[Marcus Burnett and Mike Lowrey walk into a basketball court to meet up with Captain Howard over last night's incident, where Howard is seen shooting the basketball badly by himself.]
Ho! What did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it. I told you. I told you to secure a witness. Not to shoot up a neighborhood! Not to do another dead body! Just get the dope back, and do it quietly.
Look, Captain, this whole situation is getting out of control.
You're goddamn right it's getting out of control!
Look, man, I damn near had to pass a pop quiz before she believed I was him.
I haven't killed anybody yet today, Captain.
Hey, do you want me to yell at you? 'Cause I can do that. Let me tell you something. This witness—is my only good news I got, okay? The only good news. You guys are bad news. So what does that mean? It means if you have to be Mike Lowrey, Santa Claus, FD Hutton—I don't give a shit, that's what you're gonna be!
Wait a minute, what the hell is going on here?
Can somebody talk to me, please? Can I know what's going on?
Captain, these fools could have gotten a look at my license plate last night.
So where's the girl now?
What!?
You left her by herself? Our only **** witness?!
You left a strange hooker alone in my apartment?!
The girl is not a hooker, as far as I know. See, I had to stash her someplace. Her and her dogs, Luke and Dukie.
Oh, so y-you left dogs in my house? There's dogs and a hooker in my house? How about you add some chimps, we can have a carnival.
Shut up!! For years, Sinclair has been up my ass, trying to pin something on me. I'm always taking it for you. Do it for me! Now, if we can get this witness to IDs our shooters, maybe we catch our bad guys. But until then—until then— [to Marcus] YOU are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him—
[Talking over Marcus]
You're him—I don't wanna hear it! You're him! [to Mike] And you, you're you, you be you, but...not in front of her. [to Marcus] You're him! [to Mike] You're you! [Takes another shot and misses] ****!
Can we get a time-out, Captain? What am I, the designated homeless?
Does it look like I care? Whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes. What did she say to you? The shooters are making their drop in four days? So we got four days.
Captain! What kind of plan is that? I can't be shacked up with that woman. I have a family to look after. My wife will kill my ass!
You don't like your job? Quit. [Missed another shot] Damn!
Look, I'll stay at the house with Theresa and the kids.
Thank you—Thank you, but no thank you. You wouldn't last five minutes with my family.
Please, married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy. [Picks up a basketball]
Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.
Go.
[Mike's shot went in, nothing but net] [Posing]
Everybody wants to be like Mike. [Walks off from the court]
Yeah, and you're going to be retired like him, too.
