...I, Professor Rupert Marmalade IV, will turn The Bad Guys into The Good Guys!
Mr. Wolf
Sam Rockwell · 30 quotes
Mr. Snake
Marc Maron · 22 quotes
Ms. Tarantula aka "Webs"
Awkwafina · 16 quotes
Mr. Piranha
Anthony Ramos · 14 quotes
Mr. Shark
Craig Robinson · 13 quotes
Professor Rupert Marmalade IV
Richard Ayoade · 13 quotes
Diane Foxington / The Crimson Paw
Zazie Beetz · 12 quotes
Police Chief Misty Luggins
Alex Borstein · 7 quotes
The Bad Guys
3 quotes
Most scenes together: Mr. Wolf & Mr. Snake (10), Mr. Snake & Ms. Tarantula aka "Webs" (10), Mr. Wolf & Ms. Tarantula aka "Webs" (9)
The Bad Guys quotes
Page 1 of 5Hey!
[to Wolf and looking at him right in his eyes]
There is absolutely no way you’re gettin' away this time.
Wait, Chief.
Governor Foxington?
Don't do this.
Ow!
They didn't steal the meteorite; they were bringing it back.
Ha! How could you know that? Unless... Unless you were conspiring with a bunch of known criminals!
Well... [clears her throat and removes her glasses] As a matter of fact, it’s time I came clean about something. [Wolf, Snake, Shark, Piranha, and Webs realize that Diane is going to tell Luggins about her secret identity as the Crimson Paw] The truth is I’m really... [clears her throat again] ...r-really...
[cuts in quickly]
Really a big fan of redemption arcs. Yeah, we know. [They understand Wolf's intention, protecting Diane's secret identity from being exposed. Wolf gives the kitty to Diane and holds out his hands to be cuffed. The other Bad Guys follow suit.] We're done running away.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yep.
Chief, do what you need to do.
What? Y-You're turning yourself in?!
We might not have stolen the meteorite, but we did steal a lotta other things. [Diane watches proudly.] It's time we took some responsibility. Start a clean state. Take us in, Chief.
Wow, really?
You finally did it. This is your moment, Chief. Drink it in. [cuffs himself]
Uhhh... Okay... [unsure, but she's already started talking]
[clears her throat]
When I was 6 years old, I decided that I wanted to play the piccolo, only to find that my fingers were just too powerful for that fragile little instrument. And that’s when I discovered law enforcement...
You know, a fox and a wolf are not that different. You got a good thing going here, Governor.
Hold on. This is the Zumpango Diamond, but this was stolen by… [gasps loudly, points to Marmalade] ...by the Crimson Paw!
Me? Oh, oh, no, no, no.
Tiffany
O.M.G.
No, no, no! No, you've got it all wrong!
Tiffany
In a shocking twist...
You're making a huge mistake!
Tiffany
...the notorious bandit, known as the Crimson Paw, has been revealed to be none other than Professor Marmalade.
[gets thrown in the prison vehicle]
No, no, no! I'm not the Crimson Paw, she is the Crimson Paw! [Diane smugly waves at Marmalade goodbye and flashes a victorious grin at him.] She's the Paw! I'm the flower of goodness! NO!
Wait a second. This isn't the meteorite! [claps twice] It’s a lamp!
Everyone
Huh?
Heheheh.
Everyone
What?!
What? My friend was sad; I was just cheerin’ him up.
I think Wolf was right. Maybe we could be more than just scary villains.
I'm bad, you're bad. Let's be bad together.
You've got yourself a deal.
Can I try it on?
Of course, partner.
Don't mind us, just robbing this place.
No, no, no, no!
Heheh. The old switcheroo.
Huh? Uh... It's... It's not a butt. It's a lamp in the shape of the Love Crater Meteorite, my greatest...
I wonder whose butt it is.
Uh...
Once again, it's not a butt. Thank you. It's a heart. Now as I was saying...
Then why does it have cheeks?
What? I've never seen a heart with cheeks.
It's not a...
BOOTY!
Does he know what a butt is?
Snake. I should've been honest with you. I was afraid that if you knew I-I wanted to be good that you'd...
...act like a jerk and never talk to you again?
Yeah. I love you, too, buddy.
[Wolf and Snake hug each other.]
This-this is so beautiful. Do you know how beautiful this is, you guys?
Now… Now you're gonna make me cry.
I know! So pathetic, right?
Come on, guys. [holds up a grappling hook] Who said it was the end?
It's not letting me in!
Check your system preferences!
You probably need to download a driver!
Try rebooting!
Oh my gosh, you fixed it!
Wolf and Snake
Really?
NO!
[to Marmalade, after discovering his true colors about setting the gang up]
You... It was all you.
What are you talking about, Wolf?
The old lady, the Golden Dolphin, good training. It was all to get us here, so he could steal the meteorite and let us take the fall.
Whoa, whoa. What old lady? And-And why would a guinea pig want a meteorite anyway?
Wait, what? What's going on? Someone turn me around!
All
[shocked]
What?!
You stole the meteorite?!
Oh, it's not just a meteorite.
I told you guys it's a butt!
It's not a butt! It's the ultimate power source. You see, when it struck, scientists found that it emitted an electromagnetic frequency unlike anything else on Earth. I'm going to harness its power to pull off the greatest heist the world has ever seen!
Yep.
But why us?
Because you're the perfect patsies. Come on, when people look up "bad" in the dictionary, do they see a sweet, adorable guinea pig? No! They see you, and they always will.
Okay, fine. But you set us up!
Oh, pish-pish! Let's be honest. Evolution set you up, but Wolfie here really clinched it. [to Wolf] You fell for every one of my traps, starting with saving a helpless little old lady!
Wolf, what's he talking about?
Whoops! Did I say too much? Anyhow, looks like, yet again, the Big Bad Wolf got outsmarted by a little piggy.
[enraged]
You little, pouchy-cheeked RAAAAATT!! [Marmalade quickly kicks the door open, adopting a terrified expression for the public as they see the Professor being "threatened" as Wolf furiously pounces at him.] I'LL KILL YOU! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEA–! [notices everyone frightened in shock]
Help, help! The Big Bad Wolf is attacking me!
[After Snake, Shark, Webs and Piranha make themselves back home while feeling sulked, they all discover their hideout is empty.]
No!
What?!
All our stuff?
Where is everything?!
It's all gone!
Where's my things?!
Wolf gave away all our loot! We stole it fair and square!
Now I understand what it feels like to have things stolen from you! [shudders his breathing] I DON'T LIKE IT! I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT!!
[Snake looks at the Bad Guys' pictures on the fridge then angrily looks in the freezer to find one last Push Pop.]
We got no food! We got no money! We got no money we could use to buy food! No food we can sell for money! [grunts, then starts sobbing loudly]
[gives Shark his Push Pop]
All right! Okay, okay! Here, here, take it. Now stop crying, buddy.
[Shark sighs while sucking his Push Pop like a baby with a pacifier.]
Um, Snake, what did you just do?
You… you did a good thing. For me!
Don't be ridiculous. I just put your needs before my own.
Yeah. You’re being good.
I'm not! I was simply making a sacrifice so Shark could be happy.
That is the actual definition of being good!
Snake! You! The worst one of us! The most selfish!
Spiteful!
Terrible!
Sneaky!
Dishonest!
Insensitive!
Manipulative!
Snake-like!
Stanky!
And your point is...?
I think Wolf was right. Maybe we could be more than just scary villains.
[They start wagging uncontrollably, Webs with her abdomen, Shark with his dorsal fin, and Piranha with his "pigtail".]
Wha...?!
Oh, wow! Is this… Is this wagging? We’re-We’re wagging!
[Snake's tail wags with a happy expression on his face, then turns angry.]
No! No! NO! [pushes his tail down] We'll... always... be... BAD GUYS!! [furiously slams the refrigerator door, slithers off to the elevator while breathing heavily]
[After the rescue from prison...]
Marmalade needs to be stopped, but I can't do it alone. You know his compound better than anyone.
You can count on us. [to his gang, who are now feeling hurt from his and Snake's fight] Right, guys?
Because of that little tiff back there? C'mon, man, that's what we do. You serve, I volley. That's our little dance.
Not this time. [slithers away]
Piranha? [Piranha has a furious expression, says nothing and follows Snake, aghast.] Webs?
Shark… [Shark says nothing, hesitates for a moment looking like a lost child who doesn't know where to go, and then also follows Snake.] Hey, guys? Guys?!
[stops slithering and turns to Wolf]
You want to know why I hate birthdays, Wolf? Do you? When you grow up a snake, nobody shows up to your party. Birthdays are a constant reminder that out there, I'm just a scary, good-for-nothing monster. Yeah. But nothing compares to having the one guy… the one guy I thought I could trust... stab me in the back. [Wolf looks heartbroken for hurting his best friend; to the rest of the gang] Come on, guys. Let's get out of here.
[Snake, Piranha, Webs and Shark sadly leave their leader behind while going back to their lair.]
[After Webs completes the successful hack with Diane of Marmalade's mind-controlled guinea pigs driving the trucks...] [to Webs]
Where'd you learn to do that?
Well, I'm... you know, kind of a natural. [Diane gives Webs a "For real, girl" look] Mostly YouTube.
[Diane is on her super-computer to figure out Marmalade's evil plans.]
All righty, Marmalade, what are you up to, you fuzzy little weirdo? We need eyes on the city. Let's see if we can't hack into the government's surveillance satellite.
But you're the governor. Couldn't you just ask?
Yeah, but... [blows a raspberry] The paperwork.
[Diane leads Wolf to her Crimson Paw hideout. The lights turn on, revealing different outfits and gadgets, and a super-computer console.]
Whoa-ho! Holy... MOLEY!
Ahhh, it's so good to be home.
Are you kidding me?! Laser-guided zipline? The XM-2400 radar jammer? No way!
I actually prefer the earlier model.
Agree to disagree. [picks up something what looks like lipstick and fiddles with it] Hey, this stuff is nice too. [A jet of blue flame shoots out of the lipstick tube.] AHH!
Yeah, that's a blowtorch. Also, not really your color.
[During the heist to steal the meteorite back from Marmalade with Diane, Piranha, Webs and Shark, Wolf backs up to the palm tree, then holds out his arms for Kitty.]
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
[Kitty jumps, and Wolf catches him. He sets him down on a seat beside Piranha, then pulls out a pair of sunglasses from the glove compartment for him as Piranha gently pats his head.]
I'll stop if you just explain it to me, Because I don't...
Would you please just drop it?
Alright, alright, fine. Consider it dropped. It's dropped. It's on the ground.
Good.
But, I mean, come on! Everybody loves birthdays! [Snake groans] You got decorations, you got balloons, you got parties. And cake!
Look, I don't need presents, I don't want decorations, and I'm not a cake guy.
Seriously though, you don't like cake? Name one food better than cake.
Guinea pig.
Oh, again with the guinea pig. [chuckles] I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig.
Wrong! Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air.
Air?
Yes! Air. [tastes the air around him] Mmm, nice.
I dunno. They're a little, uh... a little cute for my taste.
That's what makes them so delicious! You're not just eating food. You're eating pure goodness! It's not about the pig! It's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level!
Ah.
What else you got?
Forget about it.
Well, can you also hear color? [chuckles]
Can you see the sound?
OK.
'Cause we should really be capitalizing on your skills.
OK, alright, fine. Get it all out. Get it all out now!
OK, OK.
[spits out an alarm clock]
Look at that! 4:00 p.m.! Now I know the exact moment our friendship died.
Yup. [swallows the clock as he and Wolf get ready to leave]
Just like, uh... you're gonna stick me with the bill... again.
Well, it is my birthday.
So, now you play the birthday card? That's interesting. [walks up to the counter] Can we get a check please? When you get a chance? Hello? Checkity-check-check? You know what? We're just gonna leave the money right here, okay? [places the money in the tip jar]
You know the one good thing about this place?
What?
We never have to wait for a table.
[to the group]
Hey, man. How you been? I haven't seen you in... SNAKE ATTACK! [the group screams and all hide behind a chair] Ooh, mints. [swallows the whole bowl of mints]
Sorry, folks, I'm switching him to decaf.
Alright.
Both
Let's do this.