Mr. Piranha
Hermano.
Played by Anthony Ramos 
The Bad Guys (2022) · 74 quotes
The Bad Guys (2022) · 74 quotes
Surprise!
More lines from Mr. Piranha
4 quotes Mr. Piranha
Mr. Piranha
Crazy! You're finally speaking my language, chico!
Mr. Piranha
What happened? Did we blow up? Is this heaven?
Mr. Piranha
What's up, papa?
Scenes with Mr. Piranha
9 scenes Piranha
[referring to the meteorite lamp]
A giant butt!
Marmalade
Huh? Uh... It's... It's not a butt. It's a lamp in the shape of the Love Crater Meteorite, my greatest...
Piranha
I wonder whose butt it is.
Wolf
Uh...
Marmalade
Once again, it's not a butt. Thank you. It's a heart. Now as I was saying...
Piranha
Then why does it have cheeks?
Shark
[Wolf, Snake and Shark try to shush Piranha.]
Shut it!
Piranha
What? I've never seen a heart with cheeks.
Marmalade
It's not a...
Piranha
BOOTY!
Marmalade
[shouting]
IT'S NOT A BUTT! NOT A BUTT!
Piranha
Does he know what a butt is?
Wolf
[Marmalade leads the Bad Guys to a palm tree, where an orange cat clings onto it]
Hey, look! It's a cat stuck in a tree!
Marmalade
[The cat hisses.]
It doesn't get much simpler than that. Now, what in this scenario would give you that good tingle?
Snake
Eating it. [lifts up two bread slices] This is why I always carry two pieces of bread with me.
Marmalade
[with a strained smile]
No. I want you to ssss...
Wolf
[The gang tries to think.]
Smack it!
Snake
[still confused]
Skin it?
Shark
Stab it!
Tarantula
[bluntly]
Sauté it.
Piranha
[innocently]
Sing to it?
Marmalade
[frustrated]
Save it. I want you to save... It-It's obv-It's so obvious. I want you to save it!
The Bad Guys
Oh! Right, right… [The gang slowly looks up at the cat with grins, then bare their fangs and sport feral looks] HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!!!
Snake
[The terrified cat rushes up further to the top of the tree]
Whoa! That cat is obviously defective.
Piranha
What is wrong with you? You're gonna give it a heart attack. I'll handle this. [Mr. Piranha strolls over to the base of the tree then the trembling cat watching from above and he jumps and shouts in the cat's face] WHAT'S UP, PAPA?!
Wolf
[The cat yowls in fear and falls out of the tree onto Wolf's head, clawing his face]
Get him off my face! He's on my face!
Marmalade
No, no, no, no, no! What are you doing?! [The kitten gets off Wolf and rushes back up the tree. A rather annoyed Marmalade calms himself.] OK. What, I may ask, are you good at?
Piranha
Stealing stuff.
Shark
Oh, yeah, we're good at that.
Snake
Robbery.
Webs
Larceny.
Piranha
Wire fraud.
Snake
Extortion.
Wolf
Tax evasion.
Shark
Heists.
Wolf
[Nighttime. Wolf stares at the moon. Then he hears the cat, still stuck in the tree, meow. Wolf approaches the tree as the cat looks down at him and meows]
I think we got off to a bad start. The name's Wolf. [climbs up the tree; the cat cowers in fear and whimpers as if thinking that Wolf is going to hurt him] Yep. [sighs] I get that a lot. First impressions and all. [continues climbing as the cat steps back and jumps onto another frond, which begin to shake] No, no, no, no! [The frond breaks. Wolf catches the cat, just before he could hit the ground, then puts him back in the tree.] Now, it's OK. It's OK. I'm not gonna hurt you. I know you're scared. I would be, too, if I were you. Just give me a chance. [The cat meows.] The truth is, we actually have a lot in common. Don't tell anyone, but I love a little scratch on the spot behind my ears. You know, right there. The best. [The cat recoils as Wolf reaches his hand out to him. He looks to the side as if looking for an avenue of escape then looks back at Wolf] Come on, Kitty. [Kitty sniffs Wolf's hand, then rubs his face on it. He purrs happily as Wolf scratches behinds his ear and holds out his arms. Kitty lands in Wolf's hands and rubs his face against them. Wolf smiles as his furry cheeks stand on end, then slides down to the ground.] Yeah, who's a good kitty? [Kitty meows happily.] Who's a good kitty?
Webs
Uh, Wolf? Um... You saved him?
Marmalade
[Kitty meows.]
Yes! [chuckling, having filmed a video about Wolf rescuing Kitty] Yes. It's working.
Wolf
You-You filmed that?
Marmalade
Yes, and they’re starting to like you.
Shark
[chuckling]
Yeah!
Piranha
All right!
Marmalade
This might just be enough to win over the guests at the gala.
Piranha
Now we're talking!
Snake
Yes!
Shark
All right!
Webs
Yeah, we did it! All right!
Wolf
[to Marmalade, after discovering his true colors about setting the gang up]
You... It was all you.
Webs
What are you talking about, Wolf?
Wolf
The old lady, the Golden Dolphin, good training. It was all to get us here, so he could steal the meteorite and let us take the fall.
Snake
Whoa, whoa. What old lady? And-And why would a guinea pig want a meteorite anyway?
Shark
[Marmalade chuckles and turns to his evil self.]
Uh, guys? He's creeping me out.
Piranha
Wait, what? What's going on? Someone turn me around!
Marmalade
[to the Bad Guys]
Well, well. So, you finally get it.
All
[shocked]
What?!
Shark
You stole the meteorite?!
Marmalade
Oh, it's not just a meteorite.
Piranha
I told you guys it's a butt!
Marmalade
It's not a butt! It's the ultimate power source. You see, when it struck, scientists found that it emitted an electromagnetic frequency unlike anything else on Earth. I'm going to harness its power to pull off the greatest heist the world has ever seen!
Webs
[to Snake]
You should've eaten him when you had the chance.
Snake
Yep.
Wolf
But why us?
Marmalade
Because you're the perfect patsies. Come on, when people look up "bad" in the dictionary, do they see a sweet, adorable guinea pig? No! They see you, and they always will.
Snake
Okay, fine. But you set us up!
Marmalade
Oh, pish-pish! Let's be honest. Evolution set you up, but Wolfie here really clinched it. [to Wolf] You fell for every one of my traps, starting with saving a helpless little old lady!
Snake
Wolf, what's he talking about?
Marmalade
Whoops! Did I say too much? Anyhow, looks like, yet again, the Big Bad Wolf got outsmarted by a little piggy.
Wolf
[enraged]
You little, pouchy-cheeked RAAAAATT!! [Marmalade quickly kicks the door open, adopting a terrified expression for the public as they see the Professor being "threatened" as Wolf furiously pounces at him.] I'LL KILL YOU! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEA–! [notices everyone frightened in shock]
Marmalade
Help, help! The Big Bad Wolf is attacking me!
Luggins
[runs to the van]
Oh! Now you are done forever, Wolf! [furiously slams the van's door]
Shark
[The Bad Guys were escorted to a S.U.C.M prison on an island after the disastrous gala. They were wrongfully convicted of the meteorite theft instead of Marmalade.]
I can't believe we got double-crossed by a tiny rodent!
Snake
Oh, we got double-crossed by a rodent all right. But, uh, not a tiny one.
Shark
What?!
Snake
This was supposed to be us conning Marmalade. It turns out it was Wolf conning us! Does that sound familiar to you, Wolf?!
Wolf
Why-Why would you think that?
Snake
Oh, I don't know! Maybe because you just sabotaged the biggest heist of our lives! I think you owe us an explanation, buddy.
Wolf
Okay, you're right. This is what happened. Back in the museum, I just tried to steal an old lady's purse. [gets his mugshot taken] Classic snatch and grab.
Webs
"Tried" to? Since when do you try to steal something and not just steal it?
Wolf
I was trying to steal the purse when the old lady fell and... [clears his throat] I kind of helped her.
Snake
What?! [gets his mugshot taken]
Wolf
I kind of helped her.
Piranha
But then you stole the purse. [gets his mugshot taken]
Wolf
No, [chuckles] I didn't! I saved the old lady, and she hugged me. And my tail wagged, and I didn't know what it was, but it felt, uh, you know... good. [The others, except Snake, gasp at this.]
Piranha
Ah, but then you stole the purse!
Others
[irritated]
NO!
Snake
Y'know, I heard what the pig said to you, about cutting us loose.
Shark
Wait. Like, "us" us?!
Snake
But I never thought you'd actually do it, man.
Wolf
Hey, hey, hey, hey! I-I would never... I was trying to... I was trying to find us a better life!
Snake
Our life was perfect until you decided to ruin it!
Wolf
I didn't! You guys felt it at the gala — the clapping, the cheering. We were more than-than just scary villains! They loved us!
Snake
Oh, yeah?! If they "loved" us so much, how come we're in prison for a crime we didn't commit? You know what? I'll give Marmalade this: At least he sees the world for what it is - a place where some people are scary and some people are scared!
Wolf
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm tired of being scary. I'm… I'm tired of being an outcast. Maybe I don't wanna be—
Snake
What? A Bad Guy?! Don't wanna be a Bad Guy anymore, huh? Say it, Wolf! [Wolf just glares at Snake and says nothing.] Yeah, I thought so. And us, your lifelong friends? We're just holding you back?
Wolf
YEAH, MAYBE YOU ARE!
Snake
[Snake gasps softly while Shark, Webs and Piranha look at each other in shock. Then Snake leaps on him, furiously attacking him. The others all gasp in horror.] [starts strangling Wolf]
TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK! APOLOGIZE!
Prison Guard 1
[breaks up Snake and Wolf]
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Prison is no place for fighting!
Prison Guard 2
[A guard falls on the prison floor behind them.] [points up, weakened]
Tell that to him.
Wolf
Huh?
[Snake, Wolf and the guards look up to see the Crimson Paw dropping from the upper floor to the rescue.]
The Bad Guys
[The Crimson Paw finishes off all the prison guards, locks them in a cell, then turns to the Bad Guys, unmasking themselves, revealing to be...] [gasps]
DIANE?!
Piranha
But how do you know how to do all of that kick-kick-punch-punch?
Wolf
Wait a sec. You're the Crimson Paw?? [Diane smiles cheekily.] The Queen of Cons, acrobatic Swiss Army Knife, stole the Zumpango Diamond twice; once for profit, second time just for fun. Never identified, never caught.
Diane
Heh. Guess I'm still the best bad guy the world has ever seen. [looks at her ninja outfit and sees a cut mark on her sleeve] Ugh. At least I used to be. [The alarms blare. Diane puts her mask back on as dozens of guards surround the Bad Guys. Diane jumps on Wolf, then Shark so to jump high in the air, then flying down for a falling punch... The scene cuts to Diane driving the Bad Guys away from prison on a boat, as explosions go off around the prison] Nope, I'm still the best. Just like riding a stolen bicycle. [to Piranha, who has one of the "fins" on his head on fire] Oh, uh, you got a little... [puts it out] Ouch.
Shark
[After Snake, Shark, Webs and Piranha make themselves back home while feeling sulked, they all discover their hideout is empty.]
No!
Snake
What?!
Piranha
All our stuff?
Snake
Where is everything?!
Piranha
[running in panic]
No, no, no, no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
Snake
It's all gone!
Shark
[looking through hangers]
My disguise closet!
Webs
Where's my things?!
Snake
Wolf gave away all our loot! We stole it fair and square!
Piranha
Now I understand what it feels like to have things stolen from you! [shudders his breathing] I DON'T LIKE IT! I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT!!
Shark
[Snake looks at the Bad Guys' pictures on the fridge then angrily looks in the freezer to find one last Push Pop.]
We got no food! We got no money! We got no money we could use to buy food! No food we can sell for money! [grunts, then starts sobbing loudly]
Snake
[gives Shark his Push Pop]
All right! Okay, okay! Here, here, take it. Now stop crying, buddy.
Webs
[Shark sighs while sucking his Push Pop like a baby with a pacifier.]
Um, Snake, what did you just do?
Snake
[looks in the refrigerator]
What? My friend was sad; I was just cheering him up.
Shark
You… you did a good thing. For me!
Snake
Don't be ridiculous. I just put your needs before my own.
Webs
Yeah. You’re being good.
Snake
I'm not! I was simply making a sacrifice so Shark could be happy.
Webs
That is the actual definition of being good!
Shark
Snake! You! The worst one of us! The most selfish!
Webs
Spiteful!
Shark
Terrible!
Piranha
Sneaky!
Webs
Dishonest!
Shark
Insensitive!
Webs
Manipulative!
Piranha
Snake-like!
Shark
Stanky!
Snake
And your point is...?
Webs
I think Wolf was right. Maybe we could be more than just scary villains.
Shark
[They start wagging uncontrollably, Webs with her abdomen, Shark with his dorsal fin, and Piranha with his "pigtail".]
Wha...?!
Webs
Oh, wow! Is this… Is this wagging? We’re-We’re wagging!
Snake
[Snake's tail wags with a happy expression on his face, then turns angry.]
No! No! NO! [pushes his tail down] We'll... always... be... BAD GUYS!! [furiously slams the refrigerator door, slithers off to the elevator while breathing heavily]
Snake
[to Wolf]
You came back.
Wolf
Snake. I should've been honest with you. I was afraid that if you knew I-I wanted to be good that you'd...
Snake
...act like a jerk and never talk to you again?
Wolf
[laughing]
Yeah. Point is I… I-I-I, you know…
Snake
Yeah. I love you, too, buddy.
Shark
[Wolf and Snake hug each other.]
This-this is so beautiful. Do you know how beautiful this is, you guys?
Piranha
Now… Now you're gonna make me cry.
Webs
I know! So pathetic, right?
Wolf
Come on, guys. [holds up a grappling hook] Who said it was the end?
Luggins
[chuckles]
That is it.
Piranha
Hey!
Luggins
[to Wolf and looking at him right in his eyes]
There is absolutely no way you’re gettin' away this time.
Diane
Wait, Chief.
Luggins
Governor Foxington?
Diane
Don't do this.
Wolf
Ow!
Diane
They didn't steal the meteorite; they were bringing it back.
Luggins
Ha! How could you know that? Unless... Unless you were conspiring with a bunch of known criminals!
Diane
Well... [clears her throat and removes her glasses] As a matter of fact, it’s time I came clean about something. [Wolf, Snake, Shark, Piranha, and Webs realize that Diane is going to tell Luggins about her secret identity as the Crimson Paw] The truth is I’m really... [clears her throat again] ...r-really...
Wolf
[cuts in quickly]
Really a big fan of redemption arcs. Yeah, we know. [They understand Wolf's intention, protecting Diane's secret identity from being exposed. Wolf gives the kitty to Diane and holds out his hands to be cuffed. The other Bad Guys follow suit.] We're done running away.
Piranha
Yeah.
Shark
Mm-hmm.
Webs
Yeah.
Snake
Yep.
Wolf
Chief, do what you need to do.
Luggins
What? Y-You're turning yourself in?!
Wolf
We might not have stolen the meteorite, but we did steal a lotta other things. [Diane watches proudly.] It's time we took some responsibility. Start a clean state. Take us in, Chief.
Luggins
Wow, really?
Wolf
You finally did it. This is your moment, Chief. Drink it in. [cuffs himself]
Luggins
[gasps]
Wow. You know, I should… I should give a speech. I… Well, I-I should, shouldn't I?
Wolf
Uhhh... Okay... [unsure, but she's already started talking]
Luggins
[clears her throat]
When I was 6 years old, I decided that I wanted to play the piccolo, only to find that my fingers were just too powerful for that fragile little instrument. And that’s when I discovered law enforcement...
Diane
[Wolf chuckles while Luggins continues her speech indistinctly.]
I’m proud of you, Wolf.
Wolf
You know, a fox and a wolf are not that different. You got a good thing going here, Governor.
