Earl
[Recurring line]
What the problem is?
A line from Earl
[being manhandled out of police training facility]
I see how this worksǃ The system can't tolerate a black man with superior skillsǃ I'm the future and it scares you... because you’ll be out of workǃ I remember when the NBA was all Whiteǃ That's all rightǃ That's all rightǃ I'm coolǃ Because y'all losing somebody goodǃ I'm a one-man kung-fu SWAT teamǃ That's all rightǃ I got skillsǃ You bitches!
More lines from Earl
4 quotes Earl
Earl
Your partner got killed. You lost your job. You went to jail. Your girlfriend walked. You got a job as a security guard at a hundred and eighty-two dollars a week. You know what you are, Hank? You're a black man.
Earl
[After firing off two shots an a senior woman's vehicle, making it skid to a halt]
Ma'am, you may now, reprocure, your vehicle. [The vehicle instantly explodes]
Earl
[Upon seeing Washington shows up with a hit squad]
He Must've Grown Up In A White Neighbourhood [On seeing his being held at gunpoint] Oh, thank you Jesus!
Scenes with Earl
9 scenes Earl
[pulls up along Taylor in vehicle chase training]
Whooǃ So you the suspect, man? What you do?
Taylor
Doesn't matter.
Earl
You could've robbed a bank, mugged an old lady... said something about my mama?
Taylor
Just chase me smartmouth.
Earl
Okay, Mr. White Bank Robber.
Taylor
[Earl drives along Taylor]
You’re insane!
Earl
And you're resisting arrest. [opens door to knock down Taylor and chases him] Don't you run from meǃ Don't you run from meǃ [grabs Taylor from behind] I'm insane? I'm insane when it comes to old-lady muggers, huh? You like robbing banks, huh? [knocks down Taylor] You said something about my mama?ǃ [starts handcuffing Taylor's hands and ankles] And I heard you call me "boy." That's cowboy to youǃ Time! [runaway vehicle runs into oil drums and explodes]
Hank
[Earl is trying to reach for the keys in his car and Hank approaches]
Need some help?
Earl
Are you asking me if I need some help or am I stealing this car?
Hank
Are you stealing this car?
Earl
Does it look like I'm stealing this damn car?
Hank
A little bit.
Earl
Why, 'cause I'm black? If you saw a white guy doing this you'd give him a Good Samaritan reward. Figure he's going around turning off people's lights.
Hank
All right, license and registration please.
Earl
I ain't showin' you a damn thing! This is my car and I didn't do anything wrong. You owe me an apologyǃ
Hank
What did you call me?
Earl
You ain't listening babyǃ We ain't got nothing to talk aboutǃ Unless it starts with you saying "I'm sorryǃ"
Hank
You're on dangerous grounds here, bub, I'd be careful what comes out of your mouth next!
Earl
[gets off vehicle and gets up to Hank]
Oh, you want to hear what comes out of my mouth next? You're... a... ****... pig!
Hank
You're under arrest.
Earl
Oh no. I ain't under arrestǃ You areǃ
Hank
I'm arresting your assǃ
Earl
Citizen's arrestǃ You're under arrest for illegal false arrestǃ Now get your hands up on the carǃ Give me those cuffsǃ
Hank
Back off! I'm warning youǃ
Earl
You’re warning me?ǃ You have the right to shut up.
Hank
That's it, get up against the carǃ
Earl
Don't make me add "resisting arrest" to the charges.
Hank
Now! Up against the car! [slams Earl against vehicle with baton]
Earl
Watch my car I just had it detailedǃ
Hank
Settle down! Understand?ǃ
Earl
This is police brutality! You ain't doing nothing but compounding your problemsǃ
Hank
Do you actually believe the crap that comes out of your mouth?
Earl
I'm not really sure until I'm finished talkin'.
Hank
This is a beer keg. It doesn't make any sense.
Earl
It makes sense when you put together the pieces.
Hank
What pieces?
Earl
It's obvious. The CIA, they're smuggling alcohol into the inner city in an effort to further subjugate the black man.
Earl
This isn't the first time I was arrested for DWB.
Detective Frank McDuff
DWB?
Earl
Driving While Black.
Hank
[Annoyed at Earl]
You got something in your teeth.
Earl
[Opens mouth]
Where, here or here? [Hank punches Earl in the mouth]
Nash
I thought I shot you. You must be one tough monkey.
Earl
[Laughs]
You and the monkey jokes, huh? Didn't your momma teach you any manners while you were humpin' her?
Earl Montgomery
[After narrowly being stung by a bee]
Is it gone? Everything's okay?
Denise
[Upon discovering he let Hank go to prison for a bogus race crime]
Not from you! [Punches him in the mouth]
Earl Montgomery
[Reeling from being smacked in the jaw]
Did she have to hit me that hard?
Hank
Do you know how to hot wire a car?
Earl
what, you think because i'm black I can hot wire a car
Hank
Well can you?
Earl
Yeah! but not because I'm Black
