Det. Marcus Burnett You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet.
Played by Martin Lawrence 
Bad Boys (1995) · 45 quotes
Bad Boys (1995) · 45 quotes
Most-quoted character in Bad Boys (1995): in 28 of its 45 quotes
Most scenes with: Det. Mike Lowrey (14), Julie Mott (3), Store Clerk (3)
Mike, go down and you can have a Coke and a smile.
More lines from Det. Marcus Burnett
7 quotes Det. Marcus Burnett Det. Marcus Burnett This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is **** up.
Det. Marcus Burnett Do you see the ****in' emotion I'm goin' through right now?! That means this shit is serious. That means me and this mother****er's not vibin' right now. That's what that shit means.
Det. Marcus Burnett You forgot your boarding pass.
Det. Marcus Burnett Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?
Det. Marcus Burnett [to Fletch]
If you don't sit your lanky ass down right now, bottom-line, I will knock you the **** out!
Det. Marcus Burnett He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him down!
Scenes with Det. Marcus Burnett
20 scenes
[Marcus Burnett and Mike Lowrey walk into a basketball court to meet up with Captain Howard over last night's incident, where Howard is seen shooting the basketball badly by himself.]
Ho! What did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it. I told you. I told you to secure a witness. Not to shoot up a neighborhood! Not to do another dead body! Just get the dope back, and do it quietly.
Marcus Burnett Look, Captain, this whole situation is getting out of control.
You're goddamn right it's getting out of control!
Marcus Burnett Look, man, I damn near had to pass a pop quiz before she believed I was him.
I haven't killed anybody yet today, Captain.
Hey, do you want me to yell at you? 'Cause I can do that. Let me tell you something. This witness—is my only good news I got, okay? The only good news. You guys are bad news. So what does that mean? It means if you have to be Mike Lowrey, Santa Claus, FD Hutton—I don't give a shit, that's what you're gonna be!
Wait a minute, what the hell is going on here?
Can somebody talk to me, please? Can I know what's going on?
Marcus Burnett Captain, these fools could have gotten a look at my license plate last night.
So where's the girl now?
Marcus Burnett [Points to Mike]
...His place.
What!?
You left her by herself? Our only **** witness?!
You left a strange hooker alone in my apartment?!
Marcus Burnett The girl is not a hooker, as far as I know. See, I had to stash her someplace. Her and her dogs, Luke and Dukie.
Oh, so y-you left dogs in my house? There's dogs and a hooker in my house? How about you add some chimps, we can have a carnival.
Marcus Burnett [Talking over Mike]
I said she isn't a hooker. Can you please—
Shut up!! For years, Sinclair has been up my ass, trying to pin something on me. I'm always taking it for you. Do it for me! Now, if we can get this witness to IDs our shooters, maybe we catch our bad guys. But until then—until then— [to Marcus] YOU are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him—
Marcus Burnett [Talking over Howard]
But I—
[Talking over Marcus]
You're him—I don't wanna hear it! You're him! [to Mike] And you, you're you, you be you, but...not in front of her. [to Marcus] You're him! [to Mike] You're you! [Takes another shot and misses] ****!
Can we get a time-out, Captain? What am I, the designated homeless?
Does it look like I care? Whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes. What did she say to you? The shooters are making their drop in four days? So we got four days.
Marcus Burnett Captain! What kind of plan is that? I can't be shacked up with that woman. I have a family to look after. My wife will kill my ass!
You don't like your job? Quit. [Missed another shot] Damn!
Look, I'll stay at the house with Theresa and the kids.
Marcus Burnett Thank you—Thank you, but no thank you. You wouldn't last five minutes with my family.
Please, married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy. [Picks up a basketball]
Marcus Burnett Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.
Go.
[Mike's shot went in, nothing but net] [Posing]
Everybody wants to be like Mike. [Walks off from the court]
Yeah, and you're going to be retired like him, too.
Marcus Burnett [Walks off from the court]
I'd have dunked it on your ass...
What the hell are you doin'?
Marcus Burnett Keepin' my shit quick.
Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.
Hello?
Marcus Burnett We're your new neighbors.
Don't be alarmed, we're Negros.
Marcus Burnett Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them. [In high pitched voice] We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar?
[Mike, Marcus, and Julie start arguing, nobody paying attention to his gun; Julie just walks out]
Hey, freeze bitch!
[as he points the gun her way, in a flash Mike and Marcus stop arguing and point their guns at his head]
You freeze, bitch!
Oh, shit! I'm ****.
Now back up, put the gun down, and get me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
Marcus Burnett And some Skittles.
Marcus Burnett Hey, man, where-where-where's your cup holder?
I don't have one.
Marcus Burnett What the f—? What you mean you don't have one? $80,000 for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?
It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. 0 to 60 in 4 seconds, sweetie. This is a limited edition.
Marcus Burnett You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the **** along.
[Marcus, eating a sandwich, sits with Julie at a computer desk as they flip through the mugshots] [Half-tired]
No...no...no...
Marcus Burnett [Notices Julie staring at his sandwich]
Want some?
No, thanks. I don't eat flesh.
Marcus Burnett Say what?
That's flesh that you're shoveling into your mouth. You know, that was, like, a living, breathing creature. You know, it probably had a name.
Marcus Burnett It's just bologna. My bologna has a first name?
Actually, your bologna, has about thirty names because they take odd parts from all different ones, like the leftovers: The hooves and stomach lining...
[Marcus starts to feel grossed out as Julie explains]
...ears, stuff like that. They put it into this machine and grind it all up. Then out comes this sheet. That's what you're eating now.
Marcus Burnett [Loss of appetite]
You know what? I won't eat bologna no more. How about a pickle? Can I eat the pickle?
It has a lot of salt in it, but it's fine. It is a vegetable.
Marcus Burnett A lot of salt in the pickle? Let me rinse it off.
Marcus Burnett [Washes the pickle in the soda]
There we go. [Takes a bite out of the rinsed pickle] How's that?
Marcus Burnett I don't even taste the salt now.
You know what man? I'm so sick of this bullshit. What, I'm supposed to apologize for my family leaving me money? All I ever wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first guy through the door and I'm always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? **** you, and **** them, and **** everybody that's got a problem with Mike Lowrey.
Marcus Burnett I love you, man.
**** you, Marcus.
Marcus Burnett I do. You're cool. You're my boy.
Shut up, shut up, Marcus. Slow-ass driver. Drivin' like a bitch. Slow-ass.
Marcus Burnett Why I gotta be all that? I'll take you and me off this ****in' cliff if you keep ****in' with me. Then it'll be, what, two bitches in the sea? Huh, is that it? Is that what you want?
Shut up, Marcus.
Marcus Burnett My wife knows I ain't no bitch. I'm a bad boy.
Marcus Burnett Blow me? What the ****? Naw-naw. Hump me, all right?
[to the White Carjacker holding a gun to his head]
Let me tell you how bad a day you're having: right now you're jacking a couple of cops.
White Carjacker Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a stand-up comedian. And I suck! That's why I need your car.
Marcus Burnett Look, now I ain't no Wesley Snipes! I just hang out with stupid ass friends, that drive stupid ass cars, that attract a lot of mother ****in' attention!
You know what, I need to jump over this car and smack you in your peasy ass head that's what I need to do.
Marcus Burnett Well, you know what you're arguin' over a mother ****in' french fry.
It's not about the french fry, it's about your lack of respect for other people's property!
White Carjacker Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!
Black Carjacker
Shut the **** up!
Marcus Burnett [to Black Carjacker]
Hold the **** on! [to Mike] You want some bad enough, come get some!
Marcus Burnett [Marcus suddenly throws coke in the Black Carjacker's face and kicks him in the crotch, while Mike punches the White Carjacker in the face] [Pointing gun at the Black Carjacker, who is on the ground]
You like that shit? Wesley Snipes, "Passenger 57"! Now gimme a mother****in' Handy Wipe!
[Pointing gun at the White Carjacker, who is on the ground]
Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.
Marcus Burnett Oh, man, that was cold.
Detective Sanchez Yeah, so was your mama's bed.
Marcus Burnett [while pursuing Fouchet, who is up ahead in a roadster]
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will be used against you in a court of law.
Yo man, what the **** are you doing?
Marcus Burnett Getting it out the way.
And you don't even have your wedding ring on. [Slams bedroom door shut]
Marcus Burnett Damn. Um. Naw Naw I went undercover. And it uh required the taking off of the ring that's all for a second. But I got the ring, look I just put my hand in my pocket 'cos that's where it was and it's right back on baby. [sighs] Damn. Can I get a pillow?
Marcus Burnett [trying to imitate Mike]
Hello, this is Mike Low-rey.
He doesn't talk that way. Try to talk like him, like him! Try to talk sexy. Sexy, you don't talk sexy enough!
Marcus Burnett Cap, Cap! I've been there.
Marcus Burnett You better do something quick, 'cause we're running out of road.
Who picked this dumb-ass road?! All the goddamn road in Miami, you run out of it!
Marcus Burnett You better come up with an idea fast!
Why I gotta come up with all the ideas?!
Marcus Burnett [Driving the "ice-cream truck"]
What am I smellin'?
Just drive!
Marcus Burnett What am I smellin'?!
[Sees barrels hanging in the back of the van. Reads the label]
Ether. Extremely flammable ether. Oh, shit!
Goddamn.
Marcus Burnett Oh, you-you-you-you da man. Oh you're the ****in' man tonight! How'd you go and pick an ice-cream truck that's a damn bomb!
Hey-hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?
Marcus Burnett Look man, I ain't getting my sex at home, Okay? Don't deny me this.
What are you talking about, man? You sleep with a beautiful woman everyday.
Marcus Burnett I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.
Oh-oh. Don't kiss me, Mike. I don't know where your lips were last night. Move.
Quincy Burnett
Uncle Mike, did you have a date last night?
Whoo-oo, did I! Let me tell you, this girl was—
Hey-hey. Don't you go telling my boys none of your sleazy sex stories.
Aw, no. I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.
Marcus Burnett Hey.
Well, I don't want him hearing either. Gives him ideas.
Marcus Burnett Why are you doing this to me, man? I'm with my babies. Okay? Thank you.
Marcus Burnett [to Mike]
I'm not understanding, I-I really don't.
Marcus Burnett I mean, do you just attract violence?
Marcus Burnett [Marcus walks in to the car shop to see Jojo, the tire man, assessing security]
Jojo~! [Jojo sees Marcus and immediately takes off, pursued by Marcus] Aw, don't make this hard, Jo!
[Jojo runs into an alley only to be tackled from the side by Mike Lowrey]
Nice running into you, Jojo.
Marcus Burnett Always making it hard on your self, Jojo.
[Meanwhile outside, in an undercover vehicle, Julie Mott is sitting by herself with her hand cuffed to the steering wheel] [Talking to herself]
Gee, Julie, what have you been up to the last couple days? Nothing. Just hanging out, handcuffed to steering wheels...
Marcus Burnett [Inside of the car shop...]
We're looking for someone who can step on a shit load of heroin. Do it real fast, real well. We're looking for a real pro.
Jojo I told you already, I'm in the rubber business now.
Marcus Burnett Jojo...we're not playing, man.
Jojo I'm telling you, I'm straight, man. I'm straight like a board, like an arrow. I'm so straight right now, I'm sick.
Marcus Burnett It's a lot of dope. Who could cut it real quick?
Jojo "Cut it"? You mean, cut it up? I don't know nothing about it.
[Mike grabs Jojo and shoves him under the hood of a car while brandishing a pistol on the back of his head]
What's up, Jo?
Jojo You're pulling a gun on me? You guys are cops! I can't believe this! I should turn you in to Hard Copy! Put your ass on the TV set!
Marcus Burnett What are you doing?
I got this! Jojo...[**** his weapon] I got fifteen bullets in this gun.
Marcus Burnett Mike!
I swear, if you don't start talking to me, I'm gonna fill your lying ass full of hot shit. Now, what's up?
Marcus Burnett Mike, he's a former ganja-smoking ****er. He ain't worth it, for ****'s sake—!
[Draws out a second pistol, pointing to Marcus]
Do you want some? I'll bust your ass too!
Marcus Burnett So sad. [To Jojo] You're on your own, Jojo. [Walks off]
Marcus Burnett [Walks back in]
I'm telling you like this. You splatter his ass, he's no good to us! [Walks off to a side alley] **** that. I'm not going down over this shit! I'm not going down, for you to be killing Jojo, the tire man! I don't want no brain fragments on me! That shit gets in your clothes, and it stanks! **** that!
Jojo Okay! I'll tell you what I know.
Jojo [Mike throws Jojo up against the wall with his gun pointed underneath Jojo's chin]
I don't know everything. I only know a little bit.
Marcus Burnett Tell him something, Jo—!
Jojo [Holds three fingers up]
It's three guys. They got a laboratory—
Jojo [Mike points his second gun at Jojo's head as Jojo lowers his fingers to two]
No...no, it's two guys. One guy died in a plane crash last year. It was **** up, I mean—
Marcus Burnett There should be more! ****, man!
Jojo [Mike **** his second weapon as Jojo lowers his fingers to one]
It's one guy, really. It's only one guy.
Don't **** with me—
Jojo One main guy. This guy's an Einstein—mother**** genius college boy. Egghead mother****er. He got four eyes and glasses. He-got-a-rich-mama-and-daddy-who-live-out-in-Coconut-Grove.
Marcus Burnett Where!? Tell him again, Jojo! I don't want you to get hurt!
Jojo I'll tell you where he's at.
Jojo Yeah, I want to help you guys. You stick that gun down. I got the address in the, uh...office...
Jojo Cool.
You can go ahead.
Jojo Now?
Yeah, now is good. Now is real good.
Jojo Yeah...This is on me too. You guys pick out some whitewalls as a little gift from me to you. [Walks off]
Marcus Burnett [Snickers at Mike]
You made me think you was gonna shoot me for a minute.
Marcus Burnett What are our chances?
Remember Club Hell?
Marcus Burnett Yeah.
Worse.
