Captain Howard
Ho! What did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it. I told you. I told you to secure a witness. Not to shoot up a neighborhood! Not to do another dead body! Just get the dope back, and do it quietly.
Marcus Burnett
Look, Captain, this whole situation is getting out of control.
Captain Howard
You're goddamn right it's getting out of control!
Marcus Burnett
Look, man, I damn near had to pass a pop quiz before she believed I was him.
Captain Howard
Going, it's going...[Missed shot] Shit. A little off.
Mike Lowrey
I haven't killed anybody yet today, Captain.
Captain Howard
Hey, do you want me to yell at you? 'Cause I can do that. Let me tell you something. This witness—is my only good news I got, okay? The only good news. You guys are bad news. So what does that mean? It means if you have to be Mike Lowrey, Santa Claus, FD Hutton—I don't give a shit, that's what you're gonna be!
Mike Lowrey
Wait a minute, what the hell is going on here?
Captain Howard
I was getting them all in before you showed up.
Mike Lowrey
Can somebody talk to me, please? Can I know what's going on?
Marcus Burnett
Captain, these fools could have gotten a look at my license plate last night.
Captain Howard
So where's the girl now?
Marcus Burnett
...His place.
Mike Lowrey
What!?
Captain Howard
You left her by herself? Our only **** witness?!
Mike Lowrey
You left a strange hooker alone in my apartment?!
Marcus Burnett
The girl is not a hooker, as far as I know. See, I had to stash her someplace. Her and her dogs, Luke and Dukie.
Mike Lowrey
Oh, so y-you left dogs in my house? There's dogs and a hooker in my house? How about you add some chimps, we can have a carnival.
Marcus Burnett
I said she isn't a hooker. Can you please—
Mike Lowrey
Respect my stuff—
Captain Howard
Shut up!! For years, Sinclair has been up my ass, trying to pin something on me. I'm always taking it for you. Do it for me! Now, if we can get this witness to IDs our shooters, maybe we catch our bad guys. But until then—until then— [to Marcus] YOU are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him—
Marcus Burnett
But I—
Captain Howard
You're him—I don't wanna hear it! You're him! [to Mike] And you, you're you, you be you, but...not in front of her. [to Marcus] You're him! [to Mike] You're you! [Takes another shot and misses] ****!
Mike Lowrey
Can we get a time-out, Captain? What am I, the designated homeless?
Captain Howard
Does it look like I care? Whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes. What did she say to you? The shooters are making their drop in four days? So we got four days.
Marcus Burnett
Captain! What kind of plan is that? I can't be shacked up with that woman. I have a family to look after. My wife will kill my ass!
Captain Howard
You don't like your job? Quit. [Missed another shot] Damn!
Mike Lowrey
Look, I'll stay at the house with Theresa and the kids.
Marcus Burnett
Thank you—Thank you, but no thank you. You wouldn't last five minutes with my family.
Mike Lowrey
Please, married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy. [Picks up a basketball]
Marcus Burnett
Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.
Mike Lowrey
Let's go, I got this.
Captain Howard
Go.
Mike Lowrey
Everybody wants to be like Mike. [Walks off from the court]
Captain Howard
Yeah, and you're going to be retired like him, too.
Marcus Burnett
I'd have dunked it on your ass...
