. That's a nice pot you have. [Mimi Siku speaks Pinare] Do you understand any English? [Mimi Siku strokes cheek in a gesture] Well, Patricia, or Paliku, wanted me to say something paternal to you. And I gotta admit that this isn't easy for me. I don't have any regrets. Well, I have regrets. But then again, ♪ Too few to mention. ♪ Ha! [Mimi Siku then walks over to a Pinare girl giving her a pot]
Fiona [Michael, Mimi and Charlotte are at Fiona's apartment]
Oh, my God! Oh, Charlie, this is fabulous!
Mimi, get down.
[referring to sketches]
When I saw the shoulders on this gown, I plotzed. I said to myself, "Fiona, this, this is the future of fashion."
[Michael and Mimi are setting the table]
Oh, no. Remember what I told ya? Forks go on the left side. This side. Small fork on the outside. Take your Knife, put it over next to the spoon. The blade-- Blade in. Perfect. Yeah. Might wanna work on that one too.
In Lipo Lipo, we eat with hands.
In New York, New York, we eat with forks.
When are we gonna eat? I'm famished. [snorts]
A little champagne? Gino, why don't you show her the bridesmaids sketches?
Fiona Show me, show me, show me, show me. Oh, I'm loving this. [sniffs] Ah!
What is taking so long with the food?
I'll give them a call.
Fiona I don't eat meat, I don't eat dairy or nightshade vegetables, and, of course, I don't touch preservatives.
Fiona Mm-hmm.
We eat cat.
Fiona Excuse me? [doorbell rings]
That must be the food.
Fiona Oh! Finally.
Gino, Louis.
Gino Coming.
Cat's job, feed people.
No, not here. Here, cat's job is to sleep and lick crotch.
Fiona Oh, Charlie, it smells so good! I can't stand it! Of course, this is much too much for me. Did they forget my tiramisu? [they arrive in kitchen and Mimi is squatting on table eating cat food; gasps in shock] Oh, God!
This much tasty. Your female makes good food, Baboon.
Louis
Ohh! [faints again]
Gino [to Louis]
Oh, Louis, you are such a cliché.
[Fiona starts gagging and Charlotte puts hand on Fiona's mouth and leads her away and Michael stares at Mimi with a "You should know better." look with Mimi looking confused]
You had no right to change the rules.
What rules?
When we talked about having children, we agreed that you would be my child and that I would be your child, and now I find out that you've had a child all along.
Wait a second. Are you saying that I knew that I had a child?
Well, if I had a child, I certainly would have known.
Hello! You're a woman. Of course you'd know. You're there when you have it. Look, there's no magical bond between a father and son that spans the continents. The only reason I know I have a child is because you insisted I go down to the Amazon to finalize the divorce.
Oh, so, now you're saying that you having a child is my fault? I don't think so, Michael.
Mimi's just visiting. I wanna show him a good time. After that, he goes back home, and we can go back to being the way we were. Entirely wrapped up in ourselves.
Promise?